


Speaking to Flowers

by Brezifus



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: (in later chapters and not between the lovers), Age Difference, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Depression, F/M, From Sex to Love, Genocide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Interracial Relationship, Mentions of genocide, Microaggressions, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mostly Canon Compliant, Physical Abuse, Porn With Plot, Religious Persecution, because hojo is in this so that last tag is an absolute necessity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 90,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brezifus/pseuds/Brezifus
Summary: On-contract, he was to bring her the letters she had written in order to ensure her return to Shinra.Off-contract, she made it into something more.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough & Barret Wallace, Aerith Gainsborough & Red XIII | Nanaki, Aerith Gainsborough/Tseng, implied zack/aeris in past
Comments: 75
Kudos: 104





	1. or are the flowers speaking instead?

**Author's Note:**

> i've fallen down this hellhole and i can't, and i WON'T, get up.
> 
> first off, all relationships between the characters in this story are well after they're adults (Aeris being 22 during FF7), however I just. disagree with a lot of squeenix's ages, so i pit tseng at around 36 instead of 30.
> 
> second off, if you'll notice, i can't. i cannot. rewire my brain to say aerith, so if you'll bear with me it'll be Aeris for this fic.
> 
> third off, please take note of the tags. the one i almost didn't tag was the physical abuse one, because that actually occurs in canon. as noted, it will not be between tseng/aeris. in this chapter in particular we kick off strong with a lot of unintended microaggressions.
> 
> FOURTH and hopefully finally off: for the most part I stick my guns to OG FF7 because that's really the only thing I've played, I did/will lift some scenes and inferences from the Remake but nothing super plot-shattering. Anything that references pre-ff7 (particularly crisis core) i learned through osmosis/my good friend and pseudo-beta [bunbbi.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunbbi/pseuds/bunbbi) my ff7 phase was not as strong as hers but boy my love for tseng sure is holy FUCK
> 
> anyways please enjoy and as always let me know what you think...they don't start off sweet on each other but i promise.....eventually....

Wild chocobos warked as the evening settled into twilight. Though a heavy fog set over the marsh, it was still too distant to affect the crisp night air, nor could Tseng smell its reptilian stench. The lone ranch that stood in the midst of the chocobo’s native fields held the raucous aura of entertained guests—Cloud, the AVALANCHE girl, and Hojo’s pet dog. The other two, Tseng had dryly noted from afar, had not been invited. The man with the gun arm and the Ancient had separated before the ranch, eking out a boorish campground in the grassland.

He supposed it was a smart idea. Even if they were a strange party, the presence of a former SOLDIER with the dog and the girl tempered their strangeness. If anything, separating the man with the gun arm was the wisest choice, now that he was a wanted terrorist for dropping the plate on Sector 7. Keep the Ancient with the dangerous terrorist for an easy bargaining chip if they got caught.

As a Turk, Tseng held the burden of truth with cool disregard. It was something the new recruit had no talent for. If she was lucky, it would develop after her first real kill. If she wasn’t, she’d be dispatched from the Turks indefinitely. Sentimentality couldn’t be in their repertoire, much as he saw it on the thin-lined faces of his colleagues in the aftermath of their treachery.

Yet it was sentimentality that Tseng was depending on as he approached the two figures hunched over the fire. The manila folder in his jacket pressed smooth against his breast as he straightened his stance to the Shinra standard. He stood, illuminated by the campfire until the Ancient raised her head to see him. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as she uttered his name in a hush.

The man with the gun arm whipped around and stood up, and tall though Tseng was he was slender and nowhere near the size of the mountain that rose up in front of him. Still he cocked his head as the man did much the same with his gun.

“W-Wait,” the Ancient pleaded, “Barret, wait,”

“You’re tellin’ me to wait, but he and his goons _dropped the whole damn plate!_ I’d sooner jump in the marsh than wait for this asshole!”

Much as he barked, Barret didn’t bite though his teeth ground in rage. Tseng’s smile was slight as he dipped his head in greeting.

“You’re far from home, Aeris,” he noted, ignoring Barret’s presence. Aeris steeled.

“I’m not going back, Tseng.”

Tseng’s thin smile widened and he dipped his head further, “Oh, no, certainly not _now_. But I think your mother would appreciate a visit from time to time, would she not?”

Barret jutted the gun at him. Tseng didn’t flinch, looking at where the barrel pointed just beneath his collar. Frowning, he placed the backs of two fingers against the barrel and pointed it aside. Barret let him, only to readjust the trajectory to his hips instead. Sighing, he dipped his hand beneath his lapel. The gun twitched.

“I only have a delivery—,”

“Step back, throw it on the ground, and _beat it!_ ” Barret ordered. Tseng stared at him, hand paused where it was.

“I do not think that Aeris would appreciate that,” he stated matter-of-factly. This perked Aeris’s chin forward, though whether it was in mere curiosity or worry it was hard to tell, “The grass is wet and the envelope is not waterproof.”

“Shoulda thought of that, shouldn’t ya have!” Barret huffed, but she had already stepped forward and placed a small hand on his bicep.

“What do you have, Tseng?” Aeris asked, tense. He responded by simply sliding the manila folder in sight.

“A letter. Addressed by you.”

“Don’t ya mean addressed _to_ you?” Barret scowled. Tseng merely turned his smile to him and handed the folder off. Aeris took it with shaking hands, already guessing what it must’ve been.

“Alright, you made your delivery, now get outta here! Go take a dip in the marsh, you _stink_ from five miles out!” Barret barked. Tseng quirked an eyebrow.

“Surely if I do you would’ve smelled me coming?”

Barret spat, nearly hitting his impeccably shined shoes, “You were downwind!”

“Hm,” Tseng was half-tempted to take a glove off, give his thumb a lick, and test the breeze, “And you’d rather I smell like the marsh?”

“If you did I’d be able to smell ya from _ten_ miles out, _and_ downwind!”

Aeris crumpled the envelope in her hold with a sharp inhale. Without even looking at her Barret snapped the gun back up, tuned to the mark on Tseng’s forehead.

“What’s in there? ‘Fess up! ‘Fess up or I’ll mess you up!!”

“There are 87 more, Aeris,” Tseng merely said though his eyes were trained to Barret’s.

“There should be 88…,” she replied in a mousy voice.

“I’m afraid that last one is lost.”

“Oh…,” she trailed off, stuck on her next words. In the silence broken only by distant warks, Barret pressed the cool gun flush against Tseng’s skin.

“Barret,” she said after swallowing hard, “I would like to talk with Tseng. Please lower your gun.”

He grumbled, then begrudgingly did so, “So talk. I ain’t stoppin’ you.”

Aeris stepped out of the small circle they had stamped out and Barret jolted.

“W-Wait, hey, you ain’t goin’ _elsewhere_ to talk, are you?”

“It’s a private matter,” Aeris said bluntly. Tseng watched as she avoided eye contact while her comrade struggled to rebut her. Seeing him come to the conclusion that he could not only furrowed his brows further as he faced Tseng again.

“Hey, I can take her word for it but _you_ can’t, Shinra prick! Am I really supposed to believe you’re gonna go off, have a nice chat, then come back? _Bullshit!_ ”

Aeris paused, taking in Barret’s consideration. Much as the letter had intrigued her, she hadn’t completely let down her guard. At that she scrutinized Tseng, waiting for him to propose a solution. He took his time, tapping his gloved fingers along his jawline. Barret shook more the longer he took, ready to explode.

“Certainly,” Tseng defused. From his belt came a boxy device that he handed off to Barret, “I cannot leave if they don’t know where I am.”

Barret _harumphed_ , inspected the communicator, _harumphed_ again but this time in approval, and rested the gun on Aeris’s shoulder. Bending down closer to her, he muttered.

“Don’t you go too far. Scream or let up a flare of thunder if he does anythin’. I’ll come runnin’.”

Aeris smiled, her nose wrinkling and her brow furrowing as if she was teasing, “Thanks, _Dad_. I’ll be alright.”

Barret sighed, then groaned as his eyes shone white with an acute sense of fear, “I ain’t ready for Marlene to be your age.”

Giving him a little wave, she skipped into the taller grass and started walking, expecting Tseng to follow. He could feel Barret’s eyes on him as he did, watching until the sloping foothills covered them in the darkness.

Aeris did not give him the benefit of cordiality before she demanded, “You kept these, Tseng?” She was staring at the paper in the darkness as if she could still read her own handwriting. Perhaps, though, she didn’t need to—perhaps even though it had been six years she still knew every letter by heart. Tseng wouldn’t be surprised; the fling she had with the first class SOLDIER had been her first and only throughout her guarded life. That had been her doing; the Turks had not interfered with whom she flirted with. (The other way around had been a different story a scant few times before the rats in the slums spread the message.)

“I did not,” he rebuked calmly, “They were confiscated, and filed.”

“Then why…,” she inhaled her fury, “Why do you have them now?”

Tseng was quiet. Aeris raised her head from the piece of paper and looked over her shoulder at him before turning around. He had honestly expected her to be more infuriated, to scream and shout and bang her fists on his chest like she had done in fits of rage before—especially when she had never gotten a letter back. But instead there was a moroseness about her that turned her scorn to desperation. Quietly taking this into consideration, he pursed his lips. His plan was going to work, then.

“Liquidation,” he supplied, “He’s been missing for long enough that his assets at the company are to be...well. As I said.”

She clutched the letter in her hand close to her chest and turned to face him properly, “And you...have all of them?”

“Except the one, yes. That one managed to reach him, from what I understand.”

Aeris swallowed. It was no doubt a deliberate move on corporate’s part, that the letter in which she wrote would be her last would be the only one for him to see. Again Tseng expected rage, but she only sat down on a rock and sighed, deep and heavy. Holding the letter to her chest for a little while longer, she sighed again and let her hands fall between her knees.

“...So. What do you want from me in turn, Tseng?”

“Insurance,” Tseng smiled as he usually did; polite and intelligent, “Due to recent...incidents, the Turks have an assignment that is bigger than pursuing you. On top of that, Hojo is in...negotiations about his employment. As such, Shinra Company cannot be assured of your whereabouts,”

“Hojo…,” Aeris muttered. Tseng continued on.

“I will continue to bring letters so long as you continue to promise that when your adventure is over, you’ll return to Midgar.”

“You’d like me as a mole?” Aeris narrowed her eyes at him, “Feeding you information about our whereabouts?”

Tseng dipped his chin as a corner of his lip popped into a smirk, “I doubt our paths wouldn’t be crossing, as convenient as it would be for you.” Besides, there were other things in the works that took care of that problem. But she certainly shouldn’t know that.

“And if I refuse?”

“Then the letters will be liquidated in the old-fashioned way. It is not an unfair deal on your part, Aeris.”

“After all, I must come _willingly_ ,” she repeated the phrase the Turks had echoed at her throughout her life. Tseng nodded his head. She drooped hers and remained that way for a while.

Across the grassland they could just barely hear the roar of Barret’s voice, shouting into Tseng’s communicator. Tseng frowned, turning his ear to the noise. It wasn’t like Rude to give anyone the time of day for that kind of inflamed reaction—that was Reno’s department, and he was off the clock to heal—but then it _was_ Barret. Rude’s silence could and would infuriate such an impassioned individual. Aeris had turned her head too, but it was clear her mind was elsewhere.

Tseng sniffed, straightened his jacket, and spoke, “If you agree, then, I shall be on my way.”

“So polite…,” Aeris muttered, thumbing the edges of the letter, “As always.”

He tilted his head in acknowledgment, far from the first and last time he’d hear those words, “If it’s any consolation, you are taking this far better than I had expected.”

“Of course,” Aeris folded the letter until it was small enough to fit in her coat pocket, “It’s not every day the man who watched your every move shows up with letters to your first boyfriend,”

If her words were barbed, they were so coated in the emotionless fluff of her voice that Tseng could only feel it as an afterthought. She frowned weakly, weaving her fingers together and twiddling her thumbs. He stood where he was, narrowing his eyes. She had not yet given him a direct answer and though he was patient he still attempted to gauge her thoughts in the darkness.

“He _was_ my first, you know,” Aeris mused out loud.

Tseng regarded her carefully, “I know.” The 89 letters she had written had not come from nothing, after all.

“Well…,” she continued, “Perhaps in a way he wasn’t my _first_. First boyfriend, yes. Not quite first crush.”

Tseng kept himself from exasperation by biting his inner cheek. She was dawdling her answer at the very least, actively antagonizing him at the most.

Aeris hummed as if recalling a memory, stretching her legs as she did so, “How many years ago was it? Fifteen? Maybe more…,”

At this turn, Tseng shifted the weight on his feet. Fifteen years ago he was still a greenhorn, newly minted and suits pressed without the concern that the blood truly wouldn’t wash out this time.

“I remember seeing you on the other side of the glass. I thought the mark on your forehead was funny,”

Tseng inhaled and held it, instinct at this point whenever people pointed out the urna in confusion or disgust. Aeris didn’t seem to notice, not that she could in the darkness—not that she could really be blamed for her assumptions as a child. But still, it put him on edge to have it acknowledged so bluntly.

“...But my mom said if anyone wearing that suit came near me that it meant I was in danger,”

“Wise.” he interrupted as a warning. Aeris, however, shook her head.

“You didn’t live up to that. Not to me,”

Tseng pressed his lips thin and didn’t answer. Certainly it had been a choice to never appear to her covered in the blood of whatever assassination he had been ordered to do, but it was a necessary one. Did she think him so flowery, so heroically stoic? He had never regarded Aeris as truly foolish, but he had to rethink things before.

“Always so polite…,” she mused again, “Gentlemanly, even,”

“I was not going above and beyond for you,” he protested and she laughed into her shoulder.

“You weren’t going out of your way to harm me, either,”

“That does not matter to a Turk,”

“I’m not talking about a Turk,” she rebutted, “Are you blaming me for having a teenage crush on you?”

The words caught in Tseng’s throat. Part of him surmised where she was leading with this before she spat it out (again, so bluntly) but to hear it was another tale all together. She seemed comfortable in admitting it, as if it had passed entirely. He let out a short breath through his nose, accompanied by a pondering sound.

“I’m flattered.”

Short. Matter-of-fact. Professional. Aeris let out a breath of her own, akin to an amused scoff.

“ _And_ you were tall, dark, handsome, listened to all my babblings...What more could a teenage girl want?”

“If you are digging for me to be frank about any faults I may have for leverage, you will not find much.” Tseng was frowning now—not angry but certainly not amused.

Aeris laughed like she had been teasing him. His frown deepened.

“What leverage do I have, Tseng? For all your talk of will, it ends for me the same. Back to Shinra, back to Hojo…,”

Aeris stood up then, idly pacing away from him but not as though she was fleeing. He watched her move in the dim light, weaponless and swaying her arms like she was only strolling.

“What he does hurts,” she began. Tseng opened his mouth to say something—anything about how logically he knew this, but she continued before he could, “Like he’s putting _fire_ under my skin sometimes. And the last time, he pulled a creature into my container. A four-legged beast, and he _watched_. And _waited._ He was going to breed us, you know. _The last of each other’s species._ To save us his plan was to have me mounted and studded like a prized bitch. I suppose he thought I could carry a litter of cubs.”

 _Disgusting,_ he recoiled. Tseng had no love for the man, but he certainly was more than content to turn blind eyes and deaf ears to his _experimentation_. What unnerved him more was the matter-of-factness Aeris had adopted from him as she spoke. The only indication that this bothered her as it should’ve was that there were dark tones of resignation laying the foundation for her words.

“He’s a good creature, too. Red XIII. Would’ve never have harmed me in that way, so long as he had the choice,” Aeris stopped walking, “But I don’t think we’ll have that choice next time.”

“Our orders are to track Sephiroth,” Tseng provided, “Secondarily, they are to retrieve you. Not the dog.”

She turned back to him and he could just barely see her smile in the dim light, “Oh, I’m aware I’m _much_ more important than him,” she sing-songed, “And that’s good. I wouldn’t want him back there in a hundred years.

“But if Hojo were to take me in again, if breeding is such a priority to him, I’d at least like some say in the matter,”

“If you are telling me this to dissuade from my orders—,” Tseng spoke only to be interrupted by her again.

“I would just like to request that when you take me in you accompany me all the way,” Aeris cocked her head to the side as her voice lowered, “And if possible, for you to father whatever _children_ Hojo wants.”

For the first time in a very, very, _very_ long time Tseng’s mind ran blank. It was almost as if he had been watching a movie, seeing an actress move on screen rather than have a girl that came very close to being his charge flit about from subject to subject only to arrive at the conclusion that she wanted him as the father of her unwanted children. The mere thought of it made his head dizzy, like it was spinning to throw the thoughts out.

“At least I’ll know then that...I’ll be treated as kindly as possible,” she said, more to herself than to him.

Tseng swallowed and shifted his weight again. Insurance. She wanted insurance in return for his insurance. That was her deal. That was how she approached this—not the musings of a lovesick idiot but a careful reconstruction of her thoughts out loud to lead her to the dotted line of the proverbial contract. He heard rather than saw the paper of the letter rustle as she fiddled with it in her pocket. Would that he could only see her face to truly discern her expression, but enough years of working in the shadows gave him enough of a picture the more she audibly fiddled. She was avoiding looking at him, her eyes downcast, her lips worried red from her grinding teeth. Perhaps she was sweating, ever so slightly. In fear? Anticipation? He supposed he didn’t have to know to fill in the important details.

“I see.” he said after such a long while it was agonizing for the both of them. Aeris had begun to slick the grass flat with the toe of her boot, quickening her pace when he spoke again, “That is not, however, something I can guarantee.”

Her toe stopped, Aeris stopped, then she heaved a great, heavy sigh, “I know.”

Tseng tipped his head like it was a bow after he had let her dwell on it for a while, his voice becoming business-like once again, “Anything else you would like to say before our contract is made?”

Of course, she had no choice in the matter. Tseng would bring the letters if she accepted, if she did not he would hound her down anyway. Regardless of any _deal_ they might make, Aeris had been right: her end would be the same. The letters were only to serve as a reminder of that, much as she might consider it a gesture of kindness on his part.

After a moment of deliberation she answered, which did in fact surprise him, “What if...there was something off-contract?”

“Enlighten me,”

Aeris approached him, keeping a respectable but ever-closing distance.

“If you’re going to badger me with this, I might as well _try_ to enjoy a part of it, can’t I?” She stepped over the invisible line that separated their platitudes and he could see her eyes shine in the starlight as she looked up at him. He waited, patiently, for a suitable explanation for her to cross the boundary.

Instead she wrinkled her nose and scoffed lightly.

“ _Mmgh,_ you smell the way you always do—how do you do Turk things like this?”

Indignant, Tseng straightened his spine and glared. He knew his cologne had a certain strength to it, due to the fact that the scent was rare if not unheard of in the Eastern Continent. It was extracted from Wutai spices, a special combination of them that only those native to Wutai would be familiar with. It cost him more than he’d ever say to import it, so he used it gingerly. Watching Aeris rub her nose to get it used to the scent could’ve been laughable if part of him wasn’t reminded that smelling him, seeing the Turk’s suit—it had been a constant for her in a way that starkly contrasted anything of comfort.

“I am smart enough to know when and when not to wear this cologne,” he rebuked, his indignation well-hidden.

“And you wore it today?”

“Because I had nothing of importance to accomplish.”

“I see. Sure.” She was still standing close to him and he was becoming ever aware of how her hands, distant light glinting off the silver bangles at her wrist, were flexing and hovering in the air between them. Tseng narrowed his eyes.

“You make a lot of assumptions in your fantasies, Aeris.”

“Do I, Tseng?” She looked up at him, her lips pursed in a manner he deduced was _purposeful_ , “Or am I making it up as I go along?”

“No one ever truly does.” He asserted. Aeris smirked, her hands alighting on his hips. He snapped his to her arms and held her just a little _too_ tight. She refused to gasp or flinch.

“I do not play games, girl,” he warned. Aeris’s eyes flashed.

“I know.”

Despite his grip she moved her fingers, dancing them along the edges of his jacket, fanning from the edge to what they could reach of the center. Tseng held her firmer, refusing her any wandering.

“Take this as your final warning. Take it as my first and only concern for you— _Don’t_.”

Aeris only smiled, “You’re a very good liar, Tseng.”

“ _Enlighten me further_ ,” he growled, “What part did you think was a _lie_?”

“Why,” mischief played in her lips as she tugged on his hold—tugged to let her fingers wander, “The part about this being your one and only concern for me,”

He felt the slightest pressure at his belt as her thumbs dragged along its line. Tseng did not want to acknowledge that his breaths were becoming shallower. As such, he enunciated his next words more perfectly than usual.

“Do you understand what you are doing?”

“I’m not a child, Tseng,” she shot back, and he hated the truth in her statement, “And right now, I couldn’t care less about your order and consequences.”

His grip slipped and she pulled her arms free. Tseng stifled a grunt of surprise as one of her hands traveled down the front of his pants. He glared at her, but his own hands retreated.

 _Do as you will_ , he cursed at her. Someday, he figured, her will _would_ become her curse.

Aeris continued to wander, sliding the back of her finger down between his legs before returning back up. The touch was too slight in a way he found frustrating. She was teasing—neither pulling away nor putting her whole self forward. If she was going to go through with this, Tseng fumed, she’d better go through instead of this wishy-washy tease she was attempting.

Not that his body wasn’t responding.

But there was no reason it shouldn’t be, especially as she finally opened her palm against him and pressed herself forward. At the feel of his growing erection, she smirked and he glowered.

“I do not think this is what anyone meant when I was told to take care of you.”

“I’m taking care of myself,” she asserted and found his belt buckle.

“Is that so…,” he muttered as her fingers dipped down and worked to expose him. Tseng grunted again as his cock slipped into the night air, half-hard and throbbing as she took it in her palm. Her skin was cool to the touch—or perhaps it was only because his was flooding with heat.

 _Last chance_ , his mind raced, _Push her back and take the deal away!_

He did neither of those things. Before he could reassess, she had dropped to her knees. Tseng’s fingers popped out like claws as her mouth took him in. Her tongue slid lusciously along his underside and he felt himself harden to a rock within seconds, throbbing against her ministrations.

Aeris chuckled around him, having felt everything. The tips of his fingers burned and he wanted to shake her quiet. Her glee infuriated him, like she had a leg up, control, _something_ over him instead of the mere acknowledgment that he was _allowing_ her to do this. As if to try and exemplify as such, he dug his fingers into her hair, pulling on locks that were tied back in her messy braid as he did so. He felt her lips mold tighter around his shaft before she pitched herself forward. Tseng raked his fingers along her scalp as she swallowed more and more of him, shuddering when her nose ghosted tufts of his pubic hair.

Tseng wasn’t stupid. He knew Aeris wasn’t by any means a virgin, not after Zack. But he had not played the voyeur when she was with him, and his perception of her remained intact until his cock slid down her throat. It was obvious she knew that, too, and was taunting him for it by going so deep so soon. Aeris retreated to the tip, giving it a playful lick. Tseng growled. She ran her fingers down his shaft to the hilt.

“Still off-contract, right?” she teased.

“ _Finish what you started,_ Ancient,” he snapped. She pressed her lips to his tip so he could feel her smile in lieu of the night.

“If you say so!”

The breath he was exhaling to keep snapping at her got caught between his teeth when Aeris swallowed him again. Gritting his teeth tight, he shifted his gloved hand to the back of her head, holding her close enough that she couldn’t retreat and tease him more. Aeris laughed, turning it into a humming purr of satisfaction as she began to work his cock. Tseng pushed his long fingers down the back of her head as her tongue swirled with every stroke. Small sounds that weren’t quite unprofessional enough to be considered lewd stuck in his throat. Breaths pushed hard out of his nose as his hips struggled to stay put. Small jerks were allowed, but nothing hard. He couldn’t, absolutely _would not_ , give her the satisfaction.

Her mouth _did_ feel nice to fuck, though. Warm, wet, eager—he didn’t make it a habit to turn away from his work for carnal pleasures, and though this was unexpected (and perhaps uncouth) he did allow himself to relish in how it felt. Especially to sink his fingers further into her scalp, helping her forward until her purr became staggered. She may have started it, she _was_ going to finish it, and Tseng would remain unfazed so as not to reward her bratty efforts.

Just as he felt himself starting to crest the heat and pressure Aeris pulled back to his head, placing her hands on his thighs and pushing back against his hand. He growled and stayed put before relenting, tugging strands of her hair loose as he did so.

She gasped, the air brushing along his cock as she wiped saliva away from her lips. Tseng waited for another snarky quip from her, but it never came. All he heard were her uneven breaths as her clothes shifted. Then she stood, and in the dim light he could see that she had unbuttoned her dress enough to expose her breasts. Aeris reached along his sharp, tailored shoulders. Her heavy breath betrayed how flushed her skin had become, and in the moments where he refused to reciprocate her he appreciated how much she was becoming her undoing.

He refused to think that that’s what she wanted.

Were it not for Reno, he would absolutely refuse that any Turk of any stature should willfully press themselves in the dirt without good reason—especially with their suit on. But regardless, he was pressed to the ground by Aeris’s thighs, her dress draped over his hips as she gingerly slicked herself against him. His hands now dug themselves into her legs, keeping her there as her folds curved around his cock. Aeris was shuddering and shivering, especially when his head put pressure against her clit. It was curious, feeling and hearing her now when she had been so disgustingly confident earlier. A dark thought spread in Tseng’s mind; that perhaps she really _didn’t_ understand what she had been getting into even though her hips and thighs bucked and dipped like she had done all this before.

The next time she shivered he pulled at her hips like she was a ragdoll, digging his fingers into her skin so hard it must’ve hurt to hold her in place. Aeris gasped, splayed feet slipping in the grass on either side of him. Cool air came between his cock and her entrance as he held her off him and Aeris choked.

“I-I’m sorry, it—,” she wriggled her hips in an attempt to escape, “It’s just been a while…and I…,”

He let her slip and she gingerly rested her weight against his cock again.

“I forgot how it felt…,”

 _Hm._ Not so coy when it happened to her, of course.

A true gentleman, no doubt like the ones her teenage fantasies carried about him, would’ve paused and let her recuperate. A true gentleman would’ve placed his hand over hers as she groped for the base of his cock and stopped her, made sure everything was okay before continuing. In fact, a true gentleman would’ve, when she struggled to work up the courage to spear herself on him, cooed and encouraged and let her go at her own pace.

Tseng only re-angled himself and pushed in.

Aeris squealed, completely losing control of herself in that moment as she fell forward. Her hands dug pits in his chest as they supported her, but the beauty of that moment allowed him not to care. Her walls were already clenched around his cock, throbbing as they struggled to acquaint with him. Tseng didn’t even know if he could move if he tried. Either way he remained still as Aeris squirmed and panted. He felt the heat of her body rush until she experimentally rose up...then back down.

A long, drawn out and un-pretty moan escaped her as she did it again. Tseng’s hands found their place at her hips and he bucked. Aeris squealed again though by his standards he assumed he was, for once, being gentle. No matter. She had started to build a rhythm, broken only when he wanted to hear her tempo crack. She was tight; there was no lie when she had told him it had been a while. Still he found himself slicked to the hilt as she rode him, mewling and shuddering and scrunching herself against his chest when her climax neared. He watched her in the shrouded moonlight. He knew she had closed her eyes and refused to even chance a glance at him.

Aeris’s voice pealed, shattered by him bucking up into her through her orgasm. Tseng grit his teeth and hissed as his neared, splaying her thighs flat against his hips when he came. His gloved fingers dragged white marks on her skin parallel to her pelvis, relishing how she shuddered in the awkward position he had put her in.

Tucking his hands under her thighs he shimmied out of her and let her fall to the side. Aeris yelped at the touch of cool grass, writhing to a more comfortable position to rest. He assumed it would still be called an afterglow though there were no emotions spared between them, but he didn’t really care to know. Once he was clean and soft he redressed himself, smoothing out every rumple until he was as neat and immaculate as he had been earlier. Aeris, too, from her lazy position on the ground, buttoned her dress and pulled her panties back up. Tseng sniffed, watching as she curled like she was cold yet cozy.

“Is that a yes?” he shattered her bliss with the blunt, emotionless question. She stirred, whining in protest, before sitting up.

“Will you be the one to deliver the letters?”

Yes. That was never a question. He wouldn’t trust them with Reno on a good day, Elena was too scattered, and he didn’t want Rude peeking at them and reporting it all to Reno. She didn’t have to know that, so he simply dipped his chin and said, sly, “If you wish.”

“Then...yes.” Aeris finally answered him. With a small, triumphant huff, he dipped his chin further in a curt bow and turned to leave.

“W-Wait, Tseng,” she called, but when she tried to pull her legs underneath her she gasped and wobbled, her voice pitched as she struggled to find her balance again. He raised an eyebrow. Aeris growled and trudged forward and swatted until she found him in the dark. With one hand putting pressure on her abdomen, she raised the other to rake through his hair. Tseng recoiled at first, frowning.

“Turn around, let me comb the grass out,” she huffed, “Unless you _want_ the others to know.”

His frown deepened. She knew his subordinates, and he knew she was referring to Reno in particular. Not to mention he’d have to retrieve his communicator from Barret. Indignant though he was, he let her nails comb through her hair until she guessed that every shred of stray grass was gone.

Barret’s arguments became clearer as they neared the campsite once more, and when they returned Tseng’s expression turned sour and exasperated. It wasn’t Rude who Barret had been arguing with for the better part of—ever, it had been Elena commandeering their communications. In fact, Rude had probably let her, on the excuse he didn’t want to deal with Barret but moreso so he could take mental record of every detail of their argument to report to the injured Reno later. Tseng closed his eyes and furrowed his brow with a hissing sigh. He could already see the lanky idiot cackling in glee so hard he ripped out his stitches— _again—_ on top of agitating his broken ribs until he cried. At this point he wondered if Rude was a sadist for doing this to him.

“I’ll be taking that, _thank you_ ,” he plucked the communicator from Barret’s hand in the middle of his rant.

“ _You!_ ” Barret roared, “’Bout time you got back, haven’t you taught your employees any manners?!”

“ _Subordinates_ ,” Tseng corrected, but didn’t elaborate further. Barret scoffed. Aeris used the opportunity to quickly disappear into her tent before Barret could question her awkward stance. Even though he hadn’t watched her retreat, the moment he heard the door flap shut he stood up and all but bull-charged Tseng.

“You made your delivery, she had her talk, I suggest ya _leave_ before I take that communicator again!”

Tseng perked his chin up high, keeping his expression stone as he re-clipped the communicator to his belt (funny, the weight felt different now, because it was different than her thumbs running pressure along—) before giving Barret the grace of a farewell.

“As you wish. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

“You better hope we don’t!”

Tseng smiled, “I’d run that by your Ancient friend before you make any rash decisions.”

“I’ll shoot holes in that slim ass of yours anyway!” Barret snapped, “ _Beat it!_ ”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Tseng’s mouth. He backed up to give himself room to bow, did so, then turned and walked away without another word.

Aeris in the meantime hugged her blanket tight around her, staring into the corner of the tent. If she wasn’t mentally replaying the night’s events in her head, her loins were doing it for her. They throbbed, pulsed, and though it wasn’t painful she almost wished they wouldn’t. Had it even been good? Or had it just been so long she was blinded by need? Rather, want?

She rubbed her thighs together. It hadn’t been _bad_.

Barret snuffed the campfire out, covered it with dirt, and retreated to his own tent. Somewhere out on the grassland the rest of the party slept at the ranch. They were good people. But something about them told her they weren’t exactly _her_ people, not yet. If that was just an excuse, she didn’t know, but the more the throbbing subsided to pleasant warmth between her legs the less she gripped her blanket and the deeper she fell into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **quick note the _urna_ on his forehead is a term for the dots found specifically on buddhist statues. I chose/plucked this term particularly because of its closer nature to China. assumptions and musings about Wutai and Tseng's heritage are going to be made tenfold in this, in tandem with religious persecutions (against his people) that I'll do my best to build from the ground up using inspirations from real life (as Wutai was basically built according to the wikis).


	2. the empty boardwalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit bunbbi and i just rewatched advent children for the first time in over a decade and it was more self-indulgent than my fics what a ride tseng deserved more screentime red xiii deserved more LINES
> 
> but you are here for tserith boning, yes? i do not think i have any outstanding warnings about this chapter other than the sex is rough and mildly possessive but y'know. what can you do.
> 
> oh wait, yeah. the planet dream has implications of elevated violence against a child. that's about it.

Even days later, she felt her inner thighs grow hot when she thought back on that night. The next morning, with her panties stained with discharge and her legs wobbly, she had chastised herself to no end. Tseng did not play games yet she had invited him to hers anyway, did she really understand how _dangerous_ she was making this for herself?

Ah, but with the danger came the _thrill_.

The harsh, unfamiliar scent of the sea bombarded her as she stood on the ship to Costa del Sol. Even in the Shinra uniform she felt salt pucker her lips as her nostrils withered at the strange stench of the ship mixing with the saltwater. Nausea plagued her, the fabled seasickness she had read about in her mother’s old books. But despite all this, being on a ship, _sailing_ , traveling to a new continent; it was _thrilling_.

Yet not so thrilling she could forget the electric jolts of carnal pleasure when he had bucked into her. That he was so arrhythmic to her it seemed intentional, like he took pleasure in breaking her apart on his own terms. It was much more raw and real than she had remembered or expected, or perhaps it was merely because she wasn’t in love with him. Love seemed to dim her memories of physicality; she did not remember how alien it felt when a cock moved inside her, she didn’t remember the pulsing and twitching against her tongue, she didn’t remember how cold it felt when remnants leaked to her thighs and dried in the open air. Her legs trembled at the nearness of the memory, closing together when she was alone to try and contain the rush of blood to her entrance.

And what he had said to Cloud and the others in the Mythril Mines... _give her my regards_. Her heart spiked. Did he mean it or was he just toying with her? Furthermore, did Aeris _care?_

Whenever she winced at the wetness of her panties as she walked she figured that caring was not going to be of her concern.

Even when the winds of Mount Corel threatened to blow them off the rickety minecart tracks she still felt a core of heat in her. He hadn’t been loving, but neither was he inconsiderate. It was strange. This, though this wasn’t love, it wasn’t so bad. Certainly nowhere near the cacophony of violent sex she had heard in the worst parts of the slums. Nowhere _near_ the worst things he could’ve done to her in that moment, nowhere near him yanking her by the elbow and kidnapping her there and then, communicator be damned.

Nowhere near what Hojo wanted to do.

As her shoulders finally drooped in relief once they were back on solid ground, she thought to herself it was going to get her in trouble if she kept thinking of things as ‘ _not nearly as bad as something else_ ’. In hindsight, she had already gotten herself into so much trouble by doing that, and the tryst with Tseng had only heightened her flaw.

This wasn’t so bad. Not nearly as bad as it could’ve been. It was dangerous. It was thrilling. She liked it.

All the same, she wished she could stop thinking about that night with him. The real world had become hard to concentrate on.

That wish was loudly answered with a long cable car ride into the yawning mouth of Gold Saucer. It was like everything Wall Market pretended to be, only grander. Bright lights flashed in merry time to loud music, advertisements blared pleasantries so loud they either hypnotized or they numbed. Workers in uniforms were all pretty and all smiling, greeting the party with enthusiasm as they counted out their passes. The din of electronic games, gambling, cabarets, chocobos, and crowds filled her ears as they circled in the lobby. Each passageway in front of them had a label and each promised new and exciting prospects. Aeris had never seen such a place before, had never seen such debauchery in using lights and colors and sound. Her eyes could do nothing but sparkle in awe at something built only for amusement and pleasure.

The only thing that darkened the room was Barret’s mood, not that anyone could blame him. Aeris had done her best with the resolution she felt worked; act as if nothing was wrong, nothing was out of place. He may have brushed her off but his features _had_ softened a bit, even as he barged off alone to Wonder Square. She couldn’t help but smile, but that soon dropped.

Cloud had already approached Tifa, bee-lining for the chocobo races. Aeris opened her mouth but before she could ask if she should follow they disappeared down the chute. She turned around, seeing Red’s fiery tail flare and disappear down to the arcade.

Aeris stood in the lobby.

She _could_ wander alone. That wasn’t the worst thing—she had spent much of her days in the slums doing the same anyway. But it did feel...odd to do that now, after watching everyone split and run off to wherever they desired. Aeris swallowed a gulp of air to muffle the question of where _did_ she desire to go and looked to where Cloud disappeared to. They had separated so quickly that Aeris was almost certain she shouldn’t follow them. Cloud was nice, funny, interesting...yes, definitely interesting. There was something...off about him. Something too familiar and wholly unfamiliar at the same time. The way that Tifa looked at him when she thought no one else was looking confirmed it for Aeris, too; Tifa was _concerned_. The kind of concern a person gives a friend when they find them destitute in corrugated junk, fresh track marks up their arms. The type of concern that precedes a stroke. But if Cloud was having a stroke the reality of it never came, so Tifa always remained quiet and spoke to no one about it. At least, she didn’t speak to Aeris, perhaps out of the assumption that Aeris liked Cloud.

She _did_ like Cloud. Or...she liked _something_ about Cloud. She couldn’t put into words what though. He was a lot like Zack. Must’ve been a SOLDIER thing.

That wasn’t the answer and she knew it, but she wasn’t going to let herself say it out loud.

Hunching her shoulders to hide her face from other folk milling in the lobby, Aeris followed Red, gripping the lip of the chute to the arcade before gingerly climbing in.

She knew what an arcade was, had been able to play a few games whenever her mother could spare a few gil. The machines’ faces and screens were always yellowed with smoke and dotted with mold, but they worked, even if their soundchips didn’t. The bars that had the best machines were the most worn with grime, but they were respectable. Large men with their bellies stretching their only shirts and patches on their faithful jackets paid her no mind, something she only recognized later as an unspoken code of the more righteous of the slums.

This...this was different. On a scale she couldn’t have possibly imagined she’d ever see. Machines were new, sparkling with nary a smudge on them. If there were any, the smudges were from small, sweaty hands. Lights and sounds blared, each machine begging to be played by trying to be louder than its neighbor. Children dotted the rooms, faithful to their chosen games as others watched on. Some adults, young and content, accompanied the children in playful competitions. At first she saw no sign of Red and Aeris clutched her staff a little tighter. The room was bright and loud and so clean she became disturbed that she could breathe freely.

Then a child squealed, and though it shouldn’t have been louder than the machines she instinctively turned her head to it. There was Red, on his hind legs, competing against a little boy at whack-a-tonberry. While the boy wielded the provided hammer, Red resorted to using his paws. Aeris couldn’t quite see who was winning, but whatever the result the boy collapsed into giggles and Red got down. The boy pointed to something else, Red swung his head, and for a moment Aeris was terrified that he’d see her standing there—but it was his blind side. Of course he didn’t. The pair bounded off to a different machine, to which Red allowed the child to clamber onto his back in order to reach.

By the time the holograph had appeared to arm wrestle with the boy Aeris had turned and left. Maybe it had been a brash decision, but part of her screamed that Red would never have allowed himself to be viewed like that by the party at large; a great cuddly kitty awkwardly playing arcade games the best he could with children he didn’t know—to think of it! If she let Barret know, he’d never let go of the subject.

At the thought of Barret, she tried Wonder Square next. But for as much as she didn’t want to wander she didn’t find him there, and nor did asking around for a man with a gun hand seem like a good idea in such an upbeat place, thus, she wandered. Between far classier bars and clubs, underneath great fake skies that almost but not quite reminded her of the security of Sector 5’s plate, past lounge-like food courts with big screen televisions displaying the latest chocobo race, she walked. The most disturbing thing about it all was that there were no alleyways that she could see. Everything was built to seem clean, thus there was no room for showing the latticework of structure behind the facade.

She wondered what Barret was doing. She imagined Cloud and Tifa having a good time, sharing a laugh while getting far too into the races. She thought of Red being called _Kitty_ while the boy scratched behind his ears. Gold Saucer seemed endless before her with not a place to look that wasn’t some form of entertainment—there was no reason she should’ve been thinking about everyone else. Aeris could go out, have fun, meet even more people, make it as classy of a venture as she could or go back to the arcades with Red like she was going to adopt children right off the floor.

The choices were endless and somehow that made it all the more frustrating. Moreover, as she tried to rationalize why everyone went their separate ways, she was dimly becoming aware that she was only covering up that she didn’t want to be alone.

“Isn’t it a bit _odd_ that a person like you would waste time in a place like this?”

Aeris whipped around.

 _Tseng_.

Relief washed over her in that instant— _someone_. Anyone. _Including him_. The bright neon lights of Gold Saucer washed on his smooth features like a well-organized painter’s pallet, even though the colors themselves clashed with who he was.

At his side was a Turk she had never seen before. She was short in stature and her eyes were bright and intense in a different way than Tseng’s intensity. Energetic like a squirrel, and the way her ears popped out certainly gave her the look as well. On top of that she looked young—perhaps even younger than Aeris. Were the Turks desperate? She looked to Tseng. They must’ve been. Shinra had, after all, been left in a crisis with the President dead and Sephiroth alive and on the loose.

None of that showed on his face, though.

He was studying her with the faintest of smirks he knew how to do _so well_. There had always been a vague, feline sense of _playing with his food_ about him, and in front of her now it seemed particularly strong. At that moment she felt a pang between her legs penetrating through the relief she had felt before. She had forgotten its absence entirely and it nearly staggered her to feel it again.

“Tseng,” the Turk at his side cocked her head, “Is...Is _she_ the informant?”

Aeris paled and looked at the girl quizzically while Tseng frowned. Unaware, she continued.

“She...isn’t she the—,”

“No.” Tseng interrupted, “She’s not exactly who we’re looking for.”

A breath escaped Aeris, furthering her relief. To think that Tseng would use her as a mole when he explicitly said he wouldn’t—well, that wasn’t like him, but the possibility had wrapped tightly enough around her neck in that moment to give her pause.

“But she _is_ the Ancient,” the girl pointed out, “Shouldn’t we—,”

“I’m well aware, Elena,” the look in Tseng’s eyes flickered and Aeris felt it drop to her groin.

“Does that mean...the others are here with her?” Elena posed the question with a sort of blanketed energy that was waiting to be released.

Tseng raised an eyebrow at Aeris, “Does it? I’m surprised they aren’t with you, especially that new bodyguard of yours.”

Aeris shut her mouth, which had been hanging open without her notice. The slight clack of her teeth stunned her (or perhaps the statement did) and she swallowed. Something hollow clenched in her throat and she struggled to speak past it.

“No. Cloud’s got...Cloud’s got Tifa.”

“Ah,” Tseng’s mouth took its time with the sounds, drawing his conclusion clear like it was an art form, “And he doesn’t have any fondness to spare?”

Aeris clamped her teeth behind her lips. _Bastard!_ What was he trying to get at?! His goal, his _aim?!_ Two could play at this! Aeris straightened her spine and addressed Tseng directly.

“Getting desperate for people, Tseng? Or are you simply hiring hands out of schools, now?”

Elena _bristled_ , her face flushing hot red as she lunged forward. It was cut short by a quick, curt movement of Tseng’s hand. Elena had to stumble not to crash into it, and, gnashing her teeth, slowly backed down.

“Please enlighten your party members that Reno will be joining us shortly, and that their valiant efforts to kill him failed.” Tseng continued on coolly.

“What a shame,” Aeris pushed her lower lip out in a defiant pout, “I figured he could’ve been the one you would stand to lose.”

“Acute projection.” Tseng shot, “But Shinra does not feel the same as you.”

“I am—,” Aeris planted her staff on the ground to make a firm and definitive sound, “ _Sorely_ aware, Tseng.”

She hadn’t meant for the emphasis on _sore_ , but it had happened anyways and he had picked up on it. More than anything, Aeris wished the additional flicker in his eyes didn’t do anything to her.

“Still, it’s serendipitous to see you here,” his hand dipped into his jacket much as it had that first night, “We have things to discuss.”

He slipped the corner of the manila envelope far enough for her to see but not so far that he pulled it out. Aeris swallowed hard.

Elena blinked rapidly, “So...so she _is_ an infor—,”

“Elena,” a hint of exasperation entered Tseng’s voice, “Head back to the station at the entrance of Wonder Square. The informant knows who you are.”

“But how will _I_ know—,”

“Unfortunately, you will know.” At this, the exasperation in his voice turned to a place other than Elena and his lip curled in a slim scowl, “Go.”

It seemed like she had short-circuited for a moment, stopping to process his order before quickly straightening, giving a curt nod, and speeding off as fast as she could without breaking into a run. Her cheeks had been pink, her expression determined and eager. Perhaps it was her first task truly on her own. Aeris turned back to him.

“Not here.”

“No,” Tseng agreed, looking around the court with disdain, “There are quieter places.”

“ _Here_?” Aeris asked, incredulous.

Tseng only gave a half-bow with his head and turned to start walking without checking to see if she would follow. It struck her that she was in the same predicament she had at the lobby—should she follow? Did she have to? Perhaps she didn’t. She could force him to hold off the letters for another day.

Aeris trotted up until she was closely following him at his back. Her nose twitched, catching a whiff of his cologne.

Tseng led her to the edges of the Saucer. Most of the windowed outlooks to the world below were located inside upscale bars, restaurants, clubs, and smaller amusement parks. But there were some places where a boardwalk hugged the edges, with iron street lamps and quaint replicas of last-era benches. It was quiet in its disuse—sometimes lovers strolled down the fabricated walkway, but no one came to Gold Saucer for the sights. Tseng stopped at the railing, turning to see that Aeris was not looking at him. Instead she gazed out the window, approaching the railing like she was in a trance. Her hands reached out and clutched it, and she leaned as far as she dared though there was no danger in her falling.

“It’s so dark…,” she murmured as she looked to the land below. Frowning, she attempted to peer up at the sky, “And there’s clouds.”

She heaved a sigh like it pained her to be robbed of the chance to be closer to the stars. Tseng sniffed. Even if there weren’t clouds, the obnoxious lights of the Gold Saucer wiped the possibility of seeing a proper night sky. He slipped the manila folder out, a motion that caught her eye. She turned towards him, one hand remaining on the railing as a remnant of her wistfulness.

Aeris reached out, gingerly taking the folder.

“How many…?” she asked as she felt its slight weight.

“Ten, exactly.”

“That is too generous for you, Tseng,” Aeris said, and though the presence of the letters had enchanted her for the moment he was not keen on keeping it alive.

“It is not, if you consider that the sooner I run out of letters to deliver, the sooner you must return.”

Aeris shot her glare up at him, hard but not furrowed.

“Yes, of course,” she spoke with a thin venom, “ _That_ is much more like you.”

Tseng smiled, and he watched as the breadth of it angered Aeris further. Disgusted, she thumbed the lip of the manila folder as if to rip it open, paused, stared at it, then hugged it to her chest.

“I don’t want to open it here.”

“Oh?” he did not need to give the area a cursory glance to already know that no one was around, “Is this not private enough for you?”

Aeris looked back out the window. Certainly the world seemed so wide before her Midgar sensibilities, even if it was dark. Her thumb worried the flap of the envelope as if frantically trying to come to a decision. After a while she opened her mouth and stammered.

“Is—Is there someplace else?”

Dutiful out of courtesy rather than empathy, Tseng took her to one of Gold Saucer’s many hotels, nothing extravagant, nothing too far. Despite this the room was still golden and well prepared. Aeris gave the room a solid glance over, but even though she had not seen the likes of the room before she couldn’t be distracted from the folder in her hands. Tseng watched as she finally opened it and slipped a few of the pages out in the open. The paper was embossed with pen strokes and little blots of ink from the pressure of her handwriting. Aeris was quiet as she shifted the few in her hand, her eyes racing over them as though she was only checking for their authenticity instead of reading. Regardless, he could see her breath quicken in the way her dress responded to the rise and fall of her chest.

Aeris pressed the back of a wrist to her mouth as she swallowed something intangible. After a moment of recuperation she took more pages out and looked at them. Tseng waited. Another moment passed. She glanced up at him. He simply stared back. Her gaze went down to the letters, but they were skimming too fast. Another glance up.

There was something different in her eyes, but before he could discern what the sighing thickness of her voice answered him.

“Are you waiting on orders, Turk?”

Tseng felt himself darken as his hands tightened their grip on themselves behind him, “I do not take orders from _you_.”

“Oh?” she taunted further. One of her lips disappeared into her mouth as she attempted to hide a smirk and Tseng pretended not to notice how her teeth had slid along its release, “Then why are you waiting for my dismissal?”

Tseng glowered. Aeris held his gaze then sniffed coarsely, “Well then, you delivered the letters, you’re _dismissed_.”

His anger snapped. Out from behind his back came his gloved hands, curled once more like claws. Aeris’s eyes dropped to them, their darkness contrasted in the golden room. Her mouth opened to taunt him again but Tseng made use of the length of his legs and closed the distance before she could. The letters crashed to the ground, pages spinning away from their feet as he pushed her to the bed. Aeris let out a yelp as the edges hit her thighs and she grabbed his tie. Taking him with her as she fell back onto the bed, she smiled impishly at her victory.

“Is this _off-contract_ , now?” Her hand slid up to the knot in his tie then back down, mimicking (or mocking) what she could do to him.

“ _Shut up._ ” he snapped.

Aeris laughed, a sound that dug into the base of his neck and only heightened the heat of his anger, then perked her chin forward towards his ear, “Make me.”

Tseng did not hesitate. He drove his hands up her body to her breasts, making her deliciously shrill as her back arched up to him. His fingers dug in, the heels of his palms rudely pushing against where her nipples were hidden. Aeris faltered. _Good_. His clawed fingers turned inwards to the little line of white buttons that kept her modest and ripped them open. She had begun to writhe sensually under the brutality of his hands as he yanked her bra aside and shoved them where they had been before. The feel of the leather, however soft, against her nipples made her yelp and kick her legs in the air. Tseng gave her a rough squeeze to make her go taut.

He only drew back his hands to expose her again in the light—taking the lewd and alluring sight she was as his. Her breasts were plump, crowned by erect nipples that he had already worried red. Lower her ribs heaved as his long black fingers dragged across them, following to her hips. On one side there was a mole that looked like a blot of spilled tea, its slight elongated shape pointing further down. She wriggled her hips and gasped in exasperation.

“Tse—,”

Aeris pitched into a shriek as his fingers dove to her entrance, pulling her panties aside to stroke her with fervor. He watched the knot in his tie pull loser as her grip tightened with her nails biting into the silk. At once her body started jerking without her control, punctuated by shrill squeaks and breathy pleas as he worked her harder. Tseng only hardened his gaze, feeling his fingers slip against her though he was still gloved. His other hand wandered, from pushing her thigh flat back to roughly teasing her nipples. An embarrassing sound escaped her, causing her to try and mute herself with her wrist.

_No._

In swift, brusque motions he tore her wrist away from her mouth and pinned it to the bed. Her eyes dared to open then, staring at him with a fiery, energetic disdain. He saw the message before her mouth parted to attempt to speak it: _Didn’t you tell me to shut up?_

Tseng curled his inner two fingers and pushed them into her, causing her to fill the room with her cry of shock that turned into a loud moan. Yes. He had told her to shut up. This was different. These were _his_ sounds for her to make. Aeris pinwheeled her legs wildly as he finger-fucked her, screaming when his thumb pushed against her clit. _Yes._ That was the noise that was _his_. _He_ had determined it, had forced it out of her. Try as she might, she no longer had ownership of it.

When the first spasm wracked her Tseng pulled out without warning, letting her arched hips drop to the bed. Aeris gasped, loosing her hold on his tie and desperately climbing back to a lucid state as Tseng slipped the wet fingers into his mouth. The taste of her hit the roof of his mouth before his tongue could lick the rest of her away. Drawing his fingers out until he could clamp his teeth on the tips, he peeled the glove away and let it fall to the ground. Then he unbuckled his belt, his hardness desperately pushing against its constraints. He had already gotten her on him, but he did not want her sweat on his suit. To have any scent but his cologne associated with him—especially when it was the _Ancient’s—_ that was too scandalous for the sharp image he cut. When this was over he’d have to remember to pluck any stray hairs of her off as well. But that was for later.

For now, he stepped out of his pants and undid the rest of his tie. Aeris exposed her shoulders, slipping out of the rest of her clothes. Her skin was flushed but didn’t yet shine in the golden light. Tseng still kept his low gaze on how her muscles shifted and how the fabric fell away from her body.As his fingers, one set gloved and the other free, opened his shirt Aeris folded her legs under her and reached forward. Tseng choked on a gasp as her mouth enclosed him, at first just the head, then, when she angled better, the rest of his shaft. He slipped on the buttons of his shirt.

 _Brat._ He growled. It had been nothing but a show-off tease, for as soon as his body was exposed she pulled back and took him in. Slim. Lithe. Muscles like a cat: elegant and graceful until he snapped and pulled them taut with his demanding strength. Her hand held his cock in place of her mouth as her eyes wandered. Tseng allowed it, until he had enough of her dawdling and wrenched her hand away. Marred sounds of protest left her in broken gasps as he pushed her body as he willed, flipping her to her stomach and pressing her to the bed with his weight. Aeris let out an indignant scoff, bucking her buttock up into him for leeway in their battle. Tseng only grunted and closed his lips over the side of her neck.

Aeris shuddered with a long moan as he scraped his teeth along her sensitive skin. He felt it against his body. Doing it again, and again, almost but never quite biting, he started to undulate his hips to slick his cock along her entrance. She was hot, _burning_ to the touch in a delightfully shameless way. The way her buttock jutted against him in an animal plea for penetration, for consummation, spurred Tseng to drag a growl along her spine. The noises she was making— _his_ noises—drove a certain kind of fury to his body that fed the desire to pin and fuck her until she was so exhausted she collapsed. Aeris writhed on the bed, crumpling the sheets with her sweaty palms as her mouth hung open to give music to each shrill pant.

But he did not enter yet.

Every time she seemed to pause and gasp and catch on to what he was doing he’d thrust against her a little harder, earning a squeal and drawing his patience even further. His cock throbbed almost as much as Aeris’s body begged, but he wouldn’t give in. There was no winning against Tseng, and he was going to make sure she understood that. But perhaps he could allow her some leeway.

“If you continue to greet me like this,” he breathed as his gloved hand snaked up her arm, husky against the back of her neck, “I might be persuaded to bring the letters _one by one_ ,”

Aeris whined into a sob, thrusting herself back against him once again in a desperate beg for his cock. He smirked, sinking his gloved fingers into her hair and lifted some of his weight. Aeris bucked against him harder and he sunk his hand deeper, tightening his hold on the roots of her hair and giving her a tug.

Still he didn’t enter.

Howling in frustration, Aeris dragged her nails down the arm that supported him, making pink puffy lines in his skin. His smirk turned into a scowl. Evidence of their tryst, now marked on his skin. How _dare_ she.

Tseng seethed and thrust into her to the hilt. Warmth. _Heat_. Aeris’s voice came apart against the rumpled sheets, shock mingling with satisfaction. Her head rocked, as if wiping the sweat from her forehead though her hair was thoroughly clinging to her face. Tseng let out a long, hot breath as she acclimated to him much faster than she had before. That pause had been too long for her, though.

Aeris gasped, “Don’t—don’t you dare,” Tseng shifted, but it wasn’t enough and she snapped, “ _Move!!_ ”

Despite how her walls desperately pulled at his cock, Tseng found it in him to give a breathy chuckle, “Don’t move? As you wish.”

Another howl of frustration and Aeris defiantly pushed against him, curving her hips in whatever direction she could to goad him into thrusting. Greedy slum girl.Giving a short grunt and another tug of her hair, Tseng pulled to the head before snapping his hips back. Aeris shrieked.

That was when he decided his victory and lifted his restraints.

The pace he set—rather, the pace his body set—was hard and punishing. As much as he had been tormenting her for her desperation, he was only barely keeping his own at bay. Had he any sliver of conscience left in him, he might’ve worried that he was overdoing it, pounding, pounding, _pounding_ until the room filled with her now hoarse cries and the thick, wet sounds of their fucking. Aeris, for as long as she could, still moved back against him to flatten her ass against his hips, but it wasn’t long before her strength gave out and she collapsed, her voice half-muffled by the bed. Tseng re-fastened his grip in her hair as it darkened with sweat. What he could see of her was intoxicating in a way alcohol could never achieve; the sheen of her flushed skin, the delicate curve of her spine that twisted in lewd ways from the combination of their efforts, how the fat of her buttock rippled with each thrust, the contraction of her walls with passing orgasms all mixing into a special liquor that he found himself a lightweight for.

Tseng was so close it was almost painful. Pulling on her hair, he tilted her up until he could see her face, unleashing her cries at him and only him (after all, they were his). _Yes._ That was it. Her eyelids fell open from lack of strength rather than an interest to see him and he locked his gaze with her as he thrust the full length of his shaft twice, three times more.

He came with a gasp that was hard and controlling. Aeris whined, breath hitching as he thrust again to fill her. The whine turned into a sigh of exhaustion, tracked by thin tears that had escaped down her cheeks from the intensity. Tseng released her hair and her chin dropped. Pulling out did much the same as her body collapsed on the bed. He was not without exhaustion, though his heart still pounded so loud it was hard to think. Propping himself on his arms, he watched as Aeris’s eyelids fluttered open and closed as she struggled between the decision to remain awake or fall asleep. Gooseflesh appeared on her shoulder at first, then traveled down her skin. She did not seem to care or move to wrap the covers around her. At last her fluttering eyelids slowed and she lost her battle to stay awake.

Tseng lowered his guard only then. Letting himself fall to the bed beside her, he heaved and nursed himself through the dizziness of the afterglow. He would feel this tomorrow, the day after—perhaps for a while. His own eyelids started to betray him, fluttering and weakening his resolve. Every time he caught himself dozing he snapped awake, naked as he was. Each time he did Aeris’s peaceful and hair-streaked face caught him further off guard. That was not natural for him to see, from her of all people.

The gooseflesh had remained on her skin and she had only curled tighter in her unconsciousness to fight off the cold. Forcing his mind to be blank to neither fight with himself nor rationalize the action, he unfurled one of the hotel’s extra blankets from the foot of the bed and unexpertly draped it on her. No tucking in. But it would be enough. Turning his back to her, he let himself fall into a doze.

His communicator buzzed, stirring him. So. It was time. Tseng slipped out of the bed and found his clothes. Sitting on the edge with Aeris’s barely exposed feet tucked near him he meticulously plucked whatever suspicious he could find off of his suit. (Long brown hairs, faint pink fibers, the like.) Then he dressed, pleased that he had preserved the sharpness of the suit well enough. Once proper, he redid his hairband, then sat in the same place as before to slip his shoes on, then looked over to Aeris.

There was enough doubt to the rhythm of her breathing that she could’ve been awake, just simply exhausted. But the way her body sank into the bed with its limpness, he doubted that even if she was awake she wasn’t fully conscious. A small frown formed as he stared at her, like he was feeling a memory that didn’t exist. Aeris twitched, then buried her face further into the sheets beneath her. Tseng peeked, noticing the furrow in her brow.

His communicator had not buzzed a second time, which dampened the urge to leave though he had no desire to stay. With her like this there was no reason to. Still, he was not one to leave someone in a bed without some notice. Tseng curled a gloved knuckle and brushed it against her back, ending at her shoulder.

He was grateful she was not looking at him because he wasn’t prepared to hide his surprise when she stretched and moved into his touch.

~~

_Blades of grass flew underneath the boy’s feet as he fled, his shrill pants echoing in her mind like she was being pierced with needles. Fear gripped him so hard it pulled slashes into his chest and she felt it too. Aeris ran with him, as him, next to him like a ghost. His pursuer was longer-legged and bigger-lunged. It wasn’t long until the boy was overcome and Aeris found herself several paces ahead before she stopped and swerved. The boy’s eyes were bulging white as his hands yanked tufts of grass into the air in his scramble to get away. His pursuer, dressed in armor that was many eras old by Aeris’s time, let the boy try to flee like it was a pleasure._

_Her breath caught in her throat though she know no words she could speak would reach their ears. Still she almost tried to yell, scream, order the pursuer to stop. It was just a boy, a boy with jet black hair and a dot on his forehead._

_The pursuer landed a kick between the boy’s legs and he screamed such a horrible scream Aeris wished that clapping her hands over her ears did anything. A curved, specialized sort of knife appeared from the waist of the assailant and the brute reached down. The boy wailed, covering his head more than any part of his body._

_Aeris thrust her hand out and the air around them sucked to a point in front of the pursuer’s chest. Then an arm of ice formed, another, and another, until a brilliant star of spikes punctured and exploded. The pursuer reared back in pain, and the boy, bow-legged as he was, hurried to his feet and sped off by Aeris, never chancing her a glance, like she wasn’t even there._

_She knew that._

_Stories that the Planet told her were all the same._

~~

Aeris woke in the gold room to the sound of shuffling clothes. All her limbs felt filled with sand, sunken in the bed like it was her coffin. A blanket that she didn’t remember had been draped over her. That was nice. It was very nice.

Because judging by the horrific sobs of the boy she heard in her mind now, she knew that in reality he had not made it.

She dozed.

Tried not to think about it. As she often did. They all faded eventually.

Tseng sat on the edge of the bed. She had almost forgotten about the dream, but seeing his face in her mind brought the image of the boy’s own dot on his forehead forth. Burying herself in the bed, she swallowed a wince she hoped Tseng didn’t notice—if he was looking at her. She wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t.

Then he touched her, dragging a chaste knuckle from her back to her shoulder. Aeris melted. Questions on whether the dream had shown through her sleep did hang in her head, but whether or not he was concerned or simply making a logical gesture was not clear. Still it was nice for the reassurance, even if the leather of the gloves held little to no warmth. Her loins ached, far worse than the first time though she had noted she was far, farwetter for him this time around. Tseng had been rough, punishing even. She had egged it on until that point, and while she didn’t allow herself to smile to let him know she was thinking of him she did feel pride at her accomplishment. Tseng hadn’t lost control, no—if anything, _she_ had—but it was nice to see him on the frayed edges of his cool exterior.

His hand lingered at her shoulder. She let it, knowing acknowledgment would only force him to pull away.

Muffled gunshots punched into their silence and Tseng snapped away, on his feet before a second passed. Aeris’s heart leapt into her throat—that was not a pistol, nor a shotgun. No, it was the thudding, rocketing tempo of a weapon that would not have been brought into Gold Saucer unless it had been attached to the arm of the man that fired it.

“ _Barret—_ ,” Aeris gasped in horror as she pushed the blanket off of her. Her thighs and abdomen screamed and numbed when she tried to move them as quickly as Tseng had moved. He was already opening the door while she still laid on the bed.

“ _Tseng_ ,” She stopped him, desperate and eyes wide. The Turk turned to look at her, his expression pressed and already prepared for what he was going to find. Aeris spoke past the heart lodged in her throat, “Don’t kill him!”

Tseng focused his stare on her, listening but unable to make promises. She swallowed, feeling the rims of her eyes sting with pain.

“ _Please_.”

He held her gaze for a moment longer, the only reassurance he could give, before he left. Aeris cussed, the adrenaline helping her body to overcome what Tseng had done to her as she flung her clothes on and raced in pursuit of the Turk and the gunshots. She found neither—only the rightfully paranoid owners of Gold Saucer moments they threw her into the prison below.

There she met the others, all drawn to the danger like she had been—even the odd companion Cloud and Tifa had picked up who had introduced himself as Cait Sith. There they reunited with Barret, who professed his innocence. Aeris had no choice but to believe him.

When Barret’s old friend, Marlene’s father by blood, and true perpetrator of the crime let himself fall into the abyss his memories and horrors washed over her and she forgot about the boy with the dot on his head.


	3. the girl who stole the stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-InhU-vsIw) (or if you prefer the [radical dreamers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSvO4SzQNuQ) version, that's cool too)
> 
> me, booboo the fool: this fic will mostly be from tseng's perspective
> 
> this chapter got really long and in the interest of keeping the pacing of the next few chapters the way I want them to go, i had to cut it where it was. otherwise it got tooooooo bloated because even though they're going to bone and bone soon there's a lot to lead up to it _still_.
> 
> i would say that someone should slap my hand away from the keyboard, but not only am i kind of living my best ff7 life in terms of party shenanigans i am also secretly living my best redwall life. many foods referenced in this chapter have real counterparts: asian plums, cactus pears/fruits, mole sauce, knafeh, glorias/pecan rolls/god i fucking forgot their name i'm sorry buelita, sotol, as well as other dishes derived from desert-based culinary arts.
> 
> like i said, living my best redwall life. its MY fic I GET TO WRITE THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL CULINARY RESEARCH PARAGRAPHS
> 
> i promise the next chapter will be shorter (i think) (in my head its shorter bc less happens in it)

The lingering stench of the exploded reactor seared the inside of her nostrils as she crouched in hiding. One arm ran slant to their newest member, Yuffie, a young girl who was quite energetic to break free and start a fight. Cloud was peeking around a blackened piece of of the reactor, watching the occupants of the helicopter—Shinra board member Scarlet and Tseng—view the remnants of the reactor. It looked like a turtle’s back had exploded outward, with its ribs twisting to the sky through the hole in its shell. Struggling to keep Yuffie back, Aeris leaned forward. Tseng’s jet black hair whipped in the wind from the helicopter, but he kept his Turk stance as Scarlet pouted and booed the wreckage.

“ _We can take ‘em!_ ” Yuffie chirped, “She’s wearin’ heels and he looks like a willowy dipstick!”

Aeris hardened her grip on her and seethed from the corner of her mouth, “I wish I could agree, but Tseng is _not_ someone we can fight against,”

“Why _not?_ ” Yuffie pouted and Cloud hushed her even though the helicopter surely drowned them out. Sticking her tongue out but still dropping her voice, she went on, “A good kick in the pants would end him!”

She tried not to smirk at that but still held her ground, “He’s the leader of the Turks. You don’t get to that position without blood on your hands.”

“ _Huh_ , the Turks,” Yuffie spat, “Never heard of a Turk!”

“Exactly,” Aeris hissed, “They don’t tend to leave a trace.”

Cloud huffed a laugh and glanced down at her, “Except when they deal with us.”

Aeris looked up at him and smiled good-naturedly. In her head, though, she burned with the memory of her affair as Tseng turned and followed Scarlet back to the helicopter. Yes. The Turks left no trace, except when they dealt with them.

That was certainly a truth.

So was the truth that Gongaga held. The village was small, wrapped in a haunting misery that seeped into their ashen faces. The broken back of the turtle marred their skyline, but they looked to it as their own reminder, a monument to those lost. But still some of the villagers smiled at their new visitors, and their cordiality and homeliness opened their doors to them.

Aeris soon wished they hadn’t.

She didn’t know this was where Zack was from. To hear them bombard Cloud with questions he didn’t—no, _couldn’t—_ no, _didn’t—_ answer, to hear her own voice fall out of her mouth without her permission...it hurt her in a way she hadn’t been hurt in a while. His parents then turned to her, saying their last letter from him was almost seven years ago, it said he had a girlfriend, was that her? Was that her? _Was that her?_

Aeris burst out of their house and ran until the tangles of the outskirts stopped her. The air outside cooled the inside of her lungs as she heaved her shoulders. Her whole face stung and her heart screamed in panic. Leaning up against a nearby house, Aeris stared into the wilderness, eyes wide but deadened.

“Aeris! _Aeris!_ ” Cloud ran up to her. It still took his touch at her shoulder for her to turn around and look at him. Look at his eyes. They glowed with the faintest Mako, just like his did. But that was no comfort. If there had only been twelve SOLDIERs in first class, why couldn’t Cloud remember him? She wanted to grab his arms, shake him, shake him until the truth came out. In that moment too she _wished_ he was Tseng—Tseng who kept secrets but since that was no secret it was somehow easier to deal with. Tseng whom she could shout at and beat her fists against (as she had once Zack had truly gone missing) but who wouldn’t change his attitude towards her. Tseng whom she could verbally spar with until the truth slipped out whether by accident or annoyance.

Cloud...she didn’t know Cloud. They had come _this far_ and she still didn’t know. But perhaps...perhaps she had been mistaken about something. About SOLDIER, about Zack. About the information Tseng had relinquished to her back in the day.

Besides, an outburst in this quiet town wouldn’t do anyone good. Aeris stared at the broken reactor glumly, then held her arms.

“I told you,” she finally responded to Cloud’s questions that she had almost ignored, “He was my boy—my bodyguard. Before you. He went missing, or he just wasn’t responding to my letters.”

Aeris forced a chortle but it sounded pained, “Probably found some other girl.”

Cloud frowned. To his credit it _did_ look like he was wracking his brain for an answer, but in the end all he said was, “Sorry.”

Aeris stared at him, unblinking.

 _Sorry_.

“Yeah,” she rasped after a while, “I know.”

Aeris did her best to muffle her suffering into her thin pillow in the following nights. Sometimes she did it well, scrunching her face until it hurt until only squeaks escaped her. Other days Tifa or Barret would tap at the edge of her tent and tentatively ask if she was alright.

“Just nightmares,” she’d answer. At some point they certainly weren’t accepting that as an answer but dropped the subject anyway. Part of her was grateful, part of her wished they didn’t. When she was all alone thoughts bombarded her, both hers and the Planet’s. What was worse was that when it was about Zack she wasn’t sure who was speaking. Maybe it was both, because there were so many memories including ones she didn’t remember and each and every one of them was so painful she pressed her palms to her temples until she saw stars to make them go away. But they didn’t. Much as she begged, screamed, suffocated herself in the ground they didn’t. It’s the Planet. Nothing can mute the Planet.

She tried to face it head-on at one point, spreading the eleven letters Tseng had given her and reading over them and trying to confront the grief like it was on her own terms (though it very much wasn’t). Her writing had changed so much even since then, both her words and her letters. Tseng had been giving them in order as well, from the very earliest onward. She tried to focus on those details. They hurt to look at, yes, but it was the only way she knew it had been _real_.

Focusing became hard when the ink blurred as she cried over them. At least half of one letter was starting to be rendered illegible so she stashed them away. Should she have given them to his parents? Was it a kind gesture to let them know he was, in a way, loved while he was away from them? Or would it only bring them more pain?

The buggy trudged up into rich red desert. It was too late to turn back for them now either way. Aeris had to live with it as sure as the letters stayed in their manila envelope. Her grief had taken over and there was no point to look at them anymore.

Digging her nails into her flesh, she begged the Planet to stop seeing him until she was positively pathetic. One more flash of his glowing blue eyes, one more lopsided smirk, one more of his body pushing against hers with youthful vigor and she was going to faint in her own vomit.

Then, like fingers gently combing through her hair, the memories started to pull away. One by one at first, or so it seemed, but then they were all gone. She laid in a destitute heap on her bedmat, stunned in the silence. It wasn’t a chaste kiss to her forehead, but it felt like one. Part of her wanted to call out, ask if he had been the one to do this. But doing so would only bring the memories back, so she shut her eyes and for the first time since Gongaga she fell into an adequate slumber.

The Planet showed her something else. Luscious foothills that shone jade in the morning light, terraced and flooded farms that gleamed orange in the sunset. Tall, noble bamboo that was cultivated as much as it was allowed to grow freely. Orchards of twisting black branches that smelled so strongly when they flowered only to be dotted with children when they grew heavy with fruit. She barely knew names for any of these things, but they were part of the better kinds of stories the Planet told her. Stories of nature, culture, people. Sometimes she was with the children, biting into the bittersweet fruit and laughing as her face became sticky. Sometimes she was a tall stalk of bamboo, overseeing two lovers in the evening. Still other times she was the beat of a drum from musicians that helped the farmers’ pace with their chanting song. Aeris melted so easily into these memories that it took her a while to realize that they had dots on their foreheads too.

Not all of them. The men moreso than the women, and the women who did have dots all seemed wizened by at least forty years. But that hardly seemed unfair, young women and girls in their villages all wore semi-permanent markings on their forehead until their elderly years. Aeris didn’t know what any of it meant, but there was a grand ceremony of two young people embracing each other, laughing, dancing together in joy to create a festive ripple in the village. The woman—the bride, she assumed—wore a shimmering drake scale between her eyes for the occasion, pressing her forehead to her groom in moments of utter sincerity.

Then there was a boy, no older than fifteen (no older than the boy who was chased) who had been laid back on a ceremonial table by old, gnarled hands. Those same hands had lit incense and sprinkled the boy’s outline with fragrant herbs and spices, then, as he laid solemn, the boy closed his eyes and waited. The elder (man or woman, Aeris couldn’t tell) filled a sharpened bone tip with ink and began marking the dot on the boy’s forehead. Though he remained as still as he could, he flinched and winced, which only drew a loving smirk from the elder as they finished the task with a deft and precise hand. Small conversation happened between them, a clean rag was given to wipe away the excess ink and blood. Solemn still, the young man rose from the table, pressed his forehead to the elder’s (with another wince that caused the elder to grin a fairly toothless smile) and met the rest of the village.

It was then his face exploded into fervent joy as cheers rose up around him.

Daily life, festivals, ceremonies, cooking, sleeping, pranks, funerals, births all played in a blur. One thing that had become a constant though, especially within their homes, was the smell of their cooking and the smell of the dried or drying herbs they tied at the stems and hung over doors and windows. It was unique. It was...familiar.

The fragrance of herbs was overtaken by burnt mako and gasoline as Barret cussed. Aeris had fallen asleep on the buggy, her head resting on Tifa’s shoulder. The younger woman’s gloved hand came up to pat Aeris reassuringly from her jolt to the present.

“A friggin’ breakdown in the middle of the Planet-damned desert!” Barret cussed again and kicked the driver’s seat, “Damn mako don’t even work when it’s supposed to!”

Cloud was already outside and skirted around to the problem area, though it was clear he was only inspecting and had no opinion to give. Tifa shouldered him aside, giving a much more thorough look.

“The engine clogged and overheated,” she gingerly picked a smoking rock from under the hood, “I _told_ you not to go fast on those cliffs, Barret,”

Barret huffed and puffed but ultimately had no defense, so he just kept swearing instead, kicking dust and rocks alike. Red XIII had simply sat, overlooking the scene with a sort of patient glee. Once Barret had relatively calmed down Red got to his feet and gestured his nose forward.

“Beyond that pillar, to the glint of glass. We’ll find help there.”

“And how does your fuzzy ass know that?!” Barret barked. Red only smirked and sauntered by the mountain of a man, whipping his tail against Barret’s leg.

“Come.”

Aeris followed Red with the others, her two feet feeling heavy when she watched Red deftly pad along the sandy desert rock. The sun was blazing, but at least it wasn’t at its zenith. Though it was hot, the height of the cliffs kept a swift and at times sharp wind whipping at them, causing her eyes to water from the dust it kicked up.

Then Red climbed on top of a small plateau and his chest swelled. As they came to his level they saw it. There, built around one of the tallest pillars in the desert and sprawling down the red cliffs of a canyon was a small city. Walkways and homes had been carved into the canyon, draped over with colorful handwoven cloth. Farther up around the pillar there were sturdy houses built on platforms surrounding what looked to be the town square where a brilliant fire burned. Still higher up these houses gave way to walkways that wove in and out of the stone, dotted with spinning windmills that profited from the canyon wind. Sitting atop the pillar was the crowned jewel of it all; a magnificent observatory with its telescope facing ever skyward. Aeris lost her breath. Perhaps once upon a time the Planet had shown her this place, perhaps even as recently as when she met Red. But seeing it in real life felt different, surreal, new.

“Red…,” Tifa gaped for all of them, “What is that?”

“That,” his voice rumbled with pride, “Is Cosmo Canyon.”

~~

The sun had turned the sky red by the time they reached the town proper. Cloud had taken the lead with Red’s guidance, but as soon as they were greeted by a man at the front gate he had taken off with all the speed his four legs could carry him.

“It is I, Nanaki!” he declared passionately, “I have returned home!”

At once the bustling movement of the town square shifted their flow and focus all to the front gates. Murmurs and gasps of excitement arose, and a stream of children burst from the gathering line of adults, all shouting and cheering.

“ _Nanaki!_ Nanaki is home, Nanaki is home!”

At once Red—or, rather, Nanaki—barreled through the crowd that parted for him. With claws sheathed, he tackled the oldest child and licked his cheek to a squeal of delight. Children continued to converge on him as he trumpeted in triumph of his return. Aeris stood with the rest of them in stunned silence, watching their quiet and noble creature-friend tussle until his fur was sandy and his fangs sparkled in an unbreakable grin.

Bringing Nanaki back to Cosmo Canyon granted each and every one of them access to the town, though they professed they could not at this time take on any more students for their studies of the Planet. That didn’t stop Aeris from taking advantage of what she could; to not use the scholars and libraries at her disposal would be a waste. As much as she would’ve liked to help Nanaki, she stayed to her studies while Cloud and Tifa went with him into the caves that his grandfather had sealed. There was too much to get through; detailed studies of the Planet’s climate from a calamity some 2,000 years ago to present day, hundreds of codices of languages and medicines and astronomy, family records from towns that no longer existed, and even the studies of obsolete sciences all yawned in front of her fingers. Asking the elders both brought her help as it muddled her path. Many of them had their general knowledge of the Ancients, but any hard records were either scattered or too old to look at without the proper care. No one had been able to enter their Temple for as long as any record stood and the jungle surrounding it was thick, so they only had vague sketches of the exterior to show her.

Aeris was engaged, but increasingly upset. The elders were indeed very smart and wise, but all they had to offer was _theories_ when Aeris needed _answers_. Talking to them at times seemed like taking several extra ‘shortcuts’ to get to the same point. After exhausting every possible theory on what their life must have been like when they were thriving she started to feel urgent, desperate even.

“So, where do they live?” Aeris pressed the question, only barely keeping herself together to not interrupt the elder.

“Live? My dear, I already told you, they were nomadic.”

“Yes, but—how do you know where they are?”

The elder paused, pursing his cracked lips as he mulled over the reality of her question before asking, “You mean, right now?”

Aeris nodded speedily. The elder flipped the parchment of the book in front of him, the pages crackling as he did so. The drawing on the page he stopped on resembled a massive conch shell surrounded by leafless trees.

“Why, they’re in their Promised Land.”

“Then, the Promised Land is real?” Aeris’s heart raced as the elder recited words he had heard Shinra push at her from the start of her memory.

“Real? I don’t know about that, but for the Ancients it very much is. Hmmm…,” he tugged on his wispy beard as he took his time to formulate the words. Despite his care, Aeris wanted to scrape her nails along his desk and slam her palms against it, demanding and answer quicker than he was willing to give even if it came out sloppy. He nodded in approval of his resolution and finally continued, “The theory is that their Promised Land is their return to the lifestream—not a real place at all, though very real the lifestream is—thereby, when they die and return to the lifestream they are returning to their Promised Land!”

Aeris chilled. It wasn’t like someone had cast blizzard near her, no. This was a slow, seeping chill like wind howling on an oppressive night or cooling blood dripping off a dead hand. What made everything worse was that the elders had picked up on who she was, marveled at her fortitude and liveliness. Yet the man in front of her smiled warmly like this would be a comfort to her to know that her people had returned to the best place they could’ve possibly been. That was, after all, how death worked as Bugenhagen told it in his observatory. Bodies and souls—creature or plant—returned to the Planet and became life again until they died and repeated the process. Mako had been the exception to that rule.

Aeris thought of when Hojo snaked erratically around her glass container, detailing how they had meticulously ripped her mother’s body apart for preservation and study, how he seemed to reach a sick sort of ecstasy in recalling all that he had salvaged. Was her mother back with the Planet, in the lifestream, the Promised Land?

She didn’t feel her.

Was that intentional on her mother’s part, or was it a by-product of Hojo keeping her physical body in a display of his triumph?

“Then…,” she whispered after a long moment of silence in the real world that roared in her head, “Then I’m…really…,”

“Yes, my dear,” the elder said soothingly (it did not help), “You are the last one.”

It was like he had given her a death sentence. It couldn’t be true. Aeris wanted to refuse and scream and demand the _real_ truth from him. She couldn’t be alone! Couldn’t be! Somewhere, _somewhere_ out there was a living, breathing community that would greet her with as much glee as Nanaki was greeted when he returned home. Nanaki was the last of his kind, but he still had _this_. He still had _Cosmo Canyon_. Aeris must have it too! Somewhere! _Anywhere!_

She _couldn’t_ be alone! It had to be an impossibility!

She just _couldn’t_ be alone.

She _couldn’t be_.

It was only after the length of her silence that the elder frowned, leaning forward to put a desert-buffeted hand on her forehead.

“My dear, are you alright?”

Aeris blinked. She wanted to say no. Instead she nodded and spoke in a low tone, “Yes...thank you. You taught me a lot.”

His hand swept some of her hair away before he leaned back down on his raised seat, “As is our pleasure. Do you have any other questions?”

She bit her lip, almost saying no before a flash of jade fields appeared in her mind.

“A-Actually...if you don’t mind,”

He folded his hands and smiled, eager, “Of course not!”

“People who...lived near foothills. Terraced farms. They had...dots on their foreheads. Tattoos. Do you...do you know them?”

The elder frowned in thought, his wispy beard protruding forward. Muttering to himself in wonder, he eased himself down from his seat. Aeris watched as only his liver-spotted head remained in her sight as he tottered to sections of the high bookshelves. They had been divided by culture, and when he found the general region he hoisted himself into a chair that operated on the pulley system. A few strong pulls of the rope made him disappear beyond Aeris’s sight, only to return moments later. Instead of books with parchment pages, he held an armful of scrolls that bent like they were partially made of fabric. As he laid them out in front of her, she saw the telltale sheen of silk intermingled with paper. Resisting the urge to touch it, she looked at the pictographic depictions.

They were there, the people she had been seeing in Planet dreams in earnest ever since Gold Saucer.

“The _Uddhu_ ,” the elder provided, “An ethnic group of Wutai. Nowadays many of their practices have adapted to the greater Wutaia religion. They occupy more of the south of the country, as opposed to the northern Wutaia,”

“I see,” Aeris mused, the new information attempting to push back her previous lesson, “So, they’re still around?”

“Of course!” the elder said in earnest, then paused a moment before reiterating, “Yes, of course.”

Aeris gave him a strange look, “Just not with the dots on their head?”

He sighed, “No scholar has had the vigor to travel to Wutai after the war. Wutai united prior to it and wasn’t kind to foreigners due to the rising tensions, so it’s safe to assume the Uddhu assimilated.”

Aeris raised an eyebrow, but the elder started explaining the scroll. What a coming-of-age ceremony looked like (she knew), what constituted a wedding (she knew), what their houses looked like (she knew), and all other manners of their life (she knew). Aeris fought the frown that was growing on her face and smiled. Thanking him earnestly, she excused herself out into the desert air.

It was crisp, pleasantly warm, and carried on it the smell of heated rock and campfires. It stung her eyes. Yes, that was why tears were forming.

Aeris ran.

Down through the pillar, down the steps that were supported on stakes around the outside, past platformed houses and shops. There was no destination in mind, only that she had to run as far as possible from the archives and its unintentionally callous scholars. She was nothing short of a miracle to them, but Aeris didn’t come to them because she _wanted_ to be a miracle.

She slammed face-first into a chest the size of a tree and her hands came up to steady herself. Then they knit in Barret’s shirt as he cooed.

“Hey! Hey, now, what’s the rush?”

Aeris could only suck in a sob. Barret’s scent hit the roof of her mouth—sweat, dirt, and burnt mako from working on the buggy. Not a trace of Midgar’s metallic tang lingered on him, and part of her lamented that he no longer smelled like home.

“Hey…,” his hand engulfed her shoulder as he patted it before moving to her back to take up her jacket in his hold—all the better to rub his knuckles against her, “Is Cloud and his spiky ass back yet?”

Aeris shook her head. Barret sighed, the motion cushioning her further into his chest. With enough of a pause to let her know he was taking her into consideration but not so much that it overtook the conversation, he scoffed, “Well it’s almost dinnertime, and I ain’t leavin’ leftovers for them!”

At that, he pulled away and ushered Aeris beside him, descending back down to the town square, “C’mon, the others are gearin’ up for a feast, and the locals say they got somethin’ special to celebrate Red—Nan...Nank—Nana’s return.”

“N-Nanaki,” Aeris quietly corrected, hastily wiping away her tears before anyone else saw. Barret nodded and squeezed her tighter to his side.

“That’s the one! Shoulda told us up front, now I’m never gonna get it right!”

Aeris wondered if that were true, or if Barret had forgotten on purpose for her sake.

He never quite asked what had upset her, but all the same he kept her close to the warmth of his body as he led her to where the town square buzzed. Yuffie and Cait Sith were running to and fro, each with different goals. Cait was calling out questions about how to cook the local food as he gathered ingredients and smashed spices and salt in a mortar and pestle. Yuffie on the other hand was taking advantage of whatever ‘free’ samples she could swipe, even as Cait occasionally slapped her hand away from a sauce.

“Now you sit tight with me,” Barret told Aeris as he grunted and seated himself in front of the guardian fire. A genuine smile graced him as he watched the commotion of the kitchen from both within and without the canyon wall, “Ain’t much use for a cook anymore, but it sure feels nice to see this kinda scene again. ‘Course—,” he laughed, “I barely fit in Myrna’s kitchen anyway! Damn woman would always shoo me out just to have more space!”

Aeris folded her legs beneath her and told Barret she was listening by leaning against his arm above the gun.

He told her stories, some true, some exaggerated, some about Corel, most about Marlene. It was nice. A sweet, distracting gesture. Still in the back of her mind she couldn’t help but think that Barret still _had_ these stories. Yes, she had her mother, Elmyra. And her mother, Ilfana. But particularly with the latter her memories were plagued with torture and cold instruments. With Elmyra, there was the connection between mother and child but never really the foundation of _family_ much as they loved each other to death. No visits to and from grandparents, no new babies being born, no other connection besides the two women in the one house. Still, the timbre of Barret’s voice resonated against her ear and she felt her eyelids grow droopy, staring at the fire as the delicious scent of the feast became stronger and stronger.

The sky was painted in reds and purples with early evening as the food began marching out of the kitchen to no end. Four wild javelinas were fire-roasted whole with desert salts and spices, while still more were marinated in a thick brown sauce that was so rich the meat fell off the bone. That was already enough to feed the whole town, she wagered, but still smaller platters of roasted quails stuffed with all sorts of arrangements of potatoes, cactus flora, and dates. Several crates’ worth of fresh fruit, plucked of their spines and washed until the firelight danced on them were there, displaying almost every color of the rainbow. Still more were pickled for a palate cleanser before desserts were brought out. Flaky sweet flatbreads, rolls of caramelized goat milk blended with ground nuts crowned with their glazed whole counterparts, and gooey sweet cheeses with crispy edges rounded their bellies for the night.

Then came the sotol.

Harvested and fermented from wild desert brush, Barret was the first to wrinkle his nose at its odor. Aeris did too; it _reeked_. Several of the locals laughed, urging them to try it anyway. Barret gingerly obliged, tipping the cup that his hand dwarfed to his lips.

“Ooof!! _Phewwff!_ ” Barret blinked his eyes rapidly, nudging the tears away with his wrist, “You got pine trees hidden out here or what?!”

“No sir!” said a bright-eyed student, “Just the sotol bushes and our special blend of spices!”

“It’s— _strong_ ,” Barret coughed like it was a complaint, but then held out the cup, “ _Hell_ yes I’ll have another!”

Aeris took a sip, but at the strength of the spice and earthy pine flavor she quietly requested a tea instead. She did know from experience that anything like that would go down easier the more she drank it, but though the food was good and the company cordial she just didn’t feel like it tonight. Maybe the next time she came around to Cosmo Canyon she’d be in a better mood to celebrate.

Besides, watching Barret fall victim to the tiny cups of alcohol was becoming an entertainment in itself. Cait Sith was perched far on his puppet moogle’s head, frowning and making a constant, low whine. He had eaten with the rest of them—any body needs fuel after all, from how he put it—but the alcohol he seemed to not be able to touch.

“Not fair,” he muttered, then as Barret downed another he slapped the puppet moogle with both paws and shouted, “Not fair!”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Barret groaned before glancing up at Cait, “What’s yer noise ‘bout?”

“ _You_ get to have Cosmo Canyon sotol, but I just have to sit here and _watch_?!” he wailed, whined, and slapped the moogle several more times, “Not! Fair!”

“Try some, pussycat,” Barret took the bottle of sotol by the neck and shoved it into the moogle’s paws. Cait gave a frustrated howl in his tantrum.

“Nooo! You don’t _get it!_ I eat to sustain this body but I don’t have tastebuds! I can’t get _drunk!_ What’s the _point?!_ ”

Once this had processed in Barret’s brain he began to laugh, then giggle, “Shit outta luck, ain’t ya?”

“ _Ugh!_ ” Cait stood up on his feet, “It’s been over a decade since I’ve been here and I can’t even partake in the cuisine for real, the _sotol_ , the—,”

He watched Barret finish off a bottle and then howled, “You! You wait right there, I’ll—be back I just gotta—manipulate—oh, shush!” At this his mouth made a strange rustling sound and Cait’s shoulders went stiff as if casting a spell. Aeris felt her haunches tighten in case she needed to intervene, but then Cait relaxed.

“ _Okay!_ You’re on, gun-arm-man!”

“Oh? Yer gonna get drunk now?” Barret wiped his lip.

“ _Toasted!_ ” he declared with a fist, “And I’m not even gonna use any sotol to do it! Oh, but if I just _could—_ ,”

Barret _whapped_ the cat’s back, sending him sprawling off the puppet moogle that only looked down at him with a dumb expression. Cait rubbed his butt free of dust as Barret laughed.

“Go fer it, ya weirdo little cat-thing!”

Through magic or manipulation or _whatever_ it was that Cait Sith could do he very quickly descended to Barret’s inebriation. If it had been a contest at all or even had _rules_ Aeris couldn’t discern as soon the two were loudly singing, boasting, and hollering as they swayed to and fro. Cait had at one point abandoned his puppet moogle, perching on Barret’s shoulder so he could hold the man’s head as they sang Midgar ballads. The moogle danced and loped around in perfect time to their imperfect beat. Locals that were far more resilient to their local drink (or whatever it was that Cait was doing in order to be drunk) only laughed along and gave them space. Aeris watched as she sipped her spiced tea, both in wonder and vague amusement.

Yuffie appeared, plopping down next to her with a disgruntled _huff_ , “Men! So dumb and boring! Look,”

Aeris looked down to see Yuffie puff out her full stomach as far as it would go. Slapping her hands on it like a drum, the self-proclaimed ninja declared, “They got all this good stuff goin’ for them and they thank their stomachs like _this?!_ ”

Quirking an eyebrow, Aeris was two seconds away from remarking that Yuffie had spent their entire time at Cosmo Canyon calling it _boring_ for all of the _books_ but the hyperactive girl sprung back to her two feet.

“Hey! _Hey you two!_ Knock it off ya big dumb bozos!”

“Aw, whassa matter, lass,” Cait slurred, picking up an accent Aeris had never heard before, “Yer jealous of our fun?”

“I’m not jealous of a big gun guy and a two-bit flea cat!” Yuffie spat, “ _Cuz_ I can out-drink either of you any day! Any alcohol that touches my lips won’t touch my mind! Part of my ultimate training!”

“Cain’t get fleas,” Cait slurred, “No body heat,”

“ _Ho ho ho_ ,” Barret’s laugh came from the depths of his belly, rough around the edges, “Show us yer mighty might, then! I betcha I can drink ya under the...the…,”

He looked around at a loss.

“Shit. There ain’t no tables out here.”

Yuffie snatched a bottle of sotol out of his hand, “I _can_ and _will_ prove it! No drink can best Wutai’s best!!!”

Five minutes later she was in a mess of limbs against Barret, hooting and giggling with her face as red as the desert around them.

Aeris sipped her tea.

Strips of purple and red still clung to the western sky. Stars had begun to appear, dotting the early twilight as it was pierced with a howl. It was a call to someone, a long and dutiful promise that blanketed Cosmo Canyon with a warm shiver. The townsfolk then raised their cups, toasting Nanaki’s return into the night air. Even if he couldn’t hear it, Aeris was sure the sentiment reached him and bolstered his lonely spirit.

Not long after, Cloud and Tifa descended from the greater pillar and joined the feast with the news that Nanaki would be staying in Cosmo Canyon to protect it as his parents had done. A great sadness weighed Aeris down at hearing this, and she almost wished she had started drinking with the others to dampen the news. Truly then, this was Nanaki’s home, his family, his motherland in more ways than one. It was good for him to assert his place here as its guardian.

Still, Aeris would miss him. The kindred spirit of being the utter last of their kind was not something she could find in anyone else. But she wished for nothing greater for him than his own happiness.

Then, as if answering her thoughts, red fur streaked down the pillar and into the square. Nanaki didn’t stop until he rejoined the party, eye bright and stance strong like he _had_ been invigorated.

“You leave tomorrow, yes?” he panted. The party nodded. Nanaki swallowed and puffed out his chest until it was no longer scrawny and raised his noble head.

“I am going with you.”

~~

As stars began to flood the sky like a river and both Cloud and Tifa joined the drunk, snoozing pile, Aeris kindly returned her tea cup and went to retire.

“Wait, Aeris,” Nanaki stopped her, “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am,” she answered without a thought. Nanaki stared at her, the pantherine shape of his face unnerving in its sharpness.

“Did you talk to the elders?”

“I did.” She said it in such a way that was meant for it to be the end of the conversation, but she was still baited on Nanaki’s eventual _what did they say?_

Instead, he lowly asked, “So they told you what they’ve told me?”

Aeris stared at him, his eye soft and sympathetic. He flicked his tail.

“Come, please. There’s a place I want to show you.”

Confused, tired, but willing nonetheless, Aeris fetched the mesa mat from her room. It wasn’t hard to figure out, simply a flexible mattress with extra ties and loops so it could be rolled and carried. Nanaki then led her through thin, natural alleyways of Cosmo Canyon. At times she had to crouch on all fours so she was at Nanaki’s shoulder height, the sky a sliver far above her. Other times she had to hold the mat above her head in order to squeeze between the wavy canyon walls. Then the journey took them up, something that didn’t bother Nanaki with his lithe and graceful movements. Aeris had more trouble, struggling to find holds in the failing light. Nanaki guided her the best he could, but she could still see his eye gleam with amusement as he watched her scale the canyon at a snail’s pace. She heaved in breaths—this would _not_ defeat her, of all things.

On the upper lip of the canyon, Nanaki laid down. When she was halfway up he called down to her.

“For a human you make _excellent_ timing!”

Aeris looked up, legs askew, arm raised, and buttock resting against a protrusion. At first she stammered, almost shouting back at him that no, no she _wasn’t_ a human after all. But when she met his eye she saw the depth of his mirth and realized he had chosen his words carefully. To him, she was just a slow, two-legged human. No different from all the rest.

Aeris smiled and pulled herself up.

A cozy mesa greeted her. The horizon was clear, only occasionally dotted by rocks and pillars. She couldn’t dare to look out at it though, because the great openness of the sky dominated her vision. The red was gone, replaced with inky blues and blacks as the backdrop for the stars. A dreadful feeling of insignificance settled in her gut, not dissimilar to the first time she stepped out of Midgar. She had gotten used to the sky since then, but how it yawned and seemed to enclose everything in its grasp here had her almost shaking.

Nanaki’s shoulder brushed against her, “You...don’t like it?”

“I-It,” she stammered, “It’s...beautiful. But...terrifying, in a way.”

He hummed and walked to the center of the mesa, looking up, “I come here when I want to be alone. Looking at the stars from here, it feels like...It feels like my ancestors are watching me. Maybe even listening,”

“But…,” Aeris said carefully, “Haven’t they reconnected with the lifestream within the Planet?”

Nanaki didn’t take his gaze off the sky, “I suppose so. But isn’t the sky a reflection of us?” he sat down, “Sometimes it feels like staring into a mirror with faces other than mine.”

At that, he looked back at her, genuinely curious, “You’ve never been stargazing?”

Aeris shook her head. Nanaki cocked his. She had slept in a tent for most of the nights, never once laying back only to look up.

“Lay your mat down. Perhaps you’ll see what I see.”

A cool night breeze invited her to do so like a whisper from the Planet. She did as he suggested. After a while the stars seemed to shift, even when she blinked to ensure herself it was just her imagination. That was when the Planet spoke. Eloquent greetings carried by the wind caressed her. Nanaki didn’t make a sound. All at once she saw a great force of water carve the canyons and valleys of this land before drying to a trickle. An underground river still babbled beneath Cosmo Canyon, but in the sun was where she saw _them_.

Aeris gasped her companion’s name, grasping his arm.

It all spilled from her mouth. Elegant pantherine beasts, their coats ranging from salty white to volcanic black, sunshine yellow to the richest red like Nanaki himself. She saw how truly young he was in comparison to the adults that guided her along their history. They followed their stars even when the sky betrayed them with heavy rains and heat lightning. They were a proud and protective race; cultivating their own traditions and stories, greeting the nomadic Ancients, living symbiotically with humans until wars and disease thinned them out down to the very last one.

The sun and stars were theirs. She wished they could share.

She turned, seeing Nanaki wide-eyed in absolute wonder.

“Does that mean they’re here?” he whispered, “Really, really here?”

“I suppose so,” she answered. Nanaki brightened then pressed his muzzle to her cheek. Shocked, she raised a hand to his neck and patted his fur. He purred, the sound reverberating up her arm.

“ _Thank you._ ” was all he could say.

“Of course. And…,” she murmured back and looked up at the stars. The more his people sang of their steadfast guidance in the desert when nothing else would suffice, the more Aeris leaned into his fur in relaxation. After all, he was sharing what was personally his and in doing so gave her everything he could offer, “Thank you, in turn.”

Nanaki turned to gaze upwards, “Still terrifying?”

“Absolutely,” Aeris smiled, looking at his elegant frame hiding his bestial danger, “But I think beautiful things always are, aren’t they?”

“ _Hmph!_ ” He snorted, “You talked to the elders _too much_.”

Aeris laughed and stretched out on the mat. They both fell silent then, allowing the whispering winds to fill their ears as they gazed at the stars.

~~

Climbing down had gone much quicker than climbing up, and though she was sweaty and coated with dust she beamed as a sleepy Cosmo Canyon greeted them. They parted ways at the ledge where her traditional room resided, carved into the canyon wall. Aeris reached the indigo cloth that served as a door, dotted with knots of white to resemble the stars. Smiling, she looked up, seeing Nanaki watching her from the topmost layers of the pillar. At her glance, he reared on his hind paws before prancing with joy. Her friend let out a happy howl to bid her good night.

She pulled the cloth open and stopped short. There, in her room, was a pair of long legs, one patiently crossed over the other. A simple, thin manila folder laid on his lap, contrasted against the dark suit he wore.

“ _Tseng_ …!” she gaped. Aeris glanced back up at where she had last seen Nanaki, but he was gone and none the wiser. Somehow that brought her mixed feelings.

Tseng cocked an eyebrow and through that somehow demanded her presence. She let the indigo cloth fall behind her, cutting her off to face the man that was just as beautiful as he was dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes absolutely 100% reeve left control of cait sith to go grab alcohol and came back to get drunk with everyone


	4. water in the desert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stg i'm never allowed to let myself fall into the "next chapter will be shorter i swear" dunce cap central again
> 
> there's a violent planet dream in this that starts to edge forward with a very bloody history, and though nothing is explained just yet there is enough information to gather what methods happened against a certain people. so, here is where that. graphic depictions of violence will start to come to light (but it'll get way worse!). oh also shinra mansion ends this chapter.
> 
> other than that, enjoy tseng being mortified he's fucking the more-or-less equivalent of jesus christ will someone PLEASE tell my cat she doesn't get fed for another half an hour

“Your friends certainly enjoyed themselves tonight,” he remarked dryly, “Did you enjoy being a spectator?”

Aeris narrowed her green eyes at him as he rested his chin in his naked palm. Tseng watched as she crossed the room to the slab of rock carved out of the wall. The sides were slicked with oil to prevent unwanted critters climbing up the bed, and she took care not to brush her knees against it as she unrolled the mesa mat.

“That’s a question I should be asking _you,_ Tseng,”

He smirked.

Smoothing the manila folder over his thigh, he watched her try not to turn towards him until she couldn’t pretend the bed needed making any longer. With an exaggerated sigh she turned and reached out to take it. The scuff marks and rawness of her own hands seemed to startle her, and she awkwardly wiped them on her skirt before trying again. Tseng held his stare on her as the exchange happened, watching as she opened the folder and peeked in.

“Two letters?”

“One,” he corrected, “But two pages.”

Aeris made a small noise. She remembered.

Well. That was their deal, done and dry. Tseng stood up, smoothing the crease in his suit jacket as he eyed how dusty her clothes were.

“You had quite the adventure,” he noted with the faintest hint of amusement. Aeris snapped a glare up at him which he reveled in.

“Sorry, were you expecting me to be prim and proper for something?” She turned her nose up in feigning her innocence, like they hadn’t already danced this dance twice before.

Ah, but this was part of the fun in it. Tseng caught her by the elbow as she turned away from him and held her glare, the edges of his lips curled in a mirthless smile. Part of him was sure he could hear her heart drum as her eyes desperately searched his face for evidence of his next move. Her skin was still sticky and hot though he could tell it had already begun to cool.

Sniffing, he let her slide away to the wooden vanity. It was of Gongaga craftsmanship, he was sure—that and everything else wooden in this desert town. Aeris slipped the manila folder to the surface before shouldering out of her jacket. Tseng watched her shoulders peak and roll, then watched her fingers as she sat and unlaced her boots to her bare feet.

“Well, the stars were beautiful tonight, if you _must_ know,” she shrugged the intensity of their encounters off like it was such _nothing_. Turning away from him to face the mirror, she carefully undid the ribbon in her hair, catching something tied up in it, and set it down.

Tseng recognized that materia. It had been pick-pocketed from her when she had first tried her flower girl business in earnest. When she realized it was gone her face had twisted into an inconsolable red as she sobbed. It was a gift from her mother, perhaps the _only_ thing she had left behind. (No, not perhaps. For sure. He knew it.) It had taken him four hours to convince her to return home, and he was not proud of the memory that he had half-dragged her there anyways. But that was the level to which she would not leave, sure she would find it if she only searched hard enough. That was what a child believed, after all. Tseng had not been present for the whole of her first day on the job, so he had not seen what had really happened. But still, he figured the materia was well on its way through the grubby hands of Midgar’s destitute markets.

It had been Reno’s first job as a Turk to retrieve it. Of course he had been successful, although Tseng silently wondered why Reno called it a success when he had blood oozing around every bruise, turning his elastic grin monstrous. But that was just Reno. His subordinate had asked at the time why it was so special. Tseng hadn’t really given the answer until a year later in taking him to meet Aeris. Though he never disclosed that she was connected to the materia, he was sure that Reno connected those dots anyway.

“So what are ya,” Reno had squatted to her level, “Tseng’s kid? Kid sister?”

Aeris, then only 11, had gasped in horror then scrunched her face, shouting her disgust _quite_ clearly for the world to hear before laughing in Reno’s face. His jaw dropped open in utter shock before he stood to his full height and shouted right back.

“ _I’ll show ya something to laugh about you twerp!_ ”

Tseng had tensed for a moment, wondering if he had erred in his decision. But Aeris only stuck out her tongue before turning tail and running, Reno in hot pursuit all throughout her budding garden. It occurred to Tseng then, watching as his subordinate purposefully almost-but-never-quite caught her, that _they_ seemed more like the brother and sister.

When Reno finally caught her, her shrieking laughter caused Elmyra to burst from the house to see what was going on. Tseng had turned to her cordially, but there was only fury in her second mother’s eyes as she proceeded to condemn and tear into Tseng for allowing such playtime. They, the Turks, were _not_ her friends. Truthfully, Elmyra was right.

Still, Tseng smirked, “Afraid of losing her, are we?”

It had stung Elmyra but only in a way that invigorated her fury as she shouted that she would _not_ lose Aeris to the likes of _him_.

Aeris shook her hair free, undoing the twisted braid as much as she could before grimacing at how tangled it had become. Tseng watched her hands move through it, seeing the reflection of her small winces in the mirror before she picked up a brush.

“So yes. I _have_ enjoyed myself. Nanaki took me stargazing.”

Tseng had moved to the door, slowly so as not to startle her into thinking he was leaving. He gave a brief grunt.

“Nanaki?”

“Red XIII. We finally learned his name here,”

“Ah. The dog.”

Aeris shot him a rather large frown, “ _Not_ a dog! A lion is the least you could offer!”

He pulled a smirk, appreciating her indignation far too much, but still relented, “A _lion_ then. Who howls like a dog.”

Aeris scoffed but didn’t battle him, though her brush raked through her hair harder. Tseng sniffed, then pulled the curtain of the door away just enough to see the sky. The desert, especially with its city-less lights that ran on firewood and wind-power rather than mako, opened the sky up like clouds had always been invasive. Even on the upper levels of Midgar in the dead of night the sickly green glow of the mako mocked the stars’ gentler light. It had become far more interesting to watch the sparks from the pulsing reactors than gaze upwards when he was in the city, but Tseng rarely found himself with enough reprieve to do so anyway. He took this opportunity then, as the brush raced through her hair. When he had delivered the first letter to her his mind had been duty-bound to the mission and even though she had laid him flat on the grass he had not been looking at the sky.

It _was_ beautiful. Nigh identical to how he remembered the desert to be—unchanging, clear, and looking just as bright as a reactor’s glow without the gross wash of color.

“You surprise me, Tseng,” she said flatly, and though he heard the insult before she threw it, a hook still ripped in his side, “Never thought this would’ve meant much to a Midgar bigshot like you.”

It struck a _nerve_ , the likes of which shouldn’t be struck. Tseng snapped his gaze to her and she caught it. He said nothing, the intensity of his glare hard enough as her eyes widen in surprise in a moment of angry tension. _Midgar bigshot_. He supposed she hadn’t been able to hear his conversation with Scarlet though the party thought they were being clever in hiding themselves behind the exploded reactor at Gongaga. Weapons, a subsection dedicated to something decidedly not human getting a pay raise while his Turks remained shunted in the shadows they worked in.

Not to even get started on the _Midgar_ title.

Aeris didn’t continue from that, and he let his anger fizzle by looking back to the stars.

She fiddled, noting how she was still dusty and sweaty, tangles knotted up in her hair even as she brushed. Of course she couldn’t continue—she hadn’t expected that simple phrase to strike so deeply! There had been many things slung at each other—implications, near-insults, and the like—but she hadn’t yet found his line until now. It confounded her at first, but the more the silence forced her to think the more she felt it drop in a pool of heat in her belly. Tseng, getting mad that she implied he didn’t like the natural things of life like stargazing…! Really, it felt utterly foolish to start feeling heated between her legs over such a small realization, but Aeris couldn’t help it.

“But, it’s beautiful no matter what, huh?” She stammered, and instead of cold silence she received a quiet, subtle hum. It assured her of her footing and she continued on. Tseng’s face remained tilted to the outside as she slid her bare feet along the stone floor, unknowingly rubbing them red from the dust.

He listened quietly as she spoke, telling him of their stay in Cosmo Canyon. Tseng noted the intricate detail that she put to her words that betrayed her excitement even more than the tone of her voice. It was the first time he had heard her truly chipper—or at least _interested—_ in a while. For all her clever smirks and carefully crafted retorts, for all the ways she toyed with Reno and Rude for her amusement once Zack had gone missing she had never quite been the same. Still, even as Tseng didn’t look back at her brushing her hair at the vanity he really did marvel at what she had seen and how she had seen it. The way she stumbled clumsily over their native words, tried to describe how the food tasted, how it was all so, so _new_ to her.

Tseng couldn’t really forget that he had traveled where others haven’t or more accurately couldn’t, but he did often forget what seeing places for the first time felt like. Closing the curtain on the humble room, he placed himself behind her. His chin was just visible in the mirror, his long hair and tie running down and disappearing behind her head. Aeris set the brush down at the vanity carefully and Tseng watched her watch her reflection in the mirror. After a moment where her lips pulled closed as if contemplating something, she breathed and continued.

She had talked to the elders, too. Seen all their libraries, learned about how the Planet worked. Tseng raised his hands, tracing his fingers along her bare arms until they rested at her shoulders. Aeris shivered but didn’t falter in her words. He liked that. The straps of her dress felt flimsy under his thumbs, and while he didn’t disturb them directly he still focused on how they moved when his fingers started a slow and steady massage.

“I also...well. I asked them about my dreams,” she said, and he noticed she had started to fidget, trying to staunch it first by cleaning the brush of hair then by trying to fold dirt stains out of her dress, “You know. When the Planet talks to me when I’m asleep,”

He said nothing. A small moan escaped her as his thumbs pressed between her shoulder blades and dragged upwards. His grasp on her was firm, but nothing more. He knew how hard and unforgiving he could make his hands if he chose, and he was certain Aeris was aware of that as well.

“I’ve been seeing a lot of people living near foothills. With, you know. Tattoos on their forehead.”

Tseng raised an eyebrow and asked, smoothly parroting a previous statement of hers, “A _funny dot_?”

Aeris frowned as if sheepish but she didn’t understand why even as she nodded. He hummed, but said nothing more. She then carefully detailed what she had learned from the elders and their libraries, how they compounded with the stories the Planet had shown her. That was all fine, and she never asked for confirmation or information from him which he quite preferred. Her eyes were focused on what she could see of him in the mirror as she told him what he didn’t prefer, and his hands dug in their grip into her flesh. Her shoulders twitched, but she remained still.

 _Adapted. Assimilated_. What utterly _curious_ terms. Aeris then turned up to look at him though he stared at the mirror, watching her neck reveal itself to him.

“Do you...know where they are?”

Tseng thought over the question for a long moment, his grip never lightening on her shoulders until he finally released a breath and the tension along with it.

“They’re in the mountains proper, now,” he answered simply. Aeris was about to accept this in whole when he added, “Some of them were able to remain in their villages.”

“For Wutai’s unification?” she asked.

Tseng worked a knuckle into a knot and cleared it as he replied in a dark, flat tone.

“I do not think Wutai is unified.”

Aeris respectfully let the silence fall, but so did her chin, thus shielding his view of her neck. He sniffed and continued to work on her shoulders as her gaze drifted downwards into nothing. Fidgeting her fingers together and apart still, she sat in quiet contemplation.

“Must be comforting,” she said, catching him off-guard with her choice of words, “Knowing they’re somewhere...out there.”

It stung in a way he hadn’t expected it to. In his younger years he could even see himself reacting to this question—hardening his hands and shaking her until the explanation he demanded was given. While that anger wasn’t fresh _now_ there was still a deep knife of indignation driving into his gut. But Aeris wasn’t looking at the mirror nor looking at him for a reaction or even a response. A curiosity pricked at the base of his neck and he squinted. Taking up her hair in one hand, he watched as her golden brown locks tumbled through his fingers. Some curled more than others, even as he smoothed them when they passed. As they did, so too did the indignation die down.

“It is not.” he answered her with a dreadful finality.

She flinched as though he had stung her instead. That was certainly not the answer she wanted to hear, and even though she nodded it was weak. As she started to curl, unintentionally pulling his hands away from her so she could hide her face in her palms, the curiosity at the back of his neck came to him in full.

She had not come to the elders just to ask about some random people she had seen in a dream. Leastways, not before asking about herself.

Tseng let her wallow for a little while more before taking up her hair in earnest. Though he didn’t tug at her, the motion drew her to sit back up anyways, her hands clear of her face though her eyes were closed to maintain her composure. Tseng leaned down to her ear, planting a slow, warm kiss along her neck and catching part of her lobe with it. Aeris gasped, her shoulders raising sharply and her eyes fluttered open. Her scent was strong, worked up from her earlier adventure. Tseng welcomed it, finding the uniqueness of its traits spurring the intoxication again. Pressing the side of his face to her hair as he inhaled, he relished in the earthy scent of the desert mixing with her. Then he retreated to his former position though his hands now gripped her arms in a hold she couldn’t escape from.

Not that she was trying.

Aeris let the traces of his kiss seep into her, one of her hands going up to caress the spot almost as if in wonder. Then she looked up at him and gave him that view of her neck. It would’ve been romantic to look down and meet her gaze, but Tseng took the greedier option and watched her throat move as she spoke.

“Have you gone back?”

“No. Work.” He gave his usual excuse. Aeris scoffed quite brightly and reached up to toy with a lock of his hair.

“ _Work_. Work!” Tseng couldn’t help but notice her other hand drop to her lap, resting along the line of the buttons down her front, “That’s all anyone says about you, and to hear _you_ say it too?”

That snapped his gaze down to her as he narrowed his eyes. The spunky brat had returned and was already making up for her previous vulnerability. She met his stare with a defiance that only barely overshadowed the expression he had seen before.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re living at all!”

Tseng knew where this was going. He’d deny it, or even if he stayed silent she’d taunt him to prove it to her. _Prove he was living._ Play the steps of her game which ultimately satisfied her.

Not today.

Before she could form another jab with her lips Tseng dove his hands down her front. Gloveless, he felt every roll and pull of the fabric as they went as well as the warmth of her body as it arched in surprise. He pulled where the line of buttons split, exposing her panties enough so he could see his finger drag along them before sliding back up to cup her breasts. Aeris shivered with a gasp that sounded like a mouse.

His approximation of where her nipples were did not last as an approximation for long. Giving her a squeeze, he nonchalantly brushed his fingers back and forth over her as she wriggled.

“What are you doing,” she admonished, interrupted by a moan, “These aren’t the _rules_ ,”

“By your definition,” Tseng leveled himself and tilted to look at her, watching her lips quiver with each move of his fingers, “It is off-contract. There are no rules,”

Aeris pouted, not liking to be beaten any more than he did, which only served to delight him. With a particularly harsh squeeze her hand shot up, digging itself in his hair not only for her stability but to keep him where he was, breathing on her neck.

“Besides, I already told you: I don’t play games.”

Tseng closed his mouth over her throat and Aeris lost, squirming in his hold with stuttering breaths. Dragging his tongue along her pulse, he pulled her straps down and dipped under to feel her breasts in full. Her skin was soft, textured only with gooseflesh that served to harden her nipples further. She whined, the sound in his mouth as much as in his ear. Glancing at the mirror, he felt his cock twitch in his pants as he was granted the beautiful view of her writhing to his desire.

He went lower, pulling the dress apart as he did so and revealing her in a fluid motion. The mole on her hip was below the reach of the mirror so his eyes dropped. It was bisected by the waistline of her panties, so Tseng tucked his thumbs in them and slid them down as far as they would go with her still seated in the chair. Aeris’s free hand dropped down to assist him, which in turn forced a lusting smile on his lips. That same hand drifted over the curls of her pubic hair, and at first Tseng thought she was putting on a guise of modesty before she shakily tested herself. The smile on his face only snaked upwards. Roughly pressing her hand against her entrance with his own, Tseng nipped at her jaw before urging her fingers to move as his were. As such, she felt her wetness and depth before he did, but when her head arched back as both their fingers slipped into her it did not matter to him.

With one hand guiding her into herself and the other massaging her breast, Tseng fell into the heated rocking and undulating of her body. At times he looked down at his handiwork, at others he looked at the mirror for the uncanny perspective. When the chair between them became more of a nuisance than a prop in the background Tseng growled against her neck as her only warning before he pulled away and pulled her out of the chair. With a yelp and a tumble she was on the bed, her dress in rumples around her elbows and hips. She adjusted quickly, propping herself up and giving him a stunning view without trying.

Tseng worked on his clothes, fast and precise but not nearly fast enough. Hunger gleamed in Aeris’s eyes which soon turned to a pleading sort of annoyance. He could see the words form in her mouth before she spoke them, and that caused a spike of heat in his pants.

“Next time you show up unannounced,” she complained though her eyes were taking in every detail as he undressed, “Just do so naked.” Her fingers slid over her entrance in his absence, impatient, greedy, taking what was his for herself since he was wasting _so much_ time.

He scoffed on one note of laughter. Preposterous. He would not stoop to such barbaric levels.

Tseng slammed his hand on the vanity, snatching her hair ribbon up and pushing her down to straddle her. With sharp, unwavering movements he forced her hands away from herself. Aeris faltered on several words that turned into a moan of recognition when he lashed her wrists together.

She had to _earn_ his barbarism.

Pinning her wrists above her head to her indignant protests (which she weaponized to egg him on), Tseng peppered interruptions in her voice with hard, quick kisses starting at her hairline, her nose, jaw, throat (especially her throat, god did she moan when he worked there), then lower. Her collarbone, each breast (squeals there), a flick of his tongue over her nipples, her ribs, her stomach, her navel, then when Aeris caught on to where he was going she sealed her legs shut. Tseng paused. Looking up he could only see the line of her jaw, clenched as she struggled to hide an impish smile. He placed a hard hand on her knee.

“ _And?_ ” he growled. Aeris had to push her face into her arm to hide her laughter (hands still raised above her head despite his lack of pressure). But for all her cleverness no quip seemed to come to her mind, flushed and beaded with sweat as her skin was becoming. Fine. If she wanted to play this game of delay—well, she should already know better, if their previous tryst was any indication. Tseng lifted the pressure of his hand and his touch became feather light, running down her thighs to the sides of her buttock then the crest of her hips. Her knees now jutted against his torso but he didn’t let it bother him as he stared hard at her face. She was shivering at touch, the lip in her teeth soon being there for more than one reason.

When a devilish thought struck him he couldn’t stop from speaking it, planting too-gentle kisses on space above her knees, “My apologies. I’ll retreat.”

At this her eyes flew open, especially when he pulled away from her. The demand, the _command_ for him to continue was already in the air when he shoved his hands between her thighs and pried her open. Aeris hissed, cussing him for the trick he played. He had meant for a simple, direct journey, and since he held no interest in playing the complexities of her game he was going to resume on his path. Pressing his hands into her thighs until they laid flat and the fat of them puffed around his fingers (plush, warm, twitching under him) Tseng only spared time to flip his hair to one side before diving in.

Aeris staggered as his tongue lapped at her entrance. He hadn’t started slow, hadn’t built up to the intensity he ravaged her with. It brought him music.

“Ts- _Tseng_ ,” she cried, already choked with gasps. He grunted in response, squeezing her thighs just a bit tighter. Then, when he twisted his tongue deep inside her, “ _Tseng_ … _!_ ”

Her hands, still bound, clamped to his head. The harshness of her grip only drove him further, listening as she unraveled in a litany of clumsy attempts at his name, littered with squeaks and cries. Glancing up showed him that her skin was now flushed cherry red (though not so deeply as her eager entrance) and the beads of sweat had become a thin film. Aeris’s face was contorted with stunned pleasure, so directly from his beck and call that he let his hands knot into the mat beneath them to free her legs. At once they folded around him like wings, her feet digging between his shoulders blades like she really was afraid he’d pull away. Her actions became desperate, urging him with the gyrations of her hips.

Perhaps her voice had only loosened, but when the _Ts_ of his name came out too smooth, too light, too much like a _Z,_ Tseng gave a bold lick of her clit. If she was still thinking the thoughts she had been before he laid the first kiss, he wanted them gone. The name on her lips cut off before he could hear which one it was, replaced with a simpering sob. After that he only heard her blood rushing in his ears as her thighs pressed them flat.

Physically constraining each other, Tseng brought her to her climax that rocked her core. While her cries still rang out he pulled up and caught them in his mouth in a rough and brutal kiss. Aeris flinched even as her body arced up to him, and her cries gave way to desperate moans as she felt his erection. Re-pinning her wrists above her head, Tseng ground his hips against her as he attacked her lips.

“P- _Please_ ,” she pleaded with a sincerity Tseng had never heard from her before in the briefest respite, “N-No teasing, I-I, I need—,”

Tseng cut her off once more by closing his mouth over hers. There was one thing he was willing to do on her terms tonight; he wasted no time in aligning himself and thrusting in. Thrusting, and he didn’t stop. What did she need? His cock? Reassurance? She bucked against him with a desperate fervor she had not have before, shrill and aching and clutching him as her feet now wrapped around his hips to keep him deep inside. Needed to know someone was there, with her? Needed to forget? Or was it a simple, carnal need for release even though he had already given it to her?

He kept thrusting into her without hearing the truth. Her desperation continued to climb without a peak, not like the greedy slum girl she had been before. When he was satisfied her hands would stay where he had put them he dropped his to her hips, doubling his efforts. Beneath him her body wracked with each beat of their rhythm, not the least of which were her breasts. Tseng’s thrusts were punctuated with his grunts and gasps, his hair falling from him in uneven locks. With her hands tied and above her and her back arched and her body trembling and her mouth hanging open without effort to muffle her cries Tseng had claimed her offerings.

But when he came inside her there was something amiss. Though he had grit his teeth and felt it in every muscle, there wasn’t enough. _Something_ wasn’t enough. His hands wouldn’t leave her body even as she slipped away from his cock, he couldn’t part the haze their fucking left him in. Tseng’s consciousness was clouded as he watched her breathe deep, full, stuttered breaths.

He wanted more. Perhaps it was obvious from the way he didn’t move, didn’t push her away or collapse with his back turned to her, because after a few minutes of panting and drifting in bliss Aeris opened her heavy eyelids. She met his gaze, her lips still parted and swollen from his attacks. The heaviness of her stare studied him and, weakly perking her chest up, she readjusted. Nuzzling her own arm as they slowly moved in a way that accentuated how she was tied up, Aeris kept him in her sight and scrutiny even as his gaze dipped low. Her thighs widened, showing not just the aftermath but her furthered openness.

A tight, animal moan begged in his throat and Tseng gave in no matter how primal—how barbaric—the instinct was, taking her again.

~~

“W-Wait, Tseng, stop,” Aeris gasped, her bound hands wrapping around his wrist, “S-Stop, I can’t,”

He did, letting her pull him away from her clit though her strength was so depleted her hands rested them in the tufts of her pubic hair. It felt like an eternity later, his head was pounding in a way that was pleasant now but was sure to become painful later. Exhaustion wilted their muscles and sweat slicked their bodies. Aeris closed her eyes and heaved heavy breaths that weren’t quite relief but still indicated a reprieve. Tseng rested himself at the side of her hip, unable to close his own eyes. The sight of their hands on her abdomen was both blurred and sharp at the same time as his consciousness flooded back to him.

He had gone harder after she invited him back in. Hiking her hips up his thighs to take her to the hilt, Tseng had bent over her body, unintentionally pressing the urna to her pounding heartbeat. It was exhilarating to think about even now; exhilarating and sobering all at the same time. After all, Tseng couldn’t figure what had come over him, nor did he know if he wanted to figure it. Again, it wasn’t like him to give in so carnally no matter with who, but it also wasn’t like he actively despised it. But, as cold as it seemed, it had often just been a biological function. A release and nothing more. It wasn’t like Aeris was different.

His hand closed over her abdomen ever so slightly. But she _was_ different. She was a Cetra. The last of them. She was pursued by the governing company that hired him, subject to their whims when she was in their grasp. Moreover, her kind was not unknown to Tseng even before he worked for Shinra. It was more like they were mythological in nature, or that they embodied the ideal of Enlightenment in communicating with the Planet. Deified figures, in other words. A sort of black slug twisted in his gut, thinking now of not only how many times he bedded her but how _harshly_ he had done so. It wasn’t like he was fooling himself of her identity to do it either. How monstrous of him! To claim ownership of someone his folk would call truly Enlightened—it was not only pure hubris but a sort of treason of the spirit.

He shifted his stare upwards. Aeris’s breathing had calmed though by how she pressed her lips together to heave a dry swallow told him she was still awake. Not that he would, he was far too proud and guarded, but if he told here these thoughts, how would she respond? It wasn’t really a question. Part of him could see it in his mind’s eye; an indignant scoff, perhaps angry yelling, _scolding_ even. And then she’d march off—if she had a place to march off to. And if she didn’t…

Well. He didn’t like the expression his mind conjured for the hurt on her face. Treating her as a Cetra first and Aeris second—just like everyone else.

Except her current party, he judged. Which was good, and one of the only reasons he had reined the Turks in from truly wrangling Aeris back to them. If she wasn’t being hurt or misused, then there was no reason to capture her when Sephiroth was the far more pressing issue.

Yes. That was, and remained to be, his logic. It was for the Turks’ sake, for Shinra’s sake.

Certainly not for hers.

Her fingers weakly stroked between the tendons of his and his hand closed further. A bolt of terror rushed through him. Her abdomen was calm and quiet beneath their hands, but what if— _what if—_

Tseng would make a terrible father. It was a hard pill to swallow and he swallowed it quickly. Even if the child would be normal (and damn him but he was going to dwell on that later if this became a reality) Tseng saw himself as cold, absent, and unwilling. _Turks_ were not family members. Turks gave up at least half their name if not replacing it completely to the point where they might even forget the names they gave up. (Tseng did not willfully comment on this.) Their jobs did not leave them as good people on most days, not the least of which was dropping the plate on an entire sector of Midgar. Someone like that, who made sure the order was fulfilled, that was no father.

He refused to think further of it, think of what the implications of a child with Aeris’s genes would be.

With a tired noise Aeris retreated from his hand, fiddling blindly with the ribbon. He watched for a moment, letting it become his distraction enough that amusement brewed as he did so.

Though her words were sharp her voice was ragged as she tugged on the tail and the knot started to come loose, “You didn’t tie this knot very good, Tseng,”

Tseng forced his muscles to raise him up, hovering above her once again as he took the ribbon tail from her fiddling.

“I tied a slip knot,” he said, then as demonstration pulled the ribbon entirely loose, “And I tied it excellently.”

Aeris smirked, then to Tseng’s surprise raised her weak and limp hands to his hair, pulling it away from his face and tucking it behind his ear. The smirk, though exhausted, grew impish.

“It was good,” she murmured in assurance before, “But not enough,”

Tseng narrowed his eyes at her, demanding her reasoning with their hardness. What did she mean _not enough?_ He had not only lost track of time itself but also lost track of all of what they did. Yesterday felt like a week ago. How many times had he watched her spasm and run her throat raw from crying out in ecstasy? _Not enough_?

( _No_ , the back of his mind chirped up, _never enough._ )

Aeris’s nails gently combed either side of his head, “You’re usually so...tight. Clear. Defined— _refined_ , even. But...right now…,” She hummed and settled further into the mat beneath her, relaxed and content, “Wish you could see yourself.”

He quirked an eyebrow. She informed further, “Unraveled. Muddled. You seem _very_ thoughtful tonight. Usually...seems like you’re not thinking of anything,” she started to play with the looser locks of his hair then, twisting and twirling them as Tseng was stone still for a response.

“It’s nice to see you lose some control.”

He remained blank. Had she been working on him? Stripping him away to get at the layers beneath? Furthermore, did that surprise him and should he have been more prepared? At the worry in his eyes Aeris started to giggle, slow and tired as she dropped a finger to his chin.

“ _So serious_. Loosen up,” she hummed but had no strength left, resting her head back and exposing a neck that was sprinkled with tiny red marks from his lips, “Just a little more. For me?”

“I do not do anything for you.” He asserted, but Aeris giggled because he did not fool her.

“But tonight was...good. Tonight _is_ good. Tonight is…thank you,” Aeris looked away and in that moment he saw a solemness return, perhaps the same dark expression she had hidden in her hands before. She blinked, then closed her eyes and her body seeped into the sweat-stained mat.

“ _Thank you_.” she uttered again with a deep, sobering sincerity. Again, it was a kind he hadn’t heard from her previously, and this was much deeper than the desperation she had blurted earlier.

When she slid her hands away from him to rest he followed, thus never allowing her touch to truly leave him as he adjusted himself to lie by her side. Aeris let out a quiet noise that was supposedly neutral, but she accompanied it with wrapping her arms around him.

The exhaustion won and they slept.

~~

Tseng woke before dawn. Even though he felt heavy and weak, he was grateful for his body’s sense of urgency.

Much as that didn’t help him get up.

At some point in the night someone had tucked their legs into the woven blankets, either consciously or not. As for the rest, despite the chill of the desert night the closeness of their bodies kept each other warm. Swallowing a groan, Tseng quietly shifted himself, pulling an arm, a leg, his hair, and finally the rest of his body away from Aeris. If she woke she didn’t stir. Tseng did his duty and pulled the blanket higher up on her in his absence. Then he lit a candle.

In the corner of the room there was a bathtub carved from the stone and paved with glazed terracotta tiles, already filled with well-drawn water. A thick, stretched linen covered the top to keep heat trapped and act as a humidifier for the humble home. Electric wires had been laid in the stone, run on wind for the ease of regaining warmth. Tseng gathered his affects as the water heated to his liking, catching a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror. Dusty red streaks marred his back, parallel and messy as though a child had slapped clay on him. He turned and raised the corner of the blanket over Aeris. The pads of her feet that had pressed against him were bare enough, but the same dusty red colored whatever hadn’t touched them in their lovemaking.

Fucking. Their fucking.

Tseng dipped into the tub.

Though he thought he was already so relaxed he was weak, the heat of the water loosened him like a brush running through hair; sloughing off excess and loosening everything until it felt free. As he thought of it, he pulled the rest of his hair up in a messy bun before it got too wet. Yes, he needed a good wash all over, but with his time constraints he could not in good faith wash his hair now and expect it to be dry enough to avoid suspicion when he left. Though it wasn’t incriminating, any question is more than no questions. Calmly, letting the water seep into his space, Tseng bathed. Reaching around his back first, then to his own feet which had already picked up dust, then everywhere else he felt the salty remnants of dried sweat.

The desert was beautiful in its own way, but the water soothed him more. It grew crops in the terrace farms, it bordered their lands on either side so that there wasn’t a place where he couldn’t garner the glint of the ocean from either east or west—even if that wasn’t really true. The long thin country of Wutai was the body of Leviathan itself, breached from the ocean so its people could flourish. The mountains in the south were its teeth. Perhaps it was fitting the Uddhu decided to be swallowed for their own protection.

It had been a purposeful while since he had thought about it, and he couldn’t lie he was shocked when they had been brought up. No one knew to ask, so they never had. Except her. But Tseng still preferred forgetting. After this he’d go back to doing just that.

Aeris stirred. Tseng did glance over at her, but remained focused on gliding the washcloth over his skin. It didn’t take long for her to sit up, hair once again in tangles. He looked over again, watching her breasts with her hair tumbled over them as she stretched in her sleepiness. Then, without a word, Aeris slipped from the bed, crossed the room, and entered the tub. The surface of the water met its limit and spilled over the edge as she settled in his lap. The tub was technically made for one, but she fit with him just fine. Still sleepy, she rested on his shoulder and relaxed against him.

Tseng continued to bathe. Wavy locks of her hair floated in the water, sometimes catching his wrist. He did not remove them if they did. More than once Aeris adjusted her cheek on his shoulder, and though he braced himself for a bratty whine that he was not comfortable to lay against, it never came.

Then Aeris ran her hand down the arm of the opposite shoulder, lazily meeting the washcloth he held.

“You missed a spot,” she murmured, and Tseng relinquished the cloth. He wished he could say he didn’t twitch at the feel of her bathing him where he couldn’t see, but Aeris didn’t bring attention to it. The water was warm, and she was gentle, smooth, and slow. When she was done she gave him the washcloth and settled back down with a contented sigh.

 _Contented_.

It was quiet.

Setting the washcloth aside, Tseng intended to remain idle but his hands did not listen. Not that it distressed him, even as one wrapped around her waist as the other threaded up her hair to sink into her scalp. Tightening his fist there earned him another sigh as she fell into his embrace. He thought of the darkness in her face moments before she fell asleep, how she pulled away and hid that same face in her hands but remained silent.

Silence was alright with him. Leviathan knew everything he had always been silent about. He didn’t need to know her side. But that didn’t stop the embrace. What’s more, Aeris seemed to understand what was going on and curled, nestling in his neck and sliding her hands into the water to wrap around his waist in turn. There was no bubble to burst, and for once no tension. He supposed that was odd, but it didn’t seem so in the moment.

“When will you be here again?” Aeris asked in a rasped whisper, somehow not breaking the feel of silence. Tseng found his cheek was resting against her though he didn’t remember placing it there.

“The next town is Nibelheim, but it’s been burned to the ground. Nothing much there, for either of us.”

“Beyond that?”

“Perhaps.”

“Cruel man.” Despite her words, her voice did not break their equilibrium and neither did her body. Tseng’s thumbs rubbed against her soothingly as her breast breathed against his.

He swallowed, and though it was merely a natural act it brought forth memories of last night; the scent and taste of her sweat, the taste between her legs, the feel of his tongue inside her. Then, the visceral act of kissing her with that same mouth, feeling her squirm beneath him as he pinned and ground against her.

Tseng tightened his embrace. Aeris made a questioning noise, to be answered only with an undefinable grunt from him. He pulled her away from him, his hand firm at the back of her head. Aeris didn’t make much of it, though her hands slipped from his waist and crawled up his chest. She watched as he took her in for what she was, sitting in the water he coveted. Her bangs were damp from resting against his wet skin, but for the most part the hair around her face was dry until they reached her breasts, where they clung to her skin at the waterline before spreading out around her. Her nipples were soft and natural in the warmth of the water and her skin was smooth. She leaned into his touches without a shiver, and her thin shoulders drooped in relaxation. Awake but calmed, her green eyes gazed at him as much as he did at her.

Tseng made another noise, contemplative and approving. A small smile, perhaps even a little sheepish appeared on Aeris’s face.

“Glad to know I’m enough,” she said in response, the hint of sarcasm fleeting in time for him to catch a far too genuine sentiment behind her words. Tseng furrowed his brow for a quick moment.

“No,” he said, which dropped her smile in surprise until he leaned forward, “Never enough.”

Her mouth dropped open in surprise, expectant, but Tseng planted his lips on her eyelid once it fluttered closed. Aeris took in a breath as he slid to her ear, his own exhaling hotly against her. Tickles of his long eyelashes left burning trails along her skin from where he moved. Keeping the one hand firmly in her hair, Tseng caressed her with his other. Her hands tensed on his chest, stilling and letting him explore. Tseng closed his eyes and did so as blindly as possible, mapping her in the water with his touch. Her breasts remained soft even at his fingertips, her skin plusher than it was last night, her heart beating heavier and stronger. Aeris breathed in tatters, her legs drifting apart before he even explored lower. It was not lost on him in the small tub and he retreated to stare at her as his hand dipped down.

Her voice rasped, having been spent utterly the night before. But her face still contorted in all the right ways, all the pleading ways as he stroked and pushed his fingers in. Outside the sky had already grown blue and was well on its way to lavender. Tseng ignored it for the time being, intently watching her come apart once more at his hand. There was a charm to how her voice had become sandpaper, how her fingers dragged lines in the wet skin of his chest. He liked it. Wondered if she could scream herself mute, and if so would she still breathe hot in his ear with desperation.

She came with a ragged whisper, her knees popping out of the water in her ecstasy. The sky was lavender. Tseng took his eyes off her for only a moment, but couldn’t wait much longer when they had returned to her. Delivering the only truly chaste kiss he had given her to her forehead, Tseng stood up and stepped out of the bath.

“Wait,” she rasped.

“I have to go,”

“But let me—let me repay you. Please,”

Tseng glanced back at her, but had to turn away.

Aeris said nothing in protest, only watching him as he dried himself off and got dressed. Pants, belt. Shirt, holster. Tie. He saw her watching him in the mirror as he slipped the knot to his throat, still meeting her gaze in the reflection as he fixed his hair. His jacket he only folded in his arm as he stepped to the curtain.

She still said nothing, resting her face on her folded arms perched on the lip of the tub. Her hair fanned out behind her, hiding her nudity. With his hand on the curtain her mouth opened as if to say something—a question, a wish. It pained him, but in that moment the shape of her mouth settled into his gut. He imagined it gliding along his shaft before she grinned and took him in. Aeris’s mouth closed as she gave up and she sank back into her arms, sullen and accepting.

His resolve cracked.

Different than last night, where he could wave it away as heat of the moment. This was a clear crack, audible in his mind and something he didn’t know to stop until it was too late. Didn’t know to stop? Or didn’t _want_ to stop? Tseng, the stern leader of the Turks that was known for his absence of nonsense, of spontaneity. Calculated until he was considered cold and unfeeling.

Tseng, who set his jacket over the back of the chair and crossed the room in his long strides to grab the sides of Aeris’s head as she lifted up to meet him.

“Make it quick,” he hissed. Aeris grinned at him in the same way he imagined before freeing his erection and doing just that.

When they were done the sky was turning pink as if in astonishment at their transgressions. Tseng put himself back together, scowling in exasperation as she adopted the most chipper, annoying housewife tone to wish him a good day. He shouldered his jacket on and opened the curtain.

Before it fell shut he saw a glimpse of her smile falling as she cushioned herself in her arms.

Beyond Nibelheim. It became a promise now in his mind, and though he told himself it was more a promise to himself than her it repeated like it wasn’t speaking to him.

 _Beyond Nibelheim_.

~~

Patches of yellow grass gave way to greener blades until suddenly they were in rolling meadows and plains again. The buggy chugged along gleefully, even with Barret at the helm as Cait Sith sat in the passenger seat. The two were close now, muttering casual conversations and sharing jokes like she had seen the large harmless men at bars do. Other times Tifa drove, either with Barret or Cloud at her side as well as alone. Sometimes Aeris even sat next to her and basked in the smiles Tifa gave her, happy to have another adult woman to keep her company.

Yes, the moment Barret realized how young Yuffie was he blew several gaskets—not at her, but at himself for letting her get so wasted that night in Cosmo Canyon. Yuffie, of course, _hated_ his special considerations and loudly complained and fought a one-sided battle against him every step of the way.

Until Barret started teaching her to drive the buggy. The first attempt went—well…The next attempt was in the evening where only Barret and Yuffie were in the buggy while the rest watched from their campsite. It served better that if Yuffie was going to kill anyone, it might as well be just her and Barret in whatever fiery wreck she was almost certain to get the buggy in.

But despite the rocky start she was slowly making progress, driving for at least one hour of every day and adding to the rotation of drivers between Tifa, Barret, and occasionally Cloud. (Cait Sith had asserted he did know how to drive, but his current body was too small and the puppet moogle too cumbersome to do so effectively in the buggy’s space.)

It wasn’t long before they crossed the delta of a great sparkling river into the foothills of mountains that looked like twisted fangs and seashells. Tifa especially had grown quiet at their looming presence, staring at them in a distant fear that Aeris sensed couldn’t be healed. The knotted white scar on her chest said so as much, running from her muscled shoulder diagonally down to hip. More than once, especially if one of them was in the driver’s seat, Tifa would get hit with a pang of something unspeakable and would reach out for Cloud’s hand, who held it as tightly as she held him.

But she didn’t speak about it. Not even in hushed, secret whispers to Cloud when she thought no one was listening. Nanaki had told Aeris so.

The night before the climb up to Nibelheim where the buggy couldn’t reach Tifa sat on watch, never taking a break as she stared up the mountain trail with glazed eyes. Aeris watched her petrified figure from a slit in her tent door until she was asleep without her realizing it.

~~

_The campfire flickered across the segmented armor in ghastly ways, or perhaps it was the sound she was hearing. Or perhaps it was the second pair of legs, twisted and stiff and laying perpendicular to the crouched warrior. Aeris found herself as a blade of grass from across the campsite, knowing in her heart of hearts that this was not the warrior’s campfire but it was his kill’s. Her siblings around her were grim and quiet and she wished there was a chill breeze to turn the fire away from lighting this figure._

_Then the warrior sighed as if finished and looked at his handiwork, resting his working hand at his hip. In his grip was a curved blade she had seen before, only it was so thoroughly slicked with blood that it dripped from its wrist._

_Someone else stumbled in from the dark, cussing and massaging his knee ruefully. The language that came through to her made sense only as the grass blades translated the words one by one._

“ _Empty-handed?”_

“ _It threw a damned rock at my legs and took off.”_

“ _Shame. They get cleverer every year, eh?”_

 _He then held up his other hand, and in the flickering light all Aeris could see were mucky strands of_ something _clinging to what looked to be a clod of dirt._

“ _Here. For your son.”_

“ _Oi, hey now,” the wounded one protested, “That’s too generous.”_

_He shrugged, “Isn’t my first, won’t be my last. Here. Your boy’s almost a man. You said it yourself, he needs to know what a pretender looks like.”_

_The wounded one spat, “They deify themselves and pretend they get all this god-power from it, and what does it do them? All this one did is scream like a coward.”_

_The clod of dirt—if that’s what it was, and Aeris was increasingly sure it wasn’t but she didn’t want to truly know—was thrown at him with a dismissive laugh, “I’m not your son, you practicing your speech on me?”_

“ _Listen, my friend. I just hope my son knows a deceiver when he sees one.”_

“ _He’s got you for a father. He’ll know.”_

_Near the warrior’s feet at the head of the corpse, her grass blade siblings sobbed in horror as their roots tasted blood._

~~

Aeris did not like this place.

The earth smell just as burnt, like Cloud, Tifa, and even Tseng had said. But everything was picture perfect and milling with people neither Cloud nor Tifa recognized.

And there was something...else. Something in the ground. Something...writhing. Bleeding into the dirt. It was the only way she could describe it. The party trekked back to the buggy, spooked. Even Cait Sith spoke in a stilted manner, no longer using his cheerful cadence, and he had not been fazed by much thus far.

“Yuffie, you stay with the buggy,” Barret ordered.

“What? _No fair!_ Let me into the haunted town!”

“It’s not haunted,” Cloud asserted with his arms crossed, but he seemed more upset than annoyed, as if he couldn’t truly know. Well, it certainly wasn’t haunted as storybooks described haunted, but there was something _wrong_ all the same.

“Why do _I_ have to stay with the buggy?!” Yuffie complained.

“’Cause if somethin’ happens we need ya to hightail it outta here!” Barret was having none of it, and his energy was turning serious.

“To _where_?” Yuffie was undeterred, “Back to boring ol’ Cosmo Canyon? Fine! I’ll drink more sotol without ya!”

“ _Yes_ to Cosmo Canyon, absolutely _not_ to the sotol!” Barret barked. Cait Sith dragged his hands over his face.

“Barret _is_ right though. Will you stay with her?” he turned to Nanaki. The noble beast dipped his head in accordance, though his gaze remained steady and fixed, alert.

“I can. If we must turn back, I know the desert better than any buggy and can get there faster even without its mechanical aid.”

“Y’know for a pretentious lion you’re smart,” Barret complimented, resulting in a dismissive sniff from Nanaki, “We got enough manpower to bust down doors if we gotta?”

Cloud looked to her and Aeris twisted the grip of her staff worriedly even as he asked, “Aeris? What about you? You’ve been quiet.”

So had Tifa, but she had a clear excuse and was going back to Nibelheim no matter what to unravel its mystery. Aeris looked to her, then to the mountain path.

“There’s something there…,” she muttered, “And I don’t like it.”

Cloud cocked his head, “You’re staying?”

She shook hers, “No...I’ll go. You might need someone like me, right?” Aeris forced a smile. Cloud nodded once, but his gaze lingered on her as if he wasn’t sure. Still Aeris held her head high as they bid farewell to Yuffie and Nanaki and followed the trail back into town. Truth be told she was curious as to why this town felt so different, so _unnatural_. The feeling only grew stronger as they wandered awkwardly through normal-looking citizens and hooded figures that rocked uncontrollably. They were...not hostile, as they gave Cloud several gifts as they spoke to him. But though they spoke to them they were so distant it was as if they also paid them no mind.

The dilapidated mansion seemed to be the epicenter of this unnameable dread. But upon stepping inside, Aeris felt _cold_. Not a crisp wintry cold but cold from the inside out. What didn’t help was that Cloud found a note and read it aloud. It was old, yellowed, and the ink faded from sunlight, but it still made Aeris’s heart choke her throat.

_I must get rid of all those that stand in the way of my research. Even that one from the Turks._

It couldn’t have been Tseng. It was too old to be Tseng. But...but this town felt so odd, so unnatural, so out of place and time…

_I scientifically altered him and put him to sleep in the basement. If you want to find him, search the area._

“Th-The _basement_ ,” Aeris interrupted, “We have to go to the basement!”

Cloud hummed, hearing her urgency but peering at the note, “There’s codes here. Clues.”

Aeris swallowed, trying to keep herself in check as he brought the note for everyone to look at. Tifa spoke like cotton was in her mouth, which is how it had been since she laid eyes on Nibelheim again. But nonetheless her message and goal was clear, and to the basement they’d start. It was a good plan but Aeris couldn’t help but feel the panic in her mind grow. If it _was_ Tseng, if he had gotten here ahead of them—what had happened? He had said this town should’ve been burned, and if they hated the Turks what did they do to him?!

Her panic turned to courageous fervor as Cloud found his way to the basement by unfortunate memory. Aeris tried not to tap her staff in absent-minded impatience as he searched for the switch behind a candle.

The great stone wall in front of them sputtered with dust as old gears churned from somewhere within. Then, scraping fresh slivers of wood from the floor the hidden door opened with a ghastly groan.

The courage in her veins evaporated. There was a pungent _smell_ , something that was a smell yet also a sound, a tangible touch of air, _and_ a taste. It was only the sight in front of her that was unseeming if a little bleak. There were... _things_ down there. Things the Planet did not know. There was _nothing_ that this Planet didn’t know yet _they were there,_ they were _down there_ and they could feel excitement and gyrate and walk and have expressions but they were not _alive_. Not in the way the Planet knew what life was.

The fact that she knew they were there but could not know if they were sentient or stupid only cursed her more.

“Aeris?” Cloud asked, turning everyone to the spot she hadn’t moved from, “You alright?”

“I-I…,” she swallowed hard at the hanging rusty chains, the faint sick glow of the dust, the musty stench from something malformed and festering, “I can’t go down there…,”

Barret approached her then and put his hand on her shoulder, “You need to go back to the buggy?”

“Split the party even further?” Cait frowned, “ _Nobody_ knows what’s down there!”

Barret frowned as well and contemplated his friend’s worry. Aeris stammered.

“I’ll search up here. If you need me, just call. This place...I’m sure it echoes.”

Barret, Tifa, and Cloud all together gave her an unsure look, but before they could argue Cait loped to her side.

“She’ll be safe with me. Go on, we’ll look around up here.”

Aeris sighed, grateful for Cait’s offer. Satisfying the others, they gave reassuring nods before descending into the damned earth. Pulling out the note Cloud had found, Aeris poured over its vague set of clues.

“How does this place feel?” Cait asked, the puppet moogle swinging its arms playfully, “It’s giving you a good spook even up here, huh? I mean, your shoulders are hunched and you’re all tight up like an upright ball,”

She frowned, and nodded, and stared at the note.

“H-Hah, sorry, I’m nervous too,” he confessed, “Can I...tell you something, actually?”

“Yes,” Aeris shook herself from the note, “Yes, sorry Cait. Go ahead.”

“I’m uh...I’m remote controlled.”

“Oh?” It should’ve been a greater surprise to her, but the pressing matter of the note played over in her head as she worried for Tseng in this choking atmosphere. Still, Cait seemed nervous, and she _was_ grateful for his company.

“So, y’know. The air doesn’t affect me here. Which is why I stayed, so we’re _both_ safe.”

Aeris felt herself smile warmly, gratitude filling her more even as his voice still sounded stilted and off, but then what didn’t here, “Thank you, Cait, I— _safe numbers!”_ she exclaimed and brought the note to her face, “These are safe numbers! Cait, help, we’ve got to find the combination! The numbers are hidden where the clues say they are!”

“A-Are you sure?” Cait gaped.

“Yes! Here, read this, we might be able to find the Turk!”

Before Cait could ask why of all people she’d want to find a Turk, Aeris was off, her feet pounding on the creaking floors. Flustered though he was, Cait assisted, never straying too far from here as they turned the place upside down for the combination. It seemed both hours as well as only minutes later until the two of them were huddled over the safe. Cait stood back, letting Aeris concentrate with her ear to the tumblers to make extra sure they had the right combination. It took a few tries, but finally there was a heavy thud and the safe swung open.

Aeris stared. This safe hadn’t been disturbed for years. An unlucky spider had built a cobweb inside and subsequently died, and beside an untouched red materia there was a mottled bronze key. She tried to calm herself down. This couldn’t be Tseng, then.

“Good! Now that that’s over with,” Cait said, moving until the faux fur of the puppet moogle brushed closely against her, “I can tell you about the best part about being remote controlled!”

“Huh?” she asked as she reached for the key first.

“Well!” he sounded like he was holding back snickering laughter, and something began to prickle at the back of her neck—wronger than the mansion, wronger and more dangerous.

“The best part is the person controlling me can completely change, and you’d never even know it!” Cait Sith laughed, and the cadence was all too wrong and all too familiar.

Aeris whipped around but it was too late. The puppet caught her in its huge paws, and before Aeris could scream Cait was manipulating his hands in such a way that caused an echoing drum to overrule her every move. The key as well as her staff tumbled from her hands. Her vision became a box that faded away from her and though she still felt her body she saw and heard nothing.

Then it all went completely black.


	5. mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all are hanging in there. this chapter is a doozy. it has hojo, and because of that i really need to bring to attention that 'graphic depictions of violence' and implied/referenced medical rape/human experimentation are rife in this chapter.
> 
> but more than that, this chapter has extremely violent depictions of genocide and profiled persecution. given the current events, i want to make it extremely clear on what kind of violence is going on, both racially charged and not;
> 
> \- racial/religiously persecuted people being slaughtered en masse  
> \- gruesome body trophies taken  
> \- direct real-world equivalent violence, such as choking/tasing. neither are racially motivated, but they are there. there are smoke bombs but it is not supposed to be tear gas in particular, _however_ the similarities may be stronger than i realize  
> \- there is brief reference to the amount of time choking takes in order to kill a person. it is not heavily detailed and a person is not actually choked to death.  
> \- human experimentation via needles
> 
> for a more thorough description, please see the end notes!
> 
> i hope it is obvious where i stand with regards to the protests all around the world on the murder that occurred in a city i used to live in/nearby for 20 years that compounded with all of the previous murders from police brutality. this fic was in the making since the end of april and it is unfortunate that the themes i wanted to explore in order to deal with my own internalized racism towards myself wound up paralleling the real world like this. i also understand that if you're here, you're likely here for escapism. unfortunately that cannot be entirely the case now; i cannot outrun my race and it influences every word I write even if I were to write something else in this moment, similar to how Black people cannot simply stop being Black. i'll be taking a look at the tags i chose from the start and seeing if i need to make adjustments (suggestions welcome). i'd rather warn for too much than warn for too little.
> 
> please lend love and support Black artists and writers in this time as their voice is in everything they create and touch. if the stress of current events makes you unsure of this chapter, i'd rather you care for yourself first than read my ff7 rarepair smutfic. once again, detailed descriptors of the violence in this chapter are at the end notes.

It hurt.

The restraints were cold and her body heat never seemed to be enough to warm them. Whether her body felt like it was melting to the floor and slipping in the restraints or she was so electrically taut that she couldn’t move even if she wanted, the biting cold remained a constant. Everything her body did, every reaction to every chemical coursing through her veins from a needle intended for far more monstrous subjects hurt. Every hurt was seen. Every hurt was recorded.

Sometimes whatever they put in her made her vomit. No one would clean it. Sometimes it felt like bubbling under her skin and she could hear the Planet—no, her ancestors specifically—scream in terror as visions of an alien mass spread like mold in a frozen environment. Other times it was like they had put lava in her veins, which seared through her like tangling bramble until she felt she was seizing. Felt, because she didn’t really know, because whenever these methods happened her visions became so bright, so intense it was like she was forced to stare at the sun. Columns of black rose to cover what she assumed was the sky, fed by orange brush strokes whipping and dancing like mad. A blaring sound deafened her ears, layers upon layers upon layers of roaring that had become so distorted she couldn’t tell what any of it was. The smell was like rocks had been shoved into her nostrils—thick, hard, overpowering, destructive.

Blacking out would’ve been a mercy.

But no, she was conscious. She was brutally, endlessly conscious. Not always lucid enough to answer, but plenty lucid to hear even when the words stretched and twisted into her hallucinations. Hojo knew it too, because of her involuntary reactions to his voice oozing at her from behind the glass.

“You ran quite far for such a pretty little flower,” he gloated as Aeris’s head lolled in a lurid fashion, “Glad to have you return to your pot,”

Aeris arched her back and made a feverish noise, “ _H-How_ …,”

Hojo smirked and the sight of it made Aeris want to cry. It was too elastic, too pocked, too interested. Not smooth, or clever, or reserved. Her fingers stretched and curled in a weak attempt to struggle and as her nails dragged across the arms of the chair she thought of how Tseng’s would resemble claws moments before he laid them on her. If only the experiments hadn’t amplified the Planet she would fold herself in memories of him as she dreamed for rescue.

“The Turks may think of themselves as clever, but they’re really quite brutish in the end. You can thank them for your re-acquisition for me.” Hojo _tsked_ as if the act of thanking them was beneath him, but it was lost on Aeris as her vision blurred in horror.

No. That wasn’t true. That wasn’t _true_. Tseng had kept his word and had demonstrated doing so as early as Gold Saucer. The letters he brought were genuine, he had _said_ he was going to bring them one-by-one now to drag out their contract as long as possible! Tseng was many things but he was _not_ a liar, especially not to her! Cunning, yes, found ways to say untruths in his phrasing, yes, but never an _outright lie_ , never a betrayal!

Aeris croaked and struggled again, her wild gaze roving over what she could see. Only white lab coats, a laboratory, Hojo, the glare of fluorescent lights against the glass tube she was locked in. She couldn’t shut her eyes even as she willed herself to wake up, to rise up from this nightmare and find herself in Nibelheim—or better yet Cosmo Canyon, or better yet the mesa, or at the very most settled in his naked lap. But it was too real. The needle shifted in her flesh as she tried to struggle. The metal in her was real and that was Hojo’s smirk on the other side of the glass. Not Tseng’s.

Her heart started to hurt along with everything else. It couldn’t have been true! Tears started to bead at the corners of her eyes and she felt frustrated that she had no strength to fight them. Hojo was the absolute last person she wanted to cry in front of, but she felt the water slip down her cheeks anyway moments before the fire spiked up her arm and she fell back into the throes of pain.

Tseng’s face, handsome as it was, burned itself into her mind’s eye as if to answer her prayer to think of him far too late. Hojo had no reason to lie to her, wouldn’t know that this would be something _to_ lie about. Indeed, he hadn’t gloated in glee when he mentioned the Turks like he had in his meticulous descriptions of her mother’s stripped body parts. It was cold, matter-of-fact, _true_ in the way only Hojo could deliver information. Aeris now wanted Tseng’s face gone, especially as her vision stretched and multiplied and it seemed like multiple images were overlaid in front of her, layers shifting and vibrating until Tseng had many eyes, many mouths, many forehead dots.

The dots themselves seemed to stack in columns though she tried to ignore him and his presence. But the more she tried to twist away, the longer the chemical burned in her body, the more she couldn’t deny the dots her attention. They _were_ stacked, separated by thin dark lines at the bottom and shrouded with strands of hair. Gone were the other suggestions of his face. Brightness was too bright, darkness was too dark, but still the images came into focus. Jade fields wilting to licks of flame, village houses crowned with towers of smoke, and screams over the roars of fire. Panic. Footsteps, both fleeing and pursuing. The stack of dots imposed on her even as Aeris shrank further under the platform beneath her house. Lines of red dripped from the dark lines beneath the dots, until the lowest forehead was washed in crimson.

A warrior wearing the same layered slats of armor she had seen before approached the pile of dots, swinging something in his hand. A sling, Aeris thought, though she knew that was wrong. It should’ve been a clod of dirt, or a harvested root vegetable. Anything, anything except another dot to add to the piles. The scalp was fresh, dribbling blood down to the crimson-soaked ones at the bottom.

The screams were not growing quieter of their own volition.

“ _Duration of_ _REM-like brain activity has increased with exposure and tolerance...careful not to override...leave. Leave already!_ ”

White blobs shifted in her vision, funneling to the door behind Hojo. The lights dimmed (and so did their buzzing) leaving whatever was outside of her tube in darkness. Hojo still muttered to himself, looking over printed graphs of whatever _activity_ he had recorded, comparing it with other results that must’ve come from far less sturdy (perhaps more lucky in that way) individuals. The needle was still stuck in her skin. Hojo could lose himself in his work for at least an hour more if not longer, leaving her trapped like she was a computer he could just ignore. She was sure that the earlier track mark on her arm was spewing pus because of his negligence.

Then Hojo grunted in annoyance as if something had disturbed him, and from the darkness a slender, elegant figure stalked forward. Aeris focused her weak gaze on him, feeling heat build around her eyes to ignite hope that soon turned to hardened despair.

Tseng held her gaze, cool, intense, no different than any other time that she could see. Of course. To think she’d be foolish enough to hold onto the last shreds of belief in his integrity; here he was as unfazed as ever even as he saw his lover fixed to a metal chair. Aeris had always thought that cruelty could be plain to see the same way that happiness was. If there was pleasure behind an atrocity, then it was very clearly cruelty. That Tseng didn’t show it only drove the knife further in her heart. How traitorous he had been, tricking her into thinking his boundaries were shifting, molding in her hands, changing. How stupid _she_ had been to believe he was ever doing anything but his job and stealing whatever he could take from her along the way.

She was too exhausted for many things, including rage. That broke her. Instead of giving in and showing him the fruits of his labor, she closed her eyes and turned her gaze away.

Tseng was _furious_.

Rude had been the one to give him the call. Each word had been seared into his mind: _The Ancient is back at Shinra_. Rude’s voice was always matter-of-fact and deep in a way that was often soft-spoken. It had been no different when he reported to Tseng, but it was tinged with worry and hesitation.

For good reason. Tseng had abandoned all pretenses of pursuing Sephiroth to return to Midgar, his jaw hurting from how tight he kept it the entire flight back. No one had told him anything; his Turks seemed just as perplexed as he was and were instructed to interrogate whichever Shinra soldiers had been under Hojo’s command. The swiftness to which Aeris had been put back into his _care_ was suspect. He did not need his faith to tell him who was at fault.

“Oh, it’s you,” the man in question grunted, “Come to see how pretty she is like this?”

Tseng stared at her. She was _not_ pretty like this, her arms spread by restraints in the ghastly medieval device that was polished to be modern. Vomit stained her chest, dried and discolored. But as pathetic as she looked she held his gaze with a piercing glare—weak in physicality but not in the force of her mind. Tseng had seen it three times before from her mother, Ifalna.

The first two times happened in the same day. As a greenhorn, he finished his duties quickly and thus began to wander for work even though it was late in the evening. He found Hojo then, alone. Ifalna had been affixed to much the same machine as Aeris was now. But she was utterly spent, limp in her discolored clothes and only twitching by the pure force of her body’s functions rather than in any conscious reaction. It had transfixed him in a sickening way; this was not the first time he had seen her but it was the first time under Hojo’s watch. Aeris, then only a child, had been locked in the room with Hojo and a pitiful amount of papers and crayons to keep her busy. By the time Tseng had wandered in, though, she had begun to crumple and rip her drawings, uttering guttural noises of frustration and pain. Her knees were raw and red from the metal floor. Occasionally Hojo snapped at her to be quiet.

Ifalna was destitute. It was far too late for a child to be awake. Tseng approached Aeris and scooped her up without a second thought.

“Who told you to take that?” Hojo sneered. Tseng turned, already in the doorway. Aeris balled and twisted in his hold like a snake in its death throes, pressing her forehead too harshly against his shoulder like she was trying to mute pain. Before Tseng could create an answer the scientist continued, “The integrity of its mother is waning. I need it present to continue my experiments once it’s gone.”

Tseng stared at the man who hadn’t even deigned to look back at him, “This one’s integrity has already waned. I’m putting her to bed.”

Ifalna’s eyes had opened then, or rather Tseng had realized she was staring at him. Hard. Scrutinizing. Hateful. Her neck trembled like she was struggling to speak, perhaps even scream, but no sound reached his ears.

Hojo scoffed, but as Aeris had clearly become a nuisance to him he allowed Tseng to leave. The girl continued to twist in his hold like she wasn’t entirely sure she was there. The only indication he got that she _was_ aware was when he tried settling her in her cot. Her arms had stuck to him like a gecko, refusing to let go. Prying her off did no good as she started to whimper, grasping his hair like a security blanket. Tseng had paused then, trying to think of what Veld would do.

He had no duties left for the day. All that Veld had indicated was that he was to be a person once the mission was done.

So Tseng had sat in front of her cot, his head leveled so she could bury her small hands in his hair to knead, push, and pull like a cat until she fell asleep. Ifalna was delivered shortly thereafter, her integrity indeed spent. It was Tseng’s time to leave, then, but when he pulled a real blanket over Aeris Ifalna hissed.

“Don’t...touch her... _Turk_ ,”

He looked over, seeing the same hatred as before. Ignoring her, he tucked Aeris in and left.

Three days later he had to fax a report. In a hallway far below the floors that held the research facility he was confronted with a stumbling figure. Blood dribbled down her calf, her veins popped out like they had been painted on, and she wiped sickly discharge away from her eyes. The child at her side clung to her good leg, staring up at him in fear and yanking on her mother’s dress to come to. Ifalna did, and, recognizing him there in that hallway glared at him like a creature in the midst of gnawing its own leg off. She was weak, she was ill, her skin held no luster and her eyes were red and weepy from mucus, but the look she gave him then was one that promised him she would not hesitate to kill him. Motherly as she was, she would rip him to _pieces_ with her bare hands if he dared to step in front of her now.

It was not an unfamiliar look to Tseng, even back then.

They stood there. The chaos had not found Ifalna just yet, but it was coming, he knew. He thumbed the pages in his hands without breaking the staredown.

His mission was to fax the report. After that, perhaps he’d be ordered to hunt the escaped Ancient and her daughter. But right now, his duty came first. He sniffed, looked at the papers, and kept walking. Ifalna’s dogged but determined steps hurried Aeris along past him.

The official report was that Ifalna had died from injuries sustained from her escape, but he remembered the illness of her body—the illness of what Hojo had done to her and was now doing to Aeris.

Tseng did not look away even when Aeris couldn’t stomach to see him anymore. Hojo had started talking, prattling off on the status and resilience of his returned experiment. Of course, she was nothing more than a plaything to him; a car that could be gutted and modified and tinkered with to his liking. Tseng dropped his gaze to the back of Hojo’s head as his descriptors turned gruesome.

“Preliminary exams shows that its companions are having their fun between its legs, much different than when you first brought it back here,” Hojo had leaned in close to the glass, as if he could leer hard enough to see what he was talking about. Acid roiled in Tseng’s stomach, searing his chest and running down to his hands neatly folded behind his back. The scientist frowned in disappointment, “No signs of pregnancy yet, though by all means it’s capable. Perhaps I should send you out to retrieve Red XIII again to ensure completion of the process,”

 _Nanaki_ , Aeris’s voice corrected vehemently in his head. Tseng’s lip curled for a moment, catching sight of Hojo adjusting his hips like he had to make extra room. The acid had been lit on fire, but Tseng was controlled. Tseng was patient. Aeris sank in defeat in the chair, as if she was attempting to curl into herself but did not have the means of doing so. Hojo’s breath fogged the glass as he leered. Tseng counted the stringy hairs on his head, watching the fog grow smaller and smaller as the scientist pulled back.

“Now would you leave? I need to finish my reports and have no use for yo—,”

Tseng struck the heel of his palm against the back of Hojo’s head, slamming it against the glass. The sound was thick and hollow, jerking Aeris alert. Though the glass did not give, Hojo’s skin had, smearing a small red star from where it had hit. Hojo twisted, his knees popping out in his attempt to confront the Turk. But it was what he wanted, and Tseng closed his hands around the bastard’s throat. Pushing him against the glass, he clawed his fingers into Hojo’s flesh and squeezed.

Whatever Hojo had to say died in a wheeze as he pressed his throat further closed. Sooner rather than later the scientist’s body began to flap like his mouth in the animal realization that the pressure wasn’t releasing. The only change to Tseng’s stone expression were the lines of tension on his neck and jaw as he watched Hojo slip in weakness against the glass. Just beyond his focus Aeris’s green eyes were wide and fixed to them. Hojo’s legs gave out. Tseng’s hands did not leave until he was sufficiently unconscious.

He felt Aeris’s wide eyes on him as he snatched the pitiful amounts of gauze on Hojo’s desk and entered the glass chamber. Words tried to form in her mouth, but whether by shock, indecision, or inability she could not speak. Tseng did not pause to greet her as he moved to her side and braced one hand on her upper arm, tightening his grip like a tourniquet. He placed the other on the arm of the needle.

“Hold still,” he commanded. Aeris did not move. Tseng yanked the needle out and tilted his head away from the arc of blood in one smooth motion. Aeris bucked, her shriek of pain weak but high-pitched. Tying the gauze around the wound tight, he undid her restraints and pulled her to her feet.

She stood pigeon-toed for a half-second before stumbling. Though Tseng’s hand had not left her, he did not fully expect the toll Hojo had already taken. Catching her before she collapsed, he fluidly moved to plan B and tucked one arm behind her knees. Swinging her up in his hold, he strode out of the lab and down the hall to the cells.

“ _Hhh_ …,” she tried, breathing through her teeth, “ _Hojo_ …,”

“He’s not dead.” Tseng bluntly supplied. Experience had taught him how to be precise. Swiftness was more important to him in the moment; to get Aeris out of the dehumanizing laboratory and lay her on a cot like he had done fifteen years ago.

She made a small noise of understanding. Already red was seeping through the gauze and Tseng hid a wince. He should’ve at least taken the time to properly disengage her from the machine, but, as it was: swiftness was of the essence. Aeris’s good arm flexed, testing her strength. Then her throat rattled, testing _that_ strength. Then her fingers curled in the fabric of his suit and she clawed at him.

“Y...You…,” she croaked, then like a wheel being oiled her voice gained strength, “You, _you…_ you _bastard…_ ,” Her muscles rippled, waking up, and she undulated, once again emulating a snake in its death throes. Only this time she was much larger, and she seemed to be struggling to escape despite her inability to stand.

“You took...you _took_ me,” she gargled and tried to push him away. Tseng scoffed, tightening his grip on her but that only invigorated her efforts, “You liar, you _liar…!!_ ”

He hastened, misjudging the width of her legs with a sharp turn and brushing her feet against the corner. It did not give her pause as she continued, “You promised you weren’t gonna take me in! You promised, you _promised_ you _liar!_ ”

By now her voice’s strength had regained enough to pitch her into a wail and she was beating whatever she could reach on him though her one arm was weak. Tseng scowled, jerking his chin out of the way of her nails as he endured her onslaught, checking his hip against the ID pad to open a cell door. Her tirade had become endless and breathless, raging in pain against him and the Turks and his filthy, useless word. That he had used her, hounded her, abused her good graces as well as her body. Tseng tossed her on the cot, snatched her by the cheeks, and snarled.

“ _Shut. Up._ ”

Aeris hocked and spit in his face. Flinching back in disgust, Tseng kept his hold on her as he processed what had happened before straightening to his full height, letting go, and wiping the spit off.

“You deserve _worse_ ,” Aeris seethed, the source of her hatred betrayed by the shine in her eyes.

“I did _nothing_ ,” Tseng asserted with a growl, his anger sourced elsewhere, “My Turks were not allowed to take you in until I gave word.”

“So you _did_ ,” Aeris lashed out. Scowling, he narrowed his eyes and spoke with enunciated precision.

“Enlighten me as to where your wild ideas spring from, Aeris.”

“ _Look at me!!_ ” she shrieked, “ _Look at me, Tseng!!_ ”

He straightened further, quiet and gazing down at her. As if suddenly aware and more importantly _scared_ despite her demand she pulled her legs close to her and frantically yanked her dress over herself, neverminding the spots of vomit.

“Hojo told me the Turks brought me in,” tears were staining the edges of her words now.

He scoffed incredulously, “You _believe_ Hojo—,”

“ _Do I have reason not to?!_ ” She snapped, her eyes wild with fear and betrayal. Tseng’s mouth curled open but logical answers that could reason with her were not springing to his mind fast enough. Aeris fell against the wall and wailed, grasping over the bloodied gauze as the wail turned into sobs.

“Why?” She cried, refusing to look at him as tears flooded her face, “Why did you do it, Tseng?!”

“I didn’t _do_ this,” he protested, hoarse.

“Why did you fuck me like it even mattered?” her voice was thick and the rage had been extinguished with sorrow, “Why couldn’t you have just leave me alone if this was your plan? _Why?!”_

Tseng’s body started like it had an answer before realizing he didn’t.

“Why did you want more?” Aeris wept.

Tseng’s eyes widened.

“Why, Tseng?”

This wasn’t his doing. But he had no true answer.

“ _Why?_ ”

Why _had_ he done this?

Upon the realization that it wasn’t just possible that he was deriving pleasure from their affairs but _actively_ letting himself be roped into them was something he wished he could backpedal from, but once again she started the stones and the avalanche couldn’t be stopped. Aeris wilted in her exhaustion, tears dotting the crusty rims of her dress as she slumped and tucked her chin into her shoulder.

“Aeris…,” he breathed.

“I don’t want to hear your voice anymore,” she protested weakly, and it struck him more than harsher words could until, “I hate you.”

Tseng stood there, mouth sealed and eyes wide as he stared in horror. The quiet, subtle kind; the unfixable kind. Her limbs trembled, and with no thoughts in his head that weren’t dumbed or automatic he looked around for any scrap of a blanket. At the sound of his movement Aeris winced and whimpered, tightening herself into a ball in an attempt to get away from him. Something stabbed him then, ripping through his heart. Thoroughly unprepared, he could only snap himself back to attention as the more she squirmed away from him the more he was stabbed. What little he could see of her face was scrunched in fear. Her nails scraped against the unfeeling cot, at first searching for something akin to a weapon or a defense, but then scraping only to calm herself.

He connected the dots. She believed he betrayed her after their latest affair, disclosing information, stealing her away to Shinra with Hojo’s help, taking her away to toss her onto a cot in a cell and then…

He looked at how her body twisted and hid itself away. Then he would have her to himself, indefinitely, wouldn’t he?

The blades slipped out of his heart and traced around his brow instead. She _hated_ him. She _hated_ him.

There was nothing he could say or do or confess to convince her otherwise.

He let silence grow the distance between them.

When her whimpers had died down slightly and her muscles slipped loose again, Tseng closed his eyes and inhaled to calm himself.

“Aeris—,”

The door opened. His body contorted and he let out a harsh scream, overtaken by bolts and pulses as electricity coursed through his body. Flashes of color popped in his vision and he dropped to the floor, convulsing. Hojo stood over him, supporting his weight on a taser stick he used on his monsters. Tseng gargled to Hojo’s rasping, pawing his hands for support. Hojo sneered and stuck the staff in Tseng’s gut, pushing him against the cell wall. He heard Aeris scream as the colors flashed brighter, pain searing across his temples as his joints locked with numbed muscles.

“You damn Turk, you must’ve ripped a vein pulling that needle out,” he complained in disgust. Dropping the stick to use like a cane, Hojo discarded his regard for him as he faced Aeris. Tseng twisted his head against the cold metal, foam drooling from the corner of his lips. Hojo had started cooing at her but the words were too hard to make out from the pounding in his ears. He was only dimly aware of the unflattering noises he made as his legs twitched and his arms floundered and his tongue felt fat and cottony. Giving up out of necessity, Tseng let his body go limp against the cold floor. Another cry from Aeris.

His head pounded so hard he heard it echo back to him through the floor. Tseng let it, let the drumming keep him alive as he tried to pull himself back together. Every time he felt the jolt of Aeris being in danger it only set him back from the panic. He had to calm down. He had to listen to whatever could lead him back, so he followed the drum.

Something was off-beat about it though. The echo from the floor no longer sounded like a pulse. It was more of a loping pattern, elegant and precise despite its speed. Tseng gurgled and twisted his head to look at the closed cell door. The loping was so _loud_ , yet neither Hojo nor Aeris seemed to pay it any mind.

Good.

Crawling back to Aeris with the notions to protect her would only alert Hojo and Tseng would die before he would have the chance to do so. Mustering all his strength and flexing his muscles, Tseng pulled himself forward and away from her. The loping was getting louder. Grunting with spittle spraying from his teeth, he fumbled with the ID card at his waist. Unhooking it entirely, he heaved in several strained breaths before swinging his arm up. The sensor took it, the light turned green, the door opened.

Tseng collapsed back on the floor, heaving.

Hojo perked up and looked back at him quizzically, “Fleeing, are you? How cowardly for a Turk,” he shrugged and turned back to Aeris.

The loping skidded. A savage snarl was Hojo’s only warning before red fur streaked into the room, lighting Tseng’s vision on fire as Nanaki pounced. Slammed to the ground before he could scream, Hojo lost the taser stick underneath the cot. No measurable time passed before Nanaki sank his fangs into his throat.

Then he was allowed to scream for as long as his neck held together. Tseng flinched in disgust as, when the lion yanked his head to rip flesh, blood sprayed on him. The mere thought of it was repulsive enough; he did _not_ need any remnants of this filthy man staining his suit.

Nanaki made quick work of his kill, dying his muzzle crimson as blood pooled on the metal floor. Aeris breathed in high pitches, having been unable to tear her gaze away as well as being elated they were _here_. Tseng fell back against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to control his breathing as dizziness set in.

Then there was a splash of something thudding on the floor and Tseng opened his eyes. The lion had dropped Hojo in his own pool, but instead of looking to Aeris he was now trained on _him_. His breathing rasped, and he tried but failed to sit himself against the wall in a more proper fashion. Nanaki snarled, curls of fur appearing his snout as he bared his bloodied fangs. Light _ticks_ of noise tapped on the floor from his unsheathed claws as his tail whipped fire back and forth. Fear pushed itself down in Tseng, replaced with the steely resolve he had cultivated over the years as he stared bestial death in the face. Thick blood dripped from Nanaki’s chin as he widened his snarl.

“Nanaki, don’t,” Aeris croaked, the damning weight of her voice punching Tseng in the gut, “He’s not worth it.”

The lion’s ears flattened and the rumbling growl intensified, but Nanaki stopped his advance. Only the tiniest bit of relief released Tseng. The dismissive tone of her words disallowed anything else.

Nanaki’s chest widened, once, twice, then, dipping his head between his forepaws, it ballooned out. A deep, powerful sound filled the room; a roll of thunder that followed the arc of Nanaki’s head as he tipped it upwards. The thunder turned into a great howl, so loud that Tseng’s chest rattled with the bass of its power. He retained the howl for longer than he needed to, letting the signal die down only when he could hear the chaos pounding their way.

The rogues’ gallery burst into the room like there had been no doorway at all. Cloud and Tifa rushed forward, their boots slamming through the pool of Hojo’s blood without a thought as they bordered Aeris. Barret came through next, with Reeve’s cat perched on his shoulder. He joined the chorus of Aeris’s name, hopping down Barret’s gun arm and perching himself on it as he swept the room with the barrel. When his eyes landed on Tseng, he suddenly had both the lion and the gun pointed at him. Reeve was thus forced in a position to stare at Tseng, but though he did regard him it didn’t last long as he re-aligned himself to face Aeris as the others positioned her to stand with them.

“Oh! Oh goodness,” Reeve’s voice inflections came through the cat’s voice box, unknown to anyone in the room but Tseng, “Oh, lassie, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s me, it’s really me this time, the real Cait Sith!”

Anger seared Tseng’s spine as the puzzle pieces started to fall in place. _Reeve_. Reeve! The damn bastard! Hedging his bets that the robot cat had been compromised the very night he had deigned it appropriate to get drunk with the party, Tseng bared his teeth as he glared at Cait Sith. He couldn’t choke a robot, but he could certainly beat it to nuts and bolts and in that moment he _wanted to_. What Aeris had told him about his Turks being involved hadn’t been entirely discounted, but in this moment his anger had focused like a laser to Reeve’s abomination.

Aeris yelped in pain, her feet twisting under her. Both Cloud and Tifa held her upright, their shoulders underneath hers. Barret kept glancing at her, clearly torn and wanting to help. But he only had one arm to spare, and kickback from a gun that size would surely hurt more than help. Her companions held their ground to either side of her, waiting and watching as her feet slipped on the blood-slicked metal as they struggled to find their footing. Barret ground his teeth. The Cait Sith body jumped from his arm to Nanaki’s hips, then to the bloody floor at Aeris’s feet.

“How bad is it?” Reeve curled his hands like he wanted to inspect but didn’t want to touch, “I’m so sorry, I was compromised and didn’t realize until too late—,”

From out in the hallway their lookout, the peppy Wutai girl, called a challenge to the panicking scientists. Reeve about-faced, clambering back up to Barret’s shoulder.

“No time, Shinra will be coming!”

Tseng scoffed, still heaving in breaths as he clutched his stomach, “The blood on your boots will not make a subtle exit,” he pointed out.

Barret swore, “This’s why we shouldn’t have gone subtle from the start!”

“With you and Yuffie?” Tifa adjusted her hold on Aeris and waited for Cloud to set their pace, “We tried our best. Move!”

Aeris’s legs pedaled like it could make a difference as Barret led the charge out of the cell. Her companions lifted her over Hojo’s corpse, then raced out after. Nanaki stayed, boring his gaze into Tseng. Then, with a dismissive scoff, he brought up the rear.

Once he was gone from anyone’s scrutiny, Tseng’s shoulders fell as he slumped. His breathing came ragged and he shut his eyes too tight to try and regain himself. Being alone in the room with Hojo’s corpse should’ve instilled something in him, but not only was he familiar with being the only one alive there was nothing to mourn. Turning over, Tseng wormed his way to the door frame, unsure about the strength of his legs. Scowling, he yanked out his communicator.

“Reno,” he rasped, grunted, and struggled to speak, “I need a chopper,”

“ _Gotcha boss_ ,” Reno did not whine as he normally did, strangely serious. Aeris’s capture had been known to all of them, then. Tucking away the developing thoughts for later, Tseng choked on hot slime that barely passed for saliva as his subordinate continued, “ _Elena and I are on it._ ”

“I—,” Tseng coughed, “I need help.”

“ _Rude’s on his way_ ,” Reno replied.

“Sector— _urgh_ , Sector 5. The slums—,”

“ _Way ahead of ya. Already cleared a landing pad._ ”

Yes. They truly had known. Tseng gasped, pressing his forehead against the uneven pattern of the door frame.

“Thank you,” he gurgled. Reno said one more thing but Tseng didn’t catch it as he closed his eyes and waited for Rude.

~~

Despite how it might’ve slowed them, Aeris allowed herself to slump on the shoulders of Cloud and Tifa as they raced back through Shinra. It had not been the first time they had saved her, and if this was going to become a habit Aeris was going to start wishing she had never met her friends at all. That they sacrificed their journey to come back to Midgar—a place where more than one of them was unjustly wanted for the slaughter of an entire sector (a crime, she reflected, that Tseng had seen through to the end) was so much more than she would’ve ever asked of them.

It made her feel selfish and stupid, then, for her emotions in Cosmo Canyon. The yearning to belong with her people when she was already graced with them. Her head hung low, watching her toes skid on the floor. What would they think of her if she told them the truth?

Barret skipped back a few paces, letting Yuffie take the lead. He had only done so to check back on her, reach a hand out to tip her chin up and check for injuries or illness before rejoining the teenager. Barret, who still longed and fought for the family and hometown he had lost despite the people he had now. Aeris bit the insides of her cheek and tried to keep her head up from that moment on.

A crimson cloak the color of Hojo’s blood whipped around and greeted them at the edges of the lab. The man inside was pale and gaunt, his hair long and tangled with cobwebs. He swept himself up with the party, skirting along the metal floor either by force of magic or unknown power. Vincent, as the party addressed and introduced them while they ran. Aeris regarded him in distant wonder. He reeked of the mansion in Nibelheim, but his un-life did not seem to detract from his humanity despite his lack of expression.

Then again, perhaps she had an unfortunate affinity for the expressionless.

They came to a stop on the balcony before the lobby. Already it had been cleared out and replaced with soldiers, and there were no more antique vehicles to steal and crash through the barricade.

“Tifa,” Cloud squeezed Aeris as he spoke, “You got her?”

“Of course,” as she said so Cloud gently parted from Aeris and pulled his sword in front. Tifa pressed Aeris’s body close to her before doing much the same as Tseng had by sweeping her into her hold, “You really think we can make it?”

“Like _peanuts_ ,” Barret assured, but his jaw was set tight. Cait Sith fidgeted. Nanaki brushed along Tifa’s leg as an assurance to both women.

“We’ll do what we must,” he tightened his haunches.

“But _how_ ,” Tifa said, not in despair but rather in the way a general surveyed the battlefield.

“Like we always d—,”

Before Cloud could finish his sentence Yuffie proved the point he was likely to make anyway by charging forward. Several small marbles flung from her hand, clattering down the escalators and into the lobby proper. Hissing all at once, the soldiers recoiled in realization as smoke began to fill the room. Vincent dove into the heart of it, and before long the clouds of smoke were roiling unnaturally. Thick, grinding noises popped and bubbled beyond their sight.

An unnatural, un-living roar filled the lobby more than the smoke as soldiers began to scream in horror. Yuffie dove in. Barret bounded down the escalator, shooting as Cait Sith directed his fire—no doubt having sensors that saw through the smoke. Tifa set the two of them on the railing and slid down as Cloud and Nanaki brought the last of the charge. Clinging to Tifa, Aeris ducked her head as the stronger woman carried her through the fray.

Barret was the first to clear the path, shouting commands that battled with the monstrous roars and gunfire. Once Tifa was clear he grabbed Yuffie’s arm and forced her away with them, breaking through Shinra’s front door. Cloud covered their escape with the flat of his blade, backing slowly until Nanaki bounded past him.

It wasn’t until the smoke parted from two twisting black horns did Cloud turn to follow. Out from the chaos of soldiers still firing wildly a monster appeared. Its veined skin stretched over its vaguely human shape, splashed with blood. Once it exited the building it turned, summoning a great flare from its mouth and unleashing it into the smoky lobby. Then it tore down the door frame, trapping the soldiers inside as windows cracked and burst.

So much for Tseng’s so-called _subtle exit_.

“ _This way!_ ” Cait Sith directed, pulling them off and beneath the main road as quickly as he could. Down, they descended, backed by the two beasts in their party until Shinra’s sirens were only an echo.

They found themselves in a forgotten alley near the infrastructure of a Sector Wall, panting for breath and relief. Tifa sat her down, cleaning her track marks as Cloud prepared a proper salve. Cait worried and helped. Aeris felt her seizing fear finally release its hold.

The horned beast hocked and contorted, the veins retreating from its paling skin. Before her very eyes the expressionless Vincent returned, solemn. Only his nostrils flared, bestial and sniffing until he laid eyes on Nanaki. He cocked his head, then spoke in an eloquent but hushed tone, the ends of his sentences mulling off to unknown suggestions in his throat even when he was done speaking.

“The stench of Hojo,” he remarked, leaning down to Nanaki’s crimson-stained muzzle, “His blood?”

Nanaki _hmphed_ in triumph and extended his barbed tongue to clean the drying clods of blood from his fur. Vincent stood to his full height—so straightened, like a Turk—and crossed his arms. Despite the curtness of his stance he seemed to flow at ease with this revelation.

“I am envious, but it is still cause for celebration.”

“We can’t stop,” Tifa interrupted as she applied the salves Cloud had prepared, “Aeris has to get out of here.”

“Shinra won’t let up until we’re found,” he agreed, “And we’re not exactly popular here,”

“Look at her,” Cait Sith protested, “She can’t travel like this! She needs rest! Besides, Shinra has other matters to attend to now, right?”

At that, the dissenters looked at each other with doubt. The firepower to stop them had been far less than before and vastly dispersed. No tanks or machines had stood in their path either way.

“We took ‘em out easy peasy,” Yuffie huffed, “What’s the big deal?!”

Cloud didn’t look at her, but it was clear that though she didn’t know what she was talking about she still had a point.

Barret only looked like he was in misery. Aeris studied his face as he, usually so adamant to put his opinion first and loudest, refrained from speaking. She thought once more of the feast in Cosmo Canyon, where he had sat her down and talked through her silence like nothing was wrong, so similar to what she had done for him in Gold Saucer. Clearing her throat for strength, she rolled her head away as if Barret hadn’t been a consideration and finalized the argument with the first words she had spoken since the rescue.

“I want to see my mother. Take me there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DETAILED NOTES ON CONTENT WARNINGS:**
> 
> \- the genocide committed against tseng's people, the uddhu, involves the act of scalping to remove the urna on their foreheads. the reason, while not detailed in the fic yet, is a religious/ethnic difference in how the wutai practice their beliefs and how the uddhu's practices come off as offensive and heresy to the wutai.
> 
> \- while the direct act of scalping is not described, there are a pile of fresh scalps that are being added to in the middle of the pillaging of an uddhu village
> 
> \- various chemicals are put into aeris's body that she is fully conscious of that cause her to violently hallucinate
> 
> \- medical rape/examination without consent is referenced, as hojo remarks that he knows aeris has been having sexual intercourse and wishes to continue trying to breed her
> 
> \- flashbacks ifalna growing increasingly and noticeably ill from the experimentation
> 
> \- tseng chokes hojo out until he is unconscious. tseng remarks that he is intensely aware of how long choking would take in order to do so, implying that he has killed this way before
> 
> \- hojo tases tseng twice, once from the back, twice when he's down
> 
> \- nanaki rips hojo's throat out with his own fangs and the blood remains on his muzzle for quite a while
> 
> \- yuffie throws smoke bombs into a crowd of shinra soldiers to cause chaos and cover their escape. there is no reference to this causing anything but visual confusion


	6. garden of eden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i'm so tired i'm so TIRED why didn't i let myself sleep before posting this i bet there are a ton of typos FUCK
> 
> i can't think of any glaring warnings in this chapter but really my brain is halfway dead as we speak and is cruising towards a sick edgy 2004 shadow the hedgehog fiery chaos as we speak...chaos...contnrolf....FUCK
> 
> there's brief references to the ancestral genocide and the medical experimentation but nothing glaringly graphic head empty no fucking thoughts my brain is as dead as tseng's is by the end of this chapter

Aeris sagged, supported by her friends on either side. Her feet dragged in the Midgar dirt, the metallic tang finding its home in her mouth as she breathed through her teeth. Neither Cloud or Tifa seemed bothered by her weight, for which she was endlessly grateful for.

Cait Sith—the _real_ Cait Sith—filled her in on what happened as they found their way to Sector 5. The party that had descended into the mansion’s basement had found the open safe and her discarded staff. After freeing Vincent from the mansion, they returned to the buggy to find both of them missing. Nanaki then led by his nose, up into Mt. Nibel until he found the discarded Cait’s body in the abandoned reactor. Cait had already begun tracing where the hacker had been located, leading back to Midgar. He frowned after recounting their break-in, curling his hands tight like paws underneath him on Barret’s shoulder. With another truly deep apology, he said that while he has scrambled the signal for which he controls this body, he’s not entirely sure it’ll be enough for the time being.

But, Hojo was the only one who could’ve hacked it either way, and with him gone that probably gave him some leeway. Cait still didn’t look too sure, wracked with guilt as he was. It was a herculean effort but Aeris smiled at him the best she could; tired, dizzy, and spent as she was. Cait’s ears flicked and he settled his chin on his hands with a sigh.

The roaring sound of water greeted her like a blanket, and Aeris looked up just in time to see Cait tumble down Barret’s back after he charged forward. The cat rolled to Aeris’s feet, startled and perplexed. This time the smile came easier on her face, a laugh even as Barret’s voice overpowered the roar of the waterfall.

“Marlene! _Marlene! Daddy’s home!_ ”

Pushing her feet into the dirt path, Aeris forced her remaining strength into her legs upon seeing her home. Relief seemed to wash over everyone until Barret burst through the door and his cheers of joy turned into barks of anger.

“ _You!_ Prick shit! _What’re you doin’ here?!_ Wipe that smug-ass smirk off your face before I blow it off!”

Adrenaline bolstered her as the party all rushed to the door, piling into the small house. There, sitting in a refined but relaxed manner, was Tseng. His hair had been smoothed out until he looked no worse for wear, smirking as smugly as Barret had accused him of with one of her mother’s teacups in hand. He sipped it casually, neverminding that Barret’s gun was pointed at him. Her mother was standing off to the side, hands clasped tightly together and mouth pressed to a thin, uneasy line.

“I wanted to extend a personal thanks for the eradication of Hojo,” Tseng said smoothly, opening his eyes to give Aeris a pertinent look as he added, “Off the record, of course.”

Barret snorted, “You think you can just march wherever and declare allegiances just like that? You ain’t welcome here, and you ain’t on our side!”

“No,” Tseng agreed, “Hardly not,” The fact that he had invaded Aeris’s home and sat himself down for a cup of tea, prepared by an Elmyra that did not want him there spoke volumes about his intentions enough. His power oozed into the room just by his presence. Aeris knit her fists into Cloud and Tifa, shifting on her weak feet. Luckily for her, Tseng had drawn his attention to Barret as the unofficial spokesperson of the group. His voice was eloquent, clear, and composed; professional to a level that suggested a lack of humanity especially when the words hit her one by one.

“Due to complications and a halt in research as a factor of Hojo’s departure, Shinra Company is able to relinquish the Ancient until further notice,”

“Cut the prim and proper from your ass!” Barret snapped. Tseng popped his pinky up from the teacup, making him fume, “You don’t got ownership of her either way!”

“I don’t have to,” Tseng smiled, “You seem to be taking care of her rather well,”

“ _We_ don’t got ownership of her either!!”

“Hm,” Tseng mused, and the curt but thoughtful noise compounding with his simple yet commanding actions made Aeris’s stomach churn. Every part of her hated what he was doing all for very different reasons; imposing on her mother like this, asserting his dominance, speaking like she was property, toying with them like a cat, those were all despicable on their own. But she hated how the subtlety of his actions dropped past her hips in a way she no longer wanted, as if her lower half didn’t get the message of where her feelings now lied. As if unaware of this (and his lack of awareness only made her pine harder) Tseng finished his tea and said, “Then it won’t be a problem when she is to return to Shinra,”

Barret cocked the gun and lunged, jutting the barrel at Tseng’s face, “ _Enough_ from your Shinra-kissin’ mouth! I’m blowin’ your head clean off!”

“Will you?” Tseng only tilted his head to look up. Everyone followed his gaze until they met with Marlene, hands around the second-floor railing above. She flinched at first like she was in trouble for eavesdropping, but when no one scolded her she stayed put. Barret started, unprepared for the implications Tseng had brought to light. Grinding his teeth in frustration, his argument died in his throat as he lowered the gun and stepped back. The width of Tseng’s triumphant smirk dug like a dagger. With his space no longer impeded on, Tseng set the delicate teacup on the table and stood up. Aeris noted to herself that his movements were not so elegant as they were stiff and unnatural; twitches that betrayed he was still very much in pain. If the rest of the party noticed, they did not taunt the Turk over it.

“Not that this changes the nature of our arrangement,” he spoke to the party and not to her, “She’ll be in control of when she returns,”

Nanaki growled, distrusting. Cloud sniffed at the offer like its kindness didn’t fool him. Other reactions of disdain rippled through the group with the exception of Aeris, whose stone-still face stared at Tseng with a quiet yet small intensity that he seemed to be actively ignoring until he pointedly met her gaze.

“You seem uncharacteristically quiet, Aeris,” he was attempting to shut the walls so it was just the two of them. Readjusting her grip on her friends, Aeris tore her stare away.

“You’ve been uncharacteristically talkative—and I have nothing more to say to you.”

“Is that so,” he responded, dipping into a reserved softness she was sure the party did not hear. It almost sounded like regret, or even hurt. But Tseng was not stupid enough to attempt a private conversation here, and he had allowed himself to fall silent and complacent in his previous attempt. Was he looking for a second chance? Aeris couldn’t give it. Tseng inhaled and broke his half of the gaze by closing his eyes with a definitive return to normal, “Very well.”

Cait Sith jumped forward then, and Tseng snapped his gaze down to the cat. Displeasure smeared his features, almost like he was reacting based on familiarity rather than disgust. Between the party and the Turk, Cait tried to appeal to her directly.

“Try not to let him intimidate you, lass. He’s a company shill, no better than a pencil pusher!”

Tseng’s gaze lit on fire. Dropping the guise entirely, he reached down and snatched Reeve’s damn cat by the cape and lifted to be level with his face. Reeve pedaled in mid-air, swinging back and forth. Ignoring the rest of the party, Tseng sneered in the cat’s face, spitting with the harshest syllables.

“ _Pencil pusher?_ ”

Reeve laughed nervously, a little too proud of himself. Tseng scowled and tossed him aside, not even looking when the contents of a shelf collapsed on him. If he could, he would kill Reeve later—but since he couldn’t, liberal abuse of his abomination of a cat would suffice. The entire party tensed, Barret re-cocking his gun in case he needed to raise it again. Reeve dug his way out of the debris quickly enough, unfortunately unharmed.

Tseng straightened his shoulders, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way,” Reeve scampered by him to reunite with the party, but Tseng gave him a square kick in the ass to send him rolling like a bowling ball into their legs. Cries of anger rose up from the group, but he ignored them as he strode forward, glancing down and meeting the cat’s face as he did so, “I have a meeting with a _pencil pusher_ who _won’t_ be late,”

“H-Hahah,” Reeve resisted still, “See? I told you.”

Reluctantly, the party cleared away from the doorway, though it was more from the desire to see him leave rather than respect. He held his head high with a thin smirk until he passed the pale one in the red cloak.

“Have the Turks really fallen so far?” he mused in a voice hushed by disuse. Tseng paused, turning his stare to him for just a moment as he evaluated the newcomer. His red eyes regarded him quietly before he turned away, “No, they were always like this.”

Tseng sniffed, then dismissed the oddity. Like this? Conniving, dutiful, and mean? Then yes, of course they always were. The door shut behind him and he made his way back to the landing pad.

As soon as he was out of sight, however, Tseng braced himself against a wall and bent over. Clutching his stomach, he heaved in pain. That had almost been too much. Steeling his resolve and balling his fist, he pushed away and continued back to the chopper. _Very well_.

He repeated that once more, seeing her hair hide her face from him in his mind’s eye. _Very well._

Aeris had not watched Tseng leave. The moment the door shut behind him she looked to her mother. All pretenses of stone and strength failed her and she felt her face droop with exhaustion and pain. Elmyra noticed immediately, her arms opening for Aeris to stumble forward and fall into them.

“ _Mom_ ,” she fumbled with her weak lips, “Mom…,”

She guided her daughter to the chair Tseng had been sitting in. Clearing the teacup (which Aeris blearily thought of his lips touching), Elmyra put a fresh pot on the stove as the party dispersed to either help or rest. They faded to the background as Aeris watched her mother move in the kitchen. When she brought her tea pain welled behind her eyes, when she pulled a chair close to her the pain breached into tears. Cooing and scooping Aeris up in her embrace, Elmyra kissed the top of her head.

“Welcome home, sweetheart.”

~~

If Tseng could’ve slammed the door to the Turks’ HQ, he would’ve destroyed the frame.

“ _Who was it?!”_ he snapped, loud and _furious_.

Though they had led the way into the room, all three of his Turks jumped like skittish cats and turned to face him with wide eyes. Tseng’s temper was something that had always been assumed but never confirmed—leastways, not like this. He stared them down without mercy, the only thing saving them from his hands was that he had folded them behind his back. It was an unmistakably Turk-like stance, but the way he held it now made it seem like it was holding knives to their throats.

“Who recaptured the Ancient?!” he demanded, “ _Answer me!_ ”

Reno, Rude, and Elena all stood silent; deer in headlights. It only fueled his fury. Baring his teeth and stalking back and forth, ready to pounce on the deer in front of him, Tseng continued to bark.

“Deliberately disobeying _direct_ orders, interfering with a superior’s mission, and dealing with _outsider_ influence without my approval—!!” he seethed, none of them free from his glare, none of them innocent in his eyes, “Tell me _now_ or I’ll _force_ the answer out of all of you!”

“Boss, we don’t know,” Reno answered, stepping forward, “When we got word of it, we sent it to you as soon as possible,”

Tseng stopped, perpendicular to Reno with his clenched hand in front of his chin as if thinking. Then, without warning, his face erupted in rage and he struck Reno with the back of his hand, sending him sprawling on the floor. Both the others flinched like they were going to rush to his side on instinct, but the suddenness and unexpectedness of Tseng’s cruelty kept them at bay.

“And _how_ did you get word?!” Tseng snapped, “Did you volunteer to drag her body here?!”

Reno, too stunned to right himself to a more comfortable position, stared at his superior in utter shock. Tseng was one to deduce, lead, and deconstruct— _not_ one to hurl badgering accusations. That his glare was so steady and unwavering lent no relief, because then it really sank in just how in his right mind he really was. Tseng shook. None of them—not _one_ of them was old enough to remember Ifalna, especially in her final days. They hadn’t _seen_ what Hojo’s experiments did to her, they didn’t truly _understand_ what had happened.

“The other scientists,” Rude supplied quickly, of no surprise—he and Reno were closer than brothers, “They talked, a lot.”

“Why were you in Midgar?!” Tseng demanded. Rude fell silent. Reno didn’t say anything.

Elena audibly swallowed then admitted, “It’s my fault.”

Tseng went stiff, his jaw setting in rage as his eyes blazed past Rude. He turned on his heel, curt, slow, deliberate until he was face-to-face with Elena, towering over her. To her credit as a rookie, she held her chin high though she couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Speak, _Turk._ ” he spat the last word out with utter disdain. Elena’s face was flushed red and he could tell she was shaking by how the strands of her hair trembled.

“R-Reeve’s Cait Sith,” she began, speaking past what must’ve been a boulder in her throat, “I-I’ve been talking to him about it, since Gold Saucer. A-And...Sometimes not so discreetly, after board meetings, or when it’s late at night and I think no one’s around—,”

Tseng inhaled, straightening up and shutting his eyes. He still shook with rage. Reno scrambled to his feet, grasping Elena’s elbow like he was ready to pull her out of the way of another strike. Reno kept himself crouched at the ready, eyes trained where she couldn’t look.

“W-We were talking about improving it,” she continued, “I treated it like any other p-project. Not t-top secret. S-So...it’s possible that, um, we were overheard,”

“She’s right, Tseng,” Reeve piped up from behind. Tseng swiveled to face the pencil pusher in the doorway. Snarling, he watched him step into the room, waiting for the door to close before he continued, “Furthermore, it was my error to allow these conversations in places that weren’t wholly private,”

“So it _was_ ,” Tseng growled, “And in private you nursed your gysahl whiskey until it didn’t matter either way?”

Reeve flinched, but sighed heavily regardless, “No, it would’ve happened during the journey to Cosmo Canyon. After that, Elena set to work designing a newer Cait Sith for me,”

“One that could get drunk the old-fashioned way?” he snapped. Reeve placed a folder on Tseng’s desk, no doubt detailing the schematics of his new toy. Turning towards the Turks, his gaze was that of one pleading for the sake of their mercy. Tseng sniffed. It didn’t matter to him whether or not Reeve took the blame in whole, but at the same time he’d gladly turn his ire towards him rather than continuing to abuse his subordinates.

“In light of recent circumstances, development with advanced security systems had become imperative. Elena has already re-scrambled what I already had—,”

“Too little too _late_ ,” Tseng hissed. Reeve paused, staring with sympathetic eyes before continuing.

“For the second version, she’s spoken about developing a running program that scrambles the security codes and frequencies every hour or by manual input. It’ll take some time but she’s already made decent headway—last she said, it was all just a matter of writing it now,”

Tseng turned his gaze to Elena. Reno’s hand was still clasped around her elbow and she was still averting her eyes. At the weight of his stare she nodded, off-kilter, to confirm Reeve’s words.

“Please, Tseng,” Reeve took a step forward, “Don’t blame her. She was only excited and I needed the help. I should’ve known that Hojo would’ve figured it out,”

He glowered at Reeve. As much as he wanted to say that _yes, he should’ve known_ , at the same time Reeve’s attempts at subterfuge were painfully civilian. Cait Sith’s origins was still only a secret to Aeris’s party only due to the absurdity of its appearance. Reeve cultivated the idea that he _couldn’t_ be from Shinra by interweaving himself in their social bonds; drinking, laughing, conversing with them as though they were friends. What was painfully amateur was that Reeve didn’t realize how much it lowered his guard to do so. He was only lucky that the party wasn’t tracing him back to Shinra proper, or they’d lose their mole _and_ their one true aid for both Shinra and the party’s goals. As faceless as the Turks were, they were too bloodstained to be trusted by the party. Tseng supposed he should be grateful Reeve snapped and couldn’t take Shinra’s draconian policies anymore, but at the same time none of this would have happened were it not for Reeve’s blunder. Aeris wouldn’t have gotten hurt. And he…

Well.

“ _Pencil pusher._ ” Tseng cussed, turning to leave, “Elena,”

“S-Sir,” she stood to attention.

“Find every hard drive Hojo had access to. Find his records; in particular any research regarding the Ancients,” he paused, then thought, “And lions, too.”

“Sir?”

“Delete them.”

“B-But,” Elena stammered in shock, “Isn’t that the very reason Shinra company wanted the Ancients to begin with? If you destroy all that work—,”

Tseng whipped around, his long hair acting like a cloak. Elena stopped up at the intensity of his glare.

“Did I _stutter?_ ” he warned, low and dangerous. Elena shook her head, “I don’t care _what_ you have to do. Delete the files. That’s an order.”

He ground his teeth as the door opened for him to exit, “Do not disobey my orders.”

A small, trembling _yes, sir_ was the last thing he heard before the door slid shut behind him.

~~

“Marlene! Don’t say that!”

“They’re Daddy’s words!”

“M-Marlene, baby girl, Tifa’s right, you shouldn’t—,”

Without waiting for her dad to finish, Marlene unleashed some of the rudest and harshest words he had unintentionally passed down to her. Aeris bit her lip to hide a smile as she helped her mother in the kitchen as the house fell silent. Tifa made a noise like she was about to scold Marlene again but was interrupted by Barret’s raucous laughter. The next sound was a small _thump_ as Tifa laid her head on the table, completely giving up (and hiding her own laughter).

The party had scattered. Vincent haunted the corner of the dining room, looming over the odd family as his eyes gently took in the scene. If Vincent could smile, Aeris wondered if it could reach his eyes—as none of his expressions seemed to reach them at all. Cloud and Nanaki basked outside as much as they were on guard while Yuffie loudly practiced her top secret fighting moves (that were not secret enough, apparently).

Cait Sith helped them in the kitchen. He was unusually quiet, and what he did say had a sheepish sort of forced happiness to it. Aeris supposed it wasn’t totally out of the ordinary, considering he felt at fault for all that had happened. His gentleness was welcome, though, as he both listened to Elmyra and made suggestions of his own. The easiest and biggest meal they could make was stew, jump-started by broth her mother had brewed months prior. Cait had insisted on buying the best meat he could find above-plate, putting it on his dime. It meant, then, that whoever Cait Sith truly was lived in Midgar and was affluent, too. Aeris pursed her lips, thinking of how Tseng regarded the cat with exasperated disdain.

No, that wasn’t possible. If Cait had been a part of Shinra proper Hojo would’ve taken over far sooner. He must’ve been stolen technology at best.

His smiled beamed when he handed her a bowl of minced garlic, tinged with apology. Aeris wondered how a remote-controlled thing could have so much expression. At this point he was more expressive than Tseng.

Again, her mind ran back to the Turk. She had called him cruel before, but it had been meant as a hyperbole. Up until that point she could take him at his word and trust there were no ulterior machinations to his actions, but that assumption wore stupid on her now. She hadn’t told the party anything beyond their understanding that Hojo had hijacked Cait Sith and kidnapped her—it was too revealing. As she helped her mother put together two of their biggest vats of stew she considered the consequences of telling the truth. Would it strip away all pretenses of her being able to travel with the party and show her to be the stupid little girl Tseng must’ve thought her as? Would they consider her a traitor, like she considered Tseng? She watched her mother’s mottled skin on her hands, easing the saucepan in a relaxing pattern as the wine seeped up the burnt bits of meat from its edges. It was all in the wrist. Aeris had already started to cultivate those skills. It wasn’t too late to turn back from the party now and stay home, stay safe.

But that meant she’d be back under the Turks’ scrutiny in full. She didn’t know if she could live her days out with Tseng always in her peripheral vision, especially now. Besides, it was coming back to Midgar that hurt her more than anything else.

Nanaki’s yawn cut through her thoughts and she glanced out the window, seeing him stretch both one way then the other before settling back down in the green grass. Yes. That was right. Hojo was dead. The Turks had no reason to watch over her, then, did they? She could take care of herself and with the exception of Tseng she liked to think she had proven that.

Aeris frowned, scrubbing the last potato clean of dirt. As much as her vitriol fed her thoughts of him, there was a part of her that kept poking at her brain. It didn’t make sense. Tseng made sense, so why didn’t this make any sense? It wasn’t like he was in denial of what Hojo wanted to do to her despite his orders. To kidnap her only to hand her off to Hojo immediately, especially when it ended with him wrapping his hands around Hojo’s throat? Pulling her away from the laboratory into a cell and then doing _nothing_ with her? There had been many times where Tseng had stood still as she beat upon him, both with her fists and her words. When she was small she remembered how he had only tilted his face down to watch her in dim amusement. Even when she was a teenager and screaming at him for letting Zack go missing (die) he remained still until she was quite finished. But this time around he had seemed taken aback at her outrage, like he had words to say but he never found them. No...it was more like this wasn’t planned, at all. Any part of it.

Beforehand, Tseng knew what was going on with her. Tseng always knew. The anniversary of her real mother’s death, Zack going missing, a fight with Elmyra or a scary trek into the slums and back, Tseng had always seemed calm and prepared for her backlash. Not so, now.

So his reaction was to remain quiet as she screamed instead of appeal to his proposed innocence? That almost filled her with rage. Almost.

“Mom?” she asked, watching as her older hands wiped themselves clean and gathered all the vegetables Cait had chopped, “When you...get into a fight with someone, how do you um…,”

Her mother kept working but the tilt of her head let Aeris know she was listening intently.

“How do you know they um, still...I guess, love you?”

“Love you?” Elmyra prodded. Aeris shook her head.

“Don’t have a better word for it,” was her lame excuse. Love was not something Tseng dabbled in, not in the traditional sense.

“Well, how bad was the fight?”

Aeris didn’t answer and Elmyra looked over. She frowned in the way that mothers do.

“I see. That bad, huh?” The vegetables toppled into the layer of fat in the bowl, and Elmyra stirred the chunks of seared meat in with the broth, “Do you still love them?”

“I…,” Aeris’s voice was so quiet it squeaked, “I don’t know.”

“Depends on what they did,” Elmyra ruled out first, “Are you hurt?”

Aeris swallowed. Yes. But also Hojo was dead, in no small part thanks to Tseng.

Her mother let the silence act as an answer in it of itself and went on, “As it is, it may be too early to tell if it just happened. Give it time. If they keep pushing at you, demanding your presence, demanding forgiveness, well, listen to your heart. If it makes you uncomfortable, leave.”

“What if…,” Aeris thought of how he didn’t fight back against her words, “What if they do nothing?”

“In what way?”

“Way?”

Elmyra tipped the saucepan into the vats, transferring the fattened wine and adjusting the fires beneath them, “Have they cut you off, or are they giving you space?”

Aeris chewed her lip, “I...don’t know.”

“Then it _is_ too early to tell. Once you figure out which is which, you’ll have your answer.”

Aeris let her mother finish the cooking, not realizing that she was staring at Cait as she contemplated the answer. He was staring back, in sympathy and something else that felt tinged with realization. Graciously, though, he remained respectfully quiet as he gave her a warm smile and started helping clean up.

Their feast that night was not as grand as the one in Cosmo Canyon had been, but the closer quarters and warmer connections made it just as resonant. Everyone was shoulder-to-shoulder in the tiny house, and not a person went missing even if they opted to remain quiet, like Vincent. Curiously Cait remained close to Aeris, squishing himself between her and Barret. Marlene had taken a childish liking to the cat, and though his closeness was noted to Aeris his attention was soon entertaining Marlene with poorly executed magic tricks.

Aeris floated through in a haze. Though she had helped in making the stew, not a one of her party members allowed her nor her mother to clean up afterwards. With Barret and Cloud loudly arguing as foamy water started flooding the kitchen, Aeris found her way into the relative quiet of the tiered gardens.

(Tiered, almost terraced. Almost. _Almost_.)

Her neck pricked like someone was watching her, from the usual place. Aeris didn’t look.

Midgar was dark. Lights from the slums still cast sickly orange glows on the plate above her. Even in the destroyed areas that allowed for her gardens the sky was washed green from the reactors. She could still hear the commotion from inside her house but it was muffled enough to be considered quiet. Aeris folded her legs close and stared up at the mechanical patterns of the plate.

“This is what you had for stargazing, huh?”

Aeris blinked, seeing Nanaki jump to her level. His paws deftly navigated the bed of flowers, hardly making a sound as he approached. When he reached her he looked up at the metal sky, taking in all its details.

“Not very pretty, is it?” Aeris said quietly.

Nanaki hummed in agreement but still said, “It is what you grew up with. It’s home.”

He sat, curling his tail around his paws. Aeris contemplated him for a moment, then heaved a sigh that let her shoulders droop, relaxed in his presence.

“When was the last time you changed your bandages?” He asked. Looking down at them, she shrugged. Perhaps erroneously she hadn’t given it much thought.

“This morning, I think.”

Nanaki sniffed, “They stink.”

Aeris blinked, then for the first time in what felt like days she opened her mouth in protest and indignation. Ignoring her, he pushed his head forward and closed his teeth over the browned gauze and pulled. Despite her indignant remarks, she helped him to loosen and peel the bandages away. He had been right; though her nose was nowhere as strong as his, now was the time for a fresh dressing.

“Does it hurt?”

“It’s sore,” she answered. Nanaki nodded, staring at the puffy red track marks. It looked different on her, but they were no stranger to him.

“Still just using salves?”

“The wounds are closed by now,” Aeris supplied, “Cure wouldn’t do much.”

Nanaki’s tail twitched as he thought, then, with a rough grunt, he pressed his muzzle to the track marks. Aeris opened her mouth to ask but before she could he dragged his rough tongue over the wounds. She flinched, yelping in shock.

“Wh-What are you doing?”

“Poring the skin,” he gave another lick, scrunched his face, then spat the pus out, “For cure.”

“How—,” Aeris clenched her teeth as Nanaki kept licking. The barbs on his tongue tenderized her skin to the point of it becoming more painful than ticklish. Gasping, she struggled to remain still for him.

Then, braided into his mane, a materia started to glow. The more he licked, the more her arm numbed, the more she felt as though he was pushing cool water into her feverish muscle. She let out a breath of relief like he had just yanked a sliver out, her shoulders heaving up and down with less and less force as she relaxed further. Every now and then he’d pause to spit before going back to licking cure into the track marks.

Spitting several times extra when he was done, Nanaki grunted, left to drink from the river, then came back.

“Better?”

“Yes,” Aeris gasped, rubbing her arm in wonder, “Th...Thank you.”

At that, Nanaki smiled as a purr rumbled in his chest. He hadn’t been able to sink cure beneath the skin, but he had done enough to relieve her of any pain and surface level infection. Aeris looked at her friend, grateful but heavy-hearted all the same. He kept purring, but his voice betrayed his solemness.

“ _Better?_ ” he asked again. Aeris looked at him, wishing she was more confused at the question than she actually was.

“No…,” she admitted shamefully. The purring grew louder as Nanaki came to rest his chin over her shoulder. It became a steady rumble reverberating to her chest. Without thinking her hands went up to dig themselves in the fur of his neck.

Images of Nanaki sinking his teeth into Hojo’s flesh played in her mind. It had shocked her more than sickened her in the moment—the violence was heroic and vengeful. Even now when she thought on it, she only felt gratitude. Did that make her sick? Her earliest memories were of her mother turning away from her to vomit on the floor. She remembered her knees hurting from hours upon boring hours on the hard floor of his lab as her mother convulsed and wept.

She remembered the scent of a distinct cologne, the passing of overhead lights, and the feel of plunging her small hands into silky hair.

Aeris thought of what she told her mother and the way in which she told it. Omitting that the person in her question had been Tseng did mean that she’d get the most practical answer, but it also meant that if her mother knew who she was really speaking about her advice would’ve most certainly changed. She rested her head against Nanaki, staring at the lights in her house as people moved to and fro within. In her head her mother only damned her for her transgressions, and rightfully so. Sagging against her friend, she frowned in pain. Nanaki tensed as well, and at first Aeris thought it was in reaction to her until he hissed.

“ _He’s here_.”

Aeris closed her eyes, “I know.”

If Tseng hadn’t wanted to be seen, he wouldn’t have been. She simply did as habit dictated her to: pretending not to see him unless it was absolutely necessary. Since he was keeping his distance, it wasn’t necessary. Much as he let himself be known just for an intimidation tactic, it wouldn’t work on Aeris.

“Nanaki…,” she whimpered and the lion’s muscles rippled as he tried to stand up. Keeping him where he was by pressing down on his neck, she turned her face to his mane and whispered, “I...I’ve been with him.”

Nanaki was quiet. Not in shock, nor in disbelief. After contemplating for a long time he sighed against her, “I know.”

This knotted in her gut in a way she wasn’t prepared for and a flash flood of tears burst forward. Pressing herself further into his fur, she tried to muffle her wailing though her words wavered and cracked at the edges.

“Do the others?”

“No,” he answered to her relief, “I don’t think so.”

Aeris nodded, then broke and let herself weep. It took a long time for her to start attempting words in her choppy breaths, and when she did she flinched at how quiet she couldn’t be.

“Is this my fault?” she cried, “Did I do this to myself?”

“No,” Nanaki was quick to answer, his bestial voice finding its foundation in a sharp growl, “Absolutely not.”

“Forgive me, but,” Aeris kneaded her fingers, “I feel like such an _animal…,_ ”

An edge of mirth tempered the growl in his voice as he asked, “How so?”

“Because I just—I just _did it_. I didn’t care about the consequences, it just felt good to be with someone again,” she hiccuped so hard it hurt yet that didn’t slow her down, “I thought it didn’t and wouldn’t matter. And what’s worse, he—,”

She let out a disgusted grunt and rubbed her face back and forth in his neck, trying to scrub the truth out. One of Nanaki’s paws had traced around, casual but very intentionally embracing her.

“He wouldn’t have even touched me if I hadn’t touched him first,” Aeris confessed, feeling smaller and smaller the longer the words hung in the air.

Nanaki used that silence to think, no doubt holding steady eye contact with the Turk in question from afar. She felt his paw flex and his claws come out, unintentionally nicking at the small of her back before he realized and relaxed himself again.

“Did he...hurt you?” he asked.

It took longer for Aeris to physically answer than it did to actually ponder the question, “No...I don’t think so.”

Making a contemplative noise, Nanaki pushed back against her for support as his purring continued on without a break. Then, after a while, he knocked his forehead against her and playfully said, “You _are_ an animal,”

“H-huh?” she rubbed her nose.

“Are you not?” he nudged again, “Just a furless, two-legged, ugly one.”

Aeris made a guttural noise of affirmation as she started trying to wipe the tears away in earnest.

“Animals move, talk, play, laugh,” he continued.

“Yeah,” she rasped.

“Make mistakes, grow up, live, found a family,”

Aeris was silent.

“Grow old, die,”

“Yeah…,”

“Are you really that different?”

Aeris retreated from him and gave him a long look as he returned it. The sentiment was comforting on the surface, but she frowned, still feeling small.

“Putting it into that perspective makes it seem—,”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Nanaki interrupted softly, “I just mean you aren’t stupid. Especially not...for feeling hurt. Even if in the end it is all just a misunderstanding…,”

Nanaki trailed off but held his gaze. The reconciliation with the petrified remains of his father had indeed changed him, but the softness of his usually proud voice proved to Aeris in that moment that he still licked his own wounds when no one was watching. No tapestry was woven nor unraveled in just a day.

“But with him,” Nanaki lowered his tone, “Is it just going to be a misunderstanding? And if so...is it worth it?”

The purring stopped, his voice fraying with a righteous sort of worry and anger that soothed Aeris. Soothed her, because not only had he kept her secret from the others but he was willing to protect _her_ from it as well, if that became necessary. Again the outwardly gruesome image of Hojo’s death popped into her mind. Aeris reached forward and pulled Nanaki into an embrace again.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, “My mother says it’s too early to know.”

A thoughtful hum rumbled from his chest to hers, unconvinced. Sighing, the lion licked her cheek and closed his eye.

“If you need help, come to me.”

“I will,” Aeris promised quietly, “Right now I think I...just need time.”

“Space, too?”

“Not from you,” she nuzzled into his mane, “Thank you, Nanaki.”

His purring started again and Aeris fell into its rhythm guided by his breaths. From her resting place in his fur she glanced up. There, nestled in structural scaffolds, was the lithe form of Tseng—stiff and ever-watching. A small ember formed at his lips then faded in a gentle cloud of smoke. That was rare. Tseng did not smoke often if at all, to the point where Aeris figured it had been about four, maybe five years since the last time she had seen him with a cigarette. Though even from this distance she could tell his expression was as stone as ever, the cigarette had been the dead giveaway for his stress.

The next time she looked up he was out of sight.

~~

From his distance he wouldn’t have been able to hear them even if the white noise of the waterfall didn’t already shroud everything. But the shake of her shoulders was as unmistakable as her weeping peals. Tseng studied the two from afar as Aeris cried into the lion’s neck for love and support. The cigarette, over a decade old from the last pack he had bought just as long ago, seared his throat dry, but he still sucked on it like a baby on a mother’s tit.

He was still furious. But now the cigarette was the only thing focusing his fury, as material as it was. Without it he felt himself start to unravel and that more than anything was dangerous to him. When he struck Reno he had been fully aware of what he was doing—straight, focused, deliberate. Losing that meant losing control and that was the last thing on Tseng’s list to do, farther down than death.

It was strange how he knew she had looked at him even with her face buried in the lion’s mane. It was stranger still that she let him look back.

The lights in the house went out one by one as the party retired to whatever bed they could find. The slums themselves dimmed their lights as the night reached its peak. Tseng finally flicked the spent butt of the cigarette away from him, righted his tie, and climbed down from the vantage point. With its dry influence gone, he lost the sense he had been holding onto. There was no reason why he routed himself up the pathway to Aeris’s house proper, and he couldn’t find one. Retribution was not in his books, for dropping the plate or this. He did not need further confirmation that he was safe.

But something turned his feet in this direction anyways. Tseng deliberately did not dwell on what it could be other than concern. Not that she was lacking in that these days.

An angry growl stopped him in his tracks. The front door was in sight but still a fair distance away. From the gardens the angular grace of the lion stalked to him, tail raised and burning like a torch. Tseng stood, politely waiting for him to take his place guarding the path.

“What are you here for, Turk,” Nanaki spat, claws already unsheathed. Tseng regarded him coolly. They had not exchanged words before, though Tseng had been present during his transport to Midgar from his home in Cosmo Canyon. That Nanaki had no love for the Turks was not a large assumption to make when the basest of impressions ended with fear.

“Flowers,” Tseng replied dryly. Nanaki narrowed his eye and whipped his tail, sparks flitting from its tip.

“Not tonight. Leave.”

“I think you are mistaken,” the words were appealing but his voice was curt, “I am not here on any duty but my own.”

“ _Indeed_ ,” he hissed in turn, “Such a duty I will not allow to take place tonight. _Leave_.”

“Whatever are you talking about?” Tseng narrowed his eyes, once again saying appealing words with too-sharp a tone. His feigned innocence, however, caused a snarl to travel down the lion’s spine as his hackles raised and fur stood on end.

“Do not play dumb with me, Turk. I know you are here for her.”

“Off-duty—,”

“ _Off-duty_ ,” Nanaki snapped, “As it has been before!”

Tseng laughed, mirthless and cold, “I’m afraid you are mistaken—,”

“ _I can smell you on her!_ ” the lion savagely barked.

Tseng opened his mouth, ready to rebut that of course he did, that was the nature of his cologne, but it occurred to him all too soon that Nanaki was certainly talking about a different sort of smell. The fiery glare confirmed it for him as Nanaki’s body shook as if ready to pounce.

Ah.

Leave it to the beast to know bestial things.

For once Tseng was at a loss for words, but he did drop his innocent facade as Nanaki raked his claws in the dirt. Curling a finger to his mouth and taking a moment to clear his throat, he regained his stance.

“I suppose you’re too clever to get past,” he relented. As noted, the backhanded nature of the comment did not get past Nanaki’s cleverness and his shoulders rolled as he dug in his stance, “What stakes does such a proud creature have in protecting her like a personal guard dog?”

“ _As_ a ‘proud creature’, I need no reason other than friendship—something which I think you are not familiar with,” Nanaki riposted.

“I do not consider myself a friend of the Ancient, no,” Tseng narrowed his eyes.

“That is certainly obvious,” venom coated the words.

“Your defensiveness intrigues me,” Tseng said, unfazed, “She’s quite lucky to have a friend like you going above and beyond for her,”

Nanaki’s ears flattened and he bared his teeth, knowing there was more behind Tseng’s words before he finished his counterattack.

“Did you agree with Hojo’s decision when he played matchmaker?”

A wave rippled through his pantherine spine as a snarl became a snap, became a roar. Rage boiled over as his tail shot up, and too late Tseng recognized the pull around him. Like the crack of a whip, the air snapped in front of him and sparked into flame. It charged at the behest of its summoner, pouncing on Tseng like angry lions. He had barely enough time to thrust a pitiful half-barrier to divert the flames to either side of him, but he was still hit. Heat seared and boiled the sweat off his skin, singing his clothes and pushing him stumbling backwards.

There was no wood in the pathway to Aeris’s house, but still he heard wood snap and crackle, still felt black smoke in his nostrils, still heard screams in his ears. The fear was swift and merciless, seizing him and his muscles all at once. After the fear came utter contempt for his lack of foresight; he should’ve known the damn desert lion would be kin to fire. Tseng did not like losing, especially not in this way.

Adopting a snarl on his own features, he tore one of the few dragon scales he had fastened to his holster and struck it against the ground. The scale shattered, and from it several heavy bubbles sprung forth. Nanaki hissed in confusion and shock moments before the bubbles burst, flooding the path with water. Extinguishing the fire and throwing Nanaki off his feet, the flood was fast and harsh. Feet slipping once on the muddy path, Tseng propelled himself forward and pinned Nanaki to the ground before the lion could right himself. One knee pinned his front legs at the elbow while the opposite hand pressed his muzzle into the muck. Letting his coat hang open to showcase the gun he had yet to use, Tseng glowered at Nanaki.

“It seems we are at an impasse, then,”

“Unlikely,” Nanaki spat with hatred, “Release me and I’ll make you follow Hojo!”

“According to the Ancient, I’m not worth it,” he responded coolly, “Would you go against her wishes?”

Nanaki gnashed his teeth, the sensation odd underneath Tseng’s palm. Though the beast said nothing, the truth was clear: No. No, he would never—not like this.

“You’re amusing,” Tseng complimented, “Perhaps when this is over you might consider becoming a Turk,”

Nanaki roared, kicking his back feet and swatting his tail angrily. It might’ve been a clear _no_ , but Tseng had been quite serious. Sighing all the same, he took his time keeping him pinned to the ground before he spoke again.

“Do not let me catch you going back on your word, dog,” he warned but his voice had softened. Nanaki narrowed his eye, fierce and calculating.

“I am not the one who hurt her, Turk,” he hissed, “I will not allow your mess to be cleaned again.”

Though Tseng had no direct rebuttal to his threat (because it was true), he still sniffed and remarked dryly, “An impasse.”

Nanaki _whapped_ his tail impatiently in the mud, “It seems so.”

Tseng lifted his weight and backed away as Nanaki stood up and shook mud off. Blithely he wondered if he was upset that none of it got on Tseng’s suit.

“Do keep my offer in mind,” Tseng readjusted his coat. Nanaki spat.

“It is an insult, not an honor.”

At that, Tseng smiled, “Turks have never had honor,”

“That much I understand.” Nanaki then sat, still guarding, still wary, but regarding the encounter a stalemate.

“Then I bid you and your own good night.” Tseng tilted his head in an acknowledging nod, then turned and walked away. Nanaki only _hmphed_ at his departure.

_I am not the one who hurt her, Turk._

Those words haunted his steps until it felt like they had chained him like a dog. Every inch of his body hurt, though as he traced his way back to headquarters he forgot why. Head heavy on his shoulders, he barely noticed that Reno and Rude were waiting for him. Ignoring them so fiercely he didn’t hear any greetings, he slid his feet towards his desk.

“Right, boss, sure, absolutely,” Reno clapped a hand on Tseng’s back and he stiffened, angry and incredulous at how unprofessional it was. Seemingly aware and not caring, Reno clapped his hand on his back again and pushed him away from his desk, “A li’l bedtime reading before you pass out, huh?”

“ _Reno_ ,” Tseng snarled a warning, “Haven’t you had enough insubordination for a day?”

“Haven’t _you?”_ Reno shot back though it made little sense. At that, pushed Tseng to the couch and _tsked_ at the ease of it all, “Boss, siddown.”

“Reno—,”

He pushed again, and Tseng’s legs betrayed their weakness as he collapsed backwards onto the leather sofa. With an indignant grunt, Tseng made to stand right back up. Reno pushed him once more.

“C’mon, man,” Reno sighed, “Siddown and stay down. You look like someone pulled you outta the Wall Market sewers,”

Reno studied him as Tseng did much the same. A bruise darkened the cheek he had struck. Tseng tried to glower but he was becoming increasingly aware of how weak it was. His subordinate was completely unfazed and almost looked bored with how he regarded him, but the spark of concern was in his eyes. Tseng hated it. This was not how their dynamic was supposed to turn, yet at the same time the Turks were a small family that bonded through the dirtiest, slimiest work the company contracted them for. If they didn’t look out for each other, no one would. Despite his attempts to instill authority Tseng felt himself sink into the couch, his aching muscles crying in relief.

“If you ain’t gonna sleep, fine, but quit runnin’ around, will ya? Here,” Reno turned to cross the room back to Tseng’s desk, slipping the file of the new schematics for Cait Sith into his hand, “Your bedtime story,”

By the time he made it back to the couch Tseng had already passed out.


	7. sunset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyo, not that i was keeping a strict schedule, but i had finals this week so y'know! took a little bit longer.
> 
> yea i talk about food all over again in this i can't help it i think i'm going nuts. everything from bagels n' lox, to bonito al mojo de ajo (fixed/cooked by a character that is based off of a real life fisherman my best friend and i met down in isla mujeres, though he's. not a smuggler. lol. i actually feel really guilty about this but uh i guess...it...yeah. oh well.), and finally okonomiyaki which i miss SO MUCH
> 
> also the biggest discrepancy is that hey there's a completely new bigger city i just made up called port levi. why? because building rocket town absolutely buttfuck nowhere near a coast is the dumbest fucking thing shinra could've done. like ok yeah, test your rockets there, but prior to the town where were your scientists residing? nowhere? and you put a town NOT NEAR A COMMERCIAL ASSET LIKE A COASTLINE? you shitting me? you shitting me shinra? how are you going to foster mercantile trade? do those engineers and scientists know how to fucking agriculture, bro? do they even husbandry bro? how are you getting supplies to them? by air? every week??? how many flights gets a week of supplies to a town? do you ship those MASSIVE FUCKING SPACESHIP parts there with NO PORT TO DELIVER THEM AT (have YOU tried delivering goods on a sandy beach from the height of a ship? how about a rocky fucking cliff? ain't gonna happen!) or are you just giving the scientists ingots of aluminum and expecting them to forge it themselves? rocket town has made me SO angry now that i've put thousands and thousands of hours into citysims and civ games with special consideration to ancient civ citysims like come on, basic townbuilding 101 guys, what are you, an evil corporation or something?
> 
> to close, this is where i start trickling hints that i, in my heart of hearts, am a final fantasy vi fucker and always will be. more references are to come, because locke and rachel destroy every fiber of my being and i've never forgotten that.

Tseng woke. His adult body was nestled like a child on the couch. The formerly sharp suit he wore was crumpled with sweat, seared in many places, and tugged at his skin in uncomfortable ways. His hair was worse, chaotically resting about his head from how he moved in his sleep. But he was still sunken in the cushions, sleepy to the point of dozing. The pillow beneath him smelled like Elena, the blanket like Rude, and while Reno did not have an equivalent he noticed that his shoes had been taken off.

From the weight of her steps he could tell it was Elena who approached him, setting a tray down on the coffee table. He kept his eyes closed, stealing whatever rest he could before the sun reflected harshly off the Midgar plates. She spoke in hushed tones to her coworkers, noting that she still had a lot to do and bid them good luck before leaving.

More than Reno and Rude muttering to themselves, what Elena had placed in front of him stirred him from dozing. It was a simple but hardy breakfast; toasted bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, sweet onions and chives, over-steeped green tea (as he liked it), and an apple. (He would’ve preferred a sour plum but he had given up on searching for those over the last decade of conflict with Wutai.) Tseng peeked through the strands of hair in front of his face. His stomach growled, suddenly forcing him to realize he didn’t remember the last time he had eaten. Grunting, he curled his legs into his stomach and held his position until he trembled before releasing and pulling himself up.

Reno plopped on the couch on the other side of the coffee table, Rude taking his side soon after. Tseng tried not to acknowledge them in the moment, wincing as he pulled his tangled hairband out. The release of tension was welcome, and before he thought of eating he pressed his face into his hands, massaging his temples.

“You still _look_ terrible but you slept like a baby, boss,” Reno chirped. Something about his voice lacked the full breadth of energy he usually had, but that didn’t come as a surprise to Tseng. The bruise on his cheek had darkened in full now, and while it could’ve been much worse it was something that didn’t necessarily have to exist in the first place.

“What time is it?” Tseng asked from behind his hands.

“Ten in the morning,” Rude answered.

“You slept in for once,” Reno jabbed, “When was the last time ya did that?”

Tseng ignored him and finally reached for the food, “Anything to report?”

“Sheesh, business, business, business,” Reno complained, “Not even a g’morning, huh?”

“Good morning,” Tseng relented pointedly, which surprised the both of his subordinates, “Anything to report?”

“Not since you got back last night,” Rude informed, “Elena’s been hard at work, we checked on the labs being cleaned up,”

“But the biggest news of all is that you slept in, an’ that’s about it!” Reno had an apple of his own and took a bite of it. Tseng adjusted the distribution of salmon to bagel before taking a bite. It woke his stomach up something fierce, and he had to fight to not devour his meal as fast as Reno usually did. Still, details faded away from him as he focused on breakfast, dimly aware of the two of them watching in interest.

“So,” Reno continued once Tseng had moved on to the other half of the bagel, “Give us your schedule for the day!”

“Huh,” he said, deadened and not looking up.

“Your schedule, boss,” Reno cocked his lopsided smirk, “We’ll do it for ya!” Rude nodded in agreement, noticed only in his peripheral vision.

“Absolutely not.” Tseng shut down. The two of them? Handling _his_ tasks? Midgar would be burnt to the ground before the sun even set.

“Aw c’mon, what do you even _do?_ Hell I got it, we’ll make a courtesy call to the Sector 5 slums an—,”

“ _No_ ,” the word came out faster and stronger than Tseng was prepared for, and he blinked. The breakfast in front of him blurred then re-focused. Both Reno and Rude dropped their jaws in shock. Tseng froze, staring at his meal. Something akin to the opposite of de ja vu happened, like the breakfast, the room and his subordinates weren’t real. Not that it was a dream, but it just didn’t feel _possible_ with the strangeness of his words. He didn’t mean _no, don’t go to Sector 5 right now_ , he meant _stop. Stop going to Sector 5, indefinitely_.

The over-steeped tea was dark and at an angle where it didn’t reflect his face. Tseng reached for it and peered in, making sure he was him. Reno had been right, he looked _terrible_. But even through the mess of hair, rumpled suit and gaunt, stunned expression he still recognized himself. He sighed, dipped his head and rubbed his temples again.

“B-Boss?” Reno asked. He had picked up in the difference in tone and intention, then. Tseng swallowed. No hiding now.

“No,” he said again, softer as the words turned inward, “...Let her go.”

Things stood still. Then pain clenched his throat, traveling up his jaw. Before he knew it he was grimacing, pressing the full tea cup to his forehead to hide behind it as his body trembled. Fifteen years. Fifteen years where he was under orders to observe, watch, and course correct. It had evolved to more than that even before she reached adulthood; she had become his charge—no, he had willfully let her become his charge. He had convinced the Shinra executives that her will had been of the utmost importance—that Ifalna had escaped and died because she was there against her will and the same shouldn’t happen to their last asset, the last Ancient. How they fell for it he didn’t know. Maybe his spirituality spoke for him. He cut the urna in half with the edge of the teacup, unable to mask the deep inhale he needed to steady himself.

He wondered for a terrible moment if he had actually pushed her away—actually remained in control of himself and stopped their affairs before they started—he could’ve stopped this from happening. Was it his indiscretion that allowed her to become victim to Shinra again? Or was she always a victim and neither of them had any choice in the matter? Worse, did he have power he didn’t exert to keep her safer than she was? More than anything, it was over now—and to his shock and horror it hurt. She had trusted him when both knew she had no reason to, even through all their years of hide-and-seek.

Fifteen years, gone.

“Tseng…,”

He didn’t know which one had said it, and it didn’t really matter. It snapped him back to the present, and though his brow remained so furrowed it hurt he gulped down the tea. Perfect temperature. Perfectly steeped. Swallowing almost more than he could handle and grunting, he smacked his lips dry and continued as though things were normal.

“Reno, you’re off the clock. Rude, see if Elena needs help.”

“ _What?!_ ” Reno protested, angry, “What are you on about? What the—because of _this?!_ ” He jutted a bony finger at the bruise. Tseng did not look at him, but yes, yes that was why. Reno scoffed, insulted, “Blondie almost vivisected me with his big iron slab and I walked away _just fine_ , ya think I’m gonna be all baby whines and cries over this dumb thing?!”

“I thought you said you were tired of insubordination.” Tseng rebutted coldly.

“You! I said _you_ should be tired of insubordination! And seriously?! If _I’m_ off the clock with a lousy shiner, what about _you?!”_

Yes. What about Tseng? His fingers curled around the cup as he stared off into space with nary a blink.

When it was clear he wasn’t coming back to argue, Reno scoffed and relented, slouching into the couch and crossing his arms like a petulant child moments before he crossed his dirty shoes on the coffee table. Rude excused himself to do as Tseng asked.

He quietly ate his breakfast with Reno glowering off to the side. Neither of them let the other do anything.

~~

Even though the buggy made the trek to Junon quick, it still felt much faster than Aeris was prepared for. Wild chocobos scurried away from them as they drove by, disturbing the liquid-like waves of grass as they did. She stared out at the fields, remembering how it cushioned her knees straddled to either side of Tseng’s narrow hips. Those knees were green the next day, with dried bits of grass still clinging to her skin. Aeris briefly wondered if she had missed any blades in Tseng’s silky hair, or if he even cared. The angry part of her asserted he did not care. The other parts of her were too tired to argue.

The track marks had finally stopped swelling. It made her feel marginally human again, but she still instinctively put her hand over them.

Junon did not welcome them as they had expected. The buggy that had been promised to be smuggled back to the Western Continent suddenly couldn’t go, and their passage was denied. Aeris felt her heartstrings tighten her throat. It was Tseng’s doing, it had to be. Trapping her here with him in a deviously bureaucratic way!

But when she slipped out of the buggy to join the party, a short, stocky man with broad shoulders greeted her. His skin was weathered by salt and dark like the natives of Costa del Sol. Yellowed teeth gave a sweet, jovial smile that reached his grey eyes. His dark hair was only just starting to pepper, and his clothes were simple and stained.

He promised— _insisted—_ on transporting them (sans buggy) to the farthest side of the Western Continent, to Port Levi with its adjacent Shinra-shanty Rocket Town, far beyond where she had been kidnapped in Nibelheim. Cloud considered the deal as Barret was rightfully skeptical; after all, he was insisting like they already had tickets and was asking for nothing in return. At that the man laughed like a loud, proud Costa del Sol resident and clapped Barret on the arm. The expenses had been paid for, he had been hired to do this. This only set him further in unease, but the sailor simply shrugged.

“Suit yourself,” he said without a care, “I’ve already been paid, so if you wanna bribe the Shinra soldiers to smuggle you over, I won’t say no, eh? But I’d rather a sailor make good on his word, yeah?”

The nonchalance made Cloud like the man, and though Barret still held his reservations he at least agreed to see the boat. It was a humble thing, built for a small crew though only the sailor seemed to captain it. It was better taken care of than he was, and he beamed like a proud father as he leaped on board like a cat despite his stature. His legs bobbed with it as naturally as if they were connected and he made a sweeping bow.

“My friends! Welcome to _Nuestra Se_ _ñ_ _ora de la Esperanza_ , but you can call her _Esper_ for short. And my name is _Capit_ _á_ _n_ _Guillermo Valigarmanda_ , but you can call me _Guille_ for short! Now then, shall we set sail together?”

Guille grinned, delighted when they agreed.

The party made a full boat, even though Tifa largely stayed inside the deckhouse due to seasickness. Guille maneuvered _Esper_ as fluidly as the ocean she glided on, and when they were out to open water he gleefully allowed anyone in the party to try their hand adjusting the sails and manning the wheel. She was old but not antiquated, adequately updated with modern technology but lovingly preserved as she was. At times he spoke like the ship was his wife, and by all means she must’ve been as he had no swashbuckling tales of sexual conquest nor interest to color his personal life. That’s not to say he did not have the mouth of a sailor, but it was tempered with good humor and a sunny disposition.

He had stocked well for the trip with barrels of dried and salted meats and fishes along with fresh, weevil-free tack (he insisted). Hard shells protected soft cheeses and hanging in a sturdy net were washed coconuts. On a particularly blazing afternoon as they sailed close to his homeland, Guille nestled coconuts between his knees as he took a machete to its husk, carving a hole in its top to be drunk from. The milk was watery but sweet, fresh in a tangy way that couldn’t be replicated. For Nanaki, the sailor cut the hole extra wide for his muzzle once he had lapped enough of it away. When the weather was clear and they skirted by coves, he rigged several fishing poles to _Esper_ ’s sides. Yuffie was the best at knowing which tug was a fish, and had caught them a small school of bonito for Guille to fillet and fry on a small camp stove. The movements of his wrist as he kept the butter and garlic steady in the pan reminded Aeris of how her mother cooked, only he was doing it in time to the bob of the waves so it wouldn’t spill on the deck.

Guille had a lot of stories, from personal to tall tales. The color of his life came from how he made his income when he needed it, including participating in light smuggling rings. Goods, fineries, and alcohol—nothing seriously damaging to the soul or spirit, as he put it. Guille had only spoken of this, though, because whoever had hired him had tipped that they too were criminals in some capacity. The comment was accompanied by a good-hearted wink. For each run of alcohol he skimmed bottles for himself off of the top, and for each bottle he had a history and a funny recollection. They were free to share, as keeping alcohol untouched for a trophy’s sake ‘only made him a hoarder’. He laughed when he said it, and popped a black label champagne bottle.

Aeris liked him. Adventurous, driven by his own spirit, and at a jovial peace with the world she had seldom if ever seen in Midgar. She liked it in the way that could’ve been envious, but moreso it just stirred a great yearning in her to find a life like his. She didn’t know how to man a boat, but sailing wasn’t exactly a necessity to her. An Aeris that could go anywhere and do anything when she got there...that was the tantalizing part.

Cait approached her as the sun set, leaning against the railing of the bow and looking out to waters they had yet to cross. He was sitting on the head of his puppet moogle again, and in both hands he held a wine glass. More champagne, from a different bottle. It was coral in color, matching both the sky and Aeris’s dress. She took it with a small thanks. Cait had no such glass for himself.

“How’s your, ah…,” Cait patted the inside of his arm. Aeris shrugged.

“No longer bothered by heat. Still pink.”

He nodded. Conversation with him had been painful ever since her rescue. Awkward, short, peppered with his nervous laughter. Now was no different, as he ran a hand over his ears to scratch the back of his head. The puppet moogle gripped the railing of the deck and leaned forward as Cait sighed, following her gaze.

“And you? How are you?”

She tried not to be terse. It was tiring to be terse at this point, but it was equally as tiring as being asked this question. The obvious and true answer was that she wasn’t alright, but the better inclination was ‘ _I’m not alright, but I’m doing fine._ ’ The concept was both simple and difficult to grasp. Aeris was still struggling to come to a conclusive answer as to what had happened to her and how she should respond, but at the same time she was...alive. She was back with them. They were on their way.

“Same as ever,” she sighed, then sipped the champagne. Light, sweet, bubbly on her tongue. Fit the colors of the evening but not her mind.

Cait struggled to respond for a moment, fidgeting with the faux fur of the puppet. The party on the rest of the boat were lounging with the rest of Guille’s wine, content on the smooth waters. Even Tifa was out. The small cat looked back at them, made a complicated noise, then returned to the ocean.

“Aeris, um, y’know. Just for you, just between you and us…,”

She took another sip of the champagne.

“If you’re curious, or need help figuring things out I could...I dunno. Shed some light on what happened, y’know?”

Aeris tipped the glass higher up in lieu of giving an answer.

“Just to clear the air, nothin’ more. I’ve just been researchin’ and I think I know more about what happened so—,”

“Cait,” she interrupted firmly, “I don’t want to know.”

He stared at her, his expression wide-eyed though the limitations of the remote body couldn’t literally replicate it as such, “But…,”

Aeris looked down at the wine glass, swirling the sparkling liquid and watching how it danced over the dark ocean beneath it. Yes, she was struggling with how to respond. But it was a personal struggle, one that couldn’t be aided by outsider information. There were no new cards to be drawn, and as time went on with Guille proving to be true to his word Aeris was more and more certain she had a full house in her hand.

Besides, if somehow Cait wanted to plead for Tseng’s case, she wouldn’t have it. _Tseng_ wouldn’t have it. That much she knew for a fact. She looked over to him, relaxed but strained.

“You from Midgar, Cait?”

Startled, he fumbled as if searching for a lie before sagging his shoulders and admitting, “Yes.”

“Then you know how the city works?”

“More than anyone…,” he muttered. Aeris did not wish to delve into whatever meaning he intended, because part of her felt insulted that he thought that if her suspicions of him were true.

“People fend for themselves there. Guille lives alone but grew up in a community and you can really feel it. But I...in Midgar…,”

Cait let her speak.

“I learned to fend for myself. And that’s what I’m doing. Okay?”

He frowned, nodded, but still said, “But don’t you want to know…?”

She furrowed her brow, refocusing her concentration on the contrast between the rosy champagne and the wine-dark ocean. Her answer was just as dark, but contemplative instead of accusatory, “I don’t think I have to know.”

Though Cait seemed worried and sullen, admitting it out loud was just as much of a revelation as it was liberating. No, she didn’t _have_ to know the intricate details of how Hojo kidnapped her, the reasons why or how it all came to be. The meticulous details didn’t matter, partially because everything that happened couldn’t be taken back and partially because try as she might to see beyond, the only thing she thought about were the big things. The circus-like bobbing of Hojo’s head as Tseng assaulted him, the contortion of Tseng’s body as electricity coursed through him, the river of red from Nanaki’s muzzle, Tseng’s quiet, inward ‘ _Is that so? ...Very well’_ all burned in her brain brighter than any minuscule explanation or excuse.

Did he know that as well, and was that all the more reason for his silence?

Aeris retired to her hammock early, snug in the cozy deckhouse.

~~

_Smoke lined her throat and burned her nostrils, but it was better than being dead. She hefted her toddler brother onto her back and rolled her pants up to her thighs, pulling the drawstrings until they stuck. Behind her, her village burned and people scattered like ants as warriors hunted them down. In front of her, the poisoned rice patties and the bamboo grove lit in brilliant oranges and yellows as it burned._

“ _Jianliang,” she ordered her other brother at her side, “Put mud all over you.”_

_At this point, he was beyond the realm of questioning why. She started doing the same, mucking up her feet in particular before covering what she could of her skin and the brother on her back. When she smeared the muck on her cheeks, Jianliang at her side whimpered and tugged at her belt._

“ _Xiaoqiao…,” he warned. She chanced a glance. The warriors were getting close and were running out of ants to squash. Grabbing Jiianliang’s hand, she stood up and gripped both her brothers. Adrenaline coursed through her teenage muscles._

“ _Run.”_

_Jianliang opened his mouth, but it clacked shut as she tore off, racing on the banks of the rice paddy. It was only when he realized she was headed straight for the inferno of bamboo stalks that he started gawking._

_Aeris willed as much power as she could, feeling Xiaoqiao’s muscles strain as she ran deep into the bamboo grove. Casting haste, cure, whatever would help as it was the only thing she could do to keep the girl running. The muck on her feet dried and cracked, protecting her from coals as long as it could until it started to fall away. Fire roared in their ears and blazed in their eyes until Xiaoqiao was blinded. The stalks of bamboo screamed in pain as the fire consumed them, and Aeris followed their screams to where the fire had not yet reached on the other side of the grove, guiding the girl forward. Xiaoqiao did not stop._

_Bursting out of the grove, her mouth hung open with a dry, ashy tongue as she staggered to the pebbly shores. There Xiaoqiao collapsed, her brothers slumping around her. The mud had gone from a dark brown to a caked gray, turning to silt in the seawater. Both her brothers panted and squirmed towards the cool ocean as Xiaoqiao submerged her face and wiped the smoke away. Aeris sat on the shore, watching as saltwater minnows swam up to the children in curiosity. Just beyond, where the waters grew dark, a larger shape moved like a giant serpent, surveying from afar. Its presence was great, yet like her, the children did not seem to notice it._

_Xiaoqiao in particular was watching the rest of the grove go up in flames, obstructing the sky with black smoke. Her throat hurt for more than one reason now and she broke, sobbing. Her youngest brother followed suit, and while Jianliang was crying too he tugged and pulled at her sleeve, begging her to stop. Pleas from the youngest to go back home couldn’t be entertained, but they spurred Jianliang to put his forehead (where an urna was no longer sure to be) against his sister’s shoulder._

“ _Where are we gonna go? What are we gonna do?!”_

_While the fire blazed they were safe. What a strange, twisted turn of fate. Aeris stood up, looking to the mountains that made the shores rocky. The serpent in the waters had turned around, still surveying, as if knowing the Planet had brought her here. They fled to the mountains, hadn’t they? The people of the foothills._

_Trying to be as gentle as possible, Aeris summoned a singular bolt of lightning from an otherwise cloudless sky, striking the side of the mountain. The children jumped, then huddled together in fear._

_The tide receded in an unnatural way, only to push at their backs with a force that punted them forward. The youngest redoubled his cries, Jianliang looked panicked, but the kick had stirred Xiaoqiao despite the tears that still scored paths on her cheeks._

“ _There,” she whispered, rolling seawater off her shoulders, “We go there.”_

~~

Aeris jolted awake. Her heart was racing as though she was still fleeing through the burning bamboo grove. Whispers from the Planet faded away, though at least this time they weren’t death rattles. Compared to what she had seen before it was nothing exceptionally gruesome, but she still turned her head in the hammock and furrowed her brow until it hurt. She didn’t hate the children, not in the moment nor now. But in the waking world their connection to Tseng, even just culturally, left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Careful so not as to rouse any of the rest of the party that were sleeping in the deckhouse, Aeris slipped out of the hammock barefoot and made her way to the door. The sea breeze was fresh and welcome, the wind tugging at her hair but not whipping it about. Approaching the rail, she peered out to the dark waters that only reflected starlight. No dark, serpentine shapes stirred in the depths. Not that she could see with her naked eyes, anyway.

“ _Buenos noches, mi amor_ ,” Guille called from his position at the wheel, “It’s such a quiet night, yet you cannot sleep? You want to take the wheel for me?”

Aeris heaved a breath and approached him, cordial but drained. If he noted this he didn’t say, but gave her breadth as he passed the duty to her. He did not take breaks often, so Aeris did not mind giving him the opportunity as she was now the farthest from sleep she could possibly be. Guille ducked behind her and fished a bottle of beer from his personal stash, popping it open and stuffing a wedge of lime in. With a drink and a refreshed sigh, he laid himself down on the deck without any cushion or mattress. The roundness of his belly pushed it out of his tank top, and the dried palm of his sandals looked extra ragged with his feet freely bouncing to some unheard beat. Aeris regarded this quietly, marveling at his own comfort. People that had clothes as ragged as him in the slums would be miserable, but then the filth of the dirt mixed with glass shards and hypodermic needles certainly added to the misery. Here he only had to worry about the cleanliness of _Esper’s_ well-maintained decks.

She had braced herself for the question of why she couldn’t sleep, but Guille only half-hummed, half-sang some folk song she did not recognize.

On the pause between verses where he took another swig of his beer, Aeris asked carefully, “Guille...who hired you?”

He responded with a long, thoughtful grunt, scratching his mustache before slyly saying, “Usually a question like that would be asked before boarding the boat!”

Aeris smirked, “Well, we don’t look like the kindly bartering types, so I guess it didn’t matter to us,”

Guille cackled, still doing so even as he took another sip. Stifling a burp, he mulled over the answer longer, swishing the bottle of beer so the lime wedge took tight twirls in its confines.

“I’ve met him once,” he said, “Hired me over the phone and wired the gil over without me even givin’ him any details, you know. I met him, oh…,”

He tipped his head back, counting with the bounce of his foot, “A little more than twenty years ago, now. He was only a boy. Suppose he’s all grown up into a man. Much different than when _Esper_ carried him,”

Aeris cocked her head, “Was he a stowaway?”

Guille laughed again, “Yes? No? Perhaps both. I smuggle alcohol, not people. But...I did smuggle him, I suppose,”

Her lips felt tight. This was not the answer she was expecting. As she struggled to form consecutive questions, Guille kept musing.

“Spent lotta days in the sun, curled like an egg on her deck. Wouldn’t move, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t speak. He opened up eventually, but _whoo_ , does he sound different now,”

“Did he want to be there?”

“Yes, yes. Nowhere else for him to be—though it was none of my business; my Turk friend took charge of him.”

Aeris froze, “Turk?”

“Turk no more!” Guille laughed, “Got a nice letter from him the other day, he is doing well. But no longer in the business. Good for him! He was too good for it, you know?”

“Then…,” Aeris said slowly, dark, “The man who hired you this time was also a Turk?”

Guille took a swig of his beer that lasted as long as her deliberation. Smacking his lips, he answered, still full of energy but with a leveled approach that assured her he was following the conversation very closely, “Yes, mi amor.”

Aeris stared, hard, as she breathed, “You work for Shinra?”

Cackling so hard he nearly choked, Guille waved her off, “No, no, no, no, no! _Esper_ sails only for her Capitán! And Capitán Guillermo Valigarmanda sails for himself!”

She thought for a moment, biting her lip and looking off. Guille course-corrected her on the wheel and she followed his direction as she thought.

“So if he only asks a favor of you now...why did you do it? Did he pay well?”

“ _Ay!_ ” Guille cried in exclamation more than affirmation, “Do you think I am a good smuggler?”

Aeris frowned, confused, “Have you been caught?”

“Never! But you know, it is not because I am good. Not that I am bad! No! But you see...Things happen. It is a dangerous job, no? Yet Shinra’s eyes always move over me like I am nothing. You have to wonder why, yes?”

Aeris tilted her head. Guille finished the rest of his beer.

“I think it is because I smuggled a boy twenty years ago.”

Turning her eyes back to the ocean ahead, she let the conversation fall silent. Guille was far outnumbered and out-classed by his passengers to the point that he _should_ care about making them uncomfortable. But clearly he considered it safe, less dangerous than his usual smuggling jobs. He adjusted himself and tipped his cap over his face, saying that when she got tired again to wake him in order to take over. She confirmed, but felt uneasy.

She thought of the boy that Guille described, curled tight and inconsolable. The children on the pebbly beach came to mind, huddled together and sobbing from their loss, preceded by all the horrors the Planet had shown her before. Had it been a smuggling, then, or a rescue?

_Have you gone back?_

_No. Work._

Work. What an elegantly terse lie.

Aeris sighed and slumped her weight against the wheel, threading her arms in its spokes like she had seen Guille do when he needed a rest. Her head hurt. It was marked by the fact that the hurt in her heart had started to become subdued, and she cursed herself. Imagining Tseng as a pathetic child should not take away what he had done to her!

Deep down, though, she knew it couldn’t. The farther Guille took them away from Midgar and Hojo’s lab the closer Aeris came to piecing the puzzle together. She did not _want_ to piece the puzzle together. She was tired, she wanted to stop thinking about him more than she wanted the track marks to go away. She had said what she said to Cait Sith for a _reason_ ; she did not want to know the truth!

Especially when it was becoming glaringly clear she had all the pieces from the start.

As _Esper_ glided forward and she daydreamed, she thought of her desire to become who Guille was now. A vessel to herself—well, herself and perhaps one other. Alone at the helm and so very weary from the constant battle in her head, Aeris imagined herself underneath Tseng on the decks of her ship. Taking her in broad daylight, just as feral as he had been in Gold Saucer only with one arm wrapped around her breasts to bring her closer to him. The thought of it felt too good, especially when she followed with the image of straddling him after. His dark hair fanned around him, his muscles straining with exertion as he gasped and struggled to work to her pace, yes. She liked that. Squeezing him beneath her, seeing him proper in the sunlight of her mind’s eye.

Holding tight to the wheel, she slid her legs together. When she frowned her lip trembled, wracked with shame for taking pleasure in thoughts of him.

~~

Port Levi sat on the westmost coast of the Western Continent. Its half-timbered houses were roofed with the shingles and style that looked like a transformative Wutai abode, though the plaster was latticed with darkened wood that was not anything Tseng knew Wutai to be. The town bustled as ports usually do, populated by seasoned fisherman and merchants. Some miles inland, the shanty town that had eventually prospered into a small community of engineers from Shinra stood at the base of an abandoned rocket. Though they separated themselves from the locals, it was clear that it would not have prospered without Port Levi’s support in food and materials.

Trade was healthy in the city and children freely scampered about. Even Tseng did not seem to bother them, though some of the older ones recognized a Shinra shill when they saw one. Relations between the port and Rocket Town were always strained when bigwigs passed through, and President Rufus was due for a visit to the shanty town in a few days.

That was not why Tseng was here, though. He waited at an angle to a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, hosting an unusually large party in its tiny space. Laughter from Barret could be heard down the block, especially when he fought with the owner to allow Nanaki to dine with them. The sizzling smell of all their meals permeated the air outside the restaurant. Flat, eggy pancakes piled with Wutanese cabbage, sprouts, meat, and noodles—the local delicacy. The party had their choice of several of these outlets, but they had to choose the smallest one. Tseng would’ve rolled his eyes were it not for the simple fact that it did smell delicious.

Serendipity struck. She slunk out of the restaurant alone, smiling and satisfied but certainly off in her own head. Tseng drew in a breath. When Nanaki didn’t emerge to follow her, he did just that. For the first couple of blocks he kept his distance, but once they were a fair distance away from the restaurant he made his presence obvious. Aeris tilted her head to the side, her bangs hiding her eyes but he saw the expressionless tug of her lips.

As natural as if it had been her intention, she ducked into an alley. Tseng followed, finding her facing away from him and standing still. Her shoulders were pitched, then she finally exhaled as she turned around. His body blocked the light from the sunset, and furthermore he was blocking her only exit. Tseng quietly moved to take his place across from her. Her expression was cold and displeased, though not as hateful as he expected.

“What do you want, Tseng?” She asked. The thickness of her voice held the weariness her face did not share. Aeris held her elbows, impatient and wanting him gone.

Tseng did not blame her. It pained him to see her if only because seeing her expression, her posture, the fact that her hands very significantly covered the track marks Hojo had given her, no—it was cruel of him to remind her he existed and it was better to let go. He had done it before, and he had never gone back to what he left behind. He could, and would do it again. Already his emotions were steeling to the idea, even if beneath the steel he wished she would simply be the brat she always had been instead of this withdrawn, weary, hurt woman.

Of course, he understood her brattiness was rooted in the same soil; it was just a front he could stand to deal with. Part of him wondered if she was showing him this side to exemplify how destroyed she had become, part of him understood she was just so tired she couldn’t do anything else.

(Perhaps, too...Perhaps he should’ve been flattered she did not put up a front for him. Either that, or devastated—because he had not meant for the trysts to lead to such a thorough destruction of their walls.)

Tseng simply held her stare, then pulled the envelope from behind his back. It was much thicker than the others, padded and built from cardboard. Aeris broke their gaze to look down, confused. When she took it, she looked at him quizzically.

“Tseng…? What is this?”

He looked at the envelope in her hands, taking breaths just a touch too shallow for his chest, “It is the rest of them.”

“The...rest…?”

Her fingers clinched on the cardboard envelope, nails drawing small lines. Eyes widening like she couldn’t believe what he had said, she tried to pretend she wasn’t trembling when the realization hit her.

“75 letters, a few more pages than that in total.” he stated, clinical to get through this.

“But...why?” she struggled, “Didn’t you say this changed nothing about our arrangement?”

“It didn’t,” he narrowed his eyes at her, “The contract was that when you had received all the letters, then you would come back to Shinra willingly. That did not happen. The contract is broken,”

Aeris gaped at him, the part in her lips quivering. He refused to look at it.

“Therefore, the letters in our deal are forfeit. They’re yours,” Tseng paused, “That is all.”

That was all.

That was it.

Aeris ran her hands along the edge of the envelope. Its weight and stiffness she couldn’t deny, even without looking inside to see if he was telling the truth. Tseng stood there, monitoring her, waiting for her confirmation that he had done his duty so he could be dismissed. The cardboard easily turned soft beneath her hand. She looked back up at him. His eyes were narrowed as if impatient, but his stance was firm and aloof. Such a Turk. The more she stared, the more she noted he shifted, little by little, uncomfortable. That was not like him at all, especially not to _her_. God forbid he ever showed such weakness, and he probably didn’t even realize he was doing it now. Or, he did, and it was killing him on the inside.

Something cracked and started to melt in her. Placing a hand over the envelope like she might open it, she quietly said, “You’re dismissed.”

Tseng tilted his head after a long while of staring at her, like he was preparing for this to be the last, and turned to leave the alley.

Aeris stopped him. Her arm shot out so fast she nearly strained it. Tseng did not look at her but she could see the clench in his jaw. In that moment, she completely melted.

That was all, that was it. Aeris understood everything without having to hear the truth. Her heart fluttered like it had been freed and she inhaled a shaky breath. Tseng turned his head away from her at the sound of it, but he certainly misunderstood what it had meant. Oh, he was going to leave her, and knowing that made her the happiest woman on the Planet.

“Wait, I meant,” Aeris said, sweet and smiling so easily again, “I haven’t checked if you’re telling the truth, and I don’t want to open it here. You know?”

Tseng scowled, refusing to look at her, “Are you mocking my duty?”

“Well, I can’t hardly trust you, can I?” She retorted. It stung him, but in a way that made him seem like he was sinking further into something she hadn’t started. Still she felt light on her feet as she passed him in the alley and turned at its mouth, the sun silhouetting her.

“C’mon. It’s a bit of a walk, and then you can do whatever duty you like.”

Tseng stood reluctantly in the alley, but soon followed like the shadow of a stern bodyguard. Aeris hugged the envelope to her chest and crossed the cobblestone street.

The sunset sparkled across the ocean and Aeris picked up her skirt to run down the steps to meet it. Unlike Gold Saucer, this boardwalk was real. The cobblestone was old and rustic in parts, repaved in patterns in other. Benches dotted the area, iron fences protected children from falling in as well as provided a thrilling challenge for them to climb. Street lamps, mottled from the salty spray of the sea, did not glow in the sunlight and that made them all the more endearing. Aeris could not stop the smile that stayed on her lips, the cardboard brushing soft against her bare chest as she took grand, almost playful strides. Tseng remained a sulking figure behind her, his strides for once shorter than hers as he kept his distance. But he still followed, and her heart was singing.

She missed him. Rather, she missed the certainty of him. To have her impression of Tseng, of all people, falter in her mind was debilitating beyond measure. If she did not understand Tseng, the only person to be with her without ever leaving, then she understood nothing. That he was so prepared to separate from her at the notion that it was best for either of them—no, best for _her—_ she could almost start twirling like a little girl.

How nostalgic this felt, even if it was in a strange city with the open sky above them, the natural sunset, and the glittering ocean. She felt so girlish and happy, leading him where she wanted as he darkly stalked behind just as they had always done. Aeris took her joy in the difference of the landscapes, more than once pausing to gaze at the ocean. The sun was the color of the flames, but this was gentle and warm, loving and bright. The ocean danced with it.

As the chef of the restaurant had said, on clear days one could just barely make out the distant peaks of the mountains of Wutai, far-off pyramids of purples and reds in the blazing sky. Despite his history, despite what she knew, she turned around and pointed them out to him. Tseng paused to look, one hand on the iron fencing. She looked down at how it twisted its grip. Dimly she wondered how white his knuckles had turned, and if it was because of Wutai or because of her. It was likely this was the first attention he’d given Wutai’s landscape in over twenty years. He stared out like it had been.

Tseng. Yes. Of course he still loved Wutai though he had never returned. Why wouldn’t he try to apply the same logic to her if he thought it was best to leave?

Her heart pounded and she turned around to continue walking before he could see her blush. After all, inferring that meant inferring he loved her to start with. In a way it was easy to say he did, after all, he cared for her since she was a child in subtle, distant ways. That was a different type of love, though, and to think about him _love-loving her_ , enough to be called a _lover_ , well—

Aeris thought she was done with these games she had no control of.

Her steps up to the second floor of the inn were light and quick, while his were heavy and deliberate. She bit the inside of her cheek, leading him down to the end of the hallway where her room was. For security purposes, after what happened. Tseng seemed to swallow a grimace and only nodded in its place. She opened the door and bid him in first before shutting it behind them. Laying her hand flat against the envelope pressed to her chest, she inhaled, then mirrored him as he had done in the alley.

Fluttering, still biting her inner cheeks, she tucked her thumb into the flap of the envelope and lifted. There, all neatly tucked like Tseng had done it himself to a meticulous measure, were the rest of the letters. Gingerly she reached in and ran her thumb across their edges, seeing ghostly glimpses of her handwriting and doodles in the margins. She sucked in a breath, nearly sobbing in happiness. To Tseng, it must’ve sounded different, but he didn’t move.

Bobbing her head in a nod, she was dimly aware of how hot her face was getting the more she tried to keep the tears at bay. Aeris looked up at him, her mouth wavering on a smile only because of her struggle to keep her greater emotions in. Not because she didn’t want to express them, but because the way Tseng was looking at her told her enough. His gaze flickered all over her as they stared at each other, not in a lewd way but _worried_. She looked at her hands and how they trembled, knowing then what she truly looked like to him. Since he was expecting to break from her now and never return, he had effectively caged himself away from her. To anyone else, he would seem cold.

To her, she knew who he was, now more than ever.

Aeris took a moment, crossing her arms over the envelope as she stared down at her, then his feet. Sucking in breaths to compose herself, she wiped away whatever tears did escape before she straightened and sighed the catharsis away. Tseng stood to attention, waiting to be dismissed in order to step out of her life forever.

Aeris took a step forward, then another, holding his gaze and watching as it slowly widened with her approach. Lifting a hand from the envelope, she slid it up his chest, feeling the smooth fabric of his suit until she came to the seam at his shoulders. Tseng’s mouth stuttered open in protest and shock. A small grunt was all that she allowed to escape before she raised herself on her toes and kissed his lips.

Tseng stood still, accidentally allowing her to retreat, then kiss him again. That was when he flinched, though Aeris only meshed to his body with the envelope tucked between them. Another kiss.

“Aeris—,”

She tilted her head and he jerked away, putting his fingers on her mouth and pushing.

“ _Aeris_ ,” Tseng breathed. Who did this girl think she was? Did she not realize what had happened? Aeris was not stupid, and that made this _worse._ Was she playing him? Had she gone mad, or worse, had Hojo forced it on her? Tseng’s head swam, seeing her stare at him from behind his hand, feeling the leather of his gloves tingle as her mouth moved, kissing his fingers. Her green eyes looked too sweet, too concerned, and too sincere. He hated it. Hated it because it rusted his steel and he felt weak—worse so because the weakness begetted a sickness in him because if he fell now he’d never forgive himself for taking advantage of her in this state.

Tseng did not understand why she was kissing him, because he had done nothing in order to be forgiven. He only did his duty.

That was it.

“You don’t know what happened,” he protested, as she had never let him say his piece and he had never said it either even when he had the opportunity to. He was ready to let it die as it was, because at this point the truth didn’t matter, did it? Aeris kept her gaze steady with him, sincerity drilling in him as her brows turned upwards in a pained sort of pleaded concern that sank into his gut. His fingers shook as they fanned out, and he saw her mouth move behind their iron bars.

“I don’t have to know.” she whispered to him. Shaking his hand away she closed the distance again.

The more she kissed his stiff lips the more the realization tore him apart. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, it was that what she knew somehow exonerated him regardless of the truth.

Forgiveness? He didn’t want it to be, and part of him figured she didn’t either. The track marks were still there and probably would be forever. But maybe this was forgiveness of a different caliber, one of acceptance rather than justification.

Tseng quivered. _Acceptance_.

One by one his muscles unlocked and he felt her smile as he opened his mouth and kissed back.


	8. a day without promises (because they are lies)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had things to say, i forgot them, my cat thinks its dinnertime again. the title of the chapter is pulled from concepts of [chikai by utada hikaru](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn-1TQxWwiw) but no i have not played a kingdom heart as the kids call it
> 
> tseng's philosophizing is supposed to invoke something i know best by the japanese term 'mono-no-aware' (物の哀れ), or an awareness or transcience of things and having pathos for that. that is to say, stuff happens, and that's life. both good and bad, but more importantly in a neutral way stuff just happens. in film you can see this at the end of a lot of Kurosawa's classic works, though personally i think 'seven samurai' signifies it best. princess mononoke is perhaps a more oft seen example, where the ending is. good? bad? Both? It kind of just simply exists as it is, a sort of consequence of the actions before it but not an end.
> 
> i just really hope i didn't accidentally turn him into a david "oh no kung fu the legend reborn flopped now i will go play a mystical wolf in balto 2 who can shapeshift because mysticism come here tell me about how you spirit talked to a bear" carradine

Aeris sighed into his mouth once he melted against her in full and his brow twitched, grunting softly in reply. His hands shook as they hovered, catching the folds of her dress at her hips before he rested them against her. The gentleness of his hold only made her efforts that much more palpable, threading her fingers through his long hair to steady him as she entered his mouth.

Tseng released her hips, curling his hands so his knuckles ghosted her frame until they rested at her neck. Sweeping his thumbs up the length of it, he cupped her face with a firmer grip, tilting her to meet him when she parted. He kissed her. She kissed back. _She kissed back_. Her nails gently pet his smoothed hair as they interlocked.

When they parted he gasped, digging his fingers further behind her ears. She dipped her chin down but he wasn’t ready to break in full, not yet. Tseng ducked, catching her for more. She responded still, gentle and recipient but undeniably firm in her place. The envelope shifted between their bodies and Tseng kissed her again, now unable to let go. When his mind was clear he was too articulate to give in to simple, needy claims, but she had struck him while the iron had been hot, bent him, and he wanted her. He wanted her, badly. He wanted so much of her it hurt, and the fact that she was giving it all to him made it hurt more.

There was nothing on the Planet that could make him believe he deserved this. By all rights he should’ve been suspicious of her and her congeniality—he shouldn’t let his guard down when she had made friends with a lion that did not like him. It could’ve been a trap.

Each kiss, each stroke of her hand in his hair washed each paranoia away, one by one undoing the strings that held him tight and for the first time in a long time Tseng breathed. It made him greedy, hungry, as if he could demand release from her, as if it had been her that _could_ release him when he had been the one to tie himself up. Maybe the only thing she had done was give him a knife. Maybe she had been the only person to let him use it as he pleased.

He didn’t understand why. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, but he kept kissing to feel it more.

Finally Aeris broke away, forcing his lips to slide to her forehead. It terrified him and he remained still, waiting for her to speak, say something damning, dismiss him, say good-bye. The envelope shifted between them again as she slid it free. Tseng looked down to watch as she reached behind him, resting the letters on the nightstand. Aeris caught his gaze with her own, eyes bright but serious. They contrasted with the darkness of his gloves as he held her face. He exhaled through his nose, calming himself. It caused her to smile, small and sweet, before she reached up for him again.

Tseng stepped forward and she stepped back, and with his chest pushing against hers they crossed a line together. Her gasps became shrill and desperate, stuttering once he pressed her against the wall. Tseng couldn’t hear his own heartbeat as their kisses picked up the pace. Aeris’s hands fell to his chest, then his waist, tucking beneath to the line of his belt. Taking the hint, he obliged by meeting her hips with his. The pressure of being caught between him and the wall made her sigh again, and he released it by drawing his lips to her cheek, lower, pitching her chin up by wedging his nose beneath her jaw to kiss where it met her neck.

The beating of her pulse made him moan against her skin, and as quickly as he had traveled down he pulled back up, holding her in place. A whine struggled in his throat and he pitched forward, desperately pressing his forehead to hers. The Planet had shown her much, he could only pray it showed her the depth of this measure. With his urna firmly against the warmth of her skin, Tseng inhaled staggered breaths he couldn’t mask.

“Don’t toy with me…,”

To accept letting her go, to have her pull him back, only to have the rug pulled out from beneath him? He couldn’t muster words for the depth of that cruelty. Tseng was cold, calculating, and reserved, but his hurt was real as much as he never showed it. (Whether or not it ruled him regardless was a conversation he never wanted to have.) Now that he was here, by her choice and _acceptance_ when it had been well within her rights to shut the door between them, he couldn’t bear to think of letting her go. Unraveling the precious strings of his control left them free for her to tug and pull at her ill content. He was pleading her not to. Tseng couldn’t bear to lose something he would then realize he never had. Not again.

He retreated to gauge her expression. It was calm, which could go either way even though it didn’t make him panic. Aeris raised a hand to comb through his hair again and he tilted into her hold ever so slightly. Then her eyelids lowered and she definitively pressed her forehead to him. Yes. She knew what it meant.

Something rolled in his throat and he choked. Messy, quick kisses couldn’t mask it and he pulled away, tracing his lower lip up the bridge of her nose to breathe where she might’ve had an urna—if she were twenty-some years older, with enough age lines and liver spots on proud display. Tseng closed his eyes at the thought, and the moment he did he felt a weight on his long lashes. He remained still, letting the tears fall without acknowledging them.

He thought he had lost her. Really, really lost her.

By the time the tears dropped to Aeris’s cheeks they were lukewarm, but she could guess their original heat. She stood docile for him, closing her eyes as she listened to his choppy breaths attempt to stifle everything. To do anything but let him attempt to regain his equilibrium was not something she wanted to push, not with the way he was looking at her now. Sliding a hand to the small of his back, she rubbed her thumb soothingly as the other gently loosened his tie to relax him. Smooth though his adam’s apple was, she still saw it bob as he swallowed hard. Charmed, she leaned forward and pressed her smile to his throat. It was a shame she was in no position to wear lipstick; she would’ve liked to see the mark it would’ve left on him. Tseng gasped, and the realness of it settled well in her ears. She sighed, long and satisfied.

Aeris wrapped her hands around his, gently pulling them away from her face though she felt their absence. Tseng pulled back to watch her, the only trace of his tears being a small bead of water clinging to an eyelash. Keeping eye contact, she carefully pulled his gloves off, laying them together and setting them on the arm of a simple chair in the room. Hands freed, she took them in her own. Feeling their shape (slender but strong) and their texture (smooth but not unmarred), she watched his searching eyes soften as his hands moved like water to how she molded them. She had felt the hardness of their grip before, watched as they rendered Hojo unconscious; still further in her memory she recalled blood dripping from his gloves from a confrontation in the slums that he had to step in to stop. How good it was to feel them as hers. She brought them up to her lips, the unmistakable scent of his cologne becoming strong as his wrists drew near. Aeris relished in it, flashed with cozy memories of homes she didn’t have.

Funny how a man so dark and cold chose the scent of home as his calling card.

Tseng’s hands flowed from her hold, laying flat on her chest above her breasts to feel her breathe. She glanced down, watching them warm the cotton fabric before moving to the line of buttons. One by one they were unfastened, in an almost cavalier manner like it was their first time. Patient though she was, her breath quickened with heat as his hands moved down. His fingers felt delightfully strange between her breasts as they moved to undo the button, and though her chest arched to him he did not pause to indulge. He did, however, lean in to kiss her cheek, slow and tender as his hands moved down.

Then his lips left as his hands reached her navel. Tseng planted a kiss on her breastbone. He reached her hips, he placed a kiss on her navel. The dress had been entirely undone, and Tseng was on his knees in front of her. Aeris’s breath caught in her throat, her hands instinctively going to her mouth to cover the heat of embarrassment and shock. His gaze was steady, but drinking her in with a thirst she had seen from him before but never so mulled. Without breaking his gaze he planted a ghost of a kiss over her panties. Aeris watched him, once more feeling girlish. It would’ve been easier to process if he had simply ripped her dress off like the other times; she didn’t know how to process being savored, being knelt in front of. Even when his fingers hooked around the waistband of her panties she squished her arms close to her in anticipation.

Her shoes came off with the panties, and she stood barefoot, naked beneath her dress save for her bra that was feeling more and more restrictive the more his eyes took her in. Naturally frustrated, Aeris twisted, unhooking her bra and pushing out of the rest of her clothes. She initially had plans to at least lay them with his gloves, as he was only kneeling in front of her complacently for the moment, but the smirk that grew as he watched her said otherwise. Her clothes dropped to the floor as Tseng took her thighs, pried them apart, and kissed between them.

Aeris gasped, her knees twitching like they wanted to close but the breadth of his shoulders kept them apart. He kissed her again, tongue darting out to taste her. A brief noise of surprise left him as Aeris shivered, clamping a hand over her mouth. He tested her again, and the brief noise turned to satisfaction at her wetness. Tseng flicked his tongue at her clit and Aeris muffled a sob, clamping down on his head. She heard a chuckle before she felt it against her lower lips and Aeris moaned in her palm, the rippling depth of his voice sending bolts of fire up from below. Once he started licking her in earnest she felt her feet strain, as she had unwittingly raised her heels up as they trembled from the sensation. The thought of telling him to stop so she could readjust never crossed her mind. She simply let him do as he wished, until it felt like he was devouring her.

It wasn’t long until both hands dug into Tseng’s hair. Though his own originally pinned her to the wall, they moved to brace himself on either side of her as her hips undulated with the direction of his tongue. The more he drove into her softness the more she was blinded by the sensation and deafened by her own voice. Her body curled over him as her throat strained. When his fingers joined his tongue she went rigid against the wall, back sweaty and digging into the texture of the wood as her knees braced against his shoulders. Whenever she could manage a glance down she saw the mark crest over her mound like a small star, sometimes joined by the darkness of his gaze as he looked up to check, savor, before slowly closing his eyes, his lashes brushing against her inner thighs as he did so.

She said his name, as much as her mouth could manage it. More often it pounded in her mind, coursed with her pulse as her skin flushed red and she struggled to maintain her balance the more he sent her tipping. Her heels slipped on the floor, threatening collapse, but he only reared forward, hooking his arms beneath her thighs and balling his fists against the wall. Her toes curled against the floor near his knees, cries cut short when his tongue circled her clit. Aeris dug lines in his hair with her nails, trying to manage the bucking of her hips as she came though his mouth followed where she went. Thick, wide licks carried her back down from her climax, making her twitch and her knees knock against him.

She wanted to collapse, melt into a boneless pile in his lap, but he stood to keep her upright. Aeris was trembling, her body reacting to the smallest sensations like his pant leg brushing against her knees, the lapels of his suit against her nipples, the brush of his long hair on her shoulder. Trapped in a struggle to say words, she could only utter half-sounds in her attempt to communicate.

He murmured to her, pulling her bangs back from her face, “You do make beautiful sounds,”

From her fuzzy vision she saw Tseng smile in what she assumed was pride before he kissed her again. His taste, which had grown familiar, had melded with her juices in a way that excited her all over again. The first kiss she let him lead as she committed it to memory, but when he tried to pull away she dug into his lapels like claws and feverishly kissed back, telling him in no uncertain terms that she would not be done in so easily.

Though she expected a chuckle when they parted, he only gasped, followed by an attempt at a calming sigh. Despite her feverish display, when she felt him at the back of her head she rested her temple against his shoulder. His hands deftly undid the ribbon, carefully catching her mother’s materia as it dropped from the knot. Kissing her hair as he drew close, he carefully set the materia in the folds of the ribbon down on the chair. Aeris, her hands on his lapels, pressed her forehead to his chest as his fingers untwisted her ponytail. She sighed, feeling the freed curls slip on the skin of her back. Her heart was pounding but she didn’t move, even as Tseng started to undo his own buttons. The jacket came loose, Aeris slipped her hands beneath to his shoulders to help shrug it off. Though she didn’t want to, she retreated so he could undo the rest. As he did she eyed the mess she had made of his hair and reached up to do as he had done, sliding the hairband down his comparatively sleek locks until it was loose. Instead of putting it with the rest, she slipped the band over her wrist as his chest opened to her. Mussing up his hair until it was satisfactorily candid, she smiled at the mess he was letting himself become.

Aeris was certain that the only reason they were patient enough to reach the bed was because Tseng put his gun and holster down on the nightstand. Impatience made her petulant, pulling him to the sheets with his pants just past his hips. Not that he did much but grunt, which turned into hot breaths along the side of her ribcage as he kicked the rest off.

Tangled but not quite whole, Aeris became lost in a fever rush, feeling his mouth kiss everywhere it could while his hands held, caressed, pinned, or gripped. She did similar to him, nipping down his neck and sliding along his collar as her hands wandered his lithe muscles, something that he had not allowed her to do previously. His skin was hot, but tempered with icy slips of scar tissue that only became visible now that she felt they were there. Every time she found a new one, she turned until she could kiss it proper. At first he hadn’t noticed, but the growing huskiness of his emotion told her he had realized soon enough.

She had no intent to break from him, but whenever she crossed an invisible line and strayed what Tseng deemed to be too far away he would pull her back, pin her to the bed or trap her in his arms to smother with kisses. Any mock play at struggle tightened his grip and intensified his lips, which rewarded him with arched backs and shrill sighs.

Aeris’s mind was blank, her body only paying attention to him.

He pulled her back to him again, but the angle of his knees was different, his hips pinning her instead of his hands so she could feel his erection between them. Aeris gave a quick lick to his ear lobe and shifted against his cock with a needy hum. Tseng exhaled a hot breath on her neck, aligning himself with a short tease of the head in her folds before pushing in. He sighed, the bass of his voice hitting her mind like stars as it hitched. His arms struggled to embrace her but they were weak. Struggling to acclimate, struggling to stay in control.

Aeris gasped herself, knotting her hand in his loose hair as she studied him lovingly, “There it is,” she breathed, smiling, “There you are…,”

He stared at her, mouth parted just enough so that his lower lip looked pouty through no volition of his own. Disheveled. Lovely. Tseng twitched, his expression contorting in emotion as he slid himself to the hilt. Aeris fought to keep her gaze though her mouth quivered with small cries. She was both in love and proud at how lost he became inside her, as much as she welcomed his girth. It was beautiful, especially when she pinpointed the moment decisions slipped from his grasp—his eyes screwed shut, he pressed his forehead against hers, and pulled out to the head.

Aeris expected him to snap forward, but instead he pushed slow and sweet. It caused her go to wild, stammering as her free hand clawed at air. Going slow made him seem so much bigger, and the unfamiliarity of it lit her senses on fire. Tseng wasn’t doing it to tease her, either; he was simply forcing her to feel what he felt as he poured his appreciation into the gentle swaying of their conjoined hips.

“ _Tseng_ …,” she moaned. He let go of a breath he had been holding, and closed his mouth on hers as he rolled his hips into her.

As he slowly built pace she felt rather than saw his hands ball into fists on either side of her head, wrapped in both the sheets and her hair. Aeris moved with him to his timing, her voice small to start but gaining intensity as he did.

His hands loosened, drew closer to her shoulders, balled, loosened again. Tseng had been spoiling her with kisses, but broke away with a moan. Then, as his speed started to meet the intensity she had known him for he stammered something that brought stars to her head.

“ _Aeris_ ,”

She bucked, he moaned again, louder. The curtain of his hair made it feel more than anything that it was just the two of them—the room didn’t even exist in their space. His hands clawed into her shoulders as he started to snap forward, then wrapped around her tight in her hair and down her ribs.

Her name, _Aeris_ , again on his lips. Needy, desperate, almost lonely. Tseng buried his face in her neck and started thrusting without abandon.

Crying out in pleasure, Aeris kept him buried where he was with the hand in his hair, scoring lines in his skin with the other. Resting her cheek against his head, she felt his gasps and breathy moans purr against her throat. The last string had been cut, and no pretenses kept Tseng out of her arms now. Doing all she could to meet him in the middle so he wouldn’t feel alone in his vulnerability, Aeris held fast to him even through his demanding pace. Her head spun, she pressed herself so tightly against him she felt as though she could slip into his skin yet wept when she couldn’t. Even so, he was there for her as he always was.

Her one and only constant.

Her touchstone.

The timbre of his voice wrenched around a knot, and the hand at her ribs dug into her waist. Nothing braced her for the doubled vigor, leaving her hoarse and breathless as she came tangled in him. He followed, muffling his cry in the flesh of her throat. Aeris shivered, feeling his cock twitch as it filled her. Tseng thrust again, and again, riding themselves through the orgasm as it simmered into afterglow.

The fullness of his weight blanketed her after, wrapping her in warmth and comfort as his breaths chilled the sweat on her skin. Tseng did not let her go, even as she pushed him to roll to the side. Aeris huddled closer to his naked body, keeping her hold on him as well as they dozed.

~~

Long, black locks of his hair felt endless when she combed through them, the gentle sound like the distant waves beyond the inn that laid the tempo for their breaths. It felt odd, laying and facing each other like lovers supposedly did, but he found little need to do anything else. Aeris studied him, as well she should’ve. It was the first, and perhaps only time he felt so tame and docile in front of someone. So tame that his arms hung loose around her waist, not a grip nor a true hold, just a relaxed enmeshment. She continued to comb his hair, which felt wild in its looseness. Tseng altered between dozing to her touch and watching where her eyes wandered.

Her mouth pulled in a small, thoughtful frown as she caressed his hairline, sweeping a gentle thumb up the bridge of his nose and over the urna. Tseng’s eyes fluttered closed, heaving a great sigh as he sank further into the pillow webbed with his dark strands.

“I never asked what the name for this was,” she whispered. Tseng hummed, half a moan from how her touch continued to make his skin feel alive.

“An urna,” he answered, “Third eye. For guidance.”

Aeris brushed a knuckle over it, “Women don’t have it?”

“Women don’t need guidance,” he said bluntly, drawing a cute snort from her. Damn him, but he smirked at that then elaborated, “Later, when they’re ready to teach the wisdom they’ve accrued. Prior, they choose their temporary urna—according to the day, ceremony, whatever they like.”

“A drake scale for weddings?”

The rumble in Tseng’s chest not only affirmed but admired her intuition. Such was the wisdom of an Ancient, he supposed. He didn’t know if he should be ashamed or reprimanded for deliberately failing to see it before; but, he supposed, his distance was to save her from a friendship with Shinra.

“So you believe this? That women don’t need guidance?”

Tseng brought his hand up her back and grumbled, “You have tested that belief many times, brat,”

The mischievous grin that split her features was all too familiar and all too ready for him, “And your conclusion?”

He sighed, contemplated, then answered truthfully, “You always seemed to know exactly what you were doing, regardless.”

The mischief dropped from her grin to appreciation, and Tseng’s eyes fluttered closed again as she leaned forward to plant a kiss on his urna. It was a motion she had no context for, yet at the same time she would not have done it without the intent, anyways. Pleasantly numbed, Tseng’s voice quietly rumbled in his throat as he pulled her closer. She folded into his embrace for a while before she asked a question that was clear she had been dreading.

“Why...Why, then?”

“Hm?”

Aeris pulled back from him, pressing her fingers into his shoulders to indicate he shouldn’t worry about her intent. But she wasn’t looking at his face anymore, instead suddenly interested in the thread count of their pillows, or how waves of her golden brown hair contrasted the dark strands of his, or watching her knead his muscles anxiously. The words were not coming to her easily if at all, and when she gave up she looked at him, touching the urna again. Then she shakily dropped beneath it and drew a line across his brow. He raised it in recognition as the words finally came to her, pathetic though she sounded.

“I...I’ve seen—,” she swallowed, hard, “I saw...fire, and blood, and hair—so, so much of it. Curved knives and discarded bodies and—,”

“Scalps,” he provided, blunt enough to make her flinch, “You saw scalps.”

She nodded.

Tseng closed his eyes and inhaled. As she had done earlier, he thumbed a lock of her hair against her back as an indication not to worry where his mind was. Aeris was patient, though perhaps her quietness was more out of necessity than anything else.

“The Wutaia in the north, they have urnas on statues of deities and demigods. On people, just their greatest elders. They say it’s...wrong, blasphemy to assume deification. Like we’re trying to trick them—devils, demons, whatever you want to call it. That’s their reasoning,”

Tseng opened his eyes and pet hair away from her face as she stared at him, wide-eyed in sympathy he couldn’t demand from her, “But...that only works for so long.”

Aeris nodded. She understood. Tseng sighed again and tucked her beneath his chin.

“I haven’t gone back. It’s no longer of consequence to me.”

He was very good at telling eloquent, blatant lies so that they were believable. She, on the other hand, was very good at not taking them for an adequate answer.

“Tseng...did you mean to come here alone?”

“How did you— _tsk_ ,” Tseng cussed, “ _Guille_.”

For once Aeris smiled shyly as she sympathetically said, “He attributes his good fortune to you, you know,”

He scoffed, “Superstitious sailor.”

Aeris nuzzled her smile into his neck, letting Tseng say what he wished to squelch his dissonance.

“Tseng…,” Aeris shivered, her breath hitching as her fingers gripped him harder for a brief moment. Her nose was in his hair, breathing the scent from his lovemaking as her mouth brushed his neck. She shook not from emotion but from the thin fear of her mind and power as she offered, “I could...search for them. Your family.”

He pulled back, cold air rushing between them. Staring at her with incredulity, Tseng’s eyes only widened the more she spoke.

“Your parents, at least...Just. To see if they’re alive, maybe even where. Or if they died, how…,”

Tseng gaped at her, his wide eyes searching beyond her expression. It had never occurred to him that it was a possibility—the simple knowledge, dare it be the peace of mind he had dashed to the ground not long after stepping off Guille’s boat. He remembered his teenage muscles straining in overcompensating strength as he shook, asking Veld for confirmation that his parents lied to him. Not lied as in _lied_ , but lied when they said they’d meet him across the water. He remembered Veld’s silence, because even though the Turk had never met them he knew the answer to Tseng’s question. He didn’t hate them. He was never angry. He just refused to dream after that. It was easier.

To have a definitive answer so generously given to him for nothing in return tore a hole in the pattern he had adapted. _This_ was easy—he could say yes, and know for sure. Perhaps they had even been ships passing in the night, never finding each other despite unknown proximity. Or perhaps something bloodier, and the knowledge could put their spirits (and, in truth, his) to rest.

Tseng closed his mouth to swallow, then dropped his gaze.

“No.”

Aeris stilled.

“No. Please.”

Saying yes was easy. But not knowing as he lived it was, at this point, guiltless. Routine. Most importantly, it was the only way he had kept himself together. Compartmentalize, reduce, move forward, forget. He had become a Turk, he was no Ancient. Neither was he going to use the Ancient as the company would’ve.

Aeris accepted his answer by planting a sweet kiss on his tightened lips, sighing when he returned it. Once more she started combing through his hair, undeterred by his ragged, uneven breaths. Maybe someday he might take her up on that offer. But not today.

And Tseng knew that meant never.

The combing slowed and Tseng looked at her. She had fallen from attention, gazing off to some unknown place with a pained frown. He tilted his head, asking with a brush of his thumb against her chin. Aeris glanced at him, but quickly blinked and refused, scrunching up.

“It’s selfish,” she muttered after he asked again. He said nothing, patiently waiting her out until she got frustrated enough to elaborate, “I have nothing to say, or share. You already know everything about me, more than anyone,”

The hardness of his gaze contrasted with his soft silence. Though it was cheeky enough for Aeris to hate, it was still so normal for him to let her speak while he simply drank her words in. Flustered though she was, she found it in her to continue.

“I don’t have a family, or anything in the way that anyone does. The Planet teaches me, but it’s not the same...dreams can’t sing you lullabies, voices can’t hug you until you stop crying. There’s so much metal in my memory, ugly lights and sharp needles. Mom told me I had a father, that I wasn’t born there, but I don’t remember anything but the lab. I might as well have been made there, cultured there—,”

Aeris curled her fingers tight. She was glad she was only looking at his mouth, which remained still as ever. There were times in the past where she wondered if his face even had any muscles, beyond the ones that allowed him to smirk. If nothing else did, tonight proved otherwise, but she found solace in how familiar his tranquility was.

“Bred. Bred just like Sephiroth was.

“Cloud...told us about the Nibelheim incident,” Aeris shuddered in response to Tseng stiffening, “He said Sephiroth went mad...figuring out where he came from, then deciding what to do, which was slaughter all those defenseless people. And I—,”

She looked up at him then, eyes stinging with pain that was spreading across her face, “And I’m trying to do the same thing. I came from the same lab, the same people, the same company, and I’m _no different—,”_

From the heightened contortion and flushing of her face Tseng knew what was coming before it happened. Bolting upright with her, he pulled her into his chest. He remained quiet as frightened sobs rocked her body. Aeris trembled, twitching harshly as she came apart. Tseng could only ease her closer without tightening his hold, pressing his mouth to her hair as her nails drew lines in his back for comfort. He looked to the rumpled space in the sheets where they had been lying seconds before. Envy had wrapped up her fear and the revelation of it had caught her off-guard. Tseng’s shoulders relaxed, pushing against her like a support beam. Trading places, he ran his fingers through her hair now as she hiccuped and wept, ugly tears wetting his chest. Intermittent kisses weren’t enough to calm her, not that he expected them to be. Time would run its course, and he was nothing else if not patient.

Scratches at the door shattered their space like a bomb had blown itself, and Tseng snapped Aeris close to him. The wind left her as he lurched to yank his gun out of the holster from the nightstand.

“Aeris?” Nanaki’s concerned voice came from behind the door. Once his presence had been processed Aeris relaxed in Tseng’s hold as he loosened his grip on the gun, “Are you alright?”

She hiccuped, and Nanaki dropped to a warning growl, “ _Only_ Aeris can answer.”

Feeling the closest to sheepish he had in a long time, Tseng finally let go of the gun and rubbed his thumb on Aeris’s shoulder as she tried to speedily compose herself.

“Yes,” she blubbered into Tseng’s chest. Inhaling shakily, she turned her head so that she faced the door, “Yes, I’m fine.”

That wasn’t wholly true, and Nanaki knew it, “...Are you sure?”

“I’m fine, Nanaki.” the weakness of her voice made it mousey and hushed, but there was an element of comfort to it that Tseng felt as she eased herself back into his lap proper.

The lion stood at the door, contemplating—or, more likely, listening. Tseng didn’t want to think about him analyzing their scent, but that was likely too. After a while he sighed, “Alright. If anything happens…,”

Aeris smiled as he trailed off, “I know.”

Tseng listened to the floorboards creak as Nanaki retreated back to whatever place he had been holding, leaving them in peace. Aeris was quiet, though it quickly became obvious she was forcing it once she gave a thick and unseemly sniffle. The subtlety of her over-strained muscles was clear to him then, and when she tried to stifle herself further he held her tight again.

“Only scientists would be proud of me…,” she whispered, “Grown and cultivated from their disgusting hands.”

He shifted, causing Aeris to do so as well. The movement cut her thoughts off, and she buried into the heart of his collarbone. Tseng slid his jaw to the side as he stared at the wonderful tumble of her messy hair down her back, billowing around his arms and catching light though there was very little. He did not know enough of Shinra’s past to give Aeris any peace of mind; now that he had ordered her and Ifalna’s files deleted they would never know. Contemplating whether or not that had been a wise move, Tseng shifted his arms to watch the patterns of light change in her hair. Perhaps he had been too quick to play judge, jury, and executioner with the only documentation of her past, but then again it was a clinical, devious documentation meant for dissection and experimentation. What past could she devise from that? Surely nothing. But in a way that wasn’t the point.

Tseng sighed, and she turned her ear to his skin to feel his voice as earnestly as she could.

“A different person would’ve said yes to your offer.”

He let his statement linger in the air before he continued.

“Obviously, I am not that person.”

Aeris’s shallow breaths filled his ears though they were soft.

“I rebuked it. Like I rebuked everything else before being a Turk. Not a requirement, but a decision. Before I even knew I was rebuking it, I made the decision to leave. No, I _had_ to leave Wutai. But that is where it began. The moment I stepped off the land I realized I had nowhere to be,” He closed his eyes as if the harsh freshness of open saltwater had buffeted them for the first time again.

“Nowhere to go. Nowhere to belong. Nobody to be. People did not look at me, see the urna, and know who I was, what community or culture I belonged to, maybe even where I came from. The most they saw of me was _foreigner_. They didn’t see me as a neighbor, or a threat, or a target. Just a foreigner, one they’d move on from seeing. And they did. Because I had nowhere, and no one to be,”

Tseng paused, “If you have nowhere to be, why be anywhere at all?”

Taking in a breath brought him the sharp, metallic tang of Midgar that smelled so foreboding and alien twenty years ago—something he did not smell nor feel now. He lowered his forehead to her hair, folding over her until it was less of an embrace and more of a shell.

“The answer was you just have to be. Day after day. Week after week, after month, after year. Endlessly.”

When he didn’t continue, Aeris shifted and in a small voice asked, “Until?”

He hummed, the thrumming noise almost derisive against her ear, “Until? There is no until. That is a very Midgar problem; _until_. One of the strangest concepts I had to learn. If you stand on a riverbank and watch the river go by, what does _until_ mean? Until new water comes? That’s every second. Until it reaches the ocean? First you’d have to change your place to see that, and then what? You watch the waters mix. Do they mix for a certain goal, or do they just mix? They simply do what they are doing. The ocean isn’t the river’s goal, fresh water doesn’t mix with salt. The river has no goals, it just exists.”

“This is not very encouraging, Tseng,” Aeris pouted. He scoffed. Cussed in a language she only heard in her dreams, but she caught the word _Midgar_ again.

“Would you call a river something else if you knew it didn’t have a goal?”

“What?” she scrunched her face, “No—,”

“So is a dirty smuggling sailor not a person because his goals are different than a Turk?”

“ _Tseng,_ ” she chastised for his deliberate use of throwing Guille under the bus, but he was quick to not let her interruption settle.

“Aeris. Would you call a person different because they were grown in a lab, or would you call them different because of what they’ve done afterwards?”

Aeris fell silent, her mouth agape against his skin. Tseng let her as it all tumbled in her head, stirrings and understandings he had grown up with—things he couldn’t wholly leave behind in Wutai. Saying it now was easy, but there was no way to convey that it had been hard for him in the past too without it coming off as condescending. On Guille’s boat, curled so tightly it hurt but unable to unfurl, he only wanted answers and reasons. Part of his shedding of the past meant shedding the want for those reasons, even if the pain still throbbed dully to him in the bleaker nights. He believed the words that he said, but that didn’t mean he believed in their ease, much as he had been the person to say _no_ to her offer.

“You don’t watch a river until,” he gazed at her, “You watch a river because you enjoy it being.”

Tseng wasn’t wise, he only survived. He pulled her away from his chest just enough to see her properly. Her brows were furrowed, unhappy with his answer or perhaps unhappy with what it made her confront. But she still gazed at him in turn, not in wonder but in a murmuring sort of adoration, like she was seeing something beautiful. Usually he would not enjoy being looked at in such a manner, but something was calm in him even though being around her had made him think of things he hadn’t thought about in nearly twenty years.

Aeris thoughtfully stroked the plane of his chest and asked, “Tseng...do you ever call Midgar home?”

He was silent; he didn’t (couldn’t) answer. Aeris sighed, sympathetic, and nuzzled his collar again.

“I...can’t either,” she murmured, “Not all the time.”

Good words. _Not all the time_. Both of them were quite exemplary orphans of their own past. Tseng nuzzled her up with his nose in order to plant a kiss on her forehead. She hummed pleasantly, rising up on her knees to kiss him properly. Her soft breasts pillowed against him, especially as her arms wrapped around his neck and held him close. When she broke from their kiss she exhaled, still frustrated but in that familiar, unending way.

But she took his words to heart, pulling them into the opportunity of the moment when she pleaded to him in a desperate whisper, “ _Love me_.”

His fingers dug little half-moon shapes in her back. Her knees lowered herself into his lap, she kissed him fervently, searching for a reply she was too greedy to let him give on his own. The sheets shifted at the behest of his heels as they pushed each other back until his shoulders spanned the distance of the corner of the wall. Tseng slipped a hand between the two of them, fondling her breasts until her nipples were pert against his skin. Aeris started to squeak as she breathed, her spine undulating.

“ _Please_ ,” even though she could already feel him harden.

“Come here,” even though she was already as close as she could possibly be.

Tseng closed his mouth over hers as he squeezed her breast, breathing hot across her cheek as she found his erection. Parting from her to look down, he watched as she held his cock against her entrance, slicking the head before she aligned herself. Growling, he latched onto her throat to catch the jump in her pulse as she guided him inside. Aeris sighed, easing herself until her thighs were flat. Tseng panted over the wet skin of her throat, waiting for her to start a rhythm before bucking up to break it. She squealed, held him tighter, and the squeal turned into a satisfied moan.

Hiding his equally satisfied smile in the river of her hair, Tseng held her close and steady as he did what she asked.


	9. dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh hello everyone, so sorry for the hiatus. i moved! in the middle of a pandemic! fuck! and then i somehow got a job! fuck! and already started--and finished??--training for it! fuck! i've been busy!
> 
> i want to give a big ol' happy birthday to my bestie (ho ho! i managed to finish it by today! ho ho!) whom has not only been reading this story but who also is a big ol' final fantasy 6 person and here's where i really start shoving ff6 down everyone's throats, even though i'm like 99.99% sure you cannot get either phoenix materia this early. enjoy it!
> 
> thank y'all for your patience...truly. and your kind, kind comments, i can't really say how much it means to me to hear how much this story has come to mean to you. writing this chapter was a little bit rough if only because taking the hiatus meant losing my groove, so if this feels a little wonky it's because i was finding my stepping again. also because this is largely a transition part, so, y'know.
> 
> please, enjoy. feels good to post again! _i have not edited half of this chapter oh my god please send help it's 5:23am and i have work in 7 hours_

The room was early morning blue and chilly, the windows frosted from the shoreline mist. Warmth seemed to come more from his body than from the blankets, and as Aeris blearily realized he too was awake she sleepily shifted further into him. His chest expanded into her back with a great yet reserved sigh. Her smile touched the pillowcase. How like him.

Half-measures of dreams soothed the chill. Dreams of his body moving against hers, shifting her in his hold as his hair stuck to sweat beads on her skin. The feel of his lean thigh between hers as he purred in satisfaction, feeling the warmth of the aftermath within her. She thought of how placidly his hands laid in hers as she played and explored them until his breaths grew rhythmic in her hair. Though she loved the length of his fingers slipping into her, how his hands now sleepily rested into her plush belly was far more intimate than she could’ve accounted for. Tseng’s thumb swept over her navel, without thought or motive. That was good. Aeris nuzzled her pillow like it was his chest. A Tseng without motive would be a Tseng that could finally rest.

As if in defiance of that thought, his hands slipped away as he untangled himself from the sheets. Aeris shivered, though not as much as he did when he attempted to shake off the cold. She watched through unfocused vision as he nursed the woodstove to life, gooseflesh appearing all along the muscles she had committed to memory now that he allowed her to touch him. After placing a kettle on the stove, Tseng stole back to bed, quiet as a spy would be as he found his place beside her again.

Aeris stretched and arched, welcoming his embrace with her own. Before she had completely turned to him he buried himself in her neck, cushioned by her hair. It startled her, not the action but the inherent neediness apparent with the abruptness of it. Perhaps he was just cold. If that was the case, the warmth of her smile should help as she threaded a hand over the back of his head. Briefly she wondered if she should say something.

Instead she figured he preferred her filling his other senses for the time being.

Tseng would most certainly call her as stubborn as a diamond, and she would say much the same about him. It had not occurred to her that they could clash so well that they both cracked.

The kettle started to hiss. Tseng rose from her neck and his absence made her note the curve of her flesh like a piece had been sliced away. But even as she watched his naked body peel away from her the scent of his cologne lingered in her hair. Warm spices that were no longer strange to her, instead invoking memories of a home and culture that had become commonplace in her dreams. Dare she dream further that they were as home to her now as they were to him.

“Tea?” he asked even as he poured the hot water into a small dish before soaking a hand towel in it. Aeris shook her head, staring at how his body moved in slight, domestic ways. His fingers flicking reactively as he folded the hand towel into the water, the tug and pull of his arms as he set the kettle down, the proud curve of his back though he wasn’t standing to attention, how gentle he looked when flaccid—all which was important and wonderful to see. Though it was early and cold he still moved with grace, even with such simple tasks as gathering their clothes onto the chair proper. Balling her materia and ribbon in hand, he carefully set them on the nightstand in the crook of his gun. She wanted him back in her arms, and she ached when she had to settle for him sitting on the edge of the bed instead.

Heated towel in hand, he idly washed his face and neck, refreshing himself for the morning. Aeris tucked him into her stomach by pulling her legs to curve around her lover. Far from ignoring her, Tseng dropped a hand to her thighs, and though the blanket separated them she felt his warmth immediately—or that was the blood rushing to meet him.

She had also never seen his hair like it was, pulled sleek over his far shoulder, loose and so undone she felt more shy to see it now than his nakedness. More embarrassing still was the fact she could feel her cheeks grow hot staring at him like this—she had willfully put her mouth on far more intimate and taboo places on his body with nary a blush, and the more she chastised herself the redder the heat grew.

If he noticed, he didn’t bring attention to it. Then again he seemed to be looking at his feet, or the door, or at his closed eyelids more than looking at her. Hoping to break herself from the embarrassment, Aeris uncurled an arm and touched his, tracing down to dip beneath and cross his ribs to the crest of his hip. Squeezing her thigh, she noticed his smirk appear for a moment before it fell again. Though it fell, his hand started to massage her gently, grounding him in his thoughts.

“We’re enemies, still.” He said after a long while of repeating the pattern. His voice was solemn but quiet, undemanding in its statements, “Don’t forget that.”

She opened her mouth. Part of her couldn’t forget that. The other part could. What was more confusing was that they could and _did_ co-exist. Her gut twisted oddly at the realization. Managing to conjure her wit, Aeris responded in a similar gentle tone, “What has changed about that?”

His mouth twitched, regarding that statement. Obviously, nothing had changed about that in particular. But it was them that had changed—both of them. Therein lied the problem he was warning about.

“It’s possible to separate the private from the professional,” Tseng slung the towel around his neck, tugging it close and sighing, “I do not know how much longer they will remain separate in this case, however.”

Despite his words which very much sank into her chest, Aeris could not help but watch his neck arch, the gentle shape of his modest adam’s apple clear with the darkest black of his hair acting as a backdrop. The simultaneous curiosity and familiarity of Tseng’s approach to his life—that the Turks were a profession removed from personal emotion first and foremost and that his private life up until now had remained a mystery—both comforted and worried her. The fingers at his hip traced it again and he shivered as her nails scraped his skin.

“What’s the worst case scenario?” she asked genuinely. Tseng did not open his eyes.

“You have a better answer to that than I do,” he noted. It was true. Shinra unveiling their affair could lead to either their total apathy (ideal) or a hasty reconfiguration of which division handled her case (far, far, far less than ideal). But as Tseng was getting at, the realest danger to her was the party. No, she didn’t think they’d hurt her in particular—in fact many would defend her from harm. Though Nanaki had taken it about as well as one could that did not guarantee that the other members would take his stance of wariness. Because of Tseng’s utter separation of professional and private he had allowed himself to become the epitome of Shinra in action as much as impression. She could not think of a single person in her group that would sit comfortably with the affair.

They wouldn’t hurt her. At the same time she didn’t know how things would change.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she rebutted weakly. His brows furrowed as if what he said next was not his ideal either.

“Until this is over, it’s an option we should consider.” Reconvene after the fact. Aeris rubbed her thighs together, trapping his fingers between them.

“I’ve considered it,” the pout in her voice was matched by the strained emotion on her face, “Is there any guarantee that either of our places will change?”

Tseng opened his eyes at that. It’s not that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, she knew he was sharp enough to know this. But when dealing with wishful thinkings drenched in emotion he wasn’t wont to entertain, well.

“Then I suppose this was doomed from the start,”

“How dramatic for a man that usually deals in logic,”

“What is your logic, then?”

Aeris felt her eyes sting and her mouth waver. Speaking past the sudden rock in her throat, Aeris’s voice disappeared into the cold air, “There is no logic. I don’t want you to leave.”

Bad things happened when people left her.

She swallowed hard, then, dragging her nails against his skin hard enough to leave white marks that turned pink, she asked, “What do you feel?”

The shape of his neck moved as he swallowed in turn. Beneath their conversation, Aeris wanted to feel it against her lips. He strained, blinking too much and looking too little all at once. Yes—what _did_ he feel? Many times she saw him nearing speech but doubling back, only to do so again and once more. She opened her mouth in an attempt to ease him into his answer but found the words just as difficult for her. They caught in her throat, tied each other up, and no matter how she tried to find different words to say the same thing they never made it to her lips. She had spoken them once and easily too; but then again things seemed to leave her so much easier as a teenager. It felt stupid and superstitious, but she was afraid to say them now lest it was a curse, lest she was fooling herself in her honeymooned fascination of Tseng.

“Aeris…,”

She had not realized her eyes had become unfocused, and she darted them back up to him. He was looking at her now, and she realized he had not said her name to gain her attention but rather as if it was part of his breath—marveling, musing, or perhaps even speaking it like it was part of the answer she was hypocritically looking for. It had been her only warning before he leaned forward with a premature word in his throat and kissed her lips.

Letting him kiss her washed everything else away. It was the only conclusion they were going to reach together, and the rest was falling into place in turn. His tongue entered. Aeris shifted her thighs together, wishing she could pitch them against his hips proper. Past his gentle gasps and her swallowing emotion that was threatening unwanted tears, Aeris whispered.

“Would you feel differently if we weren’t enemies?” It was the utmost of the hypotheticals, as she knew neither of them were the kind to give up their position. Tseng huffed on a laugh, bracing himself on the bed.

“I can’t imagine that,” he answered after contemplating. An eased smile rested on Aeris. He wouldn’t tug her to his side. She would return the favor.

“You like opposition?” she teased quietly.

“I expect it.”

Given some thought and a shifting of context, that sentiment could’ve saddened her. His kisses distracted her otherwise, passionate but as reserved as the morning sky.

“Then I enjoy being your enemy,” Aeris concluded for him. He scoffed, kissed her, then replied in a pointed tone.

“You do, for now.”

The truth that Tseng might’ve still been ordered to cause harm, whether direct or indirect, should’ve sobered her, but Aeris ignored it. Let it come, when it would come. She had seen the twisting, subverted lengths Tseng had already gone to in order to pull her from Shinra’s grasp. She kissed him for it. Repressed memories danced at the edges of her focus, times when she was picked up from the metal floor and carried to a safe place, times when he stepped to the side in the hallway.

“Fine,” she gasped when they parted again, “Then I just enjoy you.”

She took delight in how he momentarily stiffened, awkward still in how boldly she expressed affection for him. Real, true affection—the kind Aeris idly wondered if he had believed wasn’t a possibility for him any longer. He had been nicer, once. The past five years had stripped all cordiality from him, it seemed. It was good to nurse it back, even if there were still hiccups.

Even better when he recovered by kissing her again. Sweetly, almost deftly. He felt feathery, lighter than the seaside dew settling into the inn’s wood. It did not mean his kisses had no depth, either, especially as he moved them down her neck to her naked shoulder. Sliding his hand beneath her arm, he bared the inside to his lips, kissing the recently healed track marks in slow apology. The corners of Aeris’s mouth curled upwards, pleased as her heart continued to flutter. Tseng moved back to kiss her smile, and Aeris tucked her arm into the shadow of his body.

She drew out a tired moan from him as she traced down his side once more, this time taking advantage of the new angle by dipping past the hips. The moan hitched in shock as she brushed her fingers along his length, flaccid though he was. When her hand opened to cup him properly he shot down, gripping her wrist. Aeris paused, listening to the ragged depth of his breathing as he too paused. She gave an experimental stroke with her thumb and he swallowed hard.

Then, with great effort like he was pulling a magnet apart, he released her wrist. Aeris watched his hand tremble even as he knotted in the sheets beside her. Forcing himself to breathe through his nose, he gingerly rested himself in her neck and allowed her to roam.

She thought she couldn’t melt any further for him. Tseng’s body suddenly felt small even as he laid it against her. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; as relaxed as his body seemed she could see the tautness of his muscles and the lack of weight as he kept himself ever so slightly hovered. Aeris kept her eyes on him then, keen to every twitch of his brow and sound in his throat. Slow, then. Gentle. He was no toy. Aeris had no desire to make him feel like one.

Sliding her free palm along his shoulder, she attempted to smooth the tremors from his muscles as she held him. There was something she quite enjoyed about being allowed to feel him while soft, humbled by how he hid in her neck as she did so. Quiet, involuntary sounds beat against her throat as his heat grew in her hand. Before long he was thick and hot and the sounds had become a constant. A thin film of sweat started to form on Tseng’s skin. The sheets tugged beneath her as he balled them in his hands. His body’s writhing was cut curt by both the space he did not have on the bed as well as the attempt to stifle his reaction—rather, his vulnerability. As Aeris started to build a rhythm, she pushed her forehead against him, causing him to tilt up to her. Kneading his hair into a fistful, Aeris relished in the whimpering, desperate sounds he made to her calmed face. Softly, she whispered to him that it was alright.

His hips stuttered. Tseng let out a breath, then, when Aeris clearly held him through it, they bucked. It wasn’t long, through the combination of her careful but meaningful strokes and his uncontrolled bucking that he started to seethe. Knowing he was close, Aeris pulled him back into an embrace, holding him tight as his voice cracked in her neck. Hot ropes of his seed spilled onto her flesh and Aeris stuttered on an inhale, herself. Tseng gasped, curling with a moan until his full weight rested against her once more. His gasps lowered to sighs, and Aeris slowly retreated her gentle fingers.

Tseng pinned her arm to the bed, making her buck in reflexive shock. For a moment he held her there. Seeing her marked with his seed stirred a proud sort of animal in him. What’s more, it wasn’t just that he didn’t currently have the energy to stake his claim further, it was the knowledge that at this point he didn’t _have_ to. Still, having the evidence of his claim be visible was as enticing as it was depraved. He met her eyes, green and intense as she patiently waited for his next move. He sniffed.

Blindly, he found the discarded towel at her stomach. It still held some of its warmth, which he was pleased at before he carefully cleaned the mess he had left on her. The way her soft, fluttering breaths slowed to eased contentment rested well in his ears as he discarded the towel on the floor.

The space between her and the edge of the bed was not enough for him, so he simply laid himself on her. A giggle from her lips, sleepy and private. Over time he found himself slipping further beneath the blankets with her, cozying to her warmth. At first he was idle, but idle hands tended to wander. Aeris’s contentment did not leave her face as he explored without demand. Tracing the cool skin on her cheeks, down to the warm pulse of her neck, he found his place lower at her soft breasts. His thumb and fingers passed over her nipples, bringing them to peaks as they laid together. Tseng closed his eyes and almost dozed.

He stretched, from the top of his spine to the bottom. Kissed her like he had forgotten to do so. Aeris’s legs widened, allowing him his place at her hips. Casual to the point of absent-mindedness, he began to rock against her. Aeris hummed in satisfaction even though he was not ready for much of anything beyond this.

But that was good—in fact there was so much good to that. Her complacent, lovely joy of him was felt more in this moment than any other. The durable intimacy of his shaft rubbing against her slick entrance without need for consummation paired with the energetic sincerity of her smile to bring the corners of his own lips up. Every now and then he’d slip between her folds and earn himself a long, satisfied moan. Outside the misty skies were slowly gaining light, though it would be at least another hour if not more before the warmth of the sun chased the fog away.

Tseng then decided to be bold in a way he hadn’t before.

“President Rufus is due in Rocket Town in three days,”

Aeris quirked an eyebrow, understandable since it seemed so irrelevant, “Oh?”

“I’m here to scope out the town before he arrives,”

“And?”  
  
“With as small as the town is, it only takes me the day before to do so,”

Her smile grew, “I see…Shouldn’t you report remnants of a terrorist organization in the area?”

It was Tseng’s turn to quirk an eyebrow, “What are _you_ planning?”

She stretched and hummed, “The usual. Some of us explore the area around town, clear pests or monsters for people. The rest of us stay; shop for supplies, help townsfolk, or rest.”

“Oh, is that all?” he drolled languidly. Something in the depths of his stomach delighted in the return of her impishness as she playfully mused aloud, one finger tugging down on her plush lip.

“They won’t miss me for a day.”

“Hmph,” he smirked, then brushed his forehead against hers, “I would.”

She grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck. Tseng kept his hips rocking against hers, lazy, unhurried, and basking. He kissed the tip of her nose.

Ah...she was his. As the first freed rays of sunshine beamed through the fog, as she arched in built-up need to quicken his pace, Tseng knew that the opposite was just as true.

~~

Aeris yelped when cold seawater flooded her boots. Skittering as much as she could as the sand sucked her toes in, she made her way onto shore proper. Cid, an irascible middle-aged pilot that had more or less wedged himself into their party by either accident or coincidence, had a similar reaction to the water. Except, everyone knew this due to his grizzled string of curse words. They continued on as he wrapped the Tiny Bronco’s leads around his arm to pull the flightless seaplane onto the beach. Barret ran up to help, while Cloud and Tifa pushed at the wings. Cait’s Moogle assisted as well, while Cait himself directed them—though Aeris got the impression he only did so as he felt he needed something to do. Nanaki stayed perched on the plane until he could leap to shore without ever experiencing the waters of the northern seas. If he was coy about it, it was hard to tell from the way he flicked his fiery tail in disgust.

Yuffie dramatically flopped herself on the beach, made all the moreso by the revelation that sand was not cushiony, at all. The party had rejected her idea to hide out from Shinra in Wutai, although Wutai’s rocky shores and tall cliffs would’ve been impossible for the Bronco to dock at inconspicuously. After the war, Yuffie reminded, Wutai had been reduced to nothing but a tourist hotspot, and there was no guarantee that Shinra employees weren’t prowling around the docks, off-duty or not. She had only been 11 when the war had ended, right on the cusp of worldly consciousness. Aeris could only guess as to what that had done to her.

It was strange to hear Yuffie talk about Wutai, especially in such a manner. Tseng had not offered any thoughts on the current state of the country after war disemboweled it. As much as he avoided it, there was no way he hadn’t have known. Then again, he probably kept his thoughts to himself on whether or not it served as karmic justice.

Then again, if what happened to Wutai in the war only tipped the scales to an imbalance in the other direction, Aeris didn’t know if Tseng would think highly of that.

“So what’s here instead?” Yuffie puffed her cheeks sullenly, “I don’t see nothin’ from here.”

“You cannot see anything,” Nanaki pointed out, as her arm hung limp over her eyes to shield the cold sun. Yuffie stuck her tongue out.

“You only got one eye!! Wanna make it zero?!”

Nanaki whapped his tail against the sand until it sprayed up. Aeris opened her mouth to diffuse the teenagers when Vincent stalked up, having exited the plane in the midst of the rest of the party pulling it to shore.

“The Northern Continent. Some call it the Icicle. Ancient ruins, fossils, and the forests that grew over them…,”

Though Yuffie paused for a moment, she pushed out her lower lip and complained, “Well, it’s _cold_.”

Aeris, however, drew her knees up to hold them, wishing that taking her boots off would not only dry her faster but take the cold away as well, “Vincent...when you say ‘ancient’ ruins do you mean…,”

He tilted his head, “I think so. But perhaps not in totality. No one knows, the Sleeping Forest here swallows anyone who enters,”

“Thank you,” Aeris said, moreso to put notice to his poetic recitation than for the information.

“So you’re saying we beached ourselves on this place and we got nowhere to go? Come _on_ ,” Yuffie complained further, “It’s cold here! Why couldn’t we go back to Costa del Sol or somethin’?!”

“Because!” Cid gruffly interrupted, bared teeth gnawing on a cigarette as he smacked the rope’s burn from his skin, “You wanna captain the Bronco on the ocean at night with no seatbelts or vittles or nothin’, takin’ shits off the side, be my guest!”

“ _Gross!”_ Yuffie admonished.

“We can push the plane back out fer ya and bon voyage!” he grinned.

Yuffie howled in horror.

The sun set quickly in the north, which was both a blessing and a curse. When it got dark, they could see the flickering fires of a settlement just inland on the border of a yawning boreal forest. Getting there, however, became harrowing in it of itself as Aeris soon buried her hands in her armpits in a weak attempt for warmth. The sea breeze was bitter here, nothing like the chilly mistiness of Port Levi. When her feet got cold at the inn, she could intertwine her legs with Tseng’s, huddle for warmth beneath the blankets, and sigh against the beating of his heart. Letting her boots get wet had been her first mistake, because now it felt like her feet were nothing but numb nubs encased in ice, doggedly moving her forward because she forced them to. It became painful, like a thousand needles striking up the flesh of her legs and soon there were places that were cold that should never have been cold. Aeris did not like the sensation of being aware of the inside of her eyelids because of the cold wind making her _feel_ their presence.

None of them had been particularly suited for the cold. Nanaki, furred though he may have been, was a desert lion. The dry cold that deserts got at night was nothing compared to battling the freezing moisture in the air. Even Cait slowed, resorting to letting the puppet carry him in its arms to protect from the buffeting wind. Aeris had half a mind to cast fire spells just to keep them going! Only Vincent seemed unaffected by the conditions, and so he soon took the lead, paced well but determined towards the settlement.

As such, the settlement took to the solemn, dark figure emerging from the night with much anxiety and uncertainty. Pale-skinned, crimson-eyed, standing tall in the cold, and speaking in Dionysian woe, he was nothing but a humanoid monster.

Didn’t help that Cait Sith was the next to appear from the dark.

Didn’t help that Nanaki was the third.

Fortunately once the rest of the party arrived it did not take long to convince them that they were not, in fact, vampiric thralls. Well, perhaps they weren’t convinced right away, but their human need for warm food and shelter at least quelled their fear long enough for the truth to get out.

Simple soup never felt so damn good going down. Hot venison broth, wild rice, onions, and the venison itself was warm all the way into her gut. Aeris warmed her feet right next to her drying boots, splayed in front of the central fire. The hall had been constructed in the long ribs of a fossilized creature, its ceiling too squat for Barret to stand up straight in. Between the ribs, the villagers had fashioned walls by wattling wooden strips and daubing clay and moss over it all. Simple housing compared to the rest of the world, but as the villagers explained they were paleontologists first and settlers second. Bone Village did not have the space for expansion without dramatically changing what it wanted to be, so they kept themselves nigh-medieval in their construction.

Still, the gnawing rumble of a generator became their lullaby for the night as they huddled close together in thick blankets. Aeris found herself sandwiched between Tifa and Nanaki, the younger woman hugging her back while Aeris buried herself into Nanaki’s fur, only then truly understanding how thin it was. She was relieved that even through the cold moisture he still smelled of the warm rocks of Cosmo Canyon.

He was warmer than any of them. But still she dreamt of the kind of warmth that only Tseng could provide, because it kept all of her cold away.

~~

Far more cordial the next morning (now that they were most definitely, absolutely _not_ vampires) the paleontologists showed them all there was. Admittedly, it wasn’t much; the modest dig site of enthusiastic scientists that were far too used to their companions and delighted in fresh faces. Aeris had never seen these kinds of scientists before; bright, excitable, and genuinely helpful in their area of expertise if a little awkward. It was easy to get swept up in their vigor as they showed them everything. Things that belonged to the old world like petrified wood, crystallized insects, fragments of bone and shards of pottery were lined with the curiously modern such as iron fragments from previous expeditions, linens from a lost explorer’s crew, a paleontologist’s thought-to-be-lost brush, and, of course, materia.

As every scientist there confessed that they could not use materia, it was all theirs. Cloud had to grab Yuffie before she scooped them all into her arms, handing her off to Cait’s comically strong grasp while the others took their selection.

Aeris became drawn to one that was a fiery red. The condensed history of the Planet had infused with the mako reactors in order to produce the rare and powerful red materia; creatures of mythology and legend woven to reality by memory and culture. Picking it up in her hand it felt lighter than much of the other summoning materia they had found (though that was not much of a contest in Titan’s case). Here it felt almost feather-like, and as she rolled it in her palms the patterning appeared to mimic the encompassing of wings. Heat and light glowed within, different than the violent strength of Ifrit. Something safe, protective; as lovely and powerful as the sun.

Closing her hands around it, she wondered at what the creature could be—unaware that the gentle strength of the wonder had brought it forth. The paleontologists fell to the ground in shock, her companions raised their arms to shield themselves from the light. Aeris looked up, unshielded, to feathers that flowed like licks of flame, the light shimmering like rainbows along its delicate and proud chest. Crested like a sun, the phoenix looked down at her as its peacock tail rested at her feet. She smiled like an old child, welcoming the great bird with a wave though the first thing out of her mouth was an apology for waking it unnecessarily. Its kind eyes dipped to level with her, accepting the apology before it was spoken. The phoenix then showed everyone the full breadth of its fiery wingspan before retreating back into its shell.

She liked this one. Perhaps she could even go as far to say she liked it the most out of the ones they had met thus far.

“Well,” Barret commented to break the silence as the paleontologists were as fossilized as their finds from the sight of the great bird, “Least it ain’t so damn cold anymore.”


	10. the kiss of fire on soft bare flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaaaa boiii it's time for the beach episode! the best kind of beach episode! the kind that's in a haunted house!!
> 
> bro i swear this tryst did not exist and then i remembered that oh yeah--they canonically stay in the haunted hotel at gold saucer and immediately went _that's it that's it they're going to fuck here and i'm going to have the time of my life_ because this fic takes many indulgences my friends; food, worldbuilding, and now the genre love of my life: horror. (implying the porn also isn't an indulgence????)
> 
> the chapter title comes from a vincent price film spoken by the man himself (and i believe he is vincent valentine's namesake!) next chapter the plot will get in the way of all this porn i've been having fun with, what a bore! but veterans of og ff7 will know what i am referring to. this is the last fun the party will have. enjoy it!

Aeris turned her head into her pillow, tamping her lips tight. Tents were not soundproof and the ocean only muffled the smallest of noises. Her legs were spread wide underneath her blanket, allowing room for her hand to slide between them. Traveling without seeing Tseng in the interim had been doable before, even so early on when her body had been roused from its slumber for the first time in five years. But now, with his wavering breath touching her forehead and audible tears swallowed in his throat playing in her mind, she ached to see him. Aeris wanted nothing more than to scoop him up in her arms and cradle him through his vulnerable silence. Of course, he would embrace her in turn, feed her appetite with his own, nourish her with attentive knowledge of who she was. She liked when his dark eyes gazed at her with understanding hidden behind Turk coolness. At one point she had found it stern; now she found it loving.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she thumbed her clit. Sparks danced behind her closed eyes. Not quite stars, not quite him. But it was doing the job.

Aeris pulled a button loose to weasel a way to her breasts, pinching her nipple for heightened intensity. She rolled her hips into her hold, nearly moaning at the thought of Tseng’s hard-on following her movements in turn. It was late enough, most everyone should be asleep, the more she touched herself the more she tried to bargain that she could let her guard down just a little—

As if to prove her wrong, knuckles rapped unevenly against her tent door. Aeris yelped, hands magnetizing to her sides as she rolled tight in her blanket.

“Aeris?” She went pale. _Yuffie._ Of all of them it had to be _Yuffie_ , “Can I come in?”

“U-Um,” Aeris tried to regain herself, hastily wiping her fingers on her blanket.

“Sorry,” the teenager apologized, “Didn’t mean to wake you…,”

_Whew_. Aeris could take that. Untying the door flap, she stared at where Yuffie’s knees were shrouded by her bedroll. Aeris cocked an eyebrow at Yuffie’s ducked face.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Can I…bunk with you tonight?”

Aeris, on her stomach, thanked whoever had been watching over her that she was still mostly buttoned. Letting out a breath of relief that went over Yuffie’s head, she nodded and scooted her own bedroll over to make room.

“Tifa rabbit-kicking you in her sleep again?” Aeris asked as Yuffie flopped her bedroll down despite its diagonal angle and flopped herself on it just as messily. If she weren’t so small and bony it would’ve been a problem.

It was clear Yuffie was trying to get by without answering in full, but when she knew her silence wouldn’t cut it, she sighed and confessed, “Just wish we coulda gone to Wutai, that’s all,”

She cocked her head. Even though Yuffie had loudly demanded it several times, Aeris hadn’t really sat down to give it that much thought as trailing Sephiroth had been the more pressing matter. It had pushed them south to a weapons dealer who was now sending them back north, and while it felt like ping-pong they had no room for detours. If Sephiroth was headed for the Temple of Ancients, they had to follow. That meant that, once they retrieved the keystone, Aeris could have answers the scholars at Cosmo Canyon couldn’t give. Answers that her mother might’ve known but had never been able to tell her even in her most lucid of states. It exhilarated her—finally, a path, a past, a key to a culture she never knew! Finally, something that Tseng had that she thought she would never.

She wished she could ask Tseng what he knew of the Temple, or ask him what he thought in general. He did not share the same views as she did when it came to recovering what was personally lost, and in that sense she valued his input.

Literally, in vulgar terms.

Swallowing hard, she tucked those thoughts away, especially at the moroseness of Yuffie’s face. The teen sank further under her gaze, growing more and more frustrated despite no clear demand on Aeris’s part until the rest came out.

“Tifa asked me about Wutai right before she fell asleep. Says her grandma’s from there but she’s never been. Only knows some words here an’ there, asked me to talk about it, speak stuff,”

“Oh?” Aeris folded her fingers together as she propped herself on her elbows. Knowing Tseng’s harsh reaction, she kept her words appropriate, “Didn’t feel the way you expected, huh?”

At that, the stiffness in Yuffie’s body all but disappeared as she melted into her bedroll with an ugly sigh. The corner of Aeris’s mouth quirked in a short smile, thankful that she had said the right thing.

“It’s _fine_. It doesn’t matter!” Yuffie rebutted to nothing. Aeris remained quiet, waiting the teenager out. It had become a reliable pattern down to the very second when the silence urged her to continue, “Just wanna see my dad again, that’s all,”

Stretching her arms out so she laid back down, Aeris hugged her meager pillow and nodded in agreement. Yuffie visibly chewed her cheeks.

“In Wutai, the women lead more than the men,” she explained with whatever authority she could muster. Aeris smiled and nodded.

“I know.”

Yuffie huffed like she didn’t believe it, but continued anyway, “But my dad’s in charge now cuz—,” she cut herself short, then started again on a different sentence, “It’s not easy, and I left to find stuff to help him, so I kinda wanna get back you know!!”

“I’m sure we’ll find time at some point,” Aeris tried to reassure, “We’re on the right hemisphere at the moment, either way,”

“It’s not happening soon enough,” Yuffie complained as she picked at threads in her bedroll, “My dad isn’t leading like my mom used to,”

“I’m sorry,” Aeris said. Yuffie looked contemplative for the first time since they had met.

“Living in Midgar is pretty rough too, huh?” she said after a while, “Your mom’s house is nice, but it’s…,”

“In the slums, yes.” Aeris finished.

Yuffie thought for a while then asked, “What was _your_ dad like? Did anything you say get through to him?”

“I...never met him,” Aeris said quietly, “He died when I was a baby.”

“Oh…,” Yuffie whispered, “Sorry.”

She shook her head, “It’s alright. Never knew him.”

What cracked on Yuffie’s face looked like the facsimile of a smile, her voice harsh and curt in what Aeris was now understanding to be feigned confidence, “That’s for the best! Cuz your mom’s better anyway!”

Aeris’s voice grew even quieter, barely hearing the rest of what Yuffie was saying, “No...my real mom was killed.” _Killed_. Yes, killed. Slowly and in gruesome agony; colors mixing in her skin that should never have been there, smelly discharges hanging from her like an inescapable cloud of plague. Killed, even though she was certain Shinra had written it off as natural causes due to her _unwillingness to cooperate._

Yuffie’s eyes went wide like saucers and she huddled down like a dejected mouse, the smallest she had ever carried herself.

“Oh,” she rasped again, sheepish.

Aeris wish she could’ve told Yuffie it was alright.

Then, like she was speaking past a boulder in her throat, Yuffie confessed, “Mine too. In the war.”

At this Yuffie squeezed her pillow until it was as stiff as a rock before she buried her face in it, “That’s why Wutai needs to be strong again. Dad hasn’t even cleaned off the scorch marks from the bombs and it’s been _years_. It’s the crappiest memorial ever! So I left to go get stuff and now I wanna go back cuz I have the stuff to fix it, so!!”

Aeris hummed thoughtfully, “It might not be for lack of care on his part. It’s possible he just...feels pain differently than you,”

Yuffie lifted her head enough that Aeris could see two things; one, that she had scrunched her face in ungrateful confusion at her comment, and two, that she was hiding her bitter tears.

“I know that doesn’t make it easy but I bet there’s a lot of people in Wutai that feel the same pain that you do, or at least understand. Even down to the Uddhu, too,”

At that the confusion became _real_ , and Yuffie looked at her to ask in total unfamiliarity, “The _who-do?_ ”

Aeris’s train of thought stopped cold. One by one its processes came to her in a sad cascade; Yuffie did not know. Yuffie _genuinely_ did not know. Her chest ripped apart and felt hollow as she sank into her bedroll, thinking of the hurt in Tseng’s jaw as he gazed at the mountains of Wutai from afar. The curt enunciation of his words as he explained the persecution of the Uddhu, far different than the scholars’ optimistic _assimilation,_ sank in her mind like pins digging into her skin.

“Nevermind,” she dismissed as she shut her mouth. Yuffie huffed and thankfully let it go, far more concerned with her own problems than probing for complicating answers.

She felt heavy and cold as the thoughts kept tumbling down one after the other. The genuine bafflement in Yuffie’s voice spoke volumes at the grand scale of extermination; there were no records for Yuffie to study, no history kept by the Wutaia to let her know such a people existed. All this compounded by the complications of losing a war meant that Tseng did not have as much of a culture to return to as Aeris thought.

She felt sick.

“Yuffie,” she rasped, “I don’t think I can talk about this anymore…,”

Once more Yuffie seemed small as she curled the edges of her bedroll, “Sorry,” she mumbled bluntly again as she started to scrape her affects up.

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Aeris stopped her by putting a hand on her bony elbow, “You don’t have to leave.”

“But—,”

Aeris pulled the teen into a tight hug, rubbing her knuckles along her back.

“After we’re done at the Temple of Ancients, we’ll go to Wutai,” Aeris murmured to her, “Promise.”

“M’kay,” Yuffie mumbled moments before Aeris felt her bony arms dig into her flesh in a hug ten times as tight as hers.

~~

“ _Nanaki!”_

The lion howled in pain as the griffin hooked its beak into his shoulder, their bodies twisting like snakes in the air. He had leapt onto it, digging his claws in its side to try and bring it down to earth or at least stop its aerial attacks. Instead his back legs pinwheeled in the air as the griffin flapped erratically, screeching so loud Nanaki’s ears laid flat moments before it attacked. Aeris lifted her staff, calling down a bolt of lightning that struck the griffin in the back. The two beasts toppled to the ground and Aeris rushed forward, helping Nanaki unhook himself.

Their respite did not last long. Before Aeris could use cure to close his wounds, a monstrous form of stretched leathery skin over unnatural muscles barreled into them. Tangled into a pile, Aeris tried to pry a gap between the muscle of the Galian beast and Nanaki’s mane, seeing the mechanical golem raise its arms in triumph.

The call for disqualification rang clear. Nanaki, crushed underneath Aeris and Vincent’s alternative form, groaned. Vincent scrabbled at the coliseum floor, frothing at the mouth and clearly not understanding the message. Finding his tail in the mess of limbs, fur, and flesh, Aeris tugged on it until the beast wailed and submitted. She let out a breath. Losing was both a relief as well as a disappointment; she was covered in bruises and dirt, Nanaki would be licking his wounds raw, and Vincent’s energy would soon be totally spent—and they still did not have the keystone.

With Nanaki’s help, she dragged Vincent out of the coliseum by the tail, tagging in for Barret’s group to attempt next. Yuffie chomped at the bit, not at all placated by Cait Sith. Luck was exchanged, and the exhausted trio headed back to the hotel.

The only place with enough room for all nine of them was the kitschy haunted hotel. Room service arrived to Vincent’s via a headless, silent waiter. It would’ve been to Vincent’s chagrin if he was not passed out from all the energy he had expended. Aeris smirked at the gummy eyeballs, overtly red sauces, and the cute way the steak was violently arranged on the platter. They had ordered too much for the three of them, planning to save the rest for Vincent’s voracious appetite when he woke. Nanaki volunteered to stay until then, just in case the constant battling in the coliseum had been too much. Hell, it had almost been too much for all of them. Leaving them with potions and poultices, she bid Nanaki a good rest and left the room.

She collapsed on her bed some doors down. Not even the pile of skulls in the catacomb-esque room distracted her from a deep, lovely nap.

Waking with a start, Aeris lay frozen in the dark room. Dreams flitted away just as soon as she had, giving her no notion as to why her heart was pounding. Part of her was surprised that Nanaki hadn’t come by to wake her, or Vincent. How long had she been asleep? Gazing at the clock beside her did no help—it was clearly broken as its hands jittered back and forth without logic. The inn was quiet, meaning that neither Barret nor Cloud and their teams had returned yet. A strange chill went down her then at the confirmation that they truly were the only ones here in the middle of their off-season. That felt odd to think about though; surely Gold Saucer was a popular enough place that there was more bleed-over from the other hotels that the haunted inn would pick up some of them?

Slipping into her boots without socks, Aeris grabbed her jacket and put it on. Her dress, comfy as it was, covered her frame like a nightgown. The hallway was cold, almost offensively so—and still so very, very quiet. Only candles lit her way in ornate sconces, casting flickering lights onto statues that were as debonair as they were skeletal. Aeris quirked her head. The scariness was easy to dismiss, but not the curiosity.

She started to wander.

It wasn’t that she didn’t see the appeal in a place like this, it was more that its varying facades of horror didn’t faze her. Whatever the collective mind of popular culture had condensed here paled in comparison to what Aeris knew. Grotesque transformations from man to beast were paralleled in Vincent and his oft-poetic anxiety as he walked the borders of life and death. Wax sculptures of ashen, brazen faces in tattered clothes were reflections of the desperation she had seen in the slums. Old curses from unfamiliar races were dispelled in Cosmo Canyon’s extensive library of knowledge. Animatronic bats didn’t frighten her after so many nights spent in the wilderness, figuring which beasts were monsters looking to fight or simply curious animals. The Planet had shown her how suits of armor failed their wearers on the battlefield—the fragility of solid metal caving in to crush and trap, becoming utterly useless.

The wax recreations of mad scientists were the only things to make her skin crawl, though even at that they seemed too goofy to be taken seriously, with misshapen eyes and hunched backs as ugly shorthand for their villainy. Neon lights shone in their flasks and against their bottle-eyed glasses. Aeris had stopped to stare, partially to seethe and partially to process. Were that reality as plain as wax; Hojo was an ugly, hideous man to her but physically his traits were not vile nor so easily identifiable as evil. The longer she stared the more it became a cartoon, a clumsy mockery of horror and she laughed.

The sound bounced off the empty halls. Echoing from the polished pauldrons of armors and sinking into the dirty canvas paintings, it made her jump even though it was her own voice. It hadn’t been that loud, but in a place without people it reverberated all too well. She moved quickly along, passing doors with extravagant themes from gravestones to iron maidens. Dramatic. Fake. It was time to return and see if the others were awake.

A shadow flickered from behind a suit of armor. Her haste to pay it no mind while she passed caused her to jump and shriek as it stepped in front of her, clamping her hands over her mouth seconds too late.

Tseng cocked an eyebrow.

He gave a very pointed look around at the tacky décor surrounding them before finally settling on her as if to ask if all this _really_ put her on edge.

“ _Ugh!_ ” Aeris scoffed, “Bastard! What were you _doing_ there?”

A smug smile crept up his smooth features, accompanied by a curled knuckle. In contrast, Aeris’s scowl only grew the more she watched him eat the scenery.

“I could ask the same of you. My information tells me your room is nowhere near here,”

“Spare me your mystery and tell me _why_ you would have to know that,” she spat. At that his eyes met hers as the smile grew, reaching for her.

“Perhaps I was looking for you,”

She narrowed her eyes as he took her hand and kissed it in a princely manner. Unamused, she parroted, “ _Perhaps_.”

Tseng kept his gaze on hers even as he let her hand tug away, “Very well. I _was_ looking for you.”

His amusement made her _fume_.

“Can’t imagine why!” she declared, pitching her chin up haughtily as she stepped aside to pass him, “You haven’t got anything for me anymore!”

Tseng opened his mouth. Aeris must’ve sensed it because she continued without a pause.

“And I don’t have anything for you!!”

“No,” his smirk turned wry, “Not yet.”

At that she pivoted on her heel and glared at him, searching for the answer behind his pompous arrogance. She was only met with further amusement that was simmering into a dangerous desire; one that would have his lips take her by the throat with his hands diving between her thighs. A hard swallow caught in her voice and she was sure he knew it, taking their spat as foreplay just as much as she was. At that moment she felt her hard breaths push her chest against her dress, suddenly aware of the pilling of the fabric because there was nothing between her skin and the improvised nightgown. If she chanced a glance down to check if her nipples were erect it would give her away, so she opted to stare him down instead.

Of course she was ignoring that the heat rising to her cheeks was doing just that anyways, because it was clear what he was doing to her with his eyes.

“You did well in the coliseum,” he said, his voice smooth and more sultry than she wished it was.

“Don’t you patronize me,” she retorted, but it was flustered—weak.

“Believe you me,” god _damn_ it he was still eating her every move with his slow, deliberate enunciation and curling lips, “I was not.”

She _did_ believe him. Her heart fluttered to hear it.

“Then don’t patronize me for wandering the halls, _sir_ ,” Aeris swiveled to walk away from him. He caught her at the elbow and she whipped back in time to see the fire simmer down to something deeper, calmer, and far more serious. His smile tempered as his challenge became a gaze and he murmured to her.

“Careful...wouldn’t want to get separated in a haunted house,”

When had he pulled her close? _Had_ he pulled her close or had she moved to his hold, like water filling up a jar? Wisps of her hair were scarcely touching his forehead but she felt it as clearly as she felt his thumb sweep along her inner arm to test her sensitivity. Aeris inhaled, stuttering, and met his gaze.

“Wouldn’t want you to be the one to save me,”

His smirk pushed up his cheek as he remarked dryly, “You know I’m not that person,”

Finally, her smile appeared on her lips as she answered, “You don’t have to be.”

Tseng closed the distance and kissed her. Deep. Warm. Aeris felt it all over her body just from the soft movements of his lips. It barely occurred to her that they were not technically in private; standing in the middle of the hallway like it was a tacky mansion they owned. She molded to his body easily, wrapping her arms behind his neck as he continued to kiss and kiss.

“Still,” she whispered in the half-seconds of respite he allowed her, “You _did_ startle me,”

She felt the gentle breaths from his laugh against her cheek, “I did not mean to.”

When he pulled away again she tried to respond, but her response became a yelp as he closed his teeth over her neck in a quick bite.

“ _Tseng!_ ” she admonished. For the first time since she had known him his grin had a devilish flair to it. She slapped a hand over where he had bitten her and pouted at him. Aeris could’ve scolded him for his vampiric play in such a kitschy hotel but he had never been so forward, so direct. From his words to now his actions it was different, and it was welcome. His lips closed over the wrist near her neck, teeth grazing her tendons. She shivered. He moved back to kiss her proper again.

Suddenly her back was against the wall in the shadow of the armor he had appeared from. The warmth had become a heat, accompanied by a small noise in his throat as his breath quickened with his pace. Aeris gasped, holding her arms around him as his hands ran down her unhindered and messy. With a small cry her stomach sucked in as he pushed against her nipples, not yet knowing their unshielded sensitivity. It egged him on, and _because_ it egged him on Aeris said nothing to deter him. It did not become clear that she was not wearing anything beneath her dress until his hands were at her hips, balling up the folds of the skirt. Even as air tickled her, even as they were still relatively out in the open, Aeris pitched her hips to him as his thumbs traced their crests. The hitch in his breath was the realization; there was no waistband. With a moan he thrust his tongue in her mouth and pressed her flat against the wall.

The next time she parted for air her breath was shrill, driving another moan from him into her skin as she dug her fingers in his head. Her eyelids fluttered as his teeth dragged along her throat again, his hands under the mess of fabric to hold her hips for his eventual rhythm. The candles in the sconces flickered in front of her and she gasped, slipping her hands to his lapels. He was already hard. If she didn’t say something now she wouldn’t be able to say something again and she was absolutely certain he was going to fuck her against the wall soon—even moreso that she wouldn’t complain if he did.

“Ts-Tseng, we should...find a room, or—,” she pealed at an experimental tweak of her nipple, clamping her teeth on her lip to try and silence it, “ _O-_ _O_ _r_ …,”

A flash of his smile. Before she could decipher what it meant he drowned her in kisses, making her squirm and undulate to him enough that she didn’t realize a hand had left her. Something under her arm clicked, and she parted from him. Before she could ask the wall slipped away from her and she yelped again, almost losing her balance as Tseng pushed her into the room. The wall—which was very much just a regular wall at a glance—swung closed behind him. The antique key jingled in his hand as he turned to lock it.

Aeris gawked at the room. Hidden away in such a discreet place was an entire suite in ghastly whites. Gothic and ghoulish, the room was reflected in several mirrors, some affixed to the wall, others over the bed on the ceiling. The bed itself held four carved and gray bedposts with rising ribcages and tangling limbs. Tattered veils hung for the canopy, but what caught her eye the most more than anything were that the posts at the foot were carved to meet in the middle of the canopy; two skeletons just out of reach of each other and joined by threads wrapped around their hands.

Her heart raced. _A bridal suite_. Of all things he had the key to a _bridal suite_. Sure it was secretive and the perfect cover for such a clever Turk—sure it didn’t have to mean anything, but, but, _but—_

Tseng’s hands were on her and he swung her back to trap her against the wall. A gasp left her. He was still smiling. She tilted her head to him as he dipped to devour her again.

Just where he wanted her. Just where he could let go.

Her tongue eagerly entered his mouth as her heart raced like a mouse’s. Tseng held her hips in place, his own breaths stuttering still at the thought of her completely naked beneath her dress. Now that he knew that he could see it, the tell-tale peak of her nipples, the easy slip of the fabric as he gathered it in his hands once more, pinning it at the head of her thighs. Tseng groaned at the thought of her writhing followed by the reality of it.

He pressed himself to her and she responded to his hardness, meeting his efforts halfway. Parting from her, he panted as he thrust forward again, and again, and then he was grinding against her so desperate for release that he was denying himself. Each thrust pushed mousey squeaks from her, delightful pitches in his ears as he pinned her to the wall. A long whine escaped into his mouth and it made his cock twitch, harder than he had been before, harder than he ever remembered being.

She had thoroughly driven him off a cliff and his body was cheering for it.

Folds of her dress pillowing around his thrusts greeted him as he glanced down between them, especially when he gyrated his hips against her. The pressure sent stars to his mind. His breath grew husky. All he had to do was throw the zipper down and plunge, hardly needing to part fabric to do so. He scrunched his eyes tight—the thought of having her stuttering and weak against the wall was too delectable in his mind.

Aeris tugged at his tie, pulling him back to her lips. Tseng grunted, keeping himself rolling against her as he pulled her dress open to reveal everything from her perked breasts to the golden brown tufts of her pubic hair. The grunt became a growl as she gasped on a chuckle at his doubled efforts.

“Tell me how you really feel,” she teased as his feet slipped from the desperate power of his thrusts. Digging his fingers around to her ass to keep her supported as he continued to grind, his heavy breath rasped as he contemplated before answering.

“That…,” Lightning coursed through his veins at the slick of her entrance wetting the front of his pants, “That would break you.”

It would. God it would. Nothing and nobody else had peeled back his white-knuckle grip, no one had let that grip take them so earnestly time and time again. No one else dared to be so bold with him, and if they ever had they had never done it in such a way that had been sensitive to his needs in tandem. He thought of the first night, how easily she had slipped him into her mouth like it was practiced. He thought of nights later where she had repeated the act but with already so much more familiarity it was worlds apart from her coy plans. Yet he didn’t fool himself to think any different of it, which was the right way to think until she had sobbed in front of him, gripping the wounds on her arm. That perceived betrayal had run that deep had taken him aback—not only for her reaction but for _his_. That _he_ cared so much about it that he had done _nothing_ to assuage her. It wasn’t that he had confidence in his actions to speak for him when he brought her the rest of the letters as the end to their contract, it was that he had accepted his loss just as he accepted his departure from Wutai.

And her response was to kiss him for it. Like a lover. Like he still meant something. Like he could never mean anything less again.

Hours beforehand Tseng would’ve believed no one would’ve remembered him as anything but a face in the Shinra databanks.

She had asked what he felt in Port Levi, and he couldn’t answer as much as she couldn’t. Time had come and gone and he had a better idea of how to answer now, though he still couldn’t in words. _Tell me how you really feel_ was a tease.

It was like a mountain had grown inside of him and was bursting to get out, to grow beyond him and pierce the sky. That, it, what he felt, what she meant to him—that would break her.

Despite the intensity of their grinding Aeris let out a soothing, slow breath as she adjusted her grip on his tie. Her answer was low and nigh-ethereal in its sincerity.

“So break me…,” Tseng let out a stammered breath of shock and awe, “Break me like you did the last time we were here…,”

He scrunched his eyes shut. He remembered. Of course he remembered...pounding her sore into the bed until she passed out, the rapid and violent torrents of orgasms her body endured at his intensity, the little to no regard his release had for how long it had been for her, the growling hiss as he realized he quite enjoyed her off-contract arrangement. At the time part of him had foolishly expected her to shy away after that—realize she was in over her head, that she had put herself in danger, that she had not been in as much control of the situation as she thought.

Yes, what a fool he made of himself. But that was alright. There were going to be no fools made tonight.

He glanced down again. Golden brown curls pressed against the thick rod in the dark blue of his suit. Aeris knew what she was asking for. Inhaling slow through his teeth, Tseng rolled his erection under her and pushed up, watching her mound roll in response to his presence. Her squeaks hitched in a crescendo, peaking when he saw her clit momentarily crest, pink and already in agony for him. His name hissed out of her, begging. Begging, in no uncertain terms, for him to break her again.

Lovers as a term, he supposed, did not have to mean softness. They always seemed to be anything but; though maybe his cock was thinking for him in the moment.

Tseng tore the rest of her clothes off, yanking her naked body to the bed. Her hands worked quick; off came his jacket, undone was the belt buckle until it clinked wildly with his movements. Her back arched against the comforter even before he put his mouth to her breasts, no doubt watching them writhe in the mirror above. Pulling off his gloves, he slid his fingers along her entrance. Tseng sighed hot at how wet she already was, cooling where he had licked. Hips bucking eagerly, Aeris whined for his entry and the sound went straight to his confined dick.

He wanted in. _Ugh_ , he wanted _in_. But no, no, not yet, enjoy her, make her beg until she couldn’t anymore. Not even a finger.

His tongue worked her nipples red, his thumb worked her clit until her thighs shook with spasms. She was wailing, her nails catching on the fabric of his shirt, tears beading at the corners of her eyes, legs kicking in frustration.

Then, wrapping her legs around his waist, she pushed him beside her in order to straddle him. She caught her breath. Already he could see the red radiating from her entrance, flushing her skin. He undulated his hips, giving her no rest. She grunted, riding his wave, panting with heavy-lidded eyes. Tseng then watched her hand slide down his sleek black tie, a hint of her tongue visible as she grinned mischievously.

So she was going to make him work for his dominance. Very well. He enjoyed her challenges.

Patience was his key, especially because she’d only endure his patience for so long before becoming impatient, herself. He watched, kneading her thighs as she carefully picked his buttons apart to reveal his chest. The tie stayed, and it stayed taut between him and her hand. Giving her the illusion of having him on a leash played well with him, as he’d prove it wrong soon enough. His shirt laid spread open and she left it so, her hands greedily dipping to his zipper. Despite himself, he let out a relieved groan as the constraints released and his heat was in the comparably cool air. Her mouth hovered, perfect lower lip teasing him with its closeness. Squirming would mean he lost, so instead he dug into her thighs more as she smirked, thought better of it, and slicked his cock with her entrance instead.

Tseng kept his hands where they were, letting her set her pace as he stealthily matched it so she was none the wiser to his control. He turned his gaze down, watching her move sensually, pinning his cock to his abdomen as she did so. Heat met heat, he grit his teeth as she ground and sighed in satisfaction.

Green was in his peripherals and he looked back up, meeting her gaze. She was studying him like a fine portrait, like he was a memory she had retrieved to find pleasure in. His black hair fanned around him, his muscles moved from taut to relaxed and back again with each sway of her hips, he felt the flush beneath the thin film of sweat forming. Her smile met her eyes as she gazed at him, picture perfect; or at least complete.

He almost felt sorry to bring an end to it.

Snapping his hands tight, Aeris had no time to react before he forced her to a different, deeper rhythm. Pushing up against her so much she squealed, Tseng worked fast and hard, watching his head push and rub against her clit to her shocked cries. Trying her best, Aeris struggled to keep his gaze, giving him a lovely view of her deterioration as her face blushed redder and redder.

She inhaled, sharp, biting her lip. Tseng rose to meet her, snatching hold of her jaw to tilt her where he willed. The moment her lower lip was released from her teeth he attacked, sucking on it before enveloping her in greedy kisses. Her clit slicked down his shaft from the new position, accompanied by a long and broken moan from her. Tseng growled in turn, feeling her nails scrape down his chest. He hoped they left marks.

With one hand on her ass he forced her to keep the pace, harder than she could’ve done alone. Her heart pounded so hard he heard it in her short breaths cut off by his lips. His had sped up too, though, as every move they made was reflected in the mirror at the foot of the bed. Tseng’s hungry gaze flicking to it, watching Aeris’s spine undulate while the fat of her buttock pushed and pulled with his grip. Releasing her did nothing to tarnish the view, and Tseng dipped to bite her neck again, earning him a shriek of shock moments before he aligned his head and thrust to the hilt.

She was struck silent, writhing uncontrollably in his hold as he pulled her up and slammed her down again. She squeezed him with spasms in tandem with her breaths. The sight of his throbbing rod connecting with her boiled in him, pushing heat to his mind until he lost himself. Aeris took him with such ease and yet the friction was palpable and wanted. Digging both hands into her ass and pulling enough to see as much as their connection in the mirror as possible, he kept her moving until the room was filled with hard, thick sounds.

Over top were her desperate, short cries devoid of anything but raw emotion. Tseng pulled back to stare at her, her arms loosely braced against his shoulders with her jaw hung slack and her hair pasted to her face. Tseng kept his jaw clenched in an attempt to make his sounds minimal in comparison to hers. All the better to hear her with. Every now and then a flash of teary-eyed green would meet him, jewels to feed his greed.

Greed, though, was no fun if it wasn’t shared with her. Just as she was starting to become too weak to hold herself up, Tseng pulled out and back. Aeris choked on a sob, too worked up to form a demand much less a question. Regardless, she let him do with her as he wished, turning her around and pulling her flush against his chest. Aeris leaned into it like a cat, tilting her head back against his shoulder and reaching up to his cheek so she could kiss him. Weak, trembling, but he still felt the need in her kiss. Another choked sob left her, muffled by his lips as his fingers toyed with her clit. She parted and knotted herself in his hair, breathily trying to beg for him to continue.

Tracing a line from her navel to her breast, Tseng cupped it with a squeeze, closing his lips on her shoulder and sliding back up to her ear. Aeris was very bad at playing the game of patience. Writhing in his hold and trying to bite back her whines so she kept some pride over him, her fortitude was wearing thin. It did not help that he kept a finger ever present in pressuring her clit.

“P- _please_ , _Tseng,_ ” she forced out barely above a whisper, “ _Please_ , p-put it back in,”

“As you wish,” he granted against her ear.

Her body arched in anticipation moments before he thrust in again, the tightness of her entrance making him seethe in a deep voice. Shimmying himself down to the hilt, he nipped at her ear until her eyes opened and saw the sight in front of her. Chest heaving, one breast being played with, mole on her hip exposed, body completely and utterly entwined with him (and at his mercy)—she saw everything.

Aeris’s breath quickened along with the tightening of her grip (everywhere) and Tseng resumed their lovemaking. It wasn’t long before the same sounds filled the room, muffled only when he wanted them to be. Tseng held her close and tight, too tight, tighter still the more he thrust. Watching her slide up and down his shaft made him feel like he was going to explode at any moment, especially when he caught her glancing at the mirror as well. Placing her hand on where his rested above her clit, she intertwined their fingers and held tight for as long as her strength remained with her.

When it waned, she drooped, bowing to his intensity more and more until he was flat on top of her, gripping her just as close. Cries of his own started to seethe through his teeth as his thrusts grew erratic with her walls. His grip was too hard, but she could take it—she wanted it. Releasing a cry and watching spittle fray into her darkened hair, he moved their intertwined hands to her entrance proper, feeling his cock inside her as he gave curt, desperate commands.

“Go, _do it_ ,” he demanded, “Come for me…!”

Her wail answered before the words finished, followed by a violent spasm that pushed her back against him as if she needed to feel more when she was already at her limit. Tseng gasped hard, stars exploding in his vision as he followed suit, filling her to the rhythm of their pulsing. Hot breaths rattled in her ribcage, flush against his hands.

A distorted yelp escaped her when he pulled out, and when he laid her down she stretched like she ached with exhaustion. Tseng felt it too, in every bead of sweat blanketing his body as it slowly but surely cooled. Collapsing next to her, he let the crash take him down to the buzzy afterglow before he turned his head to look at her.

Despite herself her eyes were still open, half-lidded as she gazed at their bodies in the mirror above them. He did for just a moment before his attention yearned to be turned back to her. It’s not that the mirror wasn’t interesting; their bodies were utterly human and in that sense they were fascinating to gaze at, especially after what they had just pushed them to accomplish. It was more...well.

He didn’t feel the smile on his face despite its definitive presence, and in many ways that was soothing. To be unaware of his expression despite itself was finally a step down from his hyper-awareness. Any other time this would’ve been a red flag, a cause for alarm—being a Turk meant danger could come from anywhere because it _had_. The caveat was that there truly were no times where he ever let his guard down.

Tseng still could not figure how Aeris had accomplished such a herculean task in slipping past his guard to lay with him so calmly.

Her gaze finally shifted to meet his, fingers curling ever so slightly as she smiled back at him. Brow furrowing, she stretched (and her breasts looked lovely as she did) and murmured.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Hm,” he contemplated aloud, “Wouldn’t you like to know,”

She huffed then cussed, “Turks. Always coy even when they shouldn’t be,”

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

Aeris did not respond, only flipping onto her stomach to reach and kiss him. Her arms remained crossed sweetly to prop her up, her legs curled so her heels hovered over the small of her back. Casual. Free. Tseng’s inhaled as her lips drew to his neck.

“ _Ah—!_ ”

Aeris giggled, kissing the bite mark she left. Tseng sighed in mock-irritation. If he said anything she would just protest that it was only fair, and frankly he had no rebuttal for that.

Still, she continued on, planting a kiss at the heart of his collar then his collar bone proper before moving down his chest, slow and steady with just enough sensuality to be enticing but without anything demanding of him. She stopped just below his navel, not a tease but rather out of respect for their mutual exhaustion. Using him like a pillow though he couldn’t have imagined that was comfortable, Aeris situated herself on his stomach to gaze up at him. Tseng lowered a hand to her hair, petting it back and widening his smile when she leaned into his touch.

He stayed with her like that, petting her hair while her eyelids fluttered between dozing and not. His did the same, but he couldn’t allow himself to fall asleep entirely despite what he had done to require it. After a long, lovely moment of peace between the two of them, Tseng sighed deeply.

“I can’t stay tonight,”

“Oh?” Aeris murmured, unfazed—for the moment. A smile stretched on her face as he hummed and it met her ear.

“I have business against your interests.”

At that Aeris hardened her gaze at him, her eyes sparkling with challenge that stirred things in his chest.

“Do tell.”

“That would ruin the surprise.”

A sly grin split her features, one he had seen far too many times before to think it surprising of her. If she had any rebuttals stocked up for him, she refrained from saying them. Now that he laid the prospect of the chase in front of her, she was eager to tear it down when it came to fruition. It must’ve been thrilling for her, to play as the cat in their game for once. Tseng brushed her bangs behind her ear, smirking in response. There was no doubt in his mind she’d more than rise to the challenge whether he warned her about it or not.

Aeris turned to kiss the inside of his wrists, keeping her wary eyes on him. Once she determined the sour information had passed, she closed them and kissed him tenderly.

“How much longer do you—do we have, then?” The voice was smaller now, not quite mousey but lying in its tranquility. Underneath the challenge, she did not wish to see him go.

“That depends on the competitors,” Tseng responded like a Turk though he was being honest.

Her wary stare returned for a moment, calculating what he meant by that. It was just as momentarily overtaken by tenderness again, nuzzling his wrist and placing a now-cool palm to keep his hand against her.

“...A bridal suite,” she muttered after a while, “A _whole_ bridal suite,”

He cocked an eyebrow, “And?”

“Just for _this?”_ Aeris asked. Tseng did not budge despite her stare.

“It’s discreet.”

“Oh, I’m sure you can write this expense off on your paperwork,” Aeris bit back, “But a _whole_ bridal suite, it’s—,”

“Excessive?” His voice grew dark, snake-like as the hunger returned to him. Aeris picked up on this, watching as he propped himself up to hover over her. Nothing deterred her. Good.

“Well, it just says a lot of things.”

“Such as?”

“Should I be expecting a honeymoon?” she spoke as strands of his hair fell to the space between them.

“Is that what you want?” he purred, making her in his shadow.

“ _I_ don’t want anything,” she declared. His purr continued, turning low with mirth.

“Is that so—,”

Tseng’s words cut short as she snatched his jaw much like he had done earlier. Holding him in place like she was keeping a panther at bay, her lips curled as her eyes glittered with the same insatiable hunger that was in him. An answer toyed around her lips, but instead she crashed into him, overpowering by force and pushing herself on top of him as the kisses turned violent and feverish.

Tseng gasped. Her legs had locked around his thigh in lieu of his recovering erection, grinding for satisfaction against his toned muscle. Groaning, he cupped both her breasts and massaged them for the hitches in her breath as she buried her kisses wherever she could. Heat flooded his mind again and spoke for him.

“If I could _have you_ every night…,” he growled huskily. Her grin became toothy and mischievous.

“Join us. The others will get used to us rooming together.”

He snorted. Fat chance, and she knew it. With the same gleam in his eye he shot back at her, “Come with me, then.”

“ _Hah!_ ” Even fatter chance, “On second thought, I think you’re almost perfect where you are,”

Her wording didn’t cross his mind as she had drowned it with more attention, sweet one moment and feral the next. Their shuffling had not occurred to him to be anything other than the shifting of lust, her hands locked in his as she kissed and kissed him until they were at the corner of the bed. Aeris reared back, purposefully giving him free and full range of fondling her breasts as she undid the ribbon in her hair. She let him play for a little while longer before she pulled his hands away to close the distance again.

It wasn’t until the slide of the ribbon against his wrists that he realized what she was doing, and before he could escape (without hurting her) she had lashed his wrists to the bedpost behind him.

“ _You_ ,” he sneered. Aeris beamed. Now he was perfect!

“Don’t struggle. I don’t know how to tie a slip knot,” she sing-songed. He scoffed, watching her move down his chest until he felt her lick his softened cock.

“ _Hmph_ ,” he dismissed, rubbing his ankle against the comforter idly, “You’ll be waiting a long time and you are _not_ a patient person,”

Aeris laughed, pitched herself on hands and knees and Tseng hoped she didn’t see his eyes flicker to the roundness of her ass, “No, but _you_ are!”

He let out a long, slow, thin breath, “Try me.”

“I _will_.” she promised like it was a threat. Reaching forward, she nipped the curve of his ear, making him huff, annoyed.

Then, whispering softly, she asked, “Is it too tight?”

His chest relaxed for the moment to answer in a similar tone, “No.”

Aeris looked relieved as much as her sigh was, pecking him on the cheek, “Let me know.”

Tseng moved to kiss her but she deftly dropped from his reach, her soft giggles traveling back down to his hips. From there she grinned like an imp at him and he glowered back even as her hands sweetly caressed his thighs. They were gardener’s hands, not quite soft, but not quite rough either; tempered by soil and tools. He inhaled until he was tense when they moved to his genitals, still tender. Much as he would’ve wanted to admit otherwise for the sake of his pride, it did not take Aeris long to make him hard again. First with her hands, then her mouth slipped over the head, sucking gently as her fingers explored him with feather-light touches.

Tseng groaned, trying to keep his hips still.

As before, her tongue was an expert at finding his most sensitive places. She delighted whenever his spine wrenched and his toes curled, particularly when she swept the underside. His rod quickly turned red with pulsing veins and he bit his lip, so overstimulated it was almost painful. Sweat rolled down his neck. He watched as best he could, knowing she was logging his every twitch and gasp.

There was only one problem: Aeris kept her lips at his head and did not dip further down.

When it was clear that this went beyond teasing and was part of some master plan of hers, Tseng let his tension go, chest heaving as he glowered and scowled between gasps of pleasure. He scrunched his eyes tight, loose hairs from his ponytail sticking to the side of his face and brows pitching the urna upwards. Suddenly he wished he had not used the cat-and-mouse metaphor for her before, because when she realized he had caught on to her game she smiled around the tip of his cock. To torment him more, she perched herself high on her knees and wiggled her ass. He did a bad job of pretending not to notice.

Summoning his gruffness, he tried to snarl, “You c-can...do _b-better_ ,”

Her brows raised and she gave him such a candidly innocent smile he wanted to swipe it off her face as she confidently answered, “I can!”

He scoffed, wincing as she licked his underside again, agonizingly slow. Her lusting eyes focused on him, waiting, _patient_ like he said she wasn’t for words he did not want to give under the guise of impatience. Stuttering as her hands cradled his balls, he felt her rest his cock against her cheek, the difference in color and intensity a juxtaposition that he craved to abuse.

Watching him, she turned her head to the side and gave his shaft a chaste kiss. Tseng’s breath caught in his throat. She kissed lower, then lower again, never bringing her tongue forward. He jerked, his wrists tugging against the ribbon as his fingernails dug into the heels of his palm. A strangled cry left him when she slipped her mouth over his head for a moment far too short to be fair. The cry became frustrated as she found the perfect pattern to bring him tantalizingly close to hope only to pull back and become infuriatingly chaste. His feet slipped on the comforter. He saw a glimpse of her fingers spreading along beneath the crest of his hips as she kept kissing his cock. The same fingers that dug into dirt to make flowers grow.

“ _Ae-Aeris_ ,” he choked desperately.

“Yes?”

The way she responded was so simple, so benign, so much like his vision of a housewife he was struck with a fantasy as his eyes screwed shut. Her, just in from the garden, smeared with dirt in a frumpy dress. The smile at him was his to take, and he did so, ripping the frumpy dress off her to reveal her body in his haste to claim her as his once more (once more), too desperate to even bring her to the bedroom. The soil on her cheeks meshed with sweat from their lovemaking, the dirt in her fingernails left traces in his hair.

He begged without another thought, unaware that thin tears had scored his cheeks. That’s what he wanted. He wanted her, warm and inviting and enveloping him. He _begged_.

Relief and pain crashed together as Aeris took his cock in full, the ministrations from her tongue reaching where it could as her head bobbed up and down. Despite her teasing, orgasm did not come quickly so when it did Tseng howled, wincing as he came down from his climax. Relief. Pain. Relief. Pain. Relief. More than anything, though, images of her wouldn’t leave his mind. Aeris herself wasn’t an emotion, but in that moment she should’ve been because that was all he was feeling. She sat up, her throat moving as she swallowed his seed—all but a drop from her lip. Tseng stared at it, the same proud animal from before making its nest in his chest. Yes, she had gotten him to beg—because she was his and that was his claim.

He panted, tilting his head to the mirrors above as sweat pooled in the crevasses of his skin. His vision was dizzy. In their reflection he saw Aeris’s body cover his, reacting when her breasts pressed themselves flush. She was whispering things to him, something like sweet nothings punctuated by quiet curses as she struggled to untie him blindly.

When she did, he lurched forward, nothing more than dead weight at this point. Aeris yelped, turning it into a tired giggle as he nuzzled her breasts like a cat kneading before settling down.

“The communicator,” he mumbled as her arms embraced him, “When...it—,”

“I’ll wake you.” Aeris promised. Tseng’s limbs became heavy with sand as he fell into a deep slumber.

~~

Aeris dragged a thumb over her lip again, still feeling the taste of him in her mouth. It had been a while since she had, and she relished it this time. It wasn’t just that his desperation had been palpable, it was...It was the soft whisper to her beforehand, confirming that no, no she hadn’t tied it too tight. The leaden weight of his body afterward, letting her know that his sleep was going to be as deep as it possibly could.

It was also the salty taste sliding down her throat coupled with his unladen cry of relief. It was all of that, and everything else she couldn’t put into words.

Part of her wished she could. Part of her wished _he_ could. But when she felt it so strongly that words couldn’t convey it, was it necessary?

“Aeris,” Nanaki greeted cordially, exiting a room that was not Vincent’s. She smiled and curtsied nicely, given the environment. Nanaki cocked his head in curiosity, which only broadened her smile before he continued, “Did you rest well?”

She looked at him, and his twitching tail told her that though the question was genuine he also knew the real answer.

“I’m exhausted,” was all she gave him, and he nodded in acceptance.

“Barret’s team came back,” he filled in, “Not with the keystone. Cait and Yuffie are relatively unharmed but Barret got hit in the head and is—,”

“ _I’m FINE!!_ ” Barret roared from behind the door Nanaki just exited from. He twitched his ears.

“He is being tended to.”

“ _I’ll tend to your attitude, hairball!!_ ”

“ _Barret, please,_ ” Cait appealed calmly, “ _I’m a cat too y’know! And hold still!”_

Barret scoffed then grumbled, “ _I ain’t never seen a hairball come outta_ you, _though_.”

Cait laughed merrily, the sound of which made Barret join in, albeit punctuated by winces of pain. Thoroughly charmed, Aeris turned to share a smile with Nanaki. He did respond, although the twitch of his tail and the fact that he seemed poised on his toes made her believe he wanted to talk to her about something—something that he couldn’t do within earshot. Aeris reached out a hand to pet his nose, brushing over the little black scars and all.

Before she could offer to go on a walk together, though, Yuffie excitedly hollered from down the hall.

“ _Yo!_ Aeris! Nanaki! This place’s _really_ _haunted!!_ ”

“What gave you that idea?” Nanaki asked dryly. The girl wildly gestured for them to come closer, and so they did without thinking much of it.

“I heard wailing!” Yuffie exclaimed, “From a ghost in the walls!”

Aeris’s blood stopped cold, “O-Oh?” she squeaked.

“Yup!” Yuffie, who was covered in so many bandages she looked even more like a rough-and-tumble child than before, “ _Follow me!_ ”

Stammering, realizing that nothing she would say would get Yuffie to stop, Aeris stumbled to follow her taking off at high speed. Nanaki followed as well, ears flat and grinning with all his teeth as sympathetically as possible.

“She heard a ghost!” he said.

“S-She d-did!” Aeris felt her face grow hotter than when she was with Tseng, “A g-ghost!”

Yes, after passionate, procrastinating kisses good-bye, Tseng was long gone. Yes, too, the bridal suite was discreet by design. That did not stop Aeris from being the most flustered she had ever been in her life, including the first time Zack had undressed her. At least then he had been so purposefully corny he had put her at ease—this, there was no easing this!

The long hallway rug slipped under her boots and Aeris almost fell when Yuffie took a hard right down the hall— _the_ hall, Aeris was sure—there was the suit of armor, and the strangely blank wall that she now knew to be false, and—

“It was around here!” she declared triumphantly, then turned around, “What, ya scared of ghosts, Aeris?!!”

“T-Terrified,” she shook her knees though it did not take a lot of effort to do so. Yuffie cackled, flashing her sharp teeth.

“Doncha worry! Nanaki and I will keep you safe, won’t we?!” she clapped her shoulders—absolutely picking up that habit from Barret.

He flashed a look at Aeris, no doubt related to what he wanted to talk with her about, before awkwardly smiling and nodding.

“I-I don’t know,” Aeris desperately tried to dig her heels in the floor, “Maybe you just heard a, uhm, another guest or something,”

“ _What?_ No! You heard the hanging guy, we’re the only ones here right now!” Yuffie dismissed.

Aeris winced then inwardly cursed. Why couldn’t Yuffie have taken the usher’s word as hyperbole? She stumbled forward, grabbing Yuffie’s elbow.

“I-I really don’t think it’s a good idea to wander, especially in a place like this…!” she tried, sorely aware of her hypocrisy, “You never know what could be creeping around the corner, like—,”

“Like a ghost?!” Yuffie raised her hands and starting _oo_ ing. Aeris’s smile was wracking itself, nervous and anxious and running thin on ideas.

“Come on, Yuffie,” Nanaki stepped forward, whacking his tail against Aeris’s legs as a subtle sign that she owed him now, “Can’t you see she’s upset?”

“That’s half the fun!!” Yuffie huffed, stomping away from them and kicking at the rug, “Don’t ya know how to have any _fun_? It’s not like there’s a creepy old guy silently loomin’ and watchin’ us and waiting for the right moment to— _AAHH!!_ ”

Yuffie had turned and screamed so suddenly both Aeris and Nanaki jumped, swiveling around to have the flickering candlelight fall onto Vincent’s creepy form silently looming near them, eyes gleaming curiously as he watched.

“Not! Funny!!” Yuffie scolded, the point of the previous rant flying well over her head. Vincent merely blinked.

“The others ordered food,” he provided simply, “Should we return and order more?”

“That—!!” Aeris jumped to the opportunity far too quickly and had to pause, swallow, and smooth her dress, “That sounds good, Vincent, thank you—,”

“Can’t believe you ordered food without inviting me!” Yuffie whined. Nanaki’s ears went flat again.

“What...did Vincent just _do_ ,” he grumbled. Aeris tweaked his ear, far more invested in the distraction.

Vincent dipped his head cordially, then turned to lead them back to their rooms only to be stopped with his reflection. They all paused, gazing curiously at themselves. Nanaki pawed at it, testing the mirror’s presence. It wobbled a bit, but it was very clearly solid. Aeris scanned the edges, looking for etchings in the walls and floor around it while Yuffie started to use words Barret usually did.

“ _Whaddid_ you _do,_ Vincent?! Undo it, I’m hungry!”

“ _I_ touched nothing,” Vincent defended himself coolly, “You, however, stomped about to wake the very dead.”

“The dead don’t drop mirrors down from the ceiling!!” Yuffie yelled, then, upon split-second contemplation, asked, “Right?”

“I would suppose the dead do as they wish,” Vincent curled his golden claw around his chin, “Including trapping us in such a place like this.”

Yuffie riposted with the blunt force only she was capable of, whereas Vincent’s replies were as elegant as a riposte should actually be. The noise bounced off the mirror, making their voices tinny and hollow.

“ _Shh!_ ” Aeris and Nanaki said in unison while Aeris picked up, “ _Someone_ must’ve tripped something; it looks like there are a slew of trick doors and walls here,”

“How does one know that?” Vincent crossed his arms over his chest. She blinked, struck with a bolt of panic even as Nanaki sniffed the etchings at the mirror’s edges.

“You, Vincent?” she finally dug at him, “Asking me that, of all things? I would expect that from Yuffie,”

“ _Hey!_ ” she interjected.

His eyes widened as he realized that, yes, the party found him behind one of the very trick doors she was suggesting. Defeated by a third party in his sparring match with Yuffie, he simply remained silent while Nanaki turned away from the mirror.

“I suggest we go forward. I don’t think there’s a way to safely move this out of the way,”

“Why not just break it?” Yuffie huffed, “Barret always says to work smarter, not harder!”

That, Aeris mused to herself, was something Barret himself needed to work on sometimes—or at least learn to rest more. Though she supposed it didn’t surprise her to learn that he was the _do as I say, not as I do_ type.

Undeterred, Yuffie reached for the giant shuriken on her back only for Vincent to lock her elbow in place.

“Don’t you dare! Shattering a mirror will bring bad luck on us all!”

“Yeah _right!”_ Yuffie scoffed, then just as quickly, “...Really?”

“Oh good,” Nanaki grumbled again as Vincent explained what the lion interpreted as wildly inaccurate conjecture about alternate dimensions and selves, “He is superstitious.”

Aeris put her hands between them, “Listen, we should all just—,”

At that moment a ghostly wailing filled the room, quiet at first but gradually growing in volume. It was sorrowful, then it was fearful. Aeris turned her wide-eyes to Nanaki, thrown off-course immediately. The wail was not her own, which was good in one sense because then it meant she hadn’t been recorded. But that raised the bigger question.

“The ghost! _The ghost!!_ ” Yuffie shrieked.

“It’s…Probably just a hidden speaker,” Aeris tried to reason, but then the wailing turned loud and angry. Paintings of old, stuffy caretakers stretched until their features were grotesque and the hallway seemed to grow taller as a result—or they were sinking. Suddenly Yuffie’s bony arms clung to Aeris, causing her to inhale sharply. The four of them stood frozen as the hallway morphed in front of them, the mirror to their backs. Yuffie started to blubber, loudly declaring both her status as Wutai’s greatest warrior as well as how they should all return to the others because ghosts were stupid anyways, she was never interested, and it was all obviously Nanaki’s fault.

To which there was a _whoosh_ of air and the lion yowled in shock and darted forward, tail lashing. The others did too, Aeris reaching for her friend as he danced in terror, hissing and curling his tail close to him.

“Nanaki! What happened, are you alright?”

He furiously licked the tip of his tail, “The suit of armor, it—,”

He glanced back to confirm that the axe the armor had been holding had indeed swung down, and while it had, his gaze became fixed and his tongue hung mid-lick. The others followed him, then all stared, disturbed. Where the mirror had been there was now a solid wall with one grand painting set in an ornate frame. A beautiful woman stood in clouds that shrouded her nudity, her face serene but in mourning. At the bottom the ornate frame curled around a tarnished nameplate with the name ‘LAKSHMI’ engraved. The wailing seemed to be coming from the painting itself, though Aeris could see no speakers.

Then the canvas of the painting stretched outwards—rather, the woman in the painting did like she was trying to break free of the canvas without the use of her arms. The four of them stepped back as she pushed farther and farther into the room, the canvas stretching and groaning as the wailing petered to quiet sobs to sniveling silence. For a moment it was sad, like the woman was begging for their help. As stupid as it sounded, Aeris had opened her mouth to ask the painting a question when there was a flash of lightning. The woman’s face sloughed off a blackened skull with sharp, glowing eyes. The clouds around her bubbled into hideous green thorns that tore through her body and out of the canvas. The crack of thunder accompanied the now screeching howl to complete the hideous transformation and all four of them screamed, turned tail, and bolted.

Aeris clung to Yuffie’s wrists to keep the girl close, following the wild fire at the end of Nanaki’s tail like a beacon. Vincent brought up the rear, the flapping of his cloak, while explainable, was a sound that cracked at Aeris’s feet like a whip to keep her fleeing at top speeds. Tseng’s words, spoken to her deeply like a metaphor, pounded in her mind as they took hard right turns down unfamiliar corridors: _Wouldn’t want to get separated in a haunted house._ It was frantic, now, and if she ever got out of this horrible maze and saw him again she would have to figure out whether to thank or reprimand him for it.

“ _S-Stairs!_ ” Yuffie screamed, “ _Stairs, Nanaki, watch out—!_ ”

Nanaki yelped as his lack of depth perception betrayed him and the beacon of his tail became a whirlwind as he tumbled. Aeris shouted, taking the steps two at a time to reach him.

Then the stairs disappeared and they were sliding to the bottom, screaming.

Landing in a pile of each other, Aeris’s head snapped up at the sound of a loud, distinctive _shlink._ Atop the flattened staircase was a figure too darkened to see features, but it held aloft a massive pair of garden shears that it pointed towards the group before snapping them closed.

“ _Run!_ ” Aeris shouted though there was no need as the four of them were already scrambling to untangle themselves. Wax sculptures, paintings, suits of armor, doors, and walls all flew past them. Many of them seemed to reach for them or mock them, and when they turned a corner to come face to face with the sculpture of the mad scientist Aeris let out a shriek of _real terror_ no matter how cartoonish she thought it before, saved only by Vincent tugging her away from the sight.

Something pricked in her thoughts afterwards, the annoying feeling of de ja vu swimming in her head until they passed a suit of armor with a lowered axe.

“W- _Wait!!_ ” Aeris dug her heels into the rug, slipping and skidding to the floor, nearly taking Vincent with her. Nanaki and Yuffie stopped just ahead, their eyes wild and worried.

“W-We,” Aeris panted, looking around like she was searching for confirmation, “We went in a circle, we, we’re back,”

She chanced a glance back over shoulder, “A-And the mirror’s gone…,”

Nanaki crept forward while Vincent tightened his grip on her and said, “You sure?” Aeris had to catch her breath and it was taking longer than usual, so she could only shake her head to gain more time.

“I...think so,” Nanaki slowly confirmed as he sniffed the axe, “My fur is here,”

Heavy breaths from the four of them filled the silence as they all glanced around wildly, each confirming for themselves that this was where they had started. For Aeris in particular, she finally saw the hidden keyhole in the wall, leading to the bridal suite and where Tseng had imprinted memories on her.

“So…,” Yuffie wheezed, her hands on her bandaged knees, “So that was all just a...trick?”

Vincent was quiet, staring at the subtle groove where the mirror had slid out.

“It was all just a dumb trick?!” she huffed, puffed, then blew up, “Stupid dumb trick just cuz one of us mighta touched something?!! I almost _died!_ I almost _super died!!_ ”

Aeris struggled to stand up and only did so with Vincent’s help. Nanaki turned, pushing his muzzle into Aeris’s hand—something he never did of his own volition. She ran her fingers over the same little black scars just as before, smiling in relief at him. Yuffie, who was trembling something fierce, had finally conceded her rant by declaring her hunger had increased tenfold. Allowing herself a small laugh at the girl, Aeris breathed a sigh of relief.

A loud voice barked, harsh and not one of the four of them. The muzzle under Aeris’s hand slammed into her palm moments before Nanaki’s paws clambered up her body like she was a Cosmo Canyon rock face. Instinctively her arms gripped his back end, propping him up in her hold as his paws closed around her neck in his mad scramble for safety. Yuffie shrieked and clung to her, Vincent on the other shoulder.

“ _Damn!_ ” Cid whistled, “The hell’s gotten into all of ya? I ain’t that scary!”

The four of them froze, staring at their battered companion and his pronounced scowl. Not even Yuffie could break their awkward silence in indignation.

“Need a do-over? I said _There ya are!_ And I said that cuz we been lookin’ fer ya, food’s here, _and—,”_ The scowl turned into a lopsided toothy grin as Cid puffed out his chest, “We got the keystone!”

Seconds later Cid doubled over like he had pulled a broken rib (he had). Vincent finally pulled away to lend his support and _actually_ lead them back like he had planned to in the first place. (Though it didn’t last, as Yuffie tore ahead of the two older men.) The adrenaline left Aeris in an instant and with a pronounced _oof_ her knees buckled and she dropped Nanaki to the ground.

“S-Sorry,” she apologized, “You’re...kinda heavy.”

“Don’t worry,” Nanaki refused to meet her gaze, his tail flicking in embarrassment, “I won’t make a habit of it.”

Aeris buried her face in her hands, laughing unsteadily before she finally said, “At least I’m now _really_ hungry.”


	11. wheel of fortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's winter break finally!
> 
> happy holidays!
> 
> i got you a FAMILY ARGUMENT for christmas!

Even though he was not looking at her, Aeris could tell he was paying attention by how his ears were facing her at all times. Nanaki lapped at the drink he deemed ‘ridiculous’ but would not stop consuming; a sweet drink made from mixing fermented roots and molasses which resulted in a dark, thick, foamy delight that had been further enhanced with the addition of ice cream. Aeris smiled as she watched his tongue lap greedily at the scoop in the glass tankard, causing it to spin. She had no clue if it was frustrating or amusing him.

Though the party shared funds, this particular outing had come out of her pocket alone; payment for Nanaki covering her ass. It served the additional purpose of finally getting time together, which he clearly had wanted ever since she had decided to continue being with Tseng.

He had been calmed but remained wary at her answers. No, Tseng had not threatened her. Yes, it had remained her idea. No, he had not mentioned any of Shinra’s scientists succeeding Hojo in ghastly experiments. Yes, it seemed, Sephiroth was going to be the top priority for the foreseeable future. What that meant for the party at large? She didn’t know, but as far as how they were in private, Aeris felt...well.

“It only sounds strange to say I’m safe because...in some ways I suppose it _is_ strange. I’ve only ever been locked up, or watched, or followed,”

“This is different?” he asked flatly. Her smirk was wry.

“I don’t know how,” she admitted, “Is it because I chose this for once? Over and over again?”

Nanaki licked the foam from his chin without breaking his stare. Aeris’s answers were certainly possible. Still, he was clearly unconvinced, and when her stare returned his to ask for his thoughts he grunted.

“Calling a Turk _safe_ is...the opinion of a scant minority,”

Aeris laughed, feeling light despite his carefully worded objections. She watched him gingerly close his teeth on a curd of fried cheese, trying to pull it from the communal basket without tainting the others. His nostrils flared as he dipped it in a strong radish sauce.

“I mean…,” she answered lowly, “I know he can be and has been cruel. I know who he is.”

Nanaki snapped the curd into his mouth proper and swallowed. His ears, as always, were perked to her.

“I think that’s why he cares about me…because I know. I _know_. And I don’t try to change it, even if I should…,” She thought on that for a moment, then asked him genuinely, “Should I want to?”

His tongue made a thoughtful swipe along his lips as he looked off to the side. The lack of a knee-jerk response was much appreciated on Aeris’s part. It told her that for as much as Nanaki didn’t or couldn’t understand, he still accepted her logic and tried to discern a good answer even it was so diplomatic it barely reflected his true feelings.

“It’s sickening that you are forcing me to urge you to think of a Turk’s feelings.” Nanaki grumbled before dipping his snout to the float again. Aeris laughed.

“Well! He knows who he is, too! Very, very much so...,” she frowned, chin in her palm as her gaze studied the number XIII. Dim but nightmarish memories floated up in her mind, and her frown deepened, “And...that’s someone who knows how disaster works, from every angle.”

Nanaki raised his brows in suspicion as she partook in the cheese. His tail flicked around the bar stool, “ _All_ angles?”

Aeris went quiet. Her eyes flicked from one thing to the other, but she was only seeing through a haze of bamboo smoke. Nanaki more than most people would be open to the history she had learned, but part of her heart withered when she thought about it. That it wasn’t her story to tell wasn’t the problem; it was the twisted confusion in Yuffie’s face, the softened words of the scholars, the unintentional flinch in Tseng’s grip, the raw fear of the persecuted that permeated her flesh in every dream.

Her eyes settled on Nanaki again. Noble, long snout. Coarse red mane with beads and materia braided into it. Intelligent golden eye. Tattoos and paint of his culture, marred by the branding on his shoulder. Angular joints that moved with great elegance. The last of his kind. As was she. As she hoped Tseng wasn’t, but the growing dark pit weighed heavy in her stomach.

“I don’t know what he’s been through, exactly,” she murmured, “But the Planet told me about him, er, his people. And...it…,”

She grimaced, desperately trying to convey what she had seen without suffering to say it. He took his time for every detail.

“I see,” the release of his understanding let relief wash over her even as he frowned, “But is that enough to garner sympathy to this degree?”

The pit remained in her stomach, drumming up emotion. It mixed with the light, giddy feeling that had been with her since Port Levi and her eyes felt strained.

“Don’t worry, I’m not dumb!” she laughed, wavering, “I know...I know what all this looks like. But I just—,”

Aeris paused, her fingers tapping erratically on her cheek. The straining grew stronger until it was a sting.

“He…,”

She blinked. The stinging remained. Her mouth was as weak as it felt thick. She unleashed a breath that was almost a laugh, almost a gasp, all incredulous at herself. The words suddenly wouldn’t come to her because nothing truly conveyed what she felt, nothing could make sense of the flighty, tangling emotions.

"I don't feel lonely with him, Nanaki."

She blinked, the tears dry and painful. Nanaki sat there, staring at her unblinking but not as a gesture of disbelief. She had noticed that he didn't blink much anyways, and figured it must've been virtue of him being a desert lion first and foremost. Beyond that, his breathing was steady as he watched her spill thoughts and emotions that had been private for so long. Hell, she hadn't been able to even tell Tseng some of these feelings, so wrapped in her own cynicism of eventualities as she was. If she told Tseng, it would make it real, yes—and it would expose her to all the failures that making it real would be. It could be real in the heart, that was fine.

But real in reality?

Aeris couldn't live through another loss, she understood that. And if Tseng ever decided to leave her, she wouldn't know what she'd do. Severing deep bonds was not something she would ever get used to, not after all she had already lost. That was the fear, yet it was also why Tseng was different. Important.

So, so important.

Blinking rapidly so that tears fell, she sniffed ungracefully and rubbed her face. Her lips wavered on a smile overcharged with emotion and glee. Nanaki's quiet was similar to Tseng's quiet; always listening, always processing, always allowing her that space. Even though she could tell some part of him was upset by the way his tail flicked, tossing small sparks along the floor, he remained polite. Aeris buried her face in her hands like a giddy schoolgirl, laughing unevenly to try and reclaim herself.

"I really...I truly...,"

Nanaki's tail stopped, hanging on her every word.

"I think I...," Aeris swallowed and sniffed, "I don't think I could take back anything even if I truly wanted to. He's always been there, he's always been kind, he's always...He's always been with me."

"And that is why you care for him?" Nanaki asked, and though he was careful in tone she could still hear the probing in his voice. After all, knowing someone for a very long time did not automatically make for healthy lovers.

Though it was hard to repeat Nanaki's choice of words, Aeris answered while she stared at her hands, "I think I care for him because he respected me. Out of everyone else."

"Respect?" Nanaki narrowed his eye.

"Yes...," Aeris mused, "Yes. I don't know if it was always the case, but at some point I realized he was Shinra through-and-through—in ways that Shinra would never allow."

"Does that mean that everything he says is true?"

She looked at him.

"Nanaki...why are you helping me?"

The lion cocked his head in bewilderment. Aeris held his desert-gaze steady.

"Knowing this all from the start and despite all your reservations...you've helped keep this a secret, haven't you?"

His tail whipped in displeasure, but he answered level, "I have."

"Why?"

Nanaki stared. After a while he huffed, giving a flippant lick of the melting ice cream. Aeris gave him whatever time he needed to answer the one question he did not want to confront out in the open.

Finally, he scowled and said, "At your mother's, after you all went to bed, I stayed in the garden. Minutes later he showed up."

Aeris scrunched her nose, "Why?"

Nanaki shrugged, "He dodged questions. But I am certain it was for you. We fought. He put out fira and pinned me to the mud. Then...he let me go, and walked away."

Aeris tensed, uncomfortable at the mention of the fight, "Did he threaten you?"

He scowled again, showing teeth in his disgust, "He asked me to be a Turk!"

She blinked. That was all? Aeris smirked at the idea, but behind it the knowledge that Tseng must’ve wanted something was strange.

Nanaki grunted, contemplating before confessing, "There was one other thing. I attacked first. The fire...caught him off-guard."

That made her curious. Catching Tseng off-guard wasn't impossible; in fact she had always been the champion of such when she was younger. But the hesitance in Nanaki’s voice confirmed the strangeness she felt.

"He smelled like fear. Real fear. _Reeked_ of it. Couldn't shake it even when he fought back."

"Fira caused that?"

"It did."

Aeris chewed her lip. Holding the puzzle pieces meant she couldn't be too surprised at his reaction, but certainly she hadn't known how deeply it had affected him. (Once again. Perhaps the next time she would cease to feel guilty. Perhaps if he knew she felt guilt he'd say something to soothe her.)

Nanaki looked away from her, speaking so quietly she had to lean forward to hear, "It's not that his fear-scent was utterly unique. But once I smelled it at that strength...I understood that it had been there since the rescue."

He didn't acknowledge her. It wasn't from embarrassment; the thickness of Hojo's blood on his muzzle certainly would've absolved him of any misunderstandings no matter how keen his nose was. Nanaki sighed and shook his head.

"He left when I told him to. More or less. So, I followed your lead. I don't have to agree with it, I just have to trust you're telling me the truth," he looked back at her, sincerity, depth, and aching in his remaining eye, "You _are_ , aren't you?"

The rock in her throat thickened to a boulder as more tears dropped from nothing more than raw, sheer connection. With Tseng, with Nanaki, with all her fragility being carefully considered and tended to like a flower garden, all of it.

"Of course I am," she rasped, "And I really am glad I can, Nanaki."

He _hmphed_ to put finality on their conversation and once more turned to the float. A smile rested comfortably on her lips, watching him until she mused aloud in a chipper voice.

"You'd make a good gardener, Nanaki."

He hissed sweet foam through his teeth, "Don't you start on me too."

Aeris scrunched her nose and grinned.

~~

The raucous noise between Barret, Cait, and Yuffie overpowered the usual drone of Gold Saucer, making them incredibly easy to find. Yuffie was angry they had only bought her fizzy drinks, Barret was lounging while waving his tankard, Cait had clearly broken into his stash again and was trying to teach her drunken shanties. Above all there was a peculiar cycle of Yuffie complaining about Cait's singing, Yuffie stealing sips of Barret's beer, Barret reprimanding her, only for Cait to start singing again. At Aeris and Nanaki’s approach, the trio cheered and beckoned them over. Nanaki held his head high as though he were more sophisticated than his surroundings would suggest. Aeris briefly wondered if it was because his chest felt as relaxed from their talk as hers did.

"Here y'all are!" Barret greeted, "You been enjoyin' Gold Saucer again?"

Nanaki sniffed, "Only humans find amusement in this stuff."

Aeris stared straight ahead so that her wide smile wouldn't give Nanaki's truth away. It wasn't much, but it was enough to repay the debt of a secret well-kept for now.

" _Sourpuss!_ " Yuffie yelled. This miffed Nanaki more than he would've cared to admit, and once again Aeris kept her glances off of him so as not to give him away—like his tail wasn't doing that already.

"Aw, c'mon!" Barret teased, "There's somethin' for everyone here, even sourpusses, right Aeris?" he winked at her and she gave a confused smile before remembering Barret's attitude the previous time and laughing. Playing along she overacted rocking on the balls of her feet and putting a pensive finger to her lip.

"Well, _hypothetically_ there could be someone who doesn't like fairs, bars, arcades—,"

" _Arcades?!_ " Yuffie interrupted, "Where? Show me!"

Nanaki's hackles raised, "Absolutely not."

This only made Yuffie gasp in excitement, " _You know where it is,_ then!"

"Wh-What? No I—,"

"C'mon, let's go!" Yuffie bounded from the table and off into the milling crowds. Nanaki howled in despair and took off after her—desperate to not have his time in the arcade ruined just as much as it would've been revealed. Cait laughed, merrily and with a slur as he slumped against the puppet moogle.

"Ooh, oh, ohhh think I hadda bit too much," he giggled. Aeris briefly wondered who the person behind Cait was, and if seeing them giggle would fit as well as it did with the small cat body, "Don't mean to break up the party, but I think I'm gonna retire fer now,"

"Oh you _are_ an old man!" Barret shot as Cait tried to adjust himself to a balanced seat. Cait tsked and waved a hand.

"S'just the songs, m'dad used to sing them to me before bed."

Barret almost choked on his beer, allowing Cait the window to give a drunken bow and a smooth exist before he regained himself then muttered in disbelief, "Those weren't lullabies...,"

Aeris slid to the previously occupied chair on Barret’s left arm with a contented sigh. The big man was warm as always, but now that most of their companions were gone he was strangely reserved. The coliseum had made them all such. Stretching was both comfortable as it also reminded her of bruises, but she remained content.

“Y’hungry?” Barret asked.

“Not particularly, Nanaki and I split a dish,” she responded with a smile. Barret grunted in approval and took a long sip from his tankard. He tipped it a little too high, and when he set it back down Aeris noted that it was, or had been, too empty for the amount of time that he was drinking from it. But he remained quiet even as she felt the building air of anxiety around him. That, however, was no different than the last time they were here, and with as alone as they were it was only natural for it to start to shine through without a rowdy teenager and a friendly cat to distract him.

When he got up, however, he invited her on a walk. Charmed, Aeris accepted and they wandered Gold Saucer together, though not a word was said from him. No commentary, no humming, no sighs even. Still, her mood remained chipper and fulfilled, and they found themselves on a balcony overlooking much of the attractions. Far below them, like ants, Aeris spotted Cloud and Tifa in line for the gondola tour. They were certainly together, but stood far enough apart that she guessed it was awkward at best. There was something cute about it, and she pointed it out to Barret.

He grunted.

“Do you think both of them know it’s a date?” she mused aloud. Barret didn’t answer for a while, and a quick glance over showed that he wasn’t even looking down at them. Undeterred, she continued, “I bet Tifa does, but Cloud can...be a bit slow with this stuff, huh?”

“Hmm,” Barret finally relented and looked, but it seemed he was gazing past the awkward couple, “Are you faster at it?”

Aeris blinked in confusion, wrapping her head around the question. Thinking she misheard or misunderstood, she said, “What do you mean?”

“Jumpin’ the gun. Gettin’ in bed. Makin’ dates, or whatever.”

The confusion stayed, but now she was guarded as she searched for an actual answer, “What’s that to you?” She could discuss her personal history, but she didn’t see how it was relevant to the conversation at hand. Did he want her to describe in visceral detail how Zack had treated her the first time, and the trauma when he left nipping her off at the bud? Barret’s body language was stiff and just as guarded as hers if not more, and that prickled her spine.

“Wouldn’t be nothin’ were it not the company you keep,” he sneered, and all at once the warmth and comfort she had felt dissipated into darkness and cold. Her heart raced while at the same time feeling like it was sinking, straining her wind pipe and choking her.

“That is none of your business,” Aeris enunciated through grit teeth, “It never has been.”

“The hell it ain’t,” he was angrily chewing on a toothpick he had kept from the tavern, and Aeris narrowed her eyes to the uneven way it bounced in his lips, “It’s all a little too convenient. Sure, we’re on Shinra’s tail so I expect ‘em to be where we are, but it shouldn’t be like this. Shouldn’t be like they’re expectin’ us,”

“Why not?” Aeris challenged, “We have the same goals right now. The Turks have said we’re not their priority anyway.”

“Oh? Then what was that crackpot Hojo doin’, anyway? How’d he know where to find us? How’d he know to get ya again? And how’d we get a first class trip back to the West? I don’t like it.”

Aeris’s hand on the guard rail curled into a fist, trembling before she pulled it tight, “You don’t have to. Why are you bringing all this up, Barret?”

“Feels like we’re being _toyed with_ ,” he snapped. The toothpick did likewise, and he yanked it out of his mouth and flung it at the ground, “An’ it feels like it’s comin’ from inside the group, too,”

Aeris’s spine went rigid, but instead of fear she felt anger boil in her stomach. Keeping her gaze steady and direct, she addressed him professionally and coldly.

Tseng would’ve been proud of that.

“I am not an informant.”

Barret scoffed, “You don’t have t’be. But I suppose that didn’t occur to ya all tangled up in bed with a Turk,”

She seethed, “I’m _not_ an idiot, Barret. Not only did you say it yourself, we’re on Shinra’s tail. What new information would I even have to share?”

“Anythin’. _Everythin_ ’. Shit you don’t even think about!”

“Try me.” She challenged. There were days where she did nothing _but_ think. Whatever Barret was implying would’ve already gone through her mind five times over by this point, if not more.

Barret narrowed his eyes at her. Even if he had things in mind that would’ve surprised her, it was clear he didn’t want to test them, for either of their sakes. Still, his chest barreled out in a poor attempt to control his anger as he asked in a forcibly lowered voice, “How long has this been goin’ on?”

“How long do you think?” Aeris retorted, then before he could think on it answered, “Since the Chocobo Fields.”

It was like she had slapped him. Barret’s face contorted as he recoiled, hand going up to dig beneath his brow as he scowled and scoffed, “Goddamn piece of shit he really _did_ take advantage of ya—,”

“He. Did. _Not_.” She planted her feet firmly despite her diminutive size in front of him.

“I knew it and I shoulda stopped it but I had to believe you—,”

“He _did not!!_ ” Aeris yelled, seconds away from smacking him for real to force his attention on her, “ _I_ did. _I_ reached for him. He tried to wrench _me_ away, and I persisted. This was all _my_ idea, Barret!”

The contortion changed to disgusted confusion, “ _Why—_ Who, who the hell d’ya think you are?! He’s _Shinra_. Either he’s usin’ you, or you ain’t with us!”

“He’s not using me—,”

“Tens of thousands of people died when _he_ and his Turks dropped the plate on Sector 7! And you just think you can go ahead and do this and we won’t be mad? No—you don’t, ‘cause you tried to keep it a secret, and for what?!”

Aeris shook, “I’m not going to defend Tseng to you, Barret—nor does he want to be defended! He knows who he is, and he knows exactly what he’s done and will do,”

“And how’s supposed to make that better?” he sneered in response.

“If it wasn’t going to be a Turk that dropped the plate, it was going to be someone else. Shinra had made its mind up,”

“ _Exactly!_ ” Barret snapped, “D’ya even hear yourself?! Shinra is as Shinra does, there ain’t no changing what he did and ain’t no changing him! He and his Turks leading Shinra across the Planet and screwing shit up through foul play is all in a day’s work! And you’re saying you’re _okay_ with it?!”

“Of _course_ I’m not!” Aeris’s voice cracked in anger, but it only served to incense Barret further as he saw it as cracking pressure instead.

“Do you even understand why we’re here?! What we’re doing? Thought you Ancients were supposed to be wise! The plate wouldn’t have fallen if we had gotten to Shinra first—cut off their head and blow the shit outta their building, and all those people would still be alive!”

Heat started to mist in her vision as Barret continued.

“The Planet ain’t free until we rid it of Shinra’s corruption! _All_ of it!”

She saw red as the heat exploded, curling into her jaw as she clenched it and shouted, “Shinra is a _system_ , not an army, Barret!!”

He blinked, already readying a knee-jerk retort. She had none of it, slamming her fist on the railing.

“The President died, did _anything_ change? Sure, a little, only because of Rufus’s fickleness. The head _was_ cut off, but Shinra stayed! The reactors stayed! The same morals in power stayed! Are you just going to kill everyone in the building until you feel Shinra’s corruption is sufficiently extinguished?”

Barret opened his mouth, Aeris interrupted with her blazing glare focused on him.

“If you had gotten to Shinra first, hell, if you had gotten to Shinra _even after_ the plate fell, and if you had toppled the building, what would you see the bodies as?”

He made another noise and Aeris interrupted him again, meticulously calculating his expression as it slowly, slowly changed.

“Shinra bodies right? Justified casualties, because they’re just as guilty as Shinra itself? You would’ve found _my body_ in that rubble, but you wouldn’t have seen me as Aeris, would you? I suppose you think that’s all well and good now that you know I’ve been sleeping with a Turk, so how about Nanaki’s body? Crushed and distorted under debris?”

Barret tried again.

Aeris did not let him.

“You _wouldn’t have known_ , therefore _wouldn’t have cared_ , and our bodies would’ve just been another part of this faceless army you think Shinra is!”

“People make Shinra work, and they’re just as guilty of Shinra’s sins if they don’t do nothing about it!” Barret jammed the words in before Aeris had time to intercept, still harsh in his tone and belief.

“ _Because they still have things to lose!_ ” She shrieked back, “You already lost _everything_ , Barret, but those people have families, children, neighbors, and communities they have to support! Whether or not they’re aware of Shinra’s sins, they have no choice!”

“Everyone has a choice!” Barret growled confidently. Aeris felt herself snarl, a poetic image of Vincent’s transformations coming to mind as her voice dropped low. Laced with venom, she spat back.

“No. They don’t.”

Barret was in the midst of scoffing, raising his hand in incredulous disbelief when Aeris swatted it aside. The motion took him by total surprise and it stunned him. With his full attention now forcibly on her, Aeris bored her glare into his eyes.

“I know. You lost everything. You really did. But you’ve always been in control, Barret. If not of the situation, of yourself. I haven’t been. Ever.”

His brow furrowed, “What—,”

“I was brought to Shinra facility when I had just barely been born. For the first seven years of my life, the only thing I knew was the room in the laboratory. No windows. Just cold light, metal floors, and metal walls. Sometimes they’d take me for testing, sometimes they’d give me something but wouldn’t tell me or my mother what it was. But my mother had it worse. They took her...sometimes for hours. Sometimes they’d even let me watch. They’d let me, or even forced me to watch them inject things in her. They’d make me watch her cry and contort until she couldn’t anymore. I’d watch her go stiff, then limp. At some point she didn’t even fight it anymore. Syringe after syringe, notes after notes taken. They’d be quick one day, leave her there for hours the next. Hojo was meticulous about his work. My mother was just a thing to him. So was I. She tried to rock me to sleep at night—I don’t remember her lullabies because she was crying too hard while she sang them. Other times, she wouldn’t sing at all. She’d just sit and stare at the wall, and nothing I did made her wake from that.”

“Th-That…,” Barret stammered, “That’s different,”

“How. _Dare_ you,” Aeris seethed, “How dare you claim I’m the exception, as if I wouldn’t be in the rubble, as if Nanaki doesn’t exist, as if Shinra isn’t full of _people._ As you said, people make Shinra work. And you’re right. _People_ do. They work, because they’re trapped,”

He gnashed his teeth, “They can break free, but choose not to. _You_ got out—,”

“My mother _died!_ ” Aeris screamed, “No—she would’ve died no matter what! You know she did, but you weren’t _there_. You didn’t _see her_. You didn’t see her color turn sick, the pus around her eyes, the constant shake of her limbs, the creaking of her joints, the scaly texture of her skin, the sinking of her cheeks! Worsening over the years, until she was so weak that leaving the facility so that I didn’t face the same fate _killed her_ faster than Hojo would’ve! In fact—I’m _sure_ he would’ve found a way to keep her body alive so he could keep harvesting her tissues. I’m _positive_. He stripped her of her parts after death anyways! _She_ had no choice, and had _me_ to lose!”

Barret’s eyes were wide. Aeris had to stop to take a few extremely harsh breaths to calm herself; she was moments away from accusing him of the luxury of having his loved ones die quick and painless. Playing the competition of suffering was not what she had come to anyone to do, because it was not fair. It wasn’t fair. Suffering was suffering, it didn’t matter how one looked at it.

It also wasn’t fair because in such a competition, Aeris was going to win, and she hated knowing that instead of anything else she had to be identified and validated because of her suffering. If the shoe was on the other foot, she knew Barret would feel the same. It hurt that it didn’t occur to him as he hurled horrible accusations from the relatively safe distance of his perceived innocence.

“So what is it, then,” Barret dared to speak, “Shinra broke you and now you’re in their pocket cuz you’ve given in? Because now you _do_ got a choice, and you don’t _have_ to choose him.”

“I _want_ him,” she put all her pitiful power behind that statement, because it was true, and it was infuriating that there had to be more to it than just that. It was made even worse by how it flared Barret’s anger back up as if she hadn’t been saying anything at all.

“Why?!”

“ _What do you want from me?!”_ Aeris roared, her throat raw from the sheer volume of it, “Do you want to win? Barret? Is that what you want? You want me to back down? Admit you’re absolutely right, and damn what I think or been through? Would you call that winning? _Would you?!_ ”

“You keep defending him—,”

“I’m defending _myself!!_ ” she stomped her foot on instinct, a motion that she hated because it automatically must’ve made her look like a child, “My decision! Mine!! The only one I could make for myself! _The only control I’ve ever had!!_ ”

“So that’s what this is?” Barret’s reignited fire now felt cruel, and the more he encroached on her, even metaphorically, the more she felt like a caged animal ready to chew her own leg off. The only other time she felt like that was when she was lucidly under Hojo’s hand, “A selfish fling so you don’t have to think about the people it’s affectin’ for once? Your house is in the slums, but were you even payin’ attention when—,”

“When you blew up the reactor, and people died?” Aeris snapped.

Barret shut up mid-word.

“Because I was there. I heard the explosion, disregarded Cloud telling me to go somewhere safe. I went there and I saw people screaming, running. I saw cars on fire, then I saw...people on fire. On mako-fire. You of all people should know what mako-fire does.”

His silence told her everything.

“For a justified cause, right?” her voice dropped to a hurt whisper, “I helped who I could. Were they Shinra? I don’t know that. Neither do you. Even if they were...they were just there to feed their families, weren’t they? Unless their houses were caught in the blast. And still, I’m here with you now, and I’m not holding it against you. Well, I didn’t, until you’ve forced my hand. Barret…,”

Anger still seared her face and made her voice dark and controlled. She knew he felt it from the way he was no longer willing to look at her.

“If you want to play this game, we can. Tseng doesn’t play games. I do. I...have _hated_ Shinra far longer than you. And I think you know that. You hate Shinra...so...childishly. Lashing out where you can because lashing out to you means progress instead of struggling in the water before you _drown_. Where are AVALANCHE’s members, Barret?”

He was now looking at the place Cloud and Tifa had been standing even though it was empty.

“I _hate_ Shinra,” she continued, “But I cannot separate Shinra from the people who run its machine. For me, there is no escaping Shinra. There is no destroying Shinra. What’s done is done—there is no escaping my life. The only people who have made my life bearable from within Shinra’s grasp are people like Tseng. Yes, he’s a Turk who follows orders without voicing any questions. But he’s the only one...the only one in the world who understands me. The only one who was there when I was still in the facility, and then afterwards. He’s been the _only_ thing in my life that has stayed, and he’s only ever stayed at a respectable distance. He made sure I was able to live as normal of a life as possible. Yes, what I’m doing is dangerous, but it’s something I know very well. Nothing is familiar right now except for him. I didn’t know what the sky really looked like at all hours of the day. But I know what his face looks like. You lost _everything_ , Barret.

“I never had anything to begin with, except him.”

He was quiet for a long time, almost giving Aeris a sense of hope she knew to be false. When he spoke again it was in a hushed tone, still angry, still fighting.

“Tseng brought you back to Shinra.”

Aeris hissed and closed the distance to Barret, peaking her shoulders so she could snake into his peripheral vision, enraged, “Did you want Marlene safe or not?! I did it for _you_ and we hadn’t even met yet! Tseng kept his word for her safety!”

Barret’s silence spoke volumes for him, again. Then, quiet, hushed, defeated in the battle but retreating to regroup, he said, “We got you out. Twice.”

Aeris narrowed her eyes, “The second time, Tseng opened the door.”

He continued to stare at the empty space at the gondola station. Though he was wordless, his breathing suggested that he was slowly gathering his thoughts as it became deeper and faster as time went on. Aeris’s knuckles turned white, one hand clamped on the railing, the other balled into a fist. She did not know how much more ammunition she had against him, and if it would even be worth it in the end. Another pointless war, with the same outcome; deep, deep down she ached so much she felt like she could die from it.

She wanted Tseng to hold her, maybe even take her away for a while as she calmed down. Anything to tell her that she wasn’t crazy for sleeping with the enemy, anything to tell her that she didn’t have to choose between a terrorist and a corrupted company. Anything, anything that told her she only had to choose herself, for once. Aeris believed Tseng would allow her that choice—he had allowed it before.

Barret inhaled and she braced herself for disappointment and pain.

A harsh yelp split the air and both of them whipped their heads around. It had sounded like Cait. Barret took off before Aeris did, sprinting towards the simple problem of helping a friend instead of warring with one. Following close behind, she saw Cait’s moogle scramble as fast as its tubby body could, pursued by Cloud and Tifa.

“Cait, _stop!_ ” Tifa yelled—not in worry, but in shock and anger. Aeris’s throat seized as her legs pumped harder to catch up.

“Give that back!” Cloud shouted, reaching for Cait but just missing him as he jumped down a chute.

“The hell is goin’ on?” Barret tried to garner but the chase was too intense to stop for answers. One by one they followed Cait, through chutes and threading attractions. The remote toy, as Aeris knew he was, did not tire as he fled. As such she saw Cloud’s hand close around the hilt of his sword when they nearly cornered him. Cait yelped and fled, back down the staircase he had just raced up, and it was then that Aeris recognized the drone of a helicopter.

Cloud swung the buster sword, cleaving the puppet moogle into an arc of stuffing and wires. Wailing like a cat, Cait sailed through the air down the last of the steps. A blast of wind buffeted them as the helicopter lowered. There Tseng was, leaning out of the helicopter enough for Cait to fling something oblong and green to him. He caught it, smooth and practiced.

The keystone.

While the others rushed forward to hound Cait and attack the helicopter that was already lifting away, Aeris stood still and stared at her lover, the Turk, as he caught her eye and stared back. There was a glint in his eye, the closest thing Aeris could call mischief coming from him. It made her heart burn with challenge and determination. Oh, _now_ he wanted to play games? Pleasant heat fed her muscles as the urge to pursue and punish him grew as she watched him retreat.

He popped a smirk Aeris wanted to wipe off with her own lips, then ducked back into the chopper.

“W-Wait!” Cait yelled, desperate, “D-Don’t go! Take me with you, hey! _Tseng!!_ ”

Ignored by the Turk, Cait was silenced by a hand closing over his throat and slamming him to the wall. Barret cocked his gun and aimed it at the toy cat in his grip, snarling with all the clarity of recognition and pain at who the informant really was.

“ _You_.”


	12. cat's paws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't finish january, january finished me
> 
> finishing off barret and aeris's argument was the hardest thing in the world for me, and yes god i keep adding trysts i KNOW i do, and the porn will be extravagant in the next chapter --
> 
> but you all know what's coming next.

“W-Wait, Barret—,”

Barret pulled Cait back from the wall only to slam him back. The crown that was on Cait’s head toppled to the floor with loud _pings_ that rang in Aeris’s ears, though she did little else but flinch.

Something became faulty for a moment in the cat’s voice box, making staticky gargles as he struggled to say, “You can’t, you can’t kill me,”

“The _hell_ I can’t,” Barret seethed. Aeris could hear the thinned power of his voice, wracked with pain and weakness after their fight.

“This body, it’s a toy,” Cait continued as his tiny limbs flailed uselessly, “You’ll only be destroying an ally—,”

“An _ally!_ ” Barret snapped, “An ally that just gave the keystone to the _enemy?!_ ”

“I can explain—,”

The barrel of Barret’s gun almost swallowed the head of the cat as he jammed it in his face. Were it not for the hush that had settled around them, it would’ve seemed comical.

“ _Fast._ Who the hell are you? _Now!_ ”

Cait’s jaw flapped beneath the bottom rim of the barrel, stammering as he brought himself together, “R-Reeve Tuesti, Urban Development,”

Barret stared, then his eyes grew wide and he howled, flinging him to the ground. Cait bounced like a ball, screaming in shock. Towering over him, Barret yelled, “You ain’t kissin’ Shinra’s ass, you... _you are Shinra!!_ ”

Everyone stepped back like he was plagued, even Aeris. The battered cat scraped himself up as much as possible, gasping when he realized he was at her feet. The expression wasn’t discernible, but the cadence of breaths she heard from his mouth told her he was desperately looking toward her for help. After all, if he knew Tseng so personally, he must glean that she had some sort of relationship with him. Maybe he even knew how far the relationship went. Aeris slid a foot back, her expression cold. So. When Cait said he knew Midgar, he really thought he was meaning it. Certainly he knew it from a top-down perspective; knew it from the business and architecture and economy. But its people? Aeris thought not. As much as she had just defended her individual decisions, she was not about to defend the infiltration and deception Cait—Reeve had undergone in their midst.

It was in Barret’s eyes, too. His round, dark, usually exuberant eyes were now strained and mirthless. What’s more, they were started to redden on the edges. He could not tear himself away from Cait, even as he started pacing and swatting the air in rage. By contrast, he wouldn’t look at her. But even then she still understood the tears that were brimming on his lids.

Dimly she heard Tseng’s excuse in her mind—it wasn’t _his_ fault they accepted a weirdo into their ranks without fully understanding what he was there to do. A Turk was trained for espionage, none of them were (even if Yuffie vehemently declared she was) so really it was no surprise it was so easy for someone to sneak in. That should’ve shamed her more, but instead she turned it into coldness against Cait.

“Why?” Barret’s voice made Cait turn from her, curling defensively as he snapped with his voice cracking, “Why? _Why?!_ Why, why, why?! Why _you?!_ ”

“I—,”

“ _Shut up!!_ ” Barret thrust his gun towards Cait, keeping it trained on him as he paced, “You shut your _goddamn mouth!”_

Cait breathed irregularly, then, against Barret’s demands, continued to stammer, “B-Barret, _please_ , I _admired_ you,”

He scoffed. Scrambling to his knees like a beggar, Cait pleaded.

“You, and AVALANCHE, you were _doing_ things, doing _something_ , _anything_ instead of nothing!”

“Of course!” Barret cried, “ _Now_ is when Shinra gets on its knees and praises us!”

“Being head of Urban Development wasn’t working!” he tried to appeal, “I kept losing funding, buildings weren’t being repaired, after the plate fell—,”

“Which Shinra _did_ ,”

Cait audibly swallowed then continued without entertaining that, “After the plate fell, President Shinra, he...He vetoed my proposal to rebuild and how,”

Barret shook his head like he was ridding his ears of Cait’s words and pinched his brow. Aeris listened intently to the cat, but kept her gaze ever-trained on Barret as his sanity slipped from him in the form of sweat beads growing on his skin. He spat with a harsh growl, and Cait got to his feet, determined his case was being made.

“That’s when I took a good look at you guys and what you were doing, and I—I built Cait Sith.”

“You _coulda_ left it at that,” Barret snarled, “You _coulda_ built the cat and joined us if you can’t fight otherwise. You _coulda_ just done that, been our eyes on the inside, been open an’ honest and— _Turkless_ ,”

Aeris was too steeled to flinch at that.

Cait floundered, “B-but, you wouldn’t have believed or, or allowed me to go with you if you had known from the start!”

“ _Ha!_ ” Barret’s laugh was harsh, “That’s _one_ thing ya got right today! _God—,_ ”

She saw it all start to crumble as the budding tears leaked and he grimaced in pain. Aeris looked to Cloud and Tifa, both quiet. Tifa was more in shock than Cloud, who only looked listless as his stare moved from Cait to Barret and back again. His expression was too still to know if he was trying to connect dots or if he had been waiting for this to happen. He was ex-SOLDIER after all, or so he claimed. Barret had been audible about not trusting him from the start, but it was clear he was fond of Cloud despite reservations. That was fair—Cloud _did_ help. He chose to; whenever he was faced with a dire situation he always made the right choice at the very least. That certainly meant a lot to Barret, and Tifa, and her, and everyone else. Cloud was a good figurehead, but was that because he was a good leader or was it because he could turn in whatever direction the group wanted him to go in and lead that way? That question surely plagued Barret as ex-SOLDIER meant ex-Shinra. What if Cloud actually knew this Reeve? What if his leadership was built in complacency from the ground up? What if Cait wasn’t the only mole?

Would any of them hurt as much as Cait’s betrayal did, after how close Barret and the cat had become?

Then there was her, spreading her legs for a Turk. Oh, not just any Turk, but the _Director_. Here Barret thought she was in need of their help to break free from Shinra, but the second she tasted freedom she welcomed Shinra right back in—deeper than they had gone before. He must now believe she was a conniving fox at best, Shinra’s pet bitch at worst.

Vincent, a former Turk. Cid, formerly of the Shinra Space Program. “Former” though they may be their ties ran deep, like Barret’s once had. Did he feel the same way about them?

Somehow, some way, Aeris’s heart broke for him.

Barret cussed, more akin to a roar, and cocked the gun. Cait threw his hands up and yelped, his last-ditch effort to preserve himself.

“ _Marlene!_ I know where Marlene is!”

“The hell does that matter, of _course_ you—,” It clicked in Barret’s mind and his features froze in horror. Gun wavering, he tried to steady it with his hand as tears burned his cheeks. His teeth glinted in the neon lighting as he whispered hoarsely, “You _wouldn’t_.”

Cait stood still. Aeris could almost hear the pounding heartbeat of the man on the other side come through the cat’s voice box. When he spoke he sounded just as hoarse as he said, “I don’t...I don’t want to…,”

“Bullshit,” Barret whispered back. Then, with spittle flying, “ _Bullshit!_ ”

He was done. His voice cracked, tears streaking canyons in his cheeks, and tendons popping from stress, Barret turned on his heel and abandoned them. The last time it had happened Aeris had stood by and watched Barret disappear into the colorful facades of Gold Saucer. This time her jaw set and she kept her eyes on the back of his head.

“Stay with Cait,” she told the others, and without explanation she jogged after Barret. Cait was the only one who called after her in protest, with a broken and desperate voice. She would not entertain him, though—what was done was done and it didn’t matter where she stuck Tseng’s dick, she was not Shinra’s go-between. If Cait knew he wouldn’t be accepted without a lie, then he must’ve known what would’ve happened once that lie was found out. Barret was the one who needed her help, and despite their painful argument before Aeris did not want to lose him again.

“Barret—,”

“Leave me the hell alone!”

Of course she didn’t.

“Just listen—,”

“No! Not to you, not to nobody, y’all are Shinra’s puppets for all I care!”

“Fine!” Aeris pushed past spaces narrowed by confused pedestrians displaced by Barret storming through them, “I’m sure we are, to you!”

“If you’re lookin’ for an apology, you ain’t gettin’ one!” he called back.

“I know!” Best wishes to the person she elbowed in the side to keep pursuing Barret.

“You ain’t gettin’ anythin’ else from me!”

“I’m not _looking_ for forgiveness!”

That, finally, got him to whip around. His bulk and height didn’t get Aeris to stutter to a stop, but the redness of his eyes did. She inhaled, held it, reminded herself of the man that sat with her in Cosmo Canyon with no questions. The man who told her stories of his halcyon days without probing into why she didn’t have any. Fluttering her eyes shut, she conjured the smell of his sweat mixed with burnt mako, the cadence of his relaxation, and the support of his closeness.

“Barret.” He interrupted her with a scoff. She opened her eyes and hoped they were as soft as she wanted them to be, “Please. Just accept this. For now.”

“My _whole life_ ,” he interjected, “My _whole life_ has been a _just accept this for now_. Just try this, for now. It’s always been a promise of bein’ able to go back, but there ain’t no goin’ back to, in the end!”

Aeris’s mouth hung open for a bit, quivering as the truth of the matter hit her unexpectedly. She was unwavering in her position still, but it did mean she had to take an extra breath. Using this time, Barret continued.

“And it’s happened again, and there ain’t no goin’ back to the way it was before!”

She raised a delicate hand, “You’re right.” When he didn’t interrupt her again, she added, “So there’s only moving forward, isn’t there?”

“Don’t try to patronize me—,”

“I _can_ ,” she warned, “And I will, because you won’t stop Shinra by shutting out the _only_ Shinra leader that actually wants to help us. Even if—even if he chose _this_ way to do it.”

He turned his shoulder to her, breaking from the crowd to a railing similar to the one they were at before, only far less secluded.

“You call that help?”

“Up until this point it was—,” she paused, thought of what Hojo had done to her, swallowed, then continued, “It was...mostly fine,”

“Can’t even say it with confidence,” Barret spat, “Between the rest of the party, who d’ya think they’re gonna side with once they know the whole truth?”

Aeris prickled. If Barret...if Barret told everyone...it’s not that she couldn’t think of it happening, it’s just that if he had done it without her express permission, without her _control_...She tried not to be sick on the spot, shooting a hand out to dig her nails into the skin of his arm. Half of her intention was to make sure he was paying attention to her, the other half was to make sure she was stabilized.

“What does it matter right now. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. And if that isn’t enough, people grow and change. Didn’t you?”

“Keep defending Shinra, Aeris,” he growled, “ _I_ won’t point the gun at you, but they will!”

Her eyes narrowed with disappointment even as she cackled in surprise, “They _already_ point the gun at me!”

“Are we supposed to be caught in the crossfire?!” Barret shot back, “How many of us d’ya think are just like Cait now, or like you?”

“I haven’t done anything wrong!” Her voice cracked to be retreading things she already asserted, far too soon.

“And you tangled yourself with _that_ Turk, out of all of ‘em, Director, _Wutanese_ ,”

“He—What?!” Aeris twisted her face in confusion.

“You were too young,” Barret asserted, trying to pull his arm away from her grip which only served to put little scratch marks on his skin, “To remember a lot of that war. Shinra wasn’t gonna hire no damn Wutanese to their side—too many spies. Hell, why d’ya think Wall Market is full of their language and stuff? Shinra kept ‘em where they wanted ‘em, in charge of their funding—so to speak—with the contraband materia to keep ‘em addicted. All that shit Shinra did, suppressin’ and pushin’ down those people, why’s _he_ in charge of the Turks?”

Aeris blinked, desperately trying to understand Barret but he was five steps ahead of her.

“But I’m sure he gave them plenty of advantages in the war, spying, assassinating, working for Shinra against his own homeland. Wutai, Land of Serpents, and they bred a snake that bit them in the end, huh,”

Ripping her hand away from Barret, Aeris stood cold and dark as his words pushed down on her. Not because they were true, but because they were oppressive and suffocating. Barret certainly noticed.

“What, did he feed you a different story?”

_No, the Planet did._

“And you decided to trust a Turk?”

_It’s Tseng I trust. Not a Turk._

“What would Yuffie think if she knew, Aeris?”

With all her power, Aeris shoved him. Not to knock him to his ass (anyone could see she couldn’t possibly do that) but enough so that he faced her properly. He huffed at first, thinking that was it, but then stammered when Aeris closed her hands around the gun. At once she shoved the cold metal against her stomach, to Barret’s immediate and distressed protests. Her knuckles turned white from the intensity of her grip, her shoulders stood stiff, and when she finally looked up she was seething with rage. Fury radiated from her skin like she was going to become a sun—hot, burning fury that was going to suck Barret in with no remorse.

“Shoot me, then.”

“ _What?!_ ” Barret shouted, trying to shove her off. She would not budge, the awkward angle giving her an advantage. She’d freeze herself to the metal if she had to. Even as he struggled, she kept her infuriated gaze fixed to him.

“I said _shoot me!_ ” The loudness of her shouting was starting to turn heads, only making Barret panic more.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself—,”

“ _Yes_. I _know._ I’m _responsible_ for _my_ actions.” She seethed, “You said you weren’t gonna train your gun on me, but if I’m _really_ no different than Shinra, then it shouldn’t matter, should it?”

“Aeris—,”

Her nail cracked against the metal of his gun, sending acute pain up her finger. She held her ground, “If Tseng was _really_ using me to hurt you, Barret, _I_ would’ve been the one to steal the keystone. Not Cait. And if Cait and Tseng _both_ wanted to hurt us, wanted to hurt _you_ , then you know what they could’ve done with Marlene.”

Pain seared across Barret’s face again, no doubt pain from the frustration of how his daughter was being used as a bargaining chip, over and over again. But it seemed he was leaving them with little choice, and vice versa. Tension trembled between them in the form of taut, steadfast muscles ready to snap. Eyes were trained on them, curious ones, concerned ones, frightened ones.

“If I didn’t care about you, Barret,” she uttered through grit teeth, “I would not be talking to you.”

She released him.

Left with nothing to say, Barret gripped the graft of his arm, where stump met chamber. His eyes were wide, only exemplifying the redness that remained from his emotions. Calm, unhappy, quiet, yet resolved, Aeris spoke.

“If you ever want to say hello to Marlene, let me know. I’m sure Tseng will relay the message to my mother.”

With that, she left the stunned man to pick up the pieces.

~~

“Ah, shit,”

Aeris raised her head from watching the seawater foam beneath where her feet rested. Cid, at the helm, cussed again and mangled the toothpick in his mouth. Looking to where he gazed out, she saw great dark clouds swirling, as if they were swallowing the ocean up into them. The pure blue sky directly above them seemed to be getting sucked up as well, tainted into darkness.

“Ev’rybody strapped in?” Cid said even as he turned hard to starboard, “We’re gonna skirt it!”

Then, after a moment of shuffling and making sure everyone’s jerry-rigged safety straps were in place, Aeris caught on to his mutter, “I hope.”

Even with her limited knowledge, Aeris knew and braced for Cid’s hopes to be unfounded. The tropical ocean water was warm and felt thick, but that did nothing to deter the terror and force of the waves. Fat, warm rain slated against their eyes and the _Tiny Bronco_ rocked precariously, making the safety straps seem useless. At one point Cid killed the engine, only taking control of the rudder the best he could to weather the waves. Aeris felt herself slip and she yelped, silenced by the sharp clamping of teeth on her shoulder. Nanaki held her body close to the Tiny Bronco’s. Rumbling from his mouth vibrated against her shoulder and at first she thought he was growling, then she realized he was purring with anxiety.

She wouldn’t call it blacking out, but she didn’t remember breaching the shore. The rain helped with that notion; slicing horizontally and flooding the ground that it felt like they had not reached land at all. Trees groaned as they bent, more akin to blades of grass than their usual sturdy appearance.

Then the wind lightened, the sky pulled away, and though the rain continued there was no more crashing and howling. The only strangeness was the sensation of Nanaki’s sandpaper tongue licking the bite on her shoulder.

“Blew the hell off course,” Cid tried opening a map, then realized along with everyone else that the waterproof laminate had failed when it ripped in two. Cussing, cussing, cussing again he pulled out a compass, tapped it, and squinted around, “We’re gonna hafta take shelter in Mideel until this blows over,”

Exhausted, withdrawn, and soaked, Aeris reacted much the way she had been since her argument with Barret: The party moved, she moved with it, she was quiet, the Planet grew louder.

~~

The rain stopped in time for sunset the next day, but not in time for the clouds to completely disperse. A line of fire seared the horizon between the thick jungle and the receding clouds, the jaggedness resembling the mouth of a beast. The locals of Mideel had welcomed them like they were kittens in the gutter, even though their own town had been stripped of infrastructure thanks to the hurricane. Temporary corrugated roofing had patched many houses, while stilts were being repaired and reinforced. But they took them in all the same, fed them hot soup that was a mixture of Shinra military rations of bouillon and foraged amenities. Despite the damage, the beds were warm and thatched well enough to be dry. The others fell asleep quickly.

Aeris laid in bed, eyes wide open.

They had passed it in the storm, she felt it in the marrow of her bones. Like a lighthouse—no, like a siren—clamoring voices had reached for her as if they could pull her to their shores. She heard them above the storm because they echoed in her head; clamping her hands over her ears only made them louder. Excitement and wonder to see the temple was starting to become murky with an emotion she couldn’t yet determine. It made her apprehensive, not so much so that she dreaded seeing the temple, but enough that she no longer had any inclinations as to what she might find.

Mideel was a town that stood out in the jungle because it was hanging between tradition and a violent, rapid change to modernity. Shinra rations were stashed in dry storage, while jungle fruits, roots, and other vegetables were collected out front. River fish hung from the bridges between stilts—bridges that were half wood, half salvaged metal. Shinra had reportedly taken an interest in this area thanks to the hot springs, but efforts to turn this place into a sprawling resort must’ve been halted thanks to the storms and volcanic activity. Well—as Cid would grumble, Shinra had a habit of abandoning projects if they were met with immediate failure. Funding to Mideel must’ve been cut, with meager rations sent as a dry promise that some day, _some_ day prosperity would come their way. Cid had never been to Mideel before, but he must’ve been right. Rocket Town’s bleak history hung grim in his eyes as he looked at the sodden village, split down the middle between Midgarians and what was left of the indigenous population.

Despite being surrounded by jungle, it felt like they were being watched. By mosquitoes, by predators, by the constant whisperings of the Temple on some island far away but not far enough, by...by…

Aeris slipped out of bed, rustling her hair. Parts of it were still damp, other parts were starting to become encrusted with sea salt. Flakes fell to her feet as she slipped her boots on outside of their lodging. They melted in with the remaining puddles from the rain, and with them gone Aeris walked down the muddy pathways alone. The air was thick, settling deep in her lungs. Everything smelled fresh, green, and pungent with nectar, all things utterly foreign to her in this capacity. Her neck prickled.

So she wasn’t wrong.

A building with an erroneous concrete foundation that was already half sunken into the mud became quite curious to her, and she dipped into the sad alleyway near it, trailing her hand along its damp side, latticework of stilts to her other side, and the jungle in front of her.

Yes, footsteps behind her. Aeris turned, seeing his form in the twilight. Not shadowy, but dark and green like the shade of leaves. Tseng tilted his head in greeting, then when he was close enough to her, said, “Can’t stay tonight. Business.”

She gave a frown but didn’t feel it, too comforted by his presence to feel disappointment, “I see,” she accepted. Tseng kept a respectable distance from her, an arm’s length, exemplifying the truth of his greeting. But when she idly paced, interested in many other things, he kept himself turned towards her at every angle. Tuned. Her fingers became blurry in front of her and she blamed the twilight, even as she clipped herself on the uneven concrete.

Tseng was quiet. He always was, always waited for her to break this kind of silence. In her teenage years she hated him for it, as an adult she had come to understand that it was his way of exemplifying no ownership nor demand over her.

“So…,” she said, casual but hearing the cracks on the edges of her voice, “Is Wutai...Is it a ‘Land of Serpents’?”

Tseng tilted his head, locks of long hair following the movement down his shoulder, “Yes,” he answered amiably, “They’re guardians, land, sea, air. Drakes, snakes, sea serpents, whatever you want to call them. And Leviathan...their Mother, if you will.”

“Leviathan?” If she thought hard enough she could conjure the image, but now all she was concentrated on was hearing his voice—especially when it came so casual and unperturbed.

“Mother guardian. Deity. Fins like wings, long body like a river, iridescent scales like a shallow pool, controls the tides and storms,” he paused, “Much like the one that stranded the both of us here.”

“Oh...Do you think that’s her work?”

Tseng made a low noise in contemplation, “I don’t particularly discount it.”

“Hmm…,” As Aeris kept tracing unguided shapes in the concrete, Tseng fell back into the silence of allowance. How he could be so patient with her, she’d never know.

After a moment, she, well, she didn’t muster up the strength to ask, the words just fell out of her mouth, “What did you do during the war with Wutai?” and the moment she said it she choked, quiet tears welling over because she knew, she _knew_ the underlying accusation wasn’t true at all and it killed her that she felt the need to ask. To know, from his words. Sniffing loud and ugly, she looked up and towards him.

_Ah._

The answer to her melancholy was plain to him, then, and Tseng felt his heart ache. Clearly, she wasn’t convinced by the words she was saying, but someone had planted them in her. Which meant that they now knew, whether by Aeris’s control or not, and it meant that he had to keep his distance to this arm’s-length, once respectable, now eviscerating. Aeris was a strange creature, sometimes quick to blame in a fiery passion, other times—more serious times—the blame never appeared on her face at all. This was one such time, as he watched her shoulders sink and tears shake from her chin as she tried to rid herself of the thoughts by force.

“I was watching you,” Tseng answered.

Aeris nodded. It was the truth, and she knew it. Day in, day out, sometimes throughout the night Tseng would be posted either at her side or within view of her location. Of course the girl hadn’t seen it outside of her own predicament, and truth be told Tseng rarely thought about it outside the parameters of the mission. The mission had been and always would be his goal, because he let it encompass him. He had to, and he didn’t always understand why. But one thing he was sure of now with Aeris shaking tears away with the dots connected for him, it was that Veld might have crossed some T’s and dotted some I’s that he was not particularly supposed to cross and dot. To keep Tseng where he was, to keep Tseng a Turk, to prove Tseng to the company without risking expulsion, to respect Tseng’s refuge from Wutai itself, yes, Veld must’ve done much he hadn’t put thought to.

“And _only_ watching you.”

“I know,” she mumbled, trying to wipe the tears away now but only serving to make her hands wet.

“Is something the matter?”

Biding his time to this question paid itself off. All the breath released from Aeris’s body with grace and gratitude. The question itself was worded carefully, so that if there _were_ any ears listening in they wouldn’t be able to tell the nature of the situation. Rubbing her eye with the heel of her palm, she sucked in a breath and forced it back out.

“It was...It was Barret,”

“What does he know?” he asked, full well knowing that wasn’t the true heart of the matter.

“I mean…,” Aeris looked off to where the rest of the village lied, “I guess everything.”

“Clearly not,” Tseng reminded gently. Aeris turned back to him. Her voice had lightened, even if it was slight, as she asked a question that came from her and her alone.

“Did you ever have to...kill one of them? Someone from Wutai,”

Tseng held her gaze, “...Yes.”

A pause.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

It was complicated.

Aeris deflated against the wall of the building, loose and relieved but exhausted to the last inch. Tseng moved then, regardless of the precautions he had taken before. Blocking her body from view if someone were to peek down the alley, he closed the distance to her. The little ways her body perked at his nearness wasn’t lost to him even with the darkening skies. Carefully he placed a kiss on her hairline, trailing his lips to her forehead. He was sorry too, for the pain that Barret’s emotional betrayal had caused. Was he surprised? No...neither was Aeris. He raised a hand to tip her chin towards him, closing over her lips proper. She melted at his affection, welcoming his presence with quite literally open arms. The pressure at the back of his neck from them had become a familiar sensation, the pleasant invitation to bend down far enough to be with her. Saltwater had pooled in the corners of her lips from her tears. He hoped his reassurance had been enough.

Her arms broke away, hands sliding down his front as they kissed. He let himself sigh into her mouth, a sigh that was cut short followed by his abrupt disengagement.

Her cheeks still glistened in the low light from crying, but a gradual impish grin was resting on her face.

“Where’s the keystone, Tseng?”

He snorted, patting down his pockets to ensure she had not stolen the things he _did_ have, “Not with me.”

“Are you sure? I wasn’t able to check every—,”

“I’m not daft, brat,” he narrowed his eyes, “It is not with me.” He always knew she had never really stopped perfecting her skills of pick-pocketing, if Reno’s reports were anything to go on. To tell Aeris to stop something was to invite her secrecy about it, at least until the subordinate reports started rolling in.

“Oh come on, Tseng,” she teased, her voice still wobbly and throat still emotional, “At least let me look at it,”

“No.”

She sniffed—whether dismissive or still sucking up the last of her tears, he couldn’t tell—and turned from him, “Then our business is complete. Good night, Tsen—,”

Tseng took her by the ponytail, the hold enough for her to stop and gasp seconds before he pinned her to the wall, nose in her hair and hand sliding down the front of her hip. Dropping a kiss to the slope of her neck, he breathed in her scent heightened by the humidity. Her hands, against the wall, pulled back to his hips and patted down his pockets before he pried them off.

“Give it, Tseng!”

He didn’t answer at first, the need to be close to her transforming from one emotion to the other from sympathy to greed and back again. All he did was keep himself buried in her hair.

“Can’t mix the private and the professional life,” he muttered against her ear, lips grazing the curve of it to make her shiver, “You can’t have it.”

His hands wandered, sensual but not demanding as they ghosted, caressed, held, and stroked her body. Aeris wriggled, sometimes in a mock play of struggle, other times in tune with him. She let him have her like this, no doubt drawing more comfort than he thought he was capable of giving. It was only when he returned to his neck with his teeth, pulling and sucking the side of her throat with increasing vigor that she gasped.

“Didn’t you say you have business tonight?”

Snapping a gloved hand to her mouth, he shut her up and concentrated on kissing her. The movement of her lips against the leather was that of a warm, genuinely happy smile. She followed it up by pushing her ass back to his hips, writhing it in a sensational rhythm.

“Don’t push it,” he warned, as if she had been the one to initiate. As if she had lured him out instead of the other way around. As if he wasn’t already hardening. As if it was her fault he was going to shirk his duties to be with her, again.


End file.
